Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-25-2009, 03:06 PM   #1  
Soul Cyster
Thread Starter
 
beerab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 4,487

S/C/G: 235/seeticker/135

Height: 5'3"

Default Kind of upset with my friend...

So I've been around here a while- in the time I've worked on weight loss I've only lost just over 20 lbs- when I started this journey I figured I'd need to lose between 90-100 lbs, possibly more or less. I figured it'd probably take me 2 years to lose all this weight at my pace- which is fine with me.

Anyways- a good friend of mine has gained at least 40 lbs in the last year or so. I didn't know this till a few days ago when she complained and I said what are you talking about- you look fabulous- she then told me that she's gained 40 lbs since I last saw her (she lives in another state). She asked me about my weight loss and I told her "oh it's been slow but I've lost just over 20 lbs." She congratulated me, asked me what I was doing and said she was going to try calorie counting as well.

Think the story is over and it's all good right? NOPE.

My best friend calls me (another girl) and while we are chatting she says "I don't know how to tell you this, but P is telling our friends that she thinks you are now anorexic, specially since last week you had the flu."

I was SHOCKED. SHOCKED!!!! I asked my friend if she were sure and she said yes because P told her the same thing and my friend right away said "Bee would NEVER do that and besides if that were true she would have lost a lot more than 20 lbs by now..."

I haven't spoken to P since then because I'm afraid she might be like hey whats up and I'm going to blurt "OH NOTHING JUST WORKED OUT FOR TWO HOURS AND ATE 100 calories today!!"

UG- I'm seriously hurt she'd turn around and act like this to me- specially when she's going around acting like she's coming from a place of concern... I mean to me my weight loss is embarassingly slow (I do have PCOS) and for her to say this just makes me feel so insulted! Like the meager 20 lbs I have lost isn't due to my hard work- but to starving myself!

I called my hubby and he's like she's just jealous of your hard work, don't even worry about it- but I don't want some kind of word to spread among our friends. I don't even know what to say to her or how to approach her- I definitely need a few days to calm down... I mean dang I didn't know the only people who got the flu were the ones who starved themselves....
beerab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 03:18 PM   #2  
Crazy runner
 
Fat Pants's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,063

S/C/G: 213/131/maintaining

Height: 5'4.5"

Default

People - especially friends and family - are so weird about weight loss. Most of the people I've encountered have been really supportive and encouraging, but there is one person I work with who has made backhanded insults about my weight loss. With your friend, it's probably insecurity or jealousy - I mean, she did admit to putting on a good amount of weight recently.

Not only was it an incredibly ignorant thing for her to say about those with eating disorders, but I can understand why it also hurts to hear that when you struggle with PCOS which makes weight loss even harder. I would definitely take a few days to calm down, process your feelings, and then call her up and tell her that someone had informed you that she believed you were anorexic. I don't know how she'll react but it's worth calling her out on.

As for the rest of your friends, they should know you well enough to know that you don't have an eating disorder! Like your bf said, she knew you'd never do that. Trust that they'll talk to you first if they hear the rumor!
Fat Pants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 03:37 PM   #3  
Senior Member
 
JulieJ08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: California
Posts: 7,097

S/C/G: 197/135/?

Height: 5'7"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by beerab View Post
I haven't spoken to P since then because I'm afraid she might be like hey whats up and I'm going to blurt "OH NOTHING JUST WORKED OUT FOR TWO HOURS AND ATE 100 calories today!!"
What can I say, I kinda like this option
JulieJ08 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 03:51 PM   #4  
No Fear
 
Tracy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: In My Own World
Posts: 1,000

S/C/G: 294.6/294.6/280

Height: 5''3

Default

I agree with your husband she is THE GREEN EYED MONSTER.However,I am also one not always to believe what other people tell me ,because sometimes they exaggerate,or mix up facts. I would probably have to find out for myself ,if it were me.

Last edited by Tracy; 06-25-2009 at 03:52 PM.
Tracy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 03:54 PM   #5  
Hug a Tree!
 
LandonsBaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,302

Height: 4'9"

Default

I would just laugh at her insecurity and move on. I would also remind the friend who told you that it is not necessary to repeat everything we hear.
LandonsBaby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 03:58 PM   #6  
Closed
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,811

S/C/G: 244/165/137

Height: 5' 7"

Default

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Your friend must be in denial, and in her view, noone can lose weight without having an ED, because SHE can't lose the weight, apparently.
My Dear SIL God Love Her attributes my loss (which has been apparent only in the last 30 lbs) to doing Yoga. Never mind about the diet and planning and shopping and cooking. She tells everyone that the only reason I've lost weight is because of the yoga and that she hasn't lost weight because she "can't tolerate the heat" and therefore can't do the Yoga that I do.
This DOES bother me, because it doesn't recognize the work I've done. But I'm not mad at her, because it just means that she is rationalizing away my success and finding a reason for her failure with respect to her diet goals.

So I choose to live by example. Be the best you can be. Your friend will either get on board or unfortuantely, be stuck where she is. But that is her choice. You get to make your OWN choices!!!
Kira

Last edited by kiramira; 06-25-2009 at 03:59 PM.
kiramira is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 04:00 PM   #7  
This is not a test.
 
Iconised Ghost's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3,409

S/C/G: 187/132/127.8

Height: 5'5''/165cm

Default

:O A new symptom of anorexia is the flu? XD I agree with everyone else, she sees you working through hardships and being successful and it makes her uncomfortable with her own weight gain. I'm the kind of person that would bring this up with her and tell her that you're not actually anorexic lol, but thats just me. Hopefully you're friends will know you well enough not to believe it, or to at least check in with you like your best friend did
Iconised Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 04:17 PM   #8  
Senior Member
 
CamiToo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Kenosha, Wisconsin
Posts: 154

S/C/G: 280.0/205.8/100.0

Height: 5'2"

Default

I'd call her out on it but listen to what she has to say with an open mind. By this I mean that many people who repeat what other people have said to them do not repeat it accurately. There may have been a misunderstanding between the two friends, what she actually said may have been misconstrued and there may have been no malice intended from either of your friends.
CamiToo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 04:57 PM   #9  
There is no spoon!
 
Delphi's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 1,882

S/C/G: 265/ticker/160

Height: 5/9

Default

If it were me, I'd be straightforward and inquire about these rumors she is spreading. But that's just me. At the end of the day, you know you are doing the RIGHT things and losing the weight, the proper way. So you can either let it roll off your back or you can confront her and get some kind of closure.
Delphi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 04:59 PM   #10  
Senior Member
 
thinpossible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 730

Height: 4'11"

Default

I'm really sorry you're hurting You've worked very hard and been really supportive here on 3FC. I'm sorry your friend did that.

However! Dude, there is no way that your friend can honestly think you are anorexic, unless she knows absolutely NOTHING about anorexia. I would take a good hard look at that relationship. Has she done anything remotely resembling this kind of behavior before? No one she's talking to is going to think you're anorexic. Do not waste your energy worrying about it. Seriously. Just don't discuss your weight with her again, and BEWARE of what you share with her.
thinpossible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 06:28 PM   #11  
Soul Cyster
Thread Starter
 
beerab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 4,487

S/C/G: 235/seeticker/135

Height: 5'3"

Default

Thanks guys- yes I have calmed down a bit- kind of even laughed at it like is she crazy?! I just posted my photo online a few days and if she thinks I'm anorexic then she must have serious vision problems!

Yeah FatPants I know my friends would know better- but you know when other's don't know you well or just don't like you- I just don't want nastiness about me spread...

I will definitely speak to her and say what's going on and that I'm hearing you are telling people you think I'm anorexic, I hope I heard wrong...

Thinpossible girl something similar to this happened once before on another issue- and when I spoke to her she was like no I didn't say that- I said this- but even then I wasn't sure if I really believed her...

Thanks guys- I just really was TOTALLY caught off guard- I am SUCH a foodie that me being anorexic pft! That'll happen when **** freezes over...
beerab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 06:58 PM   #12  
Member
 
sexybak96's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 62

S/C/G: 221/200/145

Height: 5'7"

Default

Easy enough equasion: You lose 20, she gains 40=She's cross-eyed over that since she was normally the "skinny one".

If it were me, I'd just call her up and say " I heard the CRAZIEST thing today! Someone is going around saying that I have an ED. Isn't that just the stupidest thing you've ever heard? I feel sorry for the person that would start mean rumors about others like that."

Something like that would keep you from totally calling her out and accusing her without knowing for sure and it would also let her know on the off chance that she said it, that you are aware of what's being said and think it is completely stupid. If she's halfway intelligent, she'll get the hint and stop with the rumors.

But that's just me.
sexybak96 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 08:15 PM   #13  
Waddle fast Flap hard FLY
 
patchworkpenguin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 5,354

S/C/G: Top 272~restart 255

Height: 5'7

Default

Bee, I agree that your friends and family will consider the source and motive of what your friend is saying about you. And it is possible that she has your best interests at heart, and is speaking with your mutual friend out of concern. Unlikely, maybe but possible.

It is discouraging to have all your hard work dismissed out of hand. Keep up the positive attitude and hard work, because you know you are doing the right thing. HTH
patchworkpenguin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2009, 01:45 PM   #14  
Soul Cyster
Thread Starter
 
beerab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 4,487

S/C/G: 235/seeticker/135

Height: 5'3"

Default

Thanks guys- yeah I did speak to her and of COURSE she said "oh I never said that- I said that if you don't watch out people are going to start saying you are anorexic."

I was like oh then our friend must have misunderstood you- but I don't believe her honestly. I've had little incidents with her like this before and have slowly stopped telling her personal things about me- seems like she's grabbing now... Whatever the case is it just gives me more reason to speak to her less...
beerab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2009, 01:47 PM   #15  
Closed
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,811

S/C/G: 244/165/137

Height: 5' 7"

Default

Sometimes, as sad as it is, relationships change as one gets healthier, and the other can't accept or support this. Sounds like this might be one of those times where you just gotta do what is right for you, and let the toxic relationships fall by the side...

Kira
kiramira is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:34 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.