Weight Loss Support - Kind of upset with my friend...




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beerab
06-25-2009, 03:06 PM
So I've been around here a while- in the time I've worked on weight loss I've only lost just over 20 lbs- when I started this journey I figured I'd need to lose between 90-100 lbs, possibly more or less. I figured it'd probably take me 2 years to lose all this weight at my pace- which is fine with me.

Anyways- a good friend of mine has gained at least 40 lbs in the last year or so. I didn't know this till a few days ago when she complained and I said what are you talking about- you look fabulous- she then told me that she's gained 40 lbs since I last saw her (she lives in another state). She asked me about my weight loss and I told her "oh it's been slow but I've lost just over 20 lbs." She congratulated me, asked me what I was doing and said she was going to try calorie counting as well.

Think the story is over and it's all good right? NOPE.

My best friend calls me (another girl) and while we are chatting she says "I don't know how to tell you this, but P is telling our friends that she thinks you are now anorexic, specially since last week you had the flu."

I was SHOCKED. SHOCKED!!!! I asked my friend if she were sure and she said yes because P told her the same thing and my friend right away said "Bee would NEVER do that and besides if that were true she would have lost a lot more than 20 lbs by now..."

I haven't spoken to P since then because I'm afraid she might be like hey whats up and I'm going to blurt "OH NOTHING JUST WORKED OUT FOR TWO HOURS AND ATE 100 calories today!!"

UG- I'm seriously hurt she'd turn around and act like this to me- specially when she's going around acting like she's coming from a place of concern... I mean to me my weight loss is embarassingly slow (I do have PCOS) and for her to say this just makes me feel so insulted! Like the meager 20 lbs I have lost isn't due to my hard work- but to starving myself!

I called my hubby and he's like she's just jealous of your hard work, don't even worry about it- but I don't want some kind of word to spread among our friends. I don't even know what to say to her or how to approach her- I definitely need a few days to calm down... I mean dang I didn't know the only people who got the flu were the ones who starved themselves.... :mad:


Fat Pants
06-25-2009, 03:18 PM
People - especially friends and family - are so weird about weight loss. Most of the people I've encountered have been really supportive and encouraging, but there is one person I work with who has made backhanded insults about my weight loss. With your friend, it's probably insecurity or jealousy - I mean, she did admit to putting on a good amount of weight recently.

Not only was it an incredibly ignorant thing for her to say about those with eating disorders, but I can understand why it also hurts to hear that when you struggle with PCOS which makes weight loss even harder. I would definitely take a few days to calm down, process your feelings, and then call her up and tell her that someone had informed you that she believed you were anorexic. I don't know how she'll react but it's worth calling her out on.

As for the rest of your friends, they should know you well enough to know that you don't have an eating disorder! Like your bf said, she knew you'd never do that. Trust that they'll talk to you first if they hear the rumor! :hug:

JulieJ08
06-25-2009, 03:37 PM
I haven't spoken to P since then because I'm afraid she might be like hey whats up and I'm going to blurt "OH NOTHING JUST WORKED OUT FOR TWO HOURS AND ATE 100 calories today!!"


What can I say, I kinda like this option :)


Tracy
06-25-2009, 03:51 PM
I agree with your husband she is THE GREEN EYED MONSTER.However,I am also one not always to believe what other people tell me ,because sometimes they exaggerate,or mix up facts. I would probably have to find out for myself ,if it were me.

LandonsBaby
06-25-2009, 03:54 PM
I would just laugh at her insecurity and move on. I would also remind the friend who told you that it is not necessary to repeat everything we hear.

kiramira
06-25-2009, 03:58 PM
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Your friend must be in denial, and in her view, noone can lose weight without having an ED, because SHE can't lose the weight, apparently.
My Dear SIL God Love Her attributes my loss (which has been apparent only in the last 30 lbs) to doing Yoga. Never mind about the diet and planning and shopping and cooking. She tells everyone that the only reason I've lost weight is because of the yoga and that she hasn't lost weight because she "can't tolerate the heat" and therefore can't do the Yoga that I do.
This DOES bother me, because it doesn't recognize the work I've done. But I'm not mad at her, because it just means that she is rationalizing away my success and finding a reason for her failure with respect to her diet goals.

So I choose to live by example. Be the best you can be. Your friend will either get on board or unfortuantely, be stuck where she is. But that is her choice. You get to make your OWN choices!!!
Kira

Iconised Ghost
06-25-2009, 04:00 PM
:O A new symptom of anorexia is the flu? XD I agree with everyone else, she sees you working through hardships and being successful and it makes her uncomfortable with her own weight gain. I'm the kind of person that would bring this up with her and tell her that you're not actually anorexic lol, but thats just me. Hopefully you're friends will know you well enough not to believe it, or to at least check in with you like your best friend did

CamiToo
06-25-2009, 04:17 PM
I'd call her out on it but listen to what she has to say with an open mind. By this I mean that many people who repeat what other people have said to them do not repeat it accurately. There may have been a misunderstanding between the two friends, what she actually said may have been misconstrued and there may have been no malice intended from either of your friends.

Delphi
06-25-2009, 04:57 PM
If it were me, I'd be straightforward and inquire about these rumors she is spreading. But that's just me. ;) At the end of the day, you know you are doing the RIGHT things and losing the weight, the proper way. So you can either let it roll off your back or you can confront her and get some kind of closure. :)

thinpossible
06-25-2009, 04:59 PM
I'm really sorry you're hurting :( You've worked very hard and been really supportive here on 3FC. I'm sorry your friend did that.

However! Dude, there is no way that your friend can honestly think you are anorexic, unless she knows absolutely NOTHING about anorexia. I would take a good hard look at that relationship. Has she done anything remotely resembling this kind of behavior before? No one she's talking to is going to think you're anorexic. Do not waste your energy worrying about it. Seriously. Just don't discuss your weight with her again, and BEWARE of what you share with her.

beerab
06-25-2009, 06:28 PM
Thanks guys- yes I have calmed down a bit- kind of even laughed at it like is she crazy?! I just posted my photo online a few days and if she thinks I'm anorexic then she must have serious vision problems!

Yeah FatPants I know my friends would know better- but you know when other's don't know you well or just don't like you- I just don't want nastiness about me spread...

I will definitely speak to her and say what's going on and that I'm hearing you are telling people you think I'm anorexic, I hope I heard wrong...

Thinpossible girl something similar to this happened once before on another issue- and when I spoke to her she was like no I didn't say that- I said this- but even then I wasn't sure if I really believed her...

Thanks guys- I just really was TOTALLY caught off guard- I am SUCH a foodie that me being anorexic pft! That'll happen when **** freezes over...

sexybak96
06-26-2009, 06:58 PM
Easy enough equasion: You lose 20, she gains 40=She's cross-eyed over that since she was normally the "skinny one".

If it were me, I'd just call her up and say " I heard the CRAZIEST thing today! Someone is going around saying that I have an ED. Isn't that just the stupidest thing you've ever heard? I feel sorry for the person that would start mean rumors about others like that."

Something like that would keep you from totally calling her out and accusing her without knowing for sure and it would also let her know on the off chance that she said it, that you are aware of what's being said and think it is completely stupid. If she's halfway intelligent, she'll get the hint and stop with the rumors.

But that's just me.

patchworkpenguin
06-26-2009, 08:15 PM
Bee, I agree that your friends and family will consider the source and motive of what your friend is saying about you. And it is possible that she has your best interests at heart, and is speaking with your mutual friend out of concern. Unlikely, maybe but possible.

It is discouraging to have all your hard work dismissed out of hand. Keep up the positive attitude and hard work, because you know you are doing the right thing. HTH

beerab
06-29-2009, 01:45 PM
Thanks guys- yeah I did speak to her and of COURSE she said "oh I never said that- I said that if you don't watch out people are going to start saying you are anorexic."

I was like oh then our friend must have misunderstood you- but I don't believe her honestly. I've had little incidents with her like this before and have slowly stopped telling her personal things about me- seems like she's grabbing now... Whatever the case is it just gives me more reason to speak to her less...

kiramira
06-29-2009, 01:47 PM
Sometimes, as sad as it is, relationships change as one gets healthier, and the other can't accept or support this. Sounds like this might be one of those times where you just gotta do what is right for you, and let the toxic relationships fall by the side...
:hug:
Kira

beerab
06-29-2009, 01:49 PM
I agree Kira- I already told her that I'm not going to be spending as much time online or on the phone because I am trying to workout more and am looking to gain time wherever I can... Course that probably just makes her think even more so that I'm obsessed with weight... :p

kiramira
06-29-2009, 01:56 PM
You know, there is nothing wrong with being concerned about your weight and health. EVERY step you take now will give you YEARS of good health down the road. And it is common to have those not on board with your plan to claim that you are now "obsessed".
IF you have a nice social life, IF there is some flexibility in your plan, IF you have a reasonable amount of time devoted to exercise, and IF your diet/exercise isn't impacting negatively on your usual functioning, you aren't obsessed.

Hang in there, Chickie! I'm looking forward to seeing your before and afters, really really soon!

:hug:

Kira

JulieJ08
06-29-2009, 02:01 PM
Isn't it just plain weird that we're "obsessed" if something is important enough to take us away from online time?

TJFitnessDiva
06-29-2009, 02:13 PM
Sometimes it's best to limit time with toxic "friends".....you lost, she gained & if she is used to being lighter than you then whoa, you just threw a monkey wrench in the hierarchy of your circle.

I understand your frustration! One of my aunts has recently been spreading the lovely rumor around that I had WLS this past December & that is why I have lost so much weight as a result PLUS I have become bulimic....ummm riiiight! When I come across her and not in front of my children I'm going to tear into her so fast she won't know which way is up or down.

beerab
06-29-2009, 06:45 PM
Thanks Kira- yeah I don't care what she says anymore- I'm like pft yeah I'm an obsessed anorexic who weighs 214 lbs... RIGHT...

I hear ya Julie- when I told her that I wanted more time for exercising and to spend with my family she said "but you hardly spend anytime online anyways!" this coming from someone who is ALWAYS signed in on msn- I mean I figure if I can spend an hour or so online a day I can definitely get in at least half an hour on the treadmill a day!

OMG RD that sucks- you look AMAZING BTW girl!

Trust me when my time comes to post my pictures you'll hear me shout it from the rooftops ;)

Kimmie1989
06-30-2009, 09:22 PM
I would be fuming. Actually, I'd probably say something like, "I heard some people say that they think you're getting too big........"

Wonder how she'd take that! HAHA! (Yeah, I can be evil...)

beerab
07-01-2009, 04:45 PM
LOL kimmie! That's awesome I love it ;)