100 lb. Club - when it rains, it pours

View Full Version : when it rains, it pours

06-23-2009, 04:08 PM
So I just got back from vacation.

- Two days before I left on vacation, my girlfriend broke up with me. Needless to say, that put a damper on things in Florida.

- In Florida, I went into "totally don't care" mode and binge ate and drank and ended up gaining close to 9 pounds in 8 days. YIKES.

- In the few days that I've been back, I've totally been back into the same old drinking habits. Last night I went out and as well as the night before. Today has to be the first day back and I have to stop this slide before it gets out of hand.

I've never really been as depressed as I am right now. Its hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel and I don't even know where to begin.

So, one day at a time. Today I hope to have a good day.

06-23-2009, 04:11 PM
Im sorry.Life is full of disappointment at times.Hang in there....This to shall pass!!!

06-23-2009, 04:15 PM
aww i dont know what to say ......
but that bites i hope you have a better day today too ....
maybe you should make today a 'pick me up day' whenever im down and out i take the day for myself go work out come home shower get all doll'd up and take myself to a movie and for dinner .... makes me feel de-stressed i guess is the right word for it .... seems to be just what you need

06-23-2009, 04:28 PM
Matt, I'm so sorry. What a tough time for you. The pain and depression from relationships ending is so very hard to take. I am sure it has taken its toll. You have a right to grieve and now is the time to take care of yourself.

So, what is the best way to take care of yourself? We all know that alcohol may temporarily help you, but it certainly isn't a long term solution. It will make you feel worse, more depressed, and in more pain. Binging? Again, maybe a temporary fix, but it will lead to feeling bloated and you will lose your confidence in how you look and how much progress you have made.

Take care of yourself by treating your body right. Eat the right foods so you have the energy to rebound. Get lots of exercise to work out the frustration and angry/depressed feelings. Those endorphins will kick in and you'll feel so much better. I'm not saying that you will be done with the pain in a moment's notice, but you won't prolong it by succumbing to bad habits.

You can get through this by taking it one day at a time. It won't be easy, but just make it through and the days will get better. Hang in there! Oh... and come back here often and post. This too will help!

06-23-2009, 04:29 PM
There is nothing like a break-up to set you back a bit, at the end of my divorce in February I spiked back up to 224 lbs. The emotional eating doesn't heal the hurt it just makes you concentrate on something else and if you're carbing it up numb out a bit and perhaps putting you in the old up and down sugar high.

Now tell the truth, are you ready to pick up the pieces or do you need to gain a few more pounds before moving forward? Your sad, it's rainy outside, its cold (let's hope for sun on Thursday!), and it seems a little okay to be self indulgent.

The other side is to shine on. My ex was still stress eating and pushing 300 the last time I saw him. I had lost 19 lbs. Who do you think felt better at the end of that encounter ;) I am moving on baby, and so can you.

Here is to better days.

06-23-2009, 04:30 PM

06-23-2009, 04:47 PM
Here is some very tough love from someone who's been there.

You can either pick yourself up now...or pick yourself up 5 years/150 lbs heavier from now.

I wish I could go back in time and slap myself silly and scream at myself what I just said to you above. I wasted 5, almost 5 1/2 years on punishing myself for my failed marriage ~ and it TOTALLY was not my fault. The only person I was hurting was ME.

Quit hurting yourself! You deserve better than to drink and eat your life away. Getting drunk and binging isn't going to make you feel one bit better. Eating on plan and not drinking will at least make you feel a smidge better...then a bigger smidge...ad infinitum.

Kick the wall, scream, cuss, go for a run, break something, cry. But don't binge or drink, because it will not help.

I started seeing a shrink about a month after my ex asked for a divorce and the anti-depressants helped. I wish I'd been more open with him about what I was going through but even though I was under his care I was still embarrassed and didn't want to admit how bad it/I was. If I'd leveled with the dr he might have been able to do something to help me prevent myself from gaining all that weight back and then some. So 1) if you need it, get professional help to get through this and 2) level with your doctor. He's not your judge or critic, he's there to help you.

Sending you an enormous hug because you need & deserve it. You WILL get through this.

06-23-2009, 05:01 PM
Listen to the ladies above me... they are very smart.

I just want to give you a HUGE hug. You will get through this. You will.

06-23-2009, 05:09 PM
Matt....perk up, by being depressed and down you are letting this girl that broke up with you control your life. Don't let her still one more ounce of joy from your day or life!...There are so many things to be thankful for, quit hurting yourself with food and alcohol. You are destroying the great things you have done for yourself. Buck up bucko, get back on the horse and do good things for YOU!!

06-23-2009, 05:31 PM
wishing you a good day, Matt!! hang in there, you can get through this

06-23-2009, 06:14 PM
Sorry you are down. Dont let this get the best of you. And dont let this derail your healthy lifestyle. You are worth sticking this out and being good to yourself by sticking to your healthy plan that has allowed you to lose so MUCH weight already. Hang in there honey! Be good to yourself, cause you are in charge of yourself, nobody else, besides God.

06-23-2009, 06:22 PM
:hug:'s! I've been there and it is difficult. However, you said it best. Take it one day at a time and know that your accomplishments are outstanding. You can get through this and any other trial that life throws at you. Look deep within yourself, then pull yourself up and get back to living that healthy lifestyle that has put many a smile on your face.

06-23-2009, 07:05 PM
Hang on brother! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Alcohol is bad news and you know it! Don't let her get you compeletly off the track. You can grieve without destroying your progress. You lost 142 pounds for YOU not her. You made a good step coming back here- you can get back on track. You don't need to drink it away tonight.

06-23-2009, 07:45 PM
It WILL pass, Matt. Although it may be hard to pull yourself out of this, I would consider just maintaining a success. Look at it this way -- when things do start to pick up, you'll feel much better if you haven't gained a whole bunch.

Hang in. I'm sorry so much has crashed down on you at once.

06-23-2009, 09:55 PM
Matt, so sorry to hear about your girlfriend.

06-23-2009, 10:10 PM
I hope you're able to find some resolve and get yourself back on track. It's difficult when a relationship ends, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet. In time when you do find it, you'll be happy you didn't let things get out of control. The damage is done.. don't let "her" be the reason you throw all your hard work away, because the only person your hurting is yourself.

06-23-2009, 10:14 PM
Matt --
Remember me, Matt?? This is your scale. You know, the one you put in the back of your closet some weeks ago, next to those disco boots and red satin shirt from the 1980s...
Well, you need to take me out and dust me off and remember that no matter WHAT happens in your life, I will tell you the TRUTH about what is going on. And, my friend, it isn't pretty...
So, from one friend to another, you need to trust me and to treat yourself properly. You need to take care of yourself and understand that broken hearts heal and that life will go on. And that self-destructive behavior won't make you feel any better and it won't "get you through this". It'll just make things worse, because you'll feel miserable and depressed for more reasons than just a broken heart. If you can do just ONE thing to help you feel better, every day, you HAVE to do it. Make a good food choice. Put down the beer. Stay home and deal with the pain. Get some help if you need it. And soon, the choices will add up and up and up and things will look SO much better. You WILL be stronger for this, Matt. We all have faith in you.
Your scale

06-23-2009, 11:08 PM
I am sending you :goodvibes:. I know it's hard,but life is no picnic..Believe me I know!:hug:

PS I am also giving you a :kickbutt:to get moving on to a new chapter in your life!

06-24-2009, 12:24 AM

Breakups can be so hard. :-( Unfortunately, only time will heal the ache. Fortunately, regardless of anything else going on, the time WILL pass.

I totally understand the "oh who cares" attitude and the bingeing and drinking and the general numbing out when you feel so bad. However, you came here to the forums for a reason, and I think you wanted the (loving) kicks in the butt to get you back on track. I admire you for that! You don't want to backslide and welcome the old bad habits in your life.

Stay strong and find your comfort there. Comfort in knowing that above all, YOU come first, and that YOU have all the tools and strength and support you need to be your best.

I'm new here so I don't know much about your history, but you sound pretty awesome and I think you'll come out of this sooner and even stronger than you think.

Take care of you.

06-24-2009, 10:55 AM
I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen. You have every right to want to numb and comfort yourself, and I know from experience how well that works. But can you maybe find something else to use? Crappy TV? Ranting to friends? Online shopping? I know they don't work as well, but at least they don't have too much by way of negative consequences.

Again, I'm so sorry, and I wish there was something that we could say that would make it less awful.

06-24-2009, 11:03 AM
All I have to say is I'm very sorry, and I would give you a big hug if I could.

06-24-2009, 01:38 PM
How are you doing today, Matt? We're all thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way!

06-24-2009, 01:40 PM
Matt, can I give you a new mantra?


Break-ups are painful and in the most personal way --- it' really, really hard not to feel like there is something wrong with YOU instead of just that there was something wrong with how you two meshed. So, it's no surprise that you came back from Florida with some extra weight.

But here's the deal: her leaving in no way changes all the amazing things that you have been doing or the really extraordinary man that you are showing to the world these days. Commitment? You have it in spades! Strength? More than anyone who hasn't faced this kind of weight loss will ever, ever understand. Good looks? That picture in your post shows a real cutie! Great personality? Your posts sparkle with humor (often wryly aimed at yourself), insight, and honesty and you are quick to reach out to other people here on the board to try to help them. You know that you are a work in progress and always will be, and you are striving to make that work the best that it can be.

Like I said: IT'S HER LOSS!

Maybe you should whip up a special challenge for yourself as a place to channel the emotional fall-out: take a cooking course or go vegetarian for a month or set up a hiking trip for you and a couple of friends or take up kick-boxing. If there is anything we can do here, you know you just have to holler --- you will have more caring, interfering female advice and support than you can shake a celery stick at!

Hang in there!

06-24-2009, 01:49 PM
The ladies above said way more than I ever could but I can offer support in the way of positve thoughts and hugs. We are here when you need us. Take care of you right now.

06-24-2009, 01:59 PM
Matt...how are you today??

06-24-2009, 02:20 PM
Matt - :hug:
An "aha" moment, relayed by a friend who was seeking some help from a counselor after a really ugly divorce:
Counselor: Let me ask you this. Everybody has a food they don't like. What's yours?
Friend: Carrots. I really hate carrots.
Counselor: That's fine. Now, does that make carrots bad for everybody else? Are they evil, or wrong?
Friend: Of course not - they're just carrots. I simply don't like them.
Counselor: And do you get mad at people who do like them?
Friend: (puzzled). No - that's crazy. I'm sure I like stuff that they don't like.
Counselor: Well, I've got news for you - you were just your ex's carrots. It has NOTHING to do with you. And somewhere out there is somebody who loves carrots - just the way they are. The carrot won't change what it is because you don't like it - so just ... move ... on.

I think that's brilliant in a delightfully simple way. Now get back to work! :)

06-24-2009, 02:28 PM
Life is pretty suck-y sometimes, isn't it? But you can and WILL get through this. Like you said, one day at a time. Require more from yourself. You'd hate to look back and think, why didn't I put the brakes on earlier. Put the brakes on NOW. Like you said, one day at a time. You string a few of those back to back and before you know it, this will be past history, old news. There are bigger and better things just ahead of you. :hug:

06-24-2009, 03:04 PM
ICU wishing, that was great! Where were you when I needed you!:D

06-24-2009, 06:00 PM
Thank you all for the positive comments! Last night I had a good day and so far so good for today.

Tonight is a mutual friend's b-day party. This is going to be the test because 1) she will likely be there (and I'll try to avoid her) and 2) because it will be in a bar. My plan is to get there late, give my gift, and leave early. I'm going to drink a diet coke!

I'll probably report back how it goes sometime later tonight.

06-24-2009, 06:30 PM
Hang in there...

06-24-2009, 06:31 PM
You have a plan in hand and a clear goal in mind --- you will do just fine, Matt. And good for you for jumping right back on plan so fast! Now I know who to call to kick my behind when I am slip-sliding away.


I will watch for your post tonight!

06-24-2009, 08:52 PM
Matt, I am so sorry you are hurting right now. When I feel so, so sad, frustrated, upset . . . I try to journal my feelings or write the person I am frustrated with a letter of how I feel. (and DON'T send it). It is helpful to do it.

Hang in there. Every day is a new beginning.

06-24-2009, 10:14 PM

P.S. - You should get a dog if you can. You won't find a more loyal companion. :)

06-25-2009, 01:42 AM
So I just got back and man, that sucked. The good things are today was really good food/ exercise wise. I also didn't drink and stuck to the plan of getting there late and leaving relatively early (11pm). The bads news forcing a smile and pretending to be happy didn't work. It takes time and I certainly am not there yet.

06-25-2009, 02:30 AM
Hang in there, Matt. We're here for you, buddy, so keep posting.

06-25-2009, 09:32 AM
One minute. One hour, one day, one week. May your cumulative life experiences and your well-earned victories (and your supportive 3FC'ers) help you forward until the healing of time takes over. :hug:

06-25-2009, 11:47 AM
Just ONE good choice a day. Making nice faces when your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on takes alot of strength.
"Couragio" --things can only get better...

06-25-2009, 12:27 PM
Hang in there, you'll get through this! :hug:

06-25-2009, 01:38 PM
Yeah, it sure couldn't have felt good last night, but you did the RIGHT thing --- you were there for the mutual friend and you were there for YOU, eating right and avoiding the alcohol. Give yourself big points for that because you earned them, Matt!