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Old 06-16-2009, 08:54 PM   #1  
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Default The down side of starting to lose - body awareness

One of the blessings of morbid obesity is I didn't have to think about how my body looked anymore. When I was in 150-170 range I would wake up each day with questioning if I felt fat that day. Getting dressed, "does this make me look fat?". Walking into a new customer site, "do I look sloppy?". But once I was in the 250-270 range, I never had to think about it. Of course I looked fat, so didn't have to waste any mental energy on that question.

So now I'm on my way down from 265. Have lost enough that I'm feeling fit (can do an hour of cardio daily without passing out), down a full size and really feeling good about my body. Then I actually see myself and it really takes me down a notch. It doesn't discourage me yet, but this is going to be a long journey. Anyone else deal with this feeling and how did you get past it?
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:09 PM   #2  
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I have had similar feelings at times. When I was down 30 pounds I took pics to compare with my before pics and when I saw the "after" pic, I was really upset. It made me realize how far I had left to go.
I just kept setting small goals and now I'm finally to the point where I look in the mirror and there are some things I like. My stomach is MUCH flatter, my face looks thinner, and I can wear much cuter clothes!
Just set small goals, and before you know it, you'll be happier when you look in the mirror.
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:36 PM   #3  
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I often feel bad that, even though I've lost over 100 lbs, I still have 100 or so to go. But the thing is, I'm now to the point where, like maybe 45% of the photos taken of me are pretty good, 45% are not great but not hideous, 5% are still pretty hideous but still better than before, and 5% are AMAZING. I have a friend with a majic camera that, instead of adding 10 lbs, subtracts 50. Seriously. She took several pictures of me this weekend that were so good I uploaded them to facebook and TAGGED myself into them. This means, people I went to highschool with can see them...they're that good.

So seriously just hang in there...it'll just keep getting better and better and try to concentrate more on the good stuff than the bad stuff. Do that, and you'll begin to realize there is a lot more good stuff on this journey than bad stuff!!!
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:52 PM   #4  
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Quote:
really feeling good about my body. Then I actually see myself and it really takes me down a notch.
Ok, so I haven't lost 30 lbs yet--and the way I'm sitting on my butt this week it may not happen (j/k) but I am ignoring what I see and focussing on how I feel. In general, I feel fantastic. I have sooooo much more energy than even a month ago. I can bend down, now. I can do dishes without having to stop and stretch to ease my back. It's almost night and day.

I imagine I will feel the same way at 30lbs--and at 50 and so on.

I am shocked when I see myself in the mirror--I am physically heavier than my self-image. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I get under 200lbs though. I hung out at that weight (185-195) for ten years or so....so my self image may be stuck at that weight.
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Old 06-16-2009, 10:08 PM   #5  
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i think i'm kind of facing that right now.

i know it's a little quicker at the beginning usually, and while i have lost a little more than 20 pounds, i still have a long way to go.

most of the time that's okay, because it's going and it was always going to take a long time.

other times it's a real drag, because no one seems to notice or care.

but whatever. i notice. i care. and in a year or so when i get where i'm going and then for all the years after that, this body will move and be healthy and energized and i will learn to love it's bumps and lumps and abilities and weaknesses along the way.

phew.

long journey eh? peaks and valleys....

the important things is to kick through it i think.

isolde
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Old 06-16-2009, 10:12 PM   #6  
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I know this feeling very well. I took progress pictures a few weeks ago to reflect a 30lb loss. I was so pleased with myself and I felt great, but when I looked at the pictures I was so disappointed. I am still HUGE, I mean really big. But you know what I FEEL so much better, and I figure someday I'll look at future pictures and actually look smaller. Man do I look forward to that day.
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Old 06-16-2009, 10:27 PM   #7  
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I think it's a good observation you make. While I've known I'm fat, there is a facet of denial in there where I was able to just ignore the fact that I was really fat for a very long time. I knew it, but I was able to push it enough out of my mind not to stop the progression and not to think about it much.

Now that I'm working my way back down, I look at every milestone and think "how did I ignore this?!" And I look at myself in the mirror and think, "didn't you see what was happening?!"

Bottom line, awareness is good, but can be very painful too...
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Old 06-16-2009, 11:27 PM   #8  
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I can honestly say I haven't felt like that, and I hope I never do! If I do, it means I'm not concentrating on my goal - which is to be HEALTHY. It's truly not about looking hawt or turning heads for me. It's about not spending the rest of my life on the sidelines because I'm not in any shape to move. It's about avoiding things like diabetes and high blood pressure and heart disease and breast cancer - all things that have directly affected my family and are all linked to obesity. So, sure, I might not ever fit into a single-digit size and I will probably always have arms that jiggle when I write on the board at school, but I will be taking care of my body.

Sometimes it's just perspective.
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Old 06-17-2009, 10:23 AM   #9  
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I think your post is really interesting. I've never thought about that. Yep, when you're so overweight/obese, you just know you look fat, you just hope for something to fit. You're so right.

On your other point, yes I just recently have felt that way. I've lost over 20 pounds since March and I've been feeling so much better (especially with exercising and all). Some clothes that didn't fit before are fitting now. AWESOME! But, when I was waiting for my daughter while she was trying on clothes at the store the other day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was sitting and I thought, "man... do I have a long way to go..." I am still very large.

However, what is the alternative? We all just have to keep pusing onward. Otherwise, if we stop, we'll just get bigger and more unhealthy. Just gotta keep plodding along (borrowed from cfmama).
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Old 06-17-2009, 11:01 AM   #10  
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I've thought about this quite a bit, and although I will always have to be aware of what I'm eating, I hope to shrug off my looks. I'm in my mid 40s, I know I'm going to have saggy everything by the time I hit goal. Oh well, in the same way I say, "it is what it is" now that I'm fat, I hope to say the same when I reach goal and my body is far from perfect. Hopefully I won't be critical of myself, after all, I will have done a lot of work to get there.
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Old 06-17-2009, 11:25 AM   #11  
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Yes I do this....but I have to make myself stop thinking about it because it will completely take over my thoughts. We just have to keep moving forward and try not to focus on the bad things, and aim for the good things. I know, it hard.
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Old 06-17-2009, 11:53 AM   #12  
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Oh yes, I'm there now. 30 pounds down and I tried on a maid of honour dress I'm supposed to wear in six weeks last night and I couldn't believe how I looked.

It fit when I weighed a lot more, but last night I still had hips you wouldn't believe and my butt sticking out. I will not look like I wanted to.

It is tough to deal with still being so big when you've been successful in some way. Right now, I'm just struggling and moving along, trying not to gain or do too much damage before I feel motivated again. I wish I had better words to offer. Good luck and hang in.
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Old 06-17-2009, 12:42 PM   #13  
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I felt the same way... I used to ignore just how fat I was, and now that I'm on plan, I'm so much more aware of my body, that sometimes it drives me nuts. But in a way, I'm glad I spent part of my life so heavy... the further I drop in weight, the better I feel about myself. It's a confidence I never knew when I was in the 100's.
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