Weight Loss Support - I hate Facebook/Myspace




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LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 03:24 PM
I despise the fact it's just another media to which humiliation can be spread to the masses. I went to a baby shower yesterday and unfortunately, sat behind the guest of honor. I am in every picture of her opening her gifts and I look absolutely DISGUSTING. Not just a little bad, HORRIBLE. She (friend's sister) even took a picture of me eating!! Then, to add insult to injury, she posted these pictures on facebook and myspace. So now, hundreds of people can see them. Everyone from the guy I dated in high school (mortification there) to her friends at work. I had a good long cry about it last night after seeing myself in all my glory, up there for all to see. :mad:


Jo Kittibuck
06-14-2009, 03:31 PM
The very nature of Facebook contradicts the most basic net-safety tenants that I was taught as a child. I've never been able to understand it.

Tracy
06-14-2009, 03:36 PM
I just saw a wedding shower of someone I know on there. I don't understand why they post all the pictures on a website.Maybe they are happy to share w/everyone, or maybe they are just bragging. I really don't know.


Starbuck
06-14-2009, 03:43 PM
I just don't get any of these kinds of sites, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, don't understand the appeal at all?

Why do I want to look at the holiday photo's of someone i've never met? and why would they want me too? I know it's so all their friends can look at them but putting them in the public domain like that seems very strange to me.

Mikayla
06-14-2009, 03:46 PM
I love facebook, I like catching up with people I have not seen in a while and friends that have moved away, my facebook is private so only my friends can see it, I post pictures up there all the time. I don't see a big problem with it.

Shannon1983
06-14-2009, 03:59 PM
I totally love facebook and Myspace.. I get to share pictures with friends who are over seas or who are out of state and i get to talk to them on there way more then on the phone. I think it is a really good way to keep in touch with family and friends..

LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 04:03 PM
I love facebook, I like catching up with people I have not seen in a while and friends that have moved away, my facebook is private so only my friends can see it, I post pictures up there all the time. I don't see a big problem with it.

My page is private too. However, when my friend posts a picture of me, all her friends can see it. And if someone comments on a photo with me in it, all their friends can see it. On and on and on it goes...

If you post a picture of your friend Jo, then all of your friends (who don't even know her) can see it. And if your friend Bill comments on that said picture (he doesn't know her either) then all of his friends can see it even though they don't know you or Jo!

Same with myspace. The guest of honor knows my ex, so he can see all of those pictures. I just hope he doesn't' bother looking at them! I have tried to change my settings on facebook so that at least my friends cannot see the pictures in which I am tagged by someone else, who they do not know. On myspace I can't change anything.

And whether or not I am a member makes no difference. My friends/family would still be putting up pictures of me and showing them to everyone.

Luckybustert
06-14-2009, 04:11 PM
While I understand your friend's desire to share her joy, I think she was completely out of line to post pictures in which others can be clearly identified without first obtaining their permission. Extremely bad manners on her part! There are ways to blur people out and/or crop pictures so that people who do not want to be in the pic aren't identifiable. It just amazes me how insensitive people can be at times. I've had pics of me posted without my consent too, so I completely relate to your discomfort.

Midna
06-14-2009, 04:16 PM
You could always just remove the tag. I know it doesn't really help the fact that the picture is still up though. Or you could just ask the original poster to remove it if that's an option?

LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 04:24 PM
Yeah, she definitely could have cropped me out. I had asked her not to post any crappy pictures of me and she said "I only have one picture of you". Um..no, she has at least 9 of them. I won't ask she remove them because they are pictures of my friend opening her gifts. If she removes them...there aren't any pictures of my friend opening the gifts.

mygritsconfessions
06-14-2009, 04:26 PM
I am not a big fan of Myspace, however I do love Facebook. It has truly been wonderful keeping intouch with extended family and friends, which would otherwise not happen. I wish we had it years ago when I did get out of high school and college, as so many friendships and family wouldn't have gotten lost in the years. Atleast we can catch up some now. It also is great, as my daughter is in the military and we can share writings and photo's without having to wait for pony express!

LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 04:36 PM
I do like the sharing and connecting aspect. Less photo sharing of my fat butt would be nice though. :D

PinkyPie
06-14-2009, 04:50 PM
take the tag off, that will help.

I know it's upset you, but it might be helpful to not put too much energy into it. people have posted some pretty unflattering pictures of me on facebook, but almost everyone is private and when I'm tagged non-friends never see those photos.

You are working on not being "disgusting" (I have to put that in "" because somehow I doubt you look disgusting) so let that fire you feel from humiliation move you ever more towards your goals!

lauralyn
06-14-2009, 05:03 PM
I think she was completely out of line to post pictures in which others can be clearly identified without first obtaining their permission. Extremely bad manners on her part! There are ways to blur people out and/or crop pictures so that people who do not want to be in the pic aren't identifiable. It just amazes me how insensitive people can be at times. I've had pics of me posted without my consent too, so I completely relate to your discomfort.

I was going to say the same thing. I would never post photos on my Facebook account where other people were in the photos unless I had their permission.

ringmaster
06-14-2009, 05:12 PM
Sounds like you are being too critical of yourself, I'm sure you looked fine and maybe the hostess thought so too and didn't see a reason not to post them.

I agree though she should of asked permission; there was a story (http://chattahbox.com/curiosity/2009/06/11/us-familys-christmas-card-photo-discovered-in-czech-republic-grocery-store-ad/) recently someone's family photo was taken off facebook and used for an ad for a CZ supermarket!

Sophia Elise
06-14-2009, 08:19 PM
I love facebook. You can enjoy some of the features on it and at the same time, you can chat with your friends who are online.

LookingForMeAgain
06-14-2009, 08:24 PM
While I understand your friend's desire to share her joy, I think she was completely out of line to post pictures in which others can be clearly identified without first obtaining their permission. Extremely bad manners on her part! There are ways to blur people out and/or crop pictures so that people who do not want to be in the pic aren't identifiable. It just amazes me how insensitive people can be at times. I've had pics of me posted without my consent too, so I completely relate to your discomfort.

My pics are set to friends only and I still feel a lil uneasy. My sister joined and she put a pic of my lil one up without my permission and its public view. Ive sent her a message to fix it.

A friend of mine went to a local bar and her picture showed up on their myspace page.

You just never know.

munchievictim
06-14-2009, 08:28 PM
social networking sites can get really obnoxious. I have a friend who comes to parties and takes pictures of me and others with beer bottles in our hands, looking drunk, looking gross, and then posts them up on his myspace and his facebook and tags them out. I saw a particularly horrible picture of myself smoking a cigarette with my feet up on a rail and the angle made my stomach roll look like it was about to EAT me. So I feel your pain.

kaebea
06-14-2009, 08:36 PM
it's not so much a danger of other people seeing you. i'm quite sure "Sue's" friends and aquaintences are not as interested in looking at baby shower photos as she thinks they might be.
It seems like alot of people don't know that facebook OWN's any photos you post on facebook. even after you remove them. and they can sell them and do what they like with them.
the same is not true of myspace.

canadianwoman
06-14-2009, 08:46 PM
I do like the sharing and connecting aspect. Less photo sharing of my fat butt would be nice though. :D

I am going to say this as nicely as possible.....

You weigh 142 pounds. Your butt is NOT fat. I weigh over 400 pounds and would have no problem if I had photos of me taken at a baby shower. ...even eating. You were there to share in the joy of someone's soon to be child. It was not about you. So what if they posted the pics of the ladyopening her gifts on Facebook. If you are upset ask them nicely to crop you out of the pics but I see no reason to freak out over it because I would KILL to be at the weight you are at now because life would be so much better for me.

munchievictim
06-14-2009, 08:54 PM
It seems like alot of people don't know that facebook OWN's any photos you post on facebook. even after you remove them. and they can sell them and do what they like with them.
the same is not true of myspace.
is that true?? I did not know that.
canadianwoman--I actually get where you're coming from, I do find myself wanting to say the same thing to girls on here sometimes, but I think twice about it because weight is a really personal thing for everyone. I don't feel I have the right to tell a girl she should shut up complaining about her weight just because she's smaller than me. I know it can be frustrating to listen, but I think the best thing about this site is that everyone can be supportive of everyone else, because we've all been there on some level or another.

Glory87
06-14-2009, 09:04 PM
Ha :) I love Facebook. Check out this AWESOME pic of me, circa 1985 a high school friend posted to her profile. Luckily, it's not tagged (I would have removed the tag).

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30132007&id=1205778089

Check out those SWEET OP shorts and mullet. Ah, the 80s :)

Primm
06-14-2009, 09:08 PM
Glory, that's hilarious!

I have photos of me like that too, but I'm not going to share them!

Glory87
06-14-2009, 09:19 PM
I don't mind sharing it with you guys. When I post pics, I only do friends (not friends of friends). And I would never post a pic that was truly unflattering of somebody.

Delphi
06-14-2009, 09:34 PM
is that true?? I did not know that.


I was interested in that myself, so I took this from the Statement of Rights and Responsibilities page on facebook:


Sharing Your Content and Information You own all of the content and information you post on Facebook, and you can control how we share your content through your privacy and application settings. In order for us to use certain types of content and provide you with Facebook, you agree to the following:
For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos ("IP content"), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook ("IP License"). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account (except to the extent your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it).
When you delete IP content, it is deleted in a manner similar to emptying the recycle bin on a computer. However, you understand that removed content may persist in backup copies for a reasonable period of time (but will not be available to others).So what I take from that is...if my content is set to PRIVATE, then facebook can NOT use that information.

kiramira
06-14-2009, 09:44 PM
I tried to see Glory87s photo, but I had to log in and I don't have a facebook account...so there you go!
And I think we are harder on ourselves than others are -- even though you might find your photo unflattering, you may be surprised that others don't. But this isn't really the point, is it? I mean, my mom is 5 ft nothing and weighs 128 lbs and hates her photo and refuses to let people take pictures of her...go figure...

Kira

Niecy
06-14-2009, 09:45 PM
CanadianWoman...

While I can thoroughly relate to what you are saying about smaller people being unhappy with their weight (I would like to be 128 at this very moment and could not imagine a girl/woman complaining about it IF they were the same build as me). The original poster is 4'9". For her, maybe 140's is a little bigger than she would like to be. I am thinking it is just like me being around the 160's or so.

I hate to go way off topic, but since it was brought up...I have been thinking about this very subject the last couple of days. Someone made a comment about size 10's on another post that I made and maybe I just took it a little too personal and maybe she didn't mean anything by it at all. But I took it as though I should want to just throw in the towel because, geez, size 10 is tiny compared to a 16 or whatever. Maybe it came across somehow that I was gloating about being in size 10's. Which wasn't the case at all because I don't look so hot in size 10's. I still have a BMI that is sooo not in a healthy range and a horrible waist to hip ratio. It would be the equivalent of a 700 pound person telling you to be grateful you weigh 400. I almost feel sometimes that some, of course not all, but some people who have 100+ pounds to lose have something against those who have less to lose. And I am not saying you are one of those people (it's so easy to take written words out of context and maybe I am not fully understanding your view on this) I don't know what your goal is, but imagine that goal in your head, and then imagine someone telling you to stop over-reacting because you are still unhappy when you are 25-30 pounds from that final goal. It is a little hurtful and gives the impression that our weight-loss journey is not a valid one. The weight loss battle is still the same. No matter if you are 5, 25 or 105 pounds overweight. We all got their pretty much for the same reasons. In fact, I have heard others say it gets a little harder once you come down to those last 30 pounds or so.

The original poster is obviously concerned about photos being posted of her and I can totally relate to that because it was done to me before also. In short, I wouldn't care if I looked like a million bucks, it is still insensitive not to ask if that person cares to be showcased to millions on facebook/myspace.

And for the record, I am in no way attempting to chastize you or tell you that you can't feel that way. I would just like to help you understand how it feels. :hug:

LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 10:48 PM
Niecy made a good point.

Operator265
06-14-2009, 11:44 PM
I don't like having my picture taken period. I have dark circles under my eyes and my skin has a certain tone to it that doesn't photograph well. I could be 120 or 200 lbs. I come out looking like a heroin freak.

LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 11:49 PM
I don't photograph well either. Even my own mother will admit that.

ladyfyre
06-14-2009, 11:49 PM
I was skeptical of Facebook, but I have grown to love it. When my grandmother died last year, the family knew it was only a matter of time until nobody got together anymore. I couldn't remember the last time I spoke to one of my cousins. We all decided to go on facebook so that we can see what is happening in each other's lives. Our family gets together more now than they ever did. We organize games nights several times a year and we can share our good news with each other without having to pick up the phone.

I have reconnected with people from high school that I haven't spoken to in years. I have forgiven an ex-boyfriend that I have been carrying a grudge against for 18 years and now we are friends!

Facebook has put me in a better headspace than I have been in for years. It has brought some connection to family members who are thousands of miles away.

Wouldn't want to give facebook up for anything.

LandonsBaby
06-14-2009, 11:53 PM
I have forgiven an ex-boyfriend that I have been carrying a grudge against for 18 years and now we are friends!


I saw today that my my ex boyfriend is now going bald...and somehow that makes me feel a little better. Maybe I haven't entirely let go of the grudge? :lol:

Don't get me wrong, I do like that I can connect with people. That part IS awesome. I know some people who don't lke that so they don't have an account. They do not want to talk to anyone from high school and they don't even let their family know where they live. That is sad to me but I think they have their reasons. I however, despite my family being a mess, do like to talk to them and facebook/myspace helps in that department.

Fox
06-15-2009, 11:21 AM
I don't really use Myspace anymore, it seems to be geared towards a younger crowd and have sort of a "high school" mentality. I really love facebook though, I get to stay in contact with old friends and friends that live far away and it's an easy way to get a quick message out to friends that are around me too. And the photos are my favorite part! I love to see what other people are up to, where they travel, how their kids are growing up, etc. My page is private so it's available only to my friends. I don't mind when they post photos of me, even if they're not flattering I figure "what does it really matter?" as long as they're not incriminating (THOSE photos I don't even allow to be taken! lol)

amynbebes
06-15-2009, 07:30 PM
I don't know if someone else has mentioned, but if they "tagged" you in a photo you're able to go in and un-tag yourself if you have a facebook account. I have a cousin who posted a hideous pic of my from years ago that I fretted over and felt bad about untagging myself but I got over it and removed the tag, felt leaps better :)

choirgirlhotel
06-15-2009, 09:36 PM
Just a little note as well - you can change your privacy setting so that "only you" can see photo's tagged of you. It doesn't come up as a tag to anyone else. Yes, the picture is still on Facebook/myspace, but at least you are not tagged in it.

~Choirgirl~

sws19
06-15-2009, 09:57 PM
yeah i just want to second what cgh said. i became intimately familiar with the privacy functions on facebook when my father friend requested me. he is able to see like 3% of my profile and pics. :devil:

as for photographing poorly. ::raises hand:: actually, i can go either way. i'd say in the majority of pics i look like a greasy fat hog, but every once in a while i see one and say, hey now, i look pretty good there. the trick is just trying to make sure that all my pics are of the every once in a while variety.

divinechaos
06-16-2009, 02:28 AM
since they were pictures of a baby shower I'm pretty sure no one is going to pay much attention to every individual in the picture. no worries, no one cares that much. besides, you have a gorgeous body that you've been working hard for, be happy :] everyone else probably thought you looked great. don't be so negative and just be happy you were included in such a special event =]

foodmasochist
11-29-2010, 12:56 AM
Put me in the "hater" camp for sure, because i do NOT get it. Why do i want to look up some douche i dated in high school? If he was so great he'd be my husband ;) The past doesn't do anything for me, it's all about the future. Keeping in touch with people is nice, but when i get on there and see all these people playing those games-i just_don't_get it. i want to get it, but i just can't. It seems to me stirring up discussions with people you have dated in the past is just a good way to create drama. How many men i have known who have gotten the slutty girl pic from an "old friend" and been in trouble over that? LOL -i get that it is me who is abnormal here not other people-other people love the past, but it's just not my thing.

-fm

RoseRodent
11-29-2010, 04:27 AM
The advantage of this happening on Facebook is you know about it. The disadvantage of this happening on Facebook is that you know about it! With print pictures you have no idea who has seen them. Perhaps your friend took them into work with her and passed the pictures to everyone in the building? Perhaps she mailed them to her nan who lives in Europe and her proud nan showed all her friends. Perhaps she sent one in to a magazine, you just don't know. Facebook may make sharing quicker and easier and you can see immediately who has seen the pictures and what they said about them, but it's no different from print media.

Just concentrate on the fact that this is your mental battle, the people who are looking at the pictures most likely don't even notice you are in there, they are looking at a picture of their friend opening her gifts. Last time you looked at pictures of a friend's baby shower or something can you remember who was standing behind her?

timkerbelle
11-29-2010, 10:48 AM
There are things about Facebook that I do like, like being able to easily share photos with my mum who lives very far away from me.
I do NOT however like when people put pictures of me up. I don't care if they are flattering or not, for me it's an invasion of privacy. I want to be the one to choose if I want a picture displayed or not.
I'm a private person, and I have very few friends on Facebook (<100), but a lot of the people I have as friends have hundreds and hundreds of friends, who in turn have hundreds and hundreds...

It is such a pet peeve of mine being tagged in a photo I did not ask to be taken, let a lone asked to have displayed for thousands to see.

As much as I like being able to easily keep track of my friends who now live far away I am seriously contemplating removing my account because of the above mentioned.

RoseRodent
11-29-2010, 12:55 PM
It is such a pet peeve of mine being tagged in a photo I did not ask to be taken, let a lone asked to have displayed for thousands to see.

As much as I like being able to easily keep track of my friends who now live far away I am seriously contemplating removing my account because of the above mentioned.

Unless you think it's the tags that cause people to go and look at the photo I can't see what that solves. If you no longer have an account they can't tag you any more, but you will still be on the photo. At present I get a message immediately if anyone tags me in a photo so I can go and look at the context and do any damage limitation necessary to stop that photo being circulated in places that might be less appropriate. If I got rid of my account then if someone posts up a photo of me legless at a party (won't happen, not drunk for years but makes a good e.g.) I won't know about it.

I only have my genuine friends as FB friends so if I asked them to restrict a photo they would. Far too few people use friend lists to restrict their friends to Friends and "friends" so they lump in their BFF with the woman I met at the BBQ's sister-in-law, and there's no need for both to have the same permissions. I do a lot of FB privacy lessons for my friends in this sort of situation to show them how to share the pic without making it visible to friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.

Unfortunately, however, the law makes photos the property of the person behind the camera, not the person in front of it. If they choose to display it and they break no copyright or decency law in doing so then all you can do is get cross.

nelie
11-29-2010, 01:33 PM
This was an old thread, not really so much about Facebook but about someone having their photos on display. I'm closing it because the original thread had moved on before being brought back up. If you want to discuss Facebook, feel free to do so in General Chatter.