20-Somethings - OT - getting over someone

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06-13-2009, 09:42 PM

06-13-2009, 10:25 PM
OMG u sound so much like me, but mine is my best guy friend! its like no really gets y i do like him, but there is something about him, that i love and i cant fig it out. i really cant give u any advice cuz i have no idea what to do myself. lol my 2 best gfs say just let him go and if he wants u, he will come to u but if its not meant to be then there is some else great out there for you. but if u ever come up with a way let me no. lol i know this sounds weird, but i went mia fr my friends cuz im trying to turn that "switch" off of liking him. and just really focusing on me for awhile. lol

06-13-2009, 11:08 PM
I've been there too! My advice is just to occupy yourself with other things, and people as much as possible. Don't put this guy on a pedestal, most of the time we make someone look so much more perfect or irreplaceable in our heads thinking about them than they actually are. The good news is you WILL get over him! And there will be many a fine man in your future who will make you wonder what you ever saw in this guy. :)

Iconised Ghost
06-14-2009, 05:53 AM
Wait, have you actually told him recently that you actually are interested? Of course if people are telling him you're not interested he's not going to make an *** of himself by asking you out or anything. I say if you havent set hims straight you should, and then if nothing still comes of it work on getting over it. At least then you know that definately nothing would have come of it. And i think you're very pretty :hug:

06-14-2009, 08:51 AM
You look totally cute! Maybe you should try putting yourself out there with some other guys first, bc I bet a lot of you thinking that no one is into you is all in your head (take it from someone who lives in the middle of nowhere, where guys are few and far between.) I think we all go through phases where we think we are never going to find someone, but I've found the cliche that love comes along when you least expect it is true. So who knows, if you go on a couple of dates (and it sounds like you have friends who can set you up), you might end up making him jealous, or find someone you really like...which is the best cure for not caring about Mr. X anymore!

Good luck and keep up the good work :)

06-14-2009, 02:03 PM
aneleh, I'm definitely idealizing him and putting him on a pedestal, and it's effing annoying, and I know I need to stop, but I haven't been able to. I feel like a stupid 12 year old (not that all 12 year olds are stupid, just that someone who is going on 24 shouldn't be acting like one). The realizing there will be someone else who will come along is what I'm struggling with right now. But at least today I feel better than yesterday. I swear I don't sit around pining for him, it just always creeps back up when I see him or when I have a stupid dream that sticks with me.

Iconised Ghost: Yeah, that's why I'm in this stupid predicament. My self esteem isn't so low that I don't think there isn't any slim possibility that he might, maybe, sort of, be interested in me. But my self esteem isn't high enough to realize that there might be a slim possibility that he might, maybe, sort of be interested in me. That doesn't make any sense, but I don't know how else to explain it. So now there's always this 'what if' in the back of my mind. It's not fair for me to have to put myself out there again, but there's no reason for me to expect that he will since he thinks I'm not interested. Its not even the fear of rejection from him that's holding me back, but having everyone else know (because everyone else will find out) that he rejected me yet again.

I wish I had friends that could set me up forestroad, but unfortunately I don't. I tried the online dating thing, but that didn't work out for me. It's just really aggravating because before my ex came along, I was perfectly fine being single for eternity. But for whatever reason, now I have days where I'm okay with it, and days when I feel like crap about it. Once I get down to my goal weight I think I'll try out a paid site and see if that works out any better.

But I am feeling a lot better about things than I was when I wrote my little rant, so that's good. I just have to work on not letting 'I'm never going to find anyone, woe is me' days not get to me. And instead of overindulging in food, I worked out to get rid of the stress, so that's a huge step for me.

06-14-2009, 02:42 PM
Ohhhh gosh, girly. I can relate to this post 100%, seriously, it's like I could have written it myself:

Totally obsessed with this guy? Check.
Feeling like crap because you think he doesn't want you? Check.
No one else understands your preoccupation? Check.
Putting him on a pedestal and feeling like he is just perfect? Check.
Nobody else interested in you? Check.
Always thinking you're over him, but it comes bubbling back up every time you see him? Check.
Not wanting to be rejected again? Check.
No matter what, you CANNOT GET OVER IT? Check check check!! :o

The only difference is that for me, the situation is with a guy who really does seem to like me sometimes, but for whatever reason isn't really pursuing it, and I DON'T get to see him very often, but I don't want to make myself the desperate one who's calling/texting him if he's not interested, but I think he *is* interested, but then if he were interested, why is this taking so freaking long?? And of course the icing on the cake is that now because we're on summer vacation, I'm not even going to see him for like 3 months, so who knows if he'll even remember my name after that long?! But I know I'll still be as obsessed with him as ever... Ugh.

I wish I could give you some actual advice about what to do in this situation, but quite honestly, I'm in the exact same boat as you and just as confused and unsure of what the heck I should do. :shrug: I'll probably be reading over everyone else's posts on here to try to help myself, heh. But you definitely have my empathy, hon... Let me know if you ever figure out what to do about this boy, and good luck getting over him--one thing I do know is that if it doesn't work out, you WILL get over him eventually. Even though it doesn't feel like it at all now, ya just have to believe that someday it'll be "over."

06-14-2009, 02:44 PM
This may sound bad, but I would LOVE to be single right now! I had a harsh breakup with a guy a couple years ago and jumped right into another relationship cause I was lonely, but that was just a temporary fix and now I'm kind of wishing I didn't and just had fun, ya know? I was thinking my ex liking me was a fluke and I wouldn't find someone else who liked me that was that hot (I'm being honest here! lol). I think that ends up making you settle for someone less than you really want. Oh I miss flirting lol!

06-14-2009, 04:29 PM
aneleh-ill trade u then u can be single. :) lol

06-14-2009, 04:38 PM
I know,and i went through it.It preoccupied all my thoughts. I couldn't do anything. Sleep,ate nothing,or too much. My friends got tired of the whole thing. I got in trouble at work. It was awful. And I know that no matter what anyone says it wont help!In the end I realized how dumb I was to ruin,and waste part of my life on someone who was not interested in me.It took mme too long to get over him,but I did. And now I can't even stand to look at him,for the way he treated me.Good Luck!:hug::hug:

06-14-2009, 05:43 PM
I can absolutely relate to this because I'm going through it right now. Except my guy just got engaged. It ripped my heart out and sent me straight to the cinnamon buns. I've realized that the pain is going to be there but it will go away little by little. I also realized that I had wasted so much time worrying about this one guy that I missed out on all the things I wanted to do with my life or other relationships that might have been better for me. All the time that you spend moping over this guy, you could be chasing away wonderful guys that will have the stones to step up and be with you. It's easy to spend so much time focusing on one thing that you forget about everything else around you. We're here if you need us!

P.S. Your weight loss achievements are amazing whether or not he appreciates them because it means that you invested in yourself enough to make it happen! Keep up the good work! :carrot:

06-14-2009, 06:04 PM
Thanks everyone. I'm not at the point where I'm passing up other opportunities for him though; I just don't have any other opportunities. I think that's one of the main reasons I'm crushing so hard. I know a simple distraction of another guy would be enough to get me over him, but that other guy doesn't exist yet. And thanks for sharing your stories with me, it really helps me feel like less pitiful knowing I'm not the only one going through it. Not that any of you are pitiful by any means, just that I'm not being totally weird in all this.

It's just so frustrating because I'm usually not like this at all. I like a guy, he doesn't like me, big whoop, I'm used to it, I move on. Stupid boy getting stuck in my head like this. :P

Iconised Ghost
06-15-2009, 04:53 AM
I think you gotta tell him! If hes a nice guy (and therefore is good enough for you ;) ) he wont make it public that hes rejected you if he does. I just think it might be easier for you to move on if you know that he's not interested. Sucks that you see him so often though, some time away from him might be good if you're not going to talk to him about it

06-15-2009, 10:55 PM
I'm gonna try and approach this slowly, if I decide to do it at all. I was pretty talkative and a little flirty with him yesterday. So he should at least know that I don't hate him. But that's a long way away from getting him to realize I like him.

06-16-2009, 09:58 AM
spikedpunch, here I am :hug:

I think that you believe he totally can (or at least might) like you, and prolly is exactly this believing which is turning you on. Of course you like him a lot too, the way he is, but you wouldn't be dreaming or worrying so much if you didn't think there is a slight opportunity for you to.. WIN him! :D

I've been in this situation a lot of times... and sometimes I was also feeling crazy, like it was "just my imagination", that I was inventing everything and misinterpret every signs and every words... maybe those signs where not even signs! :D

I don't have very good advises for you... but I can tell what worked for me ;)

First: a lot of humour and laugh. even alone, even by myself... I started making kind of fun of my situation, trying to look at my behaviour as I was part of a comic strip... "The incredibles adventures of Julietta trying to conquer her Romeo!" :D

Second: I tried to develope my kind of love. I stopped longing lonely for him, and I started thinking: "Ok, if I really like him, and if I really want to share with him something... what can I do FOR him? what would he need? what would be nice for HIM? what kind of person would be nice for him to have around?". So I started trying to be a potential "good partner" for him... but always, not just when he was around to impress him... So it was also a good training for me ;) But OF COURSE, I'm talking more about the attitude towards life, not so much about appearance. I would not have changed myself in a consistent way just to be (MAYBE) liked by him... or do something I considered wrong or innatural. Let's say I tried to improve what already existed in me :cool: