100 lb. Club - Not really getting support..Vent..




mel hughes
06-13-2009, 02:22 PM
I'm just feeling slightly frustrated right now. I have been on my Weight Watchers plan for 3 weeks now. I've been sticking to it pretty well, more so than I've ever done any other time I've tried dieting.

The one thing I'm struggling with is exercise. Last week I did some on the treadmill at my parents' house, 20 minutes a day, for 4 days in the week..I believe.
Well I'm not at my parents' house all the time. I have 2 very small children. So I've thought multiple times that it would be great if my husband and I could take the kids in their strollers to the park or the track and just walk. For at least something physical.

I asked my husband if we could go a few minutes ago, and he says to me "Do you wanna go with Jordan, and Gage and I will stay here?" I don't know if he is just blind, but he doesn't seem to understand how much I want/need his support in the exercise area. I've got the food thing down on my own. [This morning I got him breakfast from McDonald's and came home to make my own..]
But it would be so much easier for me to work out if he came with me.
My husband was 310lbs before we met, and when we did he had just lost 131lbs in 6 months. From running and dieting. So one would assume he could understand why I need the support? But I guess not. Maybe its different for men.. Or just him..


dragonwoman64
06-13-2009, 02:43 PM
go tell him, maybe he's just being dense

CLCSC145
06-13-2009, 02:49 PM
I think you need to spell out what you need and expect from him more clearly, even beyond using the word "support". He may think he is being supportive by letting you go with just one kid and by not coming up with excuses why you don't need to go.

I think you should go. Make it YOUR time. Leave BOTH of the kids with him and get out there.


SnowboundChick
06-13-2009, 02:55 PM
I agree, you have to have a conversation with him and let him know what you need! That's what I did with my Hubby!

TamiL
06-13-2009, 02:59 PM
Just say, "I am going for a walk, please keep an eye on Jordan and Gage". Then you leave. It took two to make and it takes two to raise em!

TJFitnessDiva
06-13-2009, 03:00 PM
Usually you have to just come out and say it for guys to get it. I'm sure once you do he'll be more understanding :)

Michelle1210
06-13-2009, 03:16 PM
Tell him you need his help. you need your time. I do know when my husband was watching his weight it made me feel insecure......it could be he is feeling that way with you. what if you loose weight and look attractive (not that you dont) . it made me get off my butt and take care of myself.

Jennelle
06-13-2009, 03:27 PM
I absolutely agree with Tamil's answer! If for some reason that won't work in the dynamics of your marriage, then perhaps you can come up with a workout schedule so he knows when you will need him to watch the kids.

I have the same issue with hubby not wanting to go to the gym with me. I finally gave up and just started going by myself. I invite him every time, but if he doesn't want to go - oh well. (Of course, I don't have little kids to watch, either.)

mel hughes
06-13-2009, 04:07 PM
So I did sort of discuss the situation with him. I just decided to go alone. He kept both of the kids, and I went to the local track. I walked a mile! It took me 21 minutes, but I was very proud of myself. It made me feel good to know I could do something like leave the house for 30 minutes to walk..that I didn't need anyone holding my hand or watching me to be sure I did it.

I had a smile on my face the entire last lap. :D

On a side note, I seriously need to invest in some better tennis shoes. I have blisters on my pinky toes and on the bottoms of my feet next to my toes.

mel hughes
06-13-2009, 04:07 PM
And thanks for all the replies ladies! It helps a lot!

Alana in Canada
06-13-2009, 04:29 PM
Good for you, Mel! Well done.

Men are just different creatures altogether--especially when it comes to motivation. I'm glad you went by yourself and found yourself STRONG while you were at it.

That's the ticket!

mel hughes
06-13-2009, 04:36 PM
Good for you, Mel! Well done.

Men are just different creatures altogether--especially when it comes to motivation. I'm glad you went by yourself and found yourself STRONG while you were at it.

That's the ticket!

Thanks Alana! It really did feel amazing..

KnitALisa
06-13-2009, 04:36 PM
Mel - That's so awesome!! I love walking; gives me time to clear my head and get outside. Definitely invest in some good walking shoes. If possible, go to a running store or something like it. The staff should watch you walk and help you pick out a good pair.

On a side note, you mentioned that your children are very small. In my opinion, your hubby is supporting you more by caring for both of them while you get some "me" time. My godbabies are 2 and 1 and I know that just leaving the house with them can be a trial (Do we have enough diapers/bottles/toys/blankets, etc?). Anyhoo, congrats and keep going! :)

mel hughes
06-13-2009, 04:50 PM
Mel - That's so awesome!! I love walking; gives me time to clear my head and get outside. Definitely invest in some good walking shoes. If possible, go to a running store or something like it. The staff should watch you walk and help you pick out a good pair.

On a side note, you mentioned that your children are very small. In my opinion, your hubby is supporting you more by caring for both of them while you get some "me" time. My godbabies are 2 and 1 and I know that just leaving the house with them can be a trial (Do we have enough diapers/bottles/toys/blankets, etc?). Anyhoo, congrats and keep going! :)

You know, I hadn't thought of his support in that way. It is so hard to take the boys out. And after he and I discussed it, he told me he was also concerned about it being too hot outside for them.. It was 88 degrees when I went to walk.

QuilterInVA
06-13-2009, 05:56 PM
I don't think you should depend on anyone else to exercise when you do. Exercise is your responsibility, the same as what you eat is. Leave the children with him and go for a walk.

rosekeet
06-13-2009, 06:46 PM
Men are incredibly dense beings who really need things spelled out for them. Working out is a good excuse for "alone time" however. Good luck with your walking! To get new shoes I'd go to a local running store. They'll look at your feet and help you pick a good pair of shoes. My feet turn in when I walk or run, which I never knew, and now I have shoes to correct the problem.

LaurieDawn
06-13-2009, 09:28 PM
Yay for walking a mile - especially in 88 degree weather. Just wanted to add - my husband is supportive in the ways he knows how to be. I used to want him to be supportive in very specific ways - and spell out to him exactly what that looked like to me - but he didn't really seem to get it even then. It wasn't until I understood that his eating well doesn't look like my eating well, and his exercise doesn't look like my exercise that I made peace with it. We are planning on playing tennis tonight - his exercise form, but doesn't burn enough calories fast enough the way we play it to work for me - but I informed him I needed an hour to go run before we played. The bottom line is you found a way for him to be supportive, and it worked for both of you! Congratulations!

kiramira
06-13-2009, 10:45 PM
Good for you! Guys just don't get the hint, LOTS of time. I have to spell it out in capital letters and then do shadow puppets on the wall before DH twigs onto what I am saying. Typical conversation:
Me: Hon, I'm going to yoga. Do we need any groceries?
DH: Umm...it's 10 am.
Me: I KNOW. Do we need any groceries?
DH: For what?
Me: For dinner! Do we need any groceries?
DH: Aren't you going to yoga?
Me: ARGHH!!! """stomp to the fridge"""stomp back"""(hmm, we need salad fixings...)OK, I'm off!
DH: OH, could you pick up some salad fixings for dinner on the way home???

THIS is a typical day!

You handled it AWESOMELY!!!

:dancer:

Kira

Michelle1210
06-13-2009, 10:49 PM
Yeah!!! glad you worked it out!! I bet you feel closer and strong too.;)

Slashnl
06-14-2009, 12:38 PM
**Side note to Kira: I think I've had that same conversation in my house.**

Yep, I think that men need it spelled out. They don't think the same way we do, for sure.

mel hughes
06-14-2009, 12:55 PM
Thanks girls for all the supportive. I absolutely agree that it is my responsibility to work out, just as its mine to choose what I eat. I know my husband works very hard during the week, a physically demanding job. He told me he just wants to relax on the weekend..

I think in the end I'll feel an even greater sense of pride and accomplishment knowing I was able to do it on my own. I'm grateful that he doesn't mind watching the kids so I can have my exercise time. I know my getting healthy is just as important to him as it is to me. He just shows it differently.