100 lb. Club - why did this comment hurt so much?




suzie76
06-10-2009, 10:07 PM
Hi,

I haven't been around here for a long time, but hope to get my act together soon and try to start losing weight again.

I was in the ladies room at Barnes and Noble today, and when I was washing my hands, a mom with her two young children (around four years old) were doing the same. I heard one of the kids say to her mom "she has a big behind." The mother said something softly, but I think it was "you're not being nice."

I pretended not to hear any of it, but it really hurt my feelings. I know the comment came out of an innocent child's mouth and she didn't mean anything and was making an observation (which unfortunately is correct..sigh). The mother was about a size two, so ANYONE would look big compared to her, honestly.

I can't get that comment out of my mind! I'm not sure what my point is in posting, but I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in real life what happened.

Thanks for listening-
Sherry


bargoo
06-10-2009, 10:13 PM
People will say rude things. be glad it was a young child who didn't know any better.

Dria
06-10-2009, 10:19 PM
kids call em as they see it.... They mean no harm my kids have also done this before. Its very embarrassing as a parent as well. However that being said...
This could be divine intervention maybe this is a boost you need to get back on track to what your goals were/are!!! Dont look at the bad side of it.... use it as a motivator...

The other part is sadly a kid wont look at you when you lose the weight you want and say... That lady has a small bum. It would be nice lol Id like to hear it too but.. you know... Good luck and I hope you can use this for positive things!!! Chin up... We all get big in the behind at one point or another :) I was big in the behind too!!!!


Trazey34
06-10-2009, 10:20 PM
meh, it hurts cuz you're letting it hurt you. Duh, you have a big butt. You're going to lose weight. You won't have as big a butt. Problem solved, yes? LOL kids say the darndest things!

Madison
06-10-2009, 10:23 PM
I blame bad breeding ;)

tilly long
06-10-2009, 10:35 PM
Mean comments hurt because they can make us feel less than comfortable in our skin. But really, children just say what they think and that same child might have thought a size 8 person had a large butt if his/her mother was a size 2.
Don't let it hurt you. Try to put the energy you are spending on thinking of it, into something positive. For example, "I may have a large butt now, but this time next year, I will be a hot little number." Or something such as that.
Be a duck and let those comments roll off your back like water. You can even quack if it is empowering for you!

ringmaster
06-10-2009, 10:39 PM
Sounds like the parent hasn't taught the kids some manners yet... and it hurts because as someone said kids call it as they see it., hopefully it was innocent and the kids didn't learn to make mean comments about people so early.

joyra
06-10-2009, 10:40 PM
I agree with Dria... kids are more likely to point out the obvious. Kids don't have built in sensitivity filters. I remember seeing someone with darker skin for the first time and asking my mom why her skin was dirty. I'm sure I didn't take her in private and ask either, I'm sure I asked right in front of the girl.

That said.. take that painful comment and use it as motivation. I was mistaken for pregnant five times in about a year... obviously, I must've had some nice round gut but still. Every time it hurt. But I have been working my, well, "pregnant belly" off and lost 5 inches from my waist. Every inch down I think it's less and less likely I'll ever hear that comment again.... though with celebrity pregnancy obsession, the tiniest bump is now PREGNANT. But you get what I'm saying?

shrinkingleah
06-10-2009, 10:43 PM
At least it wasn't your mother-in-law. Mine makes comments about my weight EVERY time she sees me. (We live 10 minutes away, but we're not fans of each other so we see each other maybe once or twice a month) and it was snarky remarks and now it's how "Healthy" I look. Did I look so horribly unhealthy before? Backhanded comments are very annoying.

I am kind of bad about letting things get to me, especially about my weight and I hope you let this go, even if it does take some time. You're doing the right thing taking care of it! Good luck, From a fellow ample caboose (and my tummy looks like I'm a few months along!)

harrismm
06-10-2009, 10:46 PM
I dont know if its so much not learning manners.Those of us that have children know that it takes many more years than 4 to teach them everything they need to know.I have 3 teenage boys and they are still learning!LOL.It sounds like the mother did the appropriate thing.I would guess they discussed it further in private.That being said in defense of an innocent 4 year old, I am sorry your are hurt.I do understand though.It was a similar comment from my own child in mommy and me swimming that motivated me to loose the baby weight. Kids do say the darndest things, usually with an element of truth.

digitalrequiem
06-10-2009, 10:59 PM
I once had a kid as me if I was pregnant....I wasn't... :(

Daimere
06-10-2009, 11:02 PM
I once had a kid as me if I was pregnant....I wasn't... :(

Me too. It was one of those days I already felt hideous, too. :(

SunshineCA
06-10-2009, 11:29 PM
Unfortunately it's not just kids that say the most disheartening things. Adults do it too. Even your own family. Fortunately, I've learned to just let it roll right off my back.

Thighs Be Gone
06-10-2009, 11:35 PM
My adoptive mom who falls in the super morbidly obese category uses questions from kids as teaching opportunities.

Lyn2007
06-11-2009, 12:17 AM
It does hurt (the ego I think?) when kids made comments, but yeah, I have five kids and I really did teach them manners but sometimes they just don't think. Or they don't get that a comment might hurt. The child was probably just observing. And that's what hurts I think. When I get a comment like that I feel bad about myself for letting myself get so big, but since we are doing something to change our health and become our own vision of health, the bad feelings dont need to stick around for long.

cfmama
06-11-2009, 01:54 AM
Kids are not generally mean spirited so they didn't say it to hurt you... it was just an observation. Like "that man has a yellow hat" or "that dog has a long tail" ... It HURTS though and it's happened to me too :(

Windchime
06-11-2009, 01:57 AM
It does feel hurtful, but it helps to remember what cfmama said--the little child was just making an observation and didn't say it to be hurtful or critical. When my nephew was about that age, he hugged his Grandma's leg affectionately and said, 'Gramma, you sure have big jeans!' So I think that it's just a little kid thing.

Madison
06-11-2009, 02:02 AM
So true when you look at it that way . . . kids just make observations. Its SO awful when someone (anyone) points something like that out . . . but it was many moments just like that one that made me start to make a change . .. sometimes these little things are sent to us as a blessing :)

time2lose
06-11-2009, 09:00 AM
Please don't think too much about the comment. Children don't have the frame of reference that we adults have. If you ask a child to guess how old someone is, they are as likely to say 100 as to say 30. The kid may have just been thinking that your behind is bigger than hers.

suzie76
06-11-2009, 09:02 AM
Thanks so much for the support. I really appreciate it. I know the little girl didn't actually mean anything, and she was quite young.

I should take this as a reason to get more motivated. I'll be back here regularly soon.

Take care,
Sherry

dragonwoman64
06-11-2009, 11:10 AM
I once had a kid as me if I was pregnant....I wasn't... :(

omg, my nephew (was very young) said that to me once, yikes.

(fat bottom girls you make the rockin' world go round)

NorCal Jen
06-11-2009, 11:25 AM
I'll have kids say things like that to me, and I'll just look right at them and say, "yeah I do!" confident as **** and walk off. Like it's been said here, kids are just making observations. They see a big butt, you know you have a big butt, own it. I'm working on getting rid of the big butt, so let them have their say. I'll have mine in the end. :D

lizzyINPA
06-11-2009, 11:30 AM
that had to feel really hurtful... although coming from a child, I can understand why it was in some ways hard to acknowledge that it hurt. I agree with whomever said that kids simply call them as they see 'em...

For me, it's like actually hearing out loud from someone else (albeit a child) what I have been thinking in my head all along.

I'm sorry... ::(

kaplods
06-11-2009, 11:31 AM
I wish adults would use the word the same way - matter-of-factly, with no ill intent behind the word. I hate playing the "let's pretend Colleen isn't fat" game.

I once was talking to a coworker/friend and said something about being fat, and she said, "you're not fat," and I nearly peed myself laughing (on what planet is nearly 400 lbs, not fat). She turned bright red and snaped "you know what I mean." Yeah, I did. It's not polite to "notice" that someone is overweight, and a nice person can't be fat, they must be something else. I hate euphemisms, and would rather be called fat than "fluffy" or "zaftig" (that sounds like a German submarine or something).

One of my nephews once said hugging me, that grandma and I were "so much softer and squishier to hug than mommy or Auntie Ann." I'm not saying the comment made being fat "worth it," but there was no way to feel bad with that much love in the kid's voice.

What I hate is parents who go ballistic on their kids when they make the "fat" observation. If I have an opportunity to talk to the kid before mom does, I usually say something like "yes, people come in a lot of different sizes, but some people don't like to be called fat, it hurts their feelings."

Personally, I wish I didn't have to add the last part. I wish it wasn't considered such a taboo topic that it can't be discussed in polite conversation. I'm not saying that people should be bringing it up to fat strangers, but the idea that anyone has to pretend I'm not fat, even if I bring it up, is just so silly.

I was in a store and heard a little kid, maybe 3 (max) ask his mommy why "the lady" (me) was so big, and the kids mom had a meltdown. She snapped and whaled on the kid. She didn't hit him, but the verbal attack was so bad, I think the kid would have rather been hit. It's a shame, because the first thing I thought is that she was raising a kid who was going to hate fat people for life, from the trauma.

Sandi
06-11-2009, 11:32 AM
:hug: I have had this happen too. The parents have always handled it well, but it still stings.

JulieJ08
06-11-2009, 12:22 PM
Please don't think too much about the comment. Children don't have the frame of reference that we adults have. If you ask a child to guess how old someone is, they are as likely to say 100 as to say 30. The kid may have just been thinking that your behind is bigger than hers.

Hehehe, so true. When I was about 30ish, one of my nieces made some comment about me being old. I asked her how old she thought I was. She thought hard, and guessed, "18?"

H8cake
06-11-2009, 12:39 PM
I agree that it's just hearing the words out loud that hurts. We know kids don't have any mean intent, but it still stings. When my son was about five years old he had a little friend who saw my husband and i sitting at the table. He was sitting in a child size chair across the room so he was about eye level to our back sides. He hollered out in shock that my butt was so much bigger than my husbands. The boy was probably four at the time, so I knew he didn't mean to be mean. Now he is a very well mannered young man and even gives me a hug when I see him. I was thinking of that comment last week and when I took the husbands jeans out of the dryer I tried them on just for the heck of it. They are huge on me! I haven't been smaller than my husband since we got married, so that made me feel great. Sorry for the long story, but just know it happens to all of us.

Michelle1210
06-11-2009, 01:31 PM
I remember being at the mall and a lady who and was known for being very very loud, ( I had not seen her in a few years)saw me at the food court, as I was in line.....and approached me, and said Michelle is that you? wow you gained a lot of weight how much have you gained? And persisted to talk loudly....boy was I ever humilated. As I felt every eye checking me out.

JulieJ08
06-11-2009, 01:42 PM
I remember being at the mall and a lady who and was known for being very very loud, ( I had not seen her in a few years)saw me at the food court, as I was in line.....and approached me, and said Michelle is that you? wow you gained a lot of weight how much have you gained? And persisted to talk loudly....boy was I ever humilated. As I felt every eye checking me out.

You know what? They were looking at the loud woman being so rude and stupid. Seriously.

tilly long
06-11-2009, 02:12 PM
My daughter reminded me of the time a little girl pointed at me, laughed, and said, "Look, she's so fat." I responded to her by saying, "Yeah, I am, just like Santa Claus." She stopped laughing and nodded her head in agreement.

emmalee51
06-11-2009, 02:19 PM
Kids say the darnedest things. As much as we love them - they have NO tact. My son hit my tummy yesterday and asked me why it is so fat? told him that its his fault. When he was in me, he left the space. :).

Sometimes it hurts. Esp picking him up from preschool with these trail of super model thin mom's going for their kids. I try to ignore them and think of the positive.

jellybellyjen
06-11-2009, 02:20 PM
MY DAUGHTER'S TELL ME THAT WHEN I WALK MY LEGS LOOK LIKE JELLO:mad: EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS ME TO HEAR THAT :cry:IVE THOUGHT IT MYSELF JUST DOESN'T FEEL AS HURTFUL WHEN YOU THINK IT:?:ITS OK JUST BOUNCE BACK:D

:hug:S

emmalee51
06-11-2009, 02:21 PM
Me too. It was one of those days I already felt hideous, too. :(

Had a 3 year old ask me the same this weekend. I can;t even remember what I said. But you know what? got on my treadmill and went that extra 15 minutes that night. Felt good. I know I won't always look this way.

CJZee
06-11-2009, 04:39 PM
A couple of years ago, I was in the locker room of the swimming pool and a little girl asked me if I was pregnant. I said "no, I'm just fat." That seemed to satisfy her. If it isn't mean, it doesn't bother me.

mel67
06-11-2009, 04:48 PM
Speaking from experience, I don't for a minute believe it's bad manners or bad breeding (you'll usually hear that from those who have no children), not without knowing the kid better. Kids are just honest, sometimes thats good, sometimes it's not. I'm quite sure the kid didn't mean to hurt your feelings. As another poster said, use this for good. Use this as a motivation tool to get back on your program. It's happened to me, "mel! I didn't even recognize you! Boy you've put on some weight!" and this was from an ADULT! I was upset for about 1 hour, then got back on my program and lost 20 pounds.

H8cake
06-11-2009, 10:44 PM
My Mom, who was overweight her whole adult life, used to tell us kids not to make fun of fat people or we would end up fat ourselves. We didn't because we believed her, and we all ended up fat. I like to say that to kids though, puts the fear in them :D

Creeech
06-12-2009, 11:09 AM
Same thing happened with me. I used to hang out at my ex-boyfriend's sisters house a lot, and her kids were small then. The youngest one would always make comments saying "you're fat!" and "why are you so big?" etc. It got to the point where I didn't want to go there anymore x.x At least we broke up, so I don't have to worry about it anymore! :D

LuvMyMr
06-12-2009, 01:57 PM
I'll have kids say things like that to me, and I'll just look right at them and say, "yeah I do!" confident as **** and walk off. Like it's been said here, kids are just making observations. They see a big butt, you know you have a big butt, own it. I'm working on getting rid of the big butt, so let them have their say. I'll have mine in the end.

:D Funny.
I do not think it's bad parenting! It's just kids being honest. I can't even begin to tell you some things I hae witnessed kids doing and ultimately embarassing their parents including mine. But if it makes you feel good, I am down more than 80 pounds and my butt is still big! LOL.

Ellie R
06-13-2009, 06:01 AM
I think it hurts extra, BECAUSE it was a child who said it, with no ill will or malice.
When adults make comments like this, you can retaliate (usually in you own mind) by thinking how rude and nasty they are, and what horrible unfeeling manner.
When it is a child though - they are just noticing a reality, and you can't be angry with them for it, and that is what hurts the most.

Comments and looks really get to me, though too, that being said. The thing that bugs me the most is when excercising out in the open, and it happens - you would think these people would think, wow, Fat chick, and look, she's doing something about it, as opposed to wow, fat chick excercising, let's say something mean to her about how fat she is!

aneleh
06-13-2009, 10:38 PM
haha reminds me of a couple summers ago I used to teach at a kids bike camp. One little four year old was running around and not looking where he was going and ended up bumping into my backside. He said: "Your bum is squishy!" Haha he's gonna be a ladies man that one. lol

Eileen2bLean
06-14-2009, 11:29 PM
A couple months ago, I was having a friendly conversation with a little girl and one of the questions she asked me was "What's wrong with your neck?" I knew immediately what she was referring to - i have a very large double-chin, I've had it my entire adult life. (An old man once asked me if I had a goiter - which I thought was a ridiculously foolish question to ask a person, I mean omg if you're not for-absolute-certain-sure, why the **** would you ask???)

Anyway, it didn't really bother me that this little girl asked about my neck. She was honestly curious as to why I had this protruding flesh below my face. I explained that it was just fat, and I'd had it all my life, and that my mother had the same thing so I guess it's something I got from her. The little girl nodded with a serious look on her face and went on to ask me something else.

I wish I didn't have a double chin but I do. I wish I wasn't fat but I am. The child was just being truthful. How could I possibly be upset about the truth?

Newlywed
06-15-2009, 12:08 AM
I am a nanny and one day, when I was wiping the 3 yr olds butt, he asked me why my stomach was so big (his mom is a size 5).... And I wanted to be like why can't you wipe your own butt, but I just explained to him that everyone comes in all different kinds of shapes and sizes. And he was fine with that.

seashell
06-15-2009, 09:53 AM
I remember years ago I was at a grocery store and a small child asked his mom why some people had fat legs and some had skinny legs. That lives with me even today. It used to bother me. Now I use it as motivation. I want to the the one with the skinny legs. And you know what? I will be and so will you!

nineoceansaway
06-15-2009, 10:00 AM
I'm sorry hun. It sucks! But I do have to say, I was motivated to change my life by a comment my grandma made about my weight. It helped me really plug in to my weightloss effort and get going!