100 lb. Club - Bringing sexy back




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rochemist
06-10-2009, 09:00 AM
Since it came up in another thread I am going to put the question out there and assume that we can all handle it because we are grown.

Are you bringing the sexy or you letting your weight be the deciding factor?

I firmly believe we are whole people with a spiritual, emotional, sensual, social, and physical aspects. Because we have all these pieces we have to nourish all of them to be healthy.

Here we encourage and support each other emotionally and socially for our physical health. But do you ignore your sensual side? your spiritual side?

The sensual side is the crux of my thread though and are you taking care of yourself? There is a wonderful book called, "The Women's Sex Bible". I so wish I had this thing when I was in my 20's my relationships and men would have made so much more sense.

Personally my sensuality has becomed heightend as I close in on my 40's and now I know what the term courgar is all about. Men in general I have decided look for my confidence, my smile, and my humor before my weight.

I know I have said alot here. Tell me what you think.


Thighs Be Gone
06-10-2009, 09:27 AM
Like you I am also approaching 40. I agree that men do look for the confidence, the smile, and the overall package much more so than I realized a few years ago. I would also say that the older I get the more I realize that sensuality and being sexy has little to do with sex--at least for me.

Spirituality? Yes, absolutely. I am truly learning to let go and let God. That is something I have read and heard for years--only now fully realizing it's power.

Trazey34
06-10-2009, 10:07 AM
YAYOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I think this is SOOOO important!! I want to cry sometimes when I see thread after thread of "i'm going to buy sexy lingerie, or do/say/live/think a certain way ONCE I"M AT GOAL" that's no way to LIVE!!! Or when I see beautiful young girls who think because they have a bit of chunk on them, they've not worth being loved or desired -- so wrong!!! Like the OP said, MEN SEE CONFIDENCE!!! they also see a weak gazelle in the herd!! if you let them (only some men of course!) treat you poorly, they will ! OK enough of that -- on to the sexy groove!!!

I've been so fortunate, only 1 boy my whole life, and I didnt' meet him til I was 24 (and pretty close to a SIZE 24 at the time LOL) and I remember him saying with a wink "well, maybe i wanted to see if you had a big appetite...for EVERYTHING" hehehehe and it's been getting better and better year after year, and it makes everything else so great -- It helps a lot in life to always feel loved and to know that your dude will throw down whenever you snap your fingers LOL is that shallow????


dragonwoman64
06-10-2009, 10:24 AM
It's great that you asked these q's.

I'm in my 40s. I feel sexier now than I ever have before, I'm also more accepting of my body, and I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been in. Not the lowest weight, but the best shape -- muscles, yeah!

as for spirituality, yes, I joined a local church this year and it really was a great decision for me.

sprklemajik
06-10-2009, 11:15 AM
I'll agree and say that sexiness is all in confidence and only a little in physical beauty. I've always been one of the biggest girls in my cirle of friends, and with that being said it's never been an issue for me to have a boyfriend. I had self confidence and self respect and expected men to treat me with respect. It always hurt to talk to friends that were "prettier" who would allow men to treat them poorly.

I'm 25 now and married to an amazing man. I've never wanted to neglect my sensual side or my spiritual side no matter my size.

GirlyGirlSebas
06-10-2009, 11:21 AM
My weight never made me feel un-sexy, until I developed the pendulum belly. This is the single most unattractive area of my body and it is the one are that...well....is in the way?

Regarding my spirituality, I've just recently started my meditation/prayer times again and we are looking for a new church home. This has not been easy as I've had to confront quite a number of thought patterns that do not correlate with my spiritual beliefs, but the journey has been so very worth it.

Slashnl
06-10-2009, 11:55 AM
Regarding my spirituality, I've just recently started my meditation/prayer times again and we are looking for a new church home. This has not been easy as I've had to confront quite a number of thought patterns that do not correlate with my spiritual beliefs, but the journey has been so very worth it.

I think this is so great. I know that about 10 years ago, I made a jump to a new church, going away from the same church/denomination that my entire family has attended for years. It wasn't for me and I had to find my own path. Raised a few eyebrows with the extended family (my cousin is a pastor in a church of the old denomination), but I'm not out to make them happy. So, good luck with your new quest!! You will be happier!

As for the sensual part, I have to say that the weight has definitely gotten in the way of feeling sexy. I know that many believe that they are sexy at any weight, and I am glad that they feel that way. I just don't for me. It is definitely getting better now that I've been working out so much and losing some weight. But, I still don't feel sexy. Too many things hanging where they shouldn't and jiggling when they shouldn't be. I'm not depressed about it, just trying to make it better. But, I had to be honest!

Jennelle
06-10-2009, 12:16 PM
Heh. My husband doesn't care if I weight 135 or 535, as long as he's getting it on a regular basis. (Although it is nice to be able to throw down some positions I haven't been able to get into in a long, long time.) :o

As far as anyone else - doesn't matter if they find me sexy or not. ;)

SunshineCA
06-10-2009, 12:25 PM
Bringing sexy back? ****, it never left!! :belly:

Rosinante
06-10-2009, 12:34 PM
This is something I've never been able to get my head round.
I certainly have zero physical confidence while fat, in fact think of the biggest number minus than zero. I haven't had any long enough slim phases to know if I feel any different.
I feel sad for me sometimes, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm unattractive. Don't leap in and say, you have nice eyes/good skin/sunny personality/even, upon occasion it has been said, good *rse - because when I say 'I know' what makes me sad is that it is engrained as a given of the universe, like how to breathe.
My head knows that it's not true.
My head knows that attractiveness is 90% confidence and personality
but
I had unattractiveness bred into my knowledge from a very early age, and nothing has happened in my life that has shifted that.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not 'never been kissed' like that Scotswoman it would be rude to say I don't want to look like! I started dating at 15 (which at the time and in my circle was normal to early) and progressed um to all the normal um levels - but a) I seemed just to give up kind of in my 20s and b) being intimate or being in a relationship in which intimacy occurred completely, completely screwed me up, because of my utter conviction that they could not possibly really want to be with me, because of my weight. It just seemd so WROMG. I remember in my late teens/early 20s being convinced that my parents were paying my current boyfriend to go out with me. (I don't suppose it helped that when he left, a couple of years after me, to go to college, he wrote after a couple of weeks and said, There are so many beautiful women here. I don't want to be unfaithful. Therefore you're dumped (can't remember the words exactly) so that no-one can say I've been unfaithful to you. Actually, I remember at the time merely thinking, what a loser.

OK, wow, that's enough blood-letting for today. Wonder if it will show up on the scales tomorrow?

oh and ps, my life isn't sad - I just sometimes think it's sad that I feel this way.

Institches21
06-10-2009, 12:54 PM
oh and ps, my life isn't sad - I just sometimes think it's sad that I feel this way.

That about sums it up for me. Ailidh, you said it perfectly!

CLCSC145
06-10-2009, 01:07 PM
Can one bring sexy back if sexy was never there to start with? I've been told I'm pretty by friends and that if I just put myself out there I'd find someone, but I don't see it. I have a hard time believing any man can truly love someone like me. I think it's 30+ years of watching my dad hate my mom, call her a fat cow and ridicule her for being fat. The only time sex was ever mentioned by my mom was when she told me as a kid that my dad hadn't touched her for 5 years because she was fat - can you say scarring? And then they wonder why I'm not married yet? Idiots.

Sometimes I worry that I'll never get past my insecurities and fear and end up alone forever. At least I don't hate myself anymore, real progress in my book! Therapy has helped with that. The rest of me is a still a work in progress... And I have a pretty nice life otherwise, so that something to be grateful for.

Fox
06-10-2009, 01:16 PM
When I was at my highest of 250 I still thought I was pretty/attractive but I certainly didn't feel sexy. Now I feel crazy sexy! (and I'm not even near goal yet, lol) :p

TJFitnessDiva
06-10-2009, 01:22 PM
My job (the one I get paid for :lol:) is helping women unleash their inner goddess so even at my highest weight I thought I was sexy as heck ;)

rockinrobin
06-10-2009, 02:14 PM
There's sexy - and then there's SEXY! And let me tell you at 5 foot nothing 287 lbs - confidence, shmonfidence - there's just not all that MUCH exy. That doesn't mean there's not sex, but sex-y - that's another matter. Again, there's just so much sexy there can be at that size. At least for me. I didn't feel very feminine at that size.

Having lost the weight, ummm, yeah, flawed body and all - I've got my femininity back and all that goes with it. I feel womanly once again. And boy oh boy, I hadn't realized just how much I missed it. :)

Rosinante
06-10-2009, 03:00 PM
My job (the one I get paid for :lol:) is helping women unleash their inner goddess so even at my highest weight I thought I was sexy as heck ;)


I'd love someone to let my goddess out!:D

Slashnl
06-10-2009, 03:04 PM
There's sexy - and then there's SEXY! And let me tell you at 5 foot nothing 287 lbs - confidence, shmonfidence - there's just not all that MUCH exy. That doesn't mean there's not sex, but sex-y - that's another matter. Again, there's just so much sexy there can be at that size. At least for me. I didn't feel very feminine at that size.

Having lost the weight, ummm, yeah, flawed body and all - I've got my femininity back and all that goes with it. I feel womanly once again. And boy oh boy, I hadn't realized just how much I missed it. :)

Well written. That is part of why I want to keep losing this time. I want to feel that good again. Getting there!!

Delphi
06-10-2009, 03:26 PM
I can honestly say, that even at my highest weight, I still felt attractive...but sexy...not so much. There was nothing sexy about my rolls, or those inner thighs. Sure, I looked all pretty and stuff, when I was in clothing, perhaps even sexy...but when the clothes came off, sexy was nothing more than a delusion. :lol:

These days, day by day, I'm bringing sexy back. I so deserve it!;)

cfmama
06-10-2009, 05:15 PM
Hmmm... I had a lot of good sex at almost 400 lbs... but now that I am losing and have more confidence I FEEL sexy as all ****. I know I look hot with my hourglass figure and big boobs ;) I'm getting compliments, stares, being flirted with. My husband is drooling more these days and I FEEL more confident.

More confident that I won't hurt hubby if I sit on his lap, or have sex with me on top, or straddle him just because I want to be close to him. Those things are HUGE for me.

I also am buying lots of nice, cute and sexy clothes because I feel like I WANT to show off my changing body! I may not be thin but **** I'm 120 pounds small than I WAS so LOOK AT ME dammit!

rochemist
06-11-2009, 01:26 PM
Hmmm... I had a lot of good sex at almost 400 lbs... but now that I am losing and have more confidence I FEEL sexy as all ****. I know I look hot with my hourglass figure and big boobs ;) I'm getting compliments, stares, being flirted with. My husband is drooling more these days and I FEEL more confident.



Can I say I am so jealous........of the sex!
YGG! :carrot:

synger
06-12-2009, 11:58 AM
I've avoided posting in this thread, because this tends to be a sore subject for me. But this morning I had a crying jag that really brought it home, and I wanted to share it with you, who may understand better than anyone else.

I used to really enjoy sex. But since our daughter was born, and I got the hanging apron of fat, it's become more of a chore than a joy. I have a lot of hate-hate relationship with my body. I know I should love myself no matter what size, but making that "knowledge" move from head to heart has been pretty much impossible for me.

Plus, in the last year, when we HAVE had sex (usually once every couple of months), I end up getting inner leg cramps so bad that I am in tears. It started when I did some light jogging. So I fight against feelings of fatness, ugly, tiredness, time, and fear of pain... and it just doesn't seem worth it.

Then, my husband wants us to have another baby. I'm a little ambivalent... I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to go to great lengths (IVF) for it. It took us seven years to get pregnant the first time (I have PCOS, and am insulin resistant, and now pre-diabetic). I already feel like I'm at war with my body... having to do all that timing and doctors and medicine and poking and prodding again just makes me shrink and hide inside.

So this morning, he brought up the baby thing again... and I just lost it. All those mixed feelings about sex and attractiveness and my fear about full-blown diabetes, and my shock that my doctor suggested bariatric surgery, and the thought of another pregnancy when I already feel fat and ugly and don't want to be even more so.... I'm still leaking from the eyes as I type.

Thank god for my husband. He just held me and let me vent and cry... and we'll talk about it more later when I'm more composed.

He deserves a wife who enjoys his touch, and isn't so focused on her own demons that she can't give herself to him fully. And right now, I really struggle with being that wife.

So, no, I do not feel sexy. I feel like a huge whale of a poor excuse for a woman, a wife, and a mother. I feel like I'm at war with my body, not only my weight but my very hormones and sugars. And I hate that I feel this way.

rochemist
06-12-2009, 12:26 PM
I've avoided posting in this thread, because this tends to be a sore subject for me. But this morning I had a crying jag that really brought it home, and I wanted to share it with you, who may understand better than anyone else.

I used to really enjoy sex. But since our daughter was born, and I got the hanging apron of fat, it's become more of a chore than a joy. I have a lot of hate-hate relationship with my body. I know I should love myself no matter what size, but making that "knowledge" move from head to heart has been pretty much impossible for me.

Plus, in the last year, when we HAVE had sex (usually once every couple of months), I end up getting inner leg cramps so bad that I am in tears. It started when I did some light jogging. So I fight against feelings of fatness, ugly, tiredness, time, and fear of pain... and it just doesn't seem worth it.

Then, my husband wants us to have another baby. I'm a little ambivalent... I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to go to great lengths (IVF) for it. It took us seven years to get pregnant the first time (I have PCOS, and am insulin resistant, and now pre-diabetic). I already feel like I'm at war with my body... having to do all that timing and doctors and medicine and poking and prodding again just makes me shrink and hide inside.

So this morning, he brought up the baby thing again... and I just lost it. All those mixed feelings about sex and attractiveness and my fear about full-blown diabetes, and my shock that my doctor suggested bariatric surgery, and the thought of another pregnancy when I already feel fat and ugly and don't want to be even more so.... I'm still leaking from the eyes as I type.

Thank god for my husband. He just held me and let me vent and cry... and we'll talk about it more later when I'm more composed.

He deserves a wife who enjoys his touch, and isn't so focused on her own demons that she can't give herself to him fully. And right now, I really struggle with being that wife.

So, no, I do not feel sexy. I feel like a huge whale of a poor excuse for a woman, a wife, and a mother. I feel like I'm at war with my body, not only my weight but my very hormones and sugars. And I hate that I feel this way.

:hug: I got the apron of fat

Talk to your doctor about the pain and find the love girlie. I am here if you want to talk. I am not always the best for advice but I can always listen.

Tummy Girl
06-12-2009, 12:43 PM
Synger - I'm right there with you on the baby, it's always nice to know others can relate. Our first and only baby was first try, first month, no issues but I was a lot thinner. We've tried since and with my weight gain, IR as well, we've had two miscarriages (8 weeks and 12 weeks) My dh wants another one so bad, as do I, but our hearts can only take so much. We've decided to wait until I'm healthier to try again and who cares how far apart they are.

And I don't know if you get this one, but a lot of people keep telling me to not make my daughter an only child, cuz you know what they are like, etc, etc, they shouldn't be too far apart, blah, blah. I just might treat someone to a kick in the teeth one of these days.

I'm trying to look at the losses like it's just God's way of telling my I'm not ready and giving me a chance to get healthy first, cuz I know I would probably be another 50 lbs heavier if I went into another pregnancy a few months ago.

That may be what dh deserves but to get there you may just need time to figure yourself out, so that takes some time but there's all that time afterwards when you'll be the best version of you and then you'll have who both of you deserve.

LuvMyMr
06-12-2009, 12:43 PM
I am! Definitely feeling more sexy and confident. When I started this journey, I knew immediately that 100 pound had to come off. I have lost 82 as of today. I still have more but the bulk of it is off and my sexuality is turned on full time again. lol. I am even making love in the moon light or even a little light. (Not completely ready for the daytime loving all the time) but I have been buying new lingerie all this week and last week. I am feeling and looking good and my husband is very grateful and supportive. :p

Pita09
06-12-2009, 01:00 PM
My whole adult life I've been a very sensual woman and I greatly enjoy sex and the intimacy it creates. However, feelings of being sexy have been far and few between. I know how much my guy finds me sexually attractive and he tells me daily how beautiful I am and how much he loves my body. I swear it's like the man doesn't have eyes!! I know what he says is true and I've worked hard at believing him, but I want to see and feel about me the way he does, and that will only happen when this weight of mine is at a normal number. I NEED my stomach to not hang before I can ever really feel sexy. And when that day comes.......ohhhhh baby....watch out! ;)

LuvMyMr
06-12-2009, 02:06 PM
I just might treat someone to a kick in the teeth one of these days.

As you should. It's nobody's right to tell you what you and your husband should do. I hate people like that!