100 lb. Club - Feeling Defeated

View Full Version : Feeling Defeated

06-09-2009, 09:32 AM
Well...there is not much to say beside the fact that I have not been OP for sometime now. It's really annoying too and I hate myself for letting myself go. In High school I weighed about 175lbs my Freshmen year and met a boy who I am still with and lost 35lbs and went down to 140lbs and felt amazing. I loved my body at 140 I had so much more confidence it's crazy and then I let myself go, and now I sit here 100lbs more then that at 240 and I literally feel so awful about myself. People try to help me friends mostly by saying "but you had a baby". That is no excuse to be 100lbs more then what I weighed in high school. I only graduated from highschool 3 years, 100 lbs in 3 years thats insane. I am so mad at myself for not caring at the time and I feel like it really puts a strain on a lot of my relationships.

With my Boyfriend who I have been with for 7 years this year I feel unsexy he says he still finds me sexy but I definitely don't feel that way especially since he has seen me and absolutely loved my body before. I think my weight has definitely interefered with out sex life sorry if thats TMI lol. But I just feel like who wants to make love to a fat cow lol, I know it's awful to put myself down and I really need to love myself it's just so hard when I feel so defeated.

With my friends I feel like I am the odd one out. We go out to bars or hang out or whatever and I feel like I am so fat because they are all almost a size 4 and I am the heaviest one out of all of my friends. I have no confidence whatsoever when I am around them.

And with everyone I know, I know they are probably tired of me talking about being fat. They are probably all screaming in there head if you hate your body so much then do something about it.

I just don't know what to do. How can I love myself and realize that I need to do this, not just for me but for my daughter because I wanna be here along time, that should be enough but it seems I always lose my way.

Why am I struggling with this so much?

06-09-2009, 09:36 AM
You put one foot in front of the other and start today. If your value is your family and your health you make choices starting from there.

No one can make you feel sexy. Sexy is an attitude and it doesn't have a weight. If you want it (and its good for marriages) I would start with loving the body you have today by caressing it, stroking it, and appreciating its service for you in spite of your abuse.

It took a while to get where you are and it will take time to take it off. Keep posting and finding motivation to make the best choices for yourself.

Take care.

06-09-2009, 09:52 AM
You just have to do it, that's it. You focus on eating right, exercising and do it. Confidence, sex appeal all of that is an attitude and until you get rid of the stinkin' thinkin' that won't change. You deserve to be the best you that you can be, but it takes work and commitment. You have to decide right now that you want to do this and just go for it. Once you start it gets easier, I'm not saying its all puppies and rainbows, but things do get better. You can do this....

06-09-2009, 10:02 AM
:hug: Why am I struggling with this so much? I can not say why you are struggling. I struggled for many years because the idea of losing 100+ pounds was over whelming to me. I did not really believe that I could do it. But my doctor promised me that losing 10 or 20 pounds would help me and I committed to losing 20 or 20 pounds. When I lost 10 pounds, I knew that I could lose 10 more. After I had lost 20 pounds, I thought 5 more would be pretty easy. Then after I had lost 25 pounds, losing 25 more seemed doable.

Rochemist put it very well when she said You put one foot in front of the other and start today. You make the decision that you are important enough to take care of. Then you make the commitment to lose the weight. Finally, you start working on a plan. There are no magic bullets or pills. What works for me, or anyone else, may or may not work for you.

Don't think about how much total weight that you need to lose. Look at manageable goals such as losing 5 or 10 pounds. That is not so hard. Then after losing 5 or 10 pounds, you can look at the next 5 or 10.

I do encourage you not to wait 30 years like I did. You are young and have so much life in front of you. You will enjoy life so much more when you lose weight. You deserve a good life! Go get it.

YOU Can do this!!

06-09-2009, 11:01 AM
We all struggle. It is tough. It gets easier the more you change and the further you go. But first you have to get started.

One foot in front of the other, small changes you can manage, a walk every day for whatever you can handle and go from there.

Good luck. :)

06-09-2009, 11:36 AM
I wish I could tell you why you were struggling :(

I can tell you that you need to start loving yourself. Yes you are unhappy at the weight you have wound up at but that doesn't mean you have to punish yourself. Sexiness is an attitude ;) It isn't some cheesy myspace tag lol
I think once you get in that mind frame things will fall into place :)

Arctic Mama
06-09-2009, 04:48 PM
Try to break this down in to manageable steps, one good choice at a time. Eat one fruit with breakfast, jog or walk in place for two minutes during every tv commercial or on your lunch break, write down what you eat after each meal. Every little change and step is cumulative, and weightloss is not really one big event so much as 100 little decisions we make every day. Make one healthier decision more than you are doing now and you're already winning.

It's not about how hard it is, or how much you fail. Life is hard, we all make good and bad decisions. The difference comes when you pick yourself back up instead of being overwhelmed by upset or defeat.

I wish I could tell you why you struggle... I wish I could tell ME why I struggle as well! But as far as I can tell I do not struggle in the doing, just the getting started, and that is where taking it in slow, sustainable, little changes saves me. I can't lose 120 pounds, it's HUGE! But I absolutely can lose 10 pounds every month or two, as many times as need be.

Good luck! Every journey begins with a single step!

06-09-2009, 05:03 PM
I hated being fat and struggled a lot with "why do I have to be fat" "why can't I be thin." I spent a lot of time dreaming, wishing, hoping, fantasizing about being thin and hating myself for being fat.

Someone had a wonderful quote I saw lately that really slammed this message home for me:

Nothing happens until something moves

Weight loss is not going to drop into your lap - it's just not. It IS hard, it does require some work, but luckily the internet has thousands of pages of resources.

I only wish I had gotten my butt in gear earlier, you are so young! I was 35 when I turned my life around and started living as a slender woman. I would have loved to have been thin and hot in my 20s :)

You are going to have to do it, if you want it. You are the only person who can do it for yourself.

Alana in Canada
06-09-2009, 05:10 PM
I'm reading a book called "Changes" and I think I can tell you why you are struggling. According to this book, if I'm reading it right, you are struggling because you are focussing too much on the negative.

These are all negative reasons to change.

Turn each one of these around: (I just picked some at random)

I feel unsexy

I will feel s*xy. I will be HOT!

I feel so defeated.

I will feel strong and in control of my life.

I hate myself for letting myself go.

How about: I admire this AMAZING body that made a baby and birthed it!

When I saw my first child one of my reactions was awe for my body. Of course, I've taken 11 years to get on track----not your measely three!(I'm teasing) --but that's me.

If you could pick out all your negative reasons and make them positive and stick them someplace where you will see them everyday--you will take action, soon, I can almost guarantee it.

You've got some fantastic advice above--and take some time to get used to the idea. You can start feeding yourself good healthy food and drinking lots of water and going for walks with the baby--that should be doable, right? Try that for a week and see how you feel.

Post here often, too.

06-09-2009, 05:31 PM
One of the things I've noticed is that the chicks around here who give the best advice also seem to be the most successful. There are probably multiple reasons for this. I've often thought it's because they're successful that they give advice.

But perhaps there is also a flip side to this -- perhaps in giving advice it helps them continue to be successful??? Perhaps the advice reinforces and helps them articulate the "why" and "how" of what they know to be true but that sometimes needs to be laid out to be understood.

So why don't you try this ... help out some other chickie struggling with a situation similar to yours and point her in the right direction. Maybe that way you will give yourself the little shove you need to do the same.

06-09-2009, 09:27 PM
I don't know why you are struggling. I wish I did :(

I can say though that you honestly have to fake it until you make it. You may not know all of the in's and out's as to why you go off plan, or why it's hard BUT you can get started today. Right now. With small changes. Make it a priority to eat every 3 hours, drink 2-3 litres of water a day, choose 5-10 veggies and make all your "white" carbs into whole grain.

Once you have that down, concentrate on getting more lean proteins, healthy fats and good dairy.

THEN concentrate on getting rid of the junk. Because once you are filling your meals with whole grains, lean proteins, water, fruits and veg... there is very LITTLE room for junk.

I KNOW why I am successful this time. It's because I finally realized that I didn't have to starve myself to be successful. I didn't have to SUFFER to lose weight. I think that so many believe that eating healthfully SUCKS. It's so wonderful girl... eating this way I feel better than I have EVER felt in my whole life.

I wish you all of the best luck. Keep coming here. Keep asking for advice. Keep posting and reading.


06-09-2009, 09:34 PM
But perhaps there is also a flip side to this -- perhaps in giving advice it helps them continue to be successful??? Perhaps the advice reinforces and helps them articulate the "why" and "how" of what they know to be true but that sometimes needs to be laid out to be understood.

This is so true.

06-09-2009, 09:36 PM
I didn't have anything to add about the weight loss, but did I wanted to add, depending upon how recent your child's birth was, you could also still be feeling the effects of pregnancy/birth/new motherhood. I know following my first child's birth was some of the darkest, hardest weeks of my life. You may be in a completely different boat, and the weight may the sole reason, but postpartum depression and stress can have a monumental effect on your self-image.
It may be a good idea to speak with your OB about how you are feeling, in addition to your weight. Good luck! :hug:

06-09-2009, 09:38 PM
Don't give up!:goodluck:

06-09-2009, 09:58 PM
Good advice here. You can do it! Just coming here to post is a step in the right direction. Sit down and figure out what steps you can take that you're willing to make permanent. Keep trying! You'll get there! :hugs:

06-09-2009, 11:09 PM
You have gotten some great great advice here.

I have to add, the reason I think I'm succeeding way beyond my wildest dreams this time, far, far better than the last time I lost over 100 lbs, is ~ it has to happen in your head before it happens for real. I had to imagine myself as a normal happy healthy person at a healthy weight, really see it in my mind's eye, before I could totally commit to this radical lifestyle makeover. I saw it, but I wasn't sure ~ so I faked it. Then one success built upon another, and, here I am...totally succeeding. So can you. Hugs.

Tummy Girl
06-10-2009, 01:43 PM
I have to second what DC said, the visualization is very helpful, I do mine in bed before I go to sleep, whether it is imagining myself at my healthy weight doing the normal life things, or preparing how I will handle difficult food situations ahead of time it all helps. When you hit those tough moments if you already rehearsed how you're going to handle it, it's easier than making it up on the spot. And another awesome benefit, I've started dreaming of myself as a thin person! I guess the brain's got it now.

06-10-2009, 02:10 PM
I love Glory's quote: Nothing happens until something moves. Wow, that really applies in my situation. I spent so many years looking at my friends who are a size 4 just like yours, and feeling so bad about myself. I hated my body and wallowed in self pity and that got me no where but heavier! Some of us just can't get away with eating recklessly and not exercising. Cfmamma is so right, eating the way she described is really loving your body. It feels so awesome to have a strong healthy body and the only way to get it is to move. Don't abuse yourself in your head, all that critical thinking just wears you down. Once you commit yourself to taking control of the situation you will feel so much better.

06-10-2009, 02:40 PM
I just don't know what to do. How can I love myself and realize that I need to do this, not just for me but for my daughter because I wanna be here along time, that should be enough but it seems I always lose my way.

Why am I struggling with this so much?

I think you should ask yourself this - "are you interested in losing weight, or are you COMMITTED to losing weight?". Because when you're truly, truly committed many "pieces of the puzzle" start to fall into place. That's when you find/seek out/discover/devise a plan that works, that's when you make sure that you MAKE that plan work. That's when you are willing to do what is necessary.

I would dig down deep and decide what's it going to be. What is it that you want the MOST? The "food" or the weight loss - and all that it brings about - for starters - more peace and joy, better health, more energy and productivity, fabulous clothing, more confidence. And really - it's an EASIER life. It just is. I know for certain that once you "get into it" you will be thrilled beyond belief that you did and wonder why the heck you didn't do it sooner.

You won't care what your friends look like because you'll be the very best possible you - and that's the bottom line here. Being all that you can be. No more settling for second best. You deserve FIRST best. And it's there. It's yours for the taking. Take it. Go on and take it. :hug:

06-10-2009, 04:39 PM
What is it that you want the MOST? The "food" or the weight loss - and all that it brings about - for starters - more peace and joy, better health, more energy and productivity, fabulous clothing, more confidence.

Robin is wise!

You know, I've know lived both lives. A life where I was heavy and got to eat whatever I wanted and a life where I was thin and managed my food choices. The thin life definitely makes me happier.

Sure, food can taste good and it's easier to just go with the American fast food/convenience foods diet, but I wasn't a very happy person. I was heavy, lethargic, depressed and hated to look at myself. I spent a lot of wasted time dreaming about being thin.

On the other hand, it's hard work to live a life of mindful eating. It's more work to grocery shop, to cook, to pack lunches, to food journal to make healthy choices while traveling, to handle social situations with food. Unhealthy snacks are so much easier to get than a healthy snack. I spend a lot of time planning food - but at least that time is productive.

Now that I have lived both ways - there is no way I would ever go back to the me that ate big muffins for breakfast and pizza for lunch and yogurt pretzels for snack and Taco Bell for dinner.

I had to make the change and it was hard and it was a process to find a plan that worked for me (I made some changes as I went along), but now that I'm living this life, it's pretty easy. I have healthy habits, I have my favorite recipes, I have strategies for difficult food situations. And a closet full of adorable size 6 clothes :)