[100percentME]

I'm tired. I couldn't get to sleep last night, then got up this morning, was tired all day, worked 6 hours and at work im constantly standing and walking around, and i never sit down. Then when i got home, i dutifully got on the treadmill but only managed 30 min (ive been walking for an hour every time i get on the treadmill. running is no bueno cuz of other health issues, but i've decided that walking is better than nothing). So i got off after 30 min.
My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My head hurts. Im exhausted. I forgot to ask for time off work so now i have to figure out how to get to work tomorrow to ask for next monday and tuesday off for my new student orientation, but im spose to ask for time off 2 weeks ahead of time. I haven't lost any weight in 2 weeks. I've gained 2 pounds.
And i really just want to go get something to eat right now. lol sorry for complaining to you girls, but i need something to keep me from getting out of bed and going straight to the pantry.
I've been an emotional eater all growing up, and over my senior year in high school i finally kicked the habit by learning to find comfort and security in other things, and learning that running to food is not the solution. But after 16 years of being an emotional eater, and only 1 year of working against it, its still really easy to fall back into that old trend of eating when im done. But i know that its not worth it.

But my mind is so stressed right now. And i was never taught any back up plans to do instead of eating, i've just had to figure things out on my own (my whole family has food issues).

So here i am, mindlessly typing, trying to convince myself that going to the pantry is the exact opposite of what i want to do. And i know its truth. because i did good today, and im really really hoping to see a 139 re emerge in the morning. and while i wont die if it doesn't, that will make me feel better than all the food in the house will make me feel tonight.

Im worried about my best friend, who is about to totally break down over something stupid.
I'm worried about my other friend, who is dealing with a lot of hard things in his life, including his grandfather is about to die. And i want to watch their house while they are gone for the funeral, but im afraid that the timing will suck, and i wont be able to do that for them.
And im worried about getting in trouble at my job, for not giving enough notice for the days i need off.
And im worried for my health, because something in me doesn't work right, and i have all kinds of little bizarre health problems that must be linked somehow.
And im worried for tomorrow, because if i don't fall asleep soon, im going to be so drowsy in the morning. there is no way i can survive unless i get some sleep tonight.
And im worried about money, because while living at my parents house makes finances easy, i want to get my own place as soon as i can, but i dont know how im going to afford anything, and no one ever taught me how to budget, or how much i need to save, or how to organize my money.
And so now that's i've got all that off my chest, lol, im going to re attempt falling asleep.
thank you ladies for helping keep me away from the pantry i appreciate it.

[Alana in Canada]

Well, I hope you managed to avoid the pantry. Sounds like you've got a lot of worries on your mind. That's rough. I hpope they give you the time off work.

You are doing great, you know. Really fantastic. Coming here and typing is better than anything you could stuff your face with--you're already learning other coping strategies. Take care and go to sleep soon. Will some soothing music help?

[srmb60]

Yup, coming here and typing was the perfect thing to do.

Lots of us have had to figure life out as we go. You can too. And you have us!

[wsw]

Awesome that you came here to write instead of eat! Good for you!!! As was already said so well, you do have a tool for not eating: writing/posting here. I hope you were able to get some sleep! I have trouble sleeping, and I know how hard that can make things. Hang in there, and be gentle with yourself. Again, well done for posting instead of eating!!!

[mizmizzy]

I know what it feels like to be worrying about a dozen different things. *hugs* its been that way for me lately as well. And if one problem seems to be getting the least bit better BAM another one hits me. I can't get a break this year. I know how stressful it can be, but I hope you were able to fall asleep after you wrote this =) Waking up with a refreshed mind can make all the difference at least for a little while. Just take it one day at a time and don't worry I am sure you will see 139 again here soon <3 Best of luck!

[thinpossible]

Good for you for posting instead of eating. I hope you got some good sleep last night.

[dancerindenver]

Oh, sweetie - I really feel for you. Sometimes when it rains, it really pours and it seems like there's too much to deal with at once. And physical pain is more draining than we sometimes realize so if you're hurting from other health issues, that can really shrink your reserves for dealing with the other tough stuff in life. Lots of hugs. You're dealing with tough challenges and you're not turning to food so good for you. This may seem like a silly idea to you but something I've been trying is to come up with new comforting things to do and have become very attached to nightly bubble baths as an alternative to snacking. No idea if that's your kind of thing or not but it's very hard to reach the pantry from inside the tub : ) Some girly magazines, a big glass of Crystal Light and I'm a fairly happy woman. Anyway, I hope you're doing okay and come back and tell us how things are going.

[100percentME]

Thank you so much for the encouragement.
despite my non-eating last night, i was still at 140 this morning, which is still frustrating but its okay.
i didn't fall asleep to 3 am, so im kind of exhausted this morning. I'm just trying to keep going. I'm totally going to be late for church though. i just can't get myself to get going and stuff! lol
Thanks for all the hugs and concern over all my worries and everything. It's much appreciated and definitly was needed, as are your prayers if you offer them.
dancerindenver: thank you for the suggestion. while i can't take baths at night (i live it in house full of people, and that would wake them up) i am definitly going to take ur suggestion and go in search of something similar as a new form of comfort.

thanks ladies