20-Somethings - dealing with comments about goal weights?

06-06-2009, 01:28 PM
So I've been at this diet thing for over a year now and have had some success. I've lost almost 40lbs so far and am pleased with that but I still am nowhere near my goal weight. And yet when I mention the fact that I'm still dieting, friends and family act as though I've gone off the deep end and turned anorexic.

It's just so frustrating because I'm still fat! I have rolls and my thighs jiggle when I walk...I squeeze into a size 10 and still wear a large shirt. I'm not comfortable at this weight and yet people act as though it's a bad thing that I'm aiming for a lower weight. Seriously, my goal wieght is well within a healthy BMI for my body...

Has anyone else dealt with this problem? If so what do you say? I just end up getting defensive and angry and they just keep telling me I should be happy at the weight I'm at. How do I get them to either be supportive or just shut up and leave me alone about it?

06-06-2009, 01:33 PM
I ignore the comments of other people as much as I can. It is no one's business but yours. Often their remarks are made out of ignorance. And some might think they are being helpful, not true.
Congratulations on losing 40 pounds !

06-06-2009, 01:45 PM
I think that most people have no idea what 30 lbs (or 10 or 100) look like. When I was nearly 400 lbs, I'd have some people tell me there was "no way" I weighed more than 300 lbs. Yeah, duh with a capital "D."

When other people don't know what they're talking about, you don't have to make it your problem. I wouldn't try to change them (it's too frustrating, and inefective), just treat it like any other time someone shares an opinion you know is complete idiocy. I think deflective comments help. Something like "You have a point, I'll give that some consideration (for a second) - or "Thanks for your opinion, I'll think about it (how stupid it is) Ok, I don't say the parts in paranthesises, but I think them - it makes me feel like the jokes on them (I get to keep my good mood).

It helps if you can prevent eyerolling. I have to do this a lot with my Mom because she has an opinion on nearly every aspect of my life (and it always seems to be pointing me away from whatever I'm doing at the time). I found that this is the best way to change the topic.

06-06-2009, 01:54 PM
I know exactly what you mean. You and I have almost the exact same stats (although you've done better on the weight loss front than me - well done BTW). One of my bosses at work is convinced I have an eating disorder (could not be further from the truth) and is forever offering me snacks and being sarcastic when I decline the offer. It is awkward and frustrating to deal with. I try to stear conversations away from food and diet and if he mentions my weight loss, I've been saying I haven't lost any weight in ages - which may be true at this point as I've hit a bit of a plateau...lol. Sorry - not very helpful advice, but just wanted to let you know I know what you're going thru.

Thighs Be Gone
06-06-2009, 02:35 PM
For this reason I do not discuss my goal weight outside 3FC. I have a couple of super fit friends and we do discuss specifics but it is on rare occasion. If someone asks I usually get into my spill on focusing on whole foods and the benefits of fitness and believe me, that will shut up anyone and move them onto the next subject!

06-06-2009, 02:38 PM
My friend deals with this the entire time. She merely explains she is not happy with herself and has not hit healthy BMI yet. Any other comments she will ignore after saying her spiel

06-06-2009, 08:07 PM
You are close to your goal! You've lost almost 40 pounds, and it's fine to still feel frustrated and uncomfortable with your body. If you got down to 100 pounds, then your friends and family would have room to be concerned.

What a lot of people don't understand is that when you're dieting, you can't eat normally like other people. I eat a LOT less than anyone I know because I have to in order to lose. I can't eat any junk food at all or else I'll gain like *that*. And some people think it's weird, but that's just how my body is. It's just a part of dieting and losing weight.

Don't let their comments get to you. just keep doing you thing!

06-06-2009, 08:27 PM
For this reason I do not discuss my goal weight outside 3FC. I have a couple of super fit friends and we do discuss specifics but it is on rare occasion. If someone asks I usually get into my spill on focusing on whole foods and the benefits of fitness and believe me, that will shut up anyone and move them onto the next subject!


06-06-2009, 11:49 PM
I get the same thing all the time "Dont go any lower!" i mean its my body and im going to keep going until im satisfied. i didnt come all this way just to listen to what people think i should be.

Iconised Ghost
06-07-2009, 07:24 AM
i seriously get really :censored: off and tell most ppl to stfu. Unless they are very close to me, know my journey well and are open to LISTEN to my goals before they judge them, they are fair game for my rage

06-07-2009, 09:21 PM
Yup I also know how you feel. Perhaps they are jelous? I tend not to mention I am on a diet or what my goal weight is to people, I usually just say that I am trying to be healthy and leave it at that :)

net knee
06-07-2009, 10:00 PM
i had a few people in my family say the same stuff to me... i would usualy just roll my eyes and ignore them but i got so sick of it one day that i pulled my shirt up and grabbed the fat on my belly and shook it very hard and said does this look HEALTHY to you?! yeah didn't think so-- so shut the **** up and mind your own business! i let my anger and annoyance win but it worked... w/co-workers and strangers or just friends this probably wouldnt work but i like to remind people that when i was at this weight the first time (when i was down to 182) i did NOT look like this-- i was leaner and had no jiggly fat-- i was in a smaller pants size and had more muscle tone... so when i get there-- you can be worried if you can see my bones sticking way out-- and yeah i do have an eating disorder-- i eat TOO MUCH and if i don't control it i will be severely obese in no time- so thanks for your concern but i'm already taking control of my eating problem-- not creating a new one.
Hope you can look past these comments-- you know what healthy is and you and your doctor should be the only ones you listen to!!
congrats on your weight loss so far you're doing great!!!!!!

06-07-2009, 10:57 PM
Every single person who asked me how low I was going to go responded in absolute horror when I told him (I stopped at 135... not exactly waif-thin, you know?)

I learned the hard way that it's just not worth the discussion.

06-08-2009, 12:59 AM
I don't understand why people react the way they do when I tell them my goal weight. I want to get down to 135lbs also and I'm 5'2, that is at the top of the ideal weight range for me. But still people are shocked and mortified that I would want to be that "small". My SIL even said 135lbs would be too thin for me and she is my height and 115lbs...what's up with that?

06-08-2009, 01:27 AM
Maybe tell a little white lie and say that your doctor set your goal weight for you? Or just say that you are trying to live a more healthy life style. My friends (most of whom are much taller than me) are always telling me that I don't need to lose weight. I usually just try to ignore it. I know their hearts are in the right place. And it's really not as fun to go out with someone on a diet... I think my eating healthier makes them feel guilty.

06-08-2009, 08:26 AM
A lot of people try and fail at dieting and I also think a lot of friends secretly enjoy having a fat friend around so they feel skinny in comparison (this may just be paranoia that comes from always being the fat friend). The point is, there are some reasons that people may not want you to get too skinny (jealousy), but there are also just some people whose eyes are clouded by love and honestly can't see that a friend is overweight and therefore doesn't think anything needs to be done.

Just my two cents.

net knee
06-11-2009, 01:43 AM
I like the little white lie idea! Tell them your doc set the "goal" weight... and if they still complain tell them it's just a "goal" and we'll see where ya get to!

06-11-2009, 04:59 AM
With people these days so worried that everyone is going to flip out and get anorexia or some other eating disorder, the ones that actually need to lose weight also get bothered by it. I know the feeling.

I used to weigh 210 and am 5'10, so was obviously overweight, and yet people told me that I didn't need to diet when I first started. Still even now, when I mention my goal weight being 138, people look at me strangely and say that's way too little. And most of these comments come from people who are several inches taller than me and weigh less than 138 lbs.

Basically, my advice is to just ignore it.

06-11-2009, 05:10 AM
I have found it best to just bat my eyelids and smile and then continue doing whatever I want ha! I also dont speak in terms of weight with my 'real life' friends . . . if you think about it - how often does anyone ask a person who has never had a weight problem THEIR weight? Hardly ever . . .

The thing is . . . at the end of the day everyone will have an opinion about what you look like but the only opinion that matters is yours. YOU need to feel comfortable and happy in your skin. (the only time I would suggest substituting someone else's judgment for your own would be if you were say a size 4 and still saying you need to lose weight ;) )

Keep in mind that as a size 10 you would already look amazing (and from your avatar you dont look like you have been hit with the ugly stick at all!!! heee) so when your friends & fam say 'dont lose anymore weight' i have no doubt (most) of them really truly mean it . . . . we are all more than just our weight and those who love us see the whole package and often are kinder to us than we are to ourselves.

You are doing GREAT! 40lbs is quite an achievement. Continue being happy and healthy and getting to your feel good place.

06-11-2009, 09:17 AM
When I told my WW leader that my goal is 150, she and another lady were like "that's way too small for your build!" The one lady who knows my family from church years ago said "isn't your family all big-boned?" I am 5'9", so 150 would be perfect for me, I may even go lower. It all depends on how I feel when I get to it. *too soon to tell right now!* My mom was super skinny before she had children. She is about 5'4" or so. When she was my age, she was so tiny. She didn't look "big-boned" until she was obese. My dad is very tall, over 6". He was in the military and always lean and fit...until lately. He is in his 50's and now has a belly. ;) I wouldn't even consider him overweight though. It really angers me when somebody tells me what frame I am. I am most definitely on the low side of medium frame. Not large at all.
I wish people would just keep their mouths shut...and yeah I don't discuss weight with anyone but DH, 3FC, and my little brother and his girlfriend (my friend who is losing weight with me).

06-11-2009, 10:50 AM
WHen people asked me about my goal weight Id tell them. They all say the same thing.

I simply stand up for myself by saying. This really isnt about a number for me. Its about me feeling healthy, and being happy. You DONT have to like it. But Im doing it to make me happy.
Cause in the end that's what it comes down to be it health reasons or you want more energy or heck wanna fit cuter clothes..... its all about YOU!!! Dont forget that. Peoples opinions simply dont matter. well some peoples do but thats up to your discretion!

06-11-2009, 11:40 AM
Sometimes if it's someone who's also dieting, it can be them imposing their goal weight on you. I found myself guilty of this recently with a friend who lost 40lbs, and I think looks GORGEOUS so I couldn't hide the look of shock on my face when she said she was still trying to lose another 10 and the involuntary "wow, really? you don't need to lose another ounce!" We had never shared our weights before, but we talked about it then, and I realized that she weighed about 20lbs more than I would have guessed based on her weightloss and just looking at her--it's so hard to judge weight looking at a person (she weighs what I do but looks 30lbs lighter and fits 2 sizes smaller and we're only an inch apart), and her goal to lose 10 more lbs isn't unrealistic or unhealthy, and if that's where she wants to be, good for her as long as it helps her enjoy life rather than hinders her. But because my goal is to look like she does now, I thought it was silly that she thought she needed to lose more--my bad.