20-Somethings - Help! My bf is my biggest overeating trigger
06-01-2009, 11:59 PM
Now, when I say that my bf is my biggest overeating trigger, I don't mean because he upsets me so I have to eat, or anything like that. I mean that whenever we're together I end up overeating. I think there are several reasons.
1) I am currently attending college 2 hours away from where we both live, therefore I only see him on the weekends. I usually do well throughout the week because I stick to my schedule, but on the weekends I never know where I'll be, not even where I'm staying exactly. So the being off schedule thing, staying at his house, throws me off.
2) He has terrible eating habits (yet he's still a stick). I'm talking eating an entire frozen pizza and being hungry within 2 hours... then eating a whole box of pasta, plus a gardenburger, some morning star 'chikn' nuggets and a cinnamon raisin bagel. He doesn't have many healthy options for me to choose from around his place and I don't really like to be a picky guest.
3) I'm an emotional eater, which doesn't just mean I eat when sad or upset, but that I eat when I'm really happy too. Like a celebration of sorts. So when I'm around my bf I'm really happy and excited and I want to eat to make it even better.
4) He makes me feel too good about myself (is there such a thing?). I guess what goes through my head is that 'well he likes me just the way I am, so I don't have to lose weight' which is terrible because I'm losing weight for me not him. I tend to lose sight of that sometimes though.
I don't know what to do. When I have the willpower and discipline I am able to hold back but its hard. I've tried just walking away or leaving the room when he's snacking cause otherwise I'll want some. Its hard sitting right next to him while he chows down a bunch of chips and salsa without having some. I'm worried too because school is out in 2 weeks, which means I'm going to be spending a lot more time with him. Which is good... except for I'm worried about my eating.
06-02-2009, 12:58 AM
I used to be the exact same way with my husband. He's only known me at the size I'm at now, and he's always loved me, he doesn't even see my size. He too is very thin, and can eat whatever he wants. The food you said your bf eats is exactly what my husband can eat. A whole pizza, followed by pasta two hours later, maybe a few burgers, whatever crosses his mind. I had tried losing weight a few times, but always failed. I would cook a healthy meal, and he would eat it, but then an hour later he'd pop a frozen pizza in the oven. Seriously, I'm not going to NOT eat pizza when it's right there.
When we broke up two years ago, and he moved out, I lost 65 pounds in four months. When he moved back in, I gained it all back. He wasn't forcing food on me, I just went back to the way I had been eating before.
This time, I laid it out for him. No more frozen pizza, none of the junk. We both had to learn entirely new ways of eating. I had to learn how to cook, something I had been avoiding for years. (Still learning all the time on that.)
Is your bf aware of your weight loss efforts? Does he support you? Granted, it will be harder for you than it was for me, as I do the grocery shopping for my house, and simply don't purchase the pizzas and pasta anymore. But if he supports you, I would think he'd be willing to purchase healthy food for the weekend. If you don't want to bother him with that, what about bringing it with you? Make it part of your visit, that you cook for him. Guys like that. :)
06-02-2009, 11:42 AM
I'm the same way with my bf. He's super active, bikes to and from work and has a physical job. So basically he can eat whatever he wants. Unfortunately, our social lives revolve around going out to eat and drink so we probably eat out a minimun for 2 night a week and just go out for drinks at least one night a week. On top of it we're both fabulous cooks so when we do stay home we eat.
He's encouraged me to become more active but it's the eating out that kills me. It also doesn't help that I travel a lot for work and can end up eating out 5 nights a week.
06-02-2009, 02:00 PM
I'm the same way with my boyfriend. He's tall and slender and while he has a good diet of fruits and vegetables (I swear he eats better than I do some days!), he does have a huge appetite. Your point #4 definitely rings true with me as well - he makes me feel great about myself just the way I am now and sometimes I think that's reason enough not to be so strict with what I'm eating. My boyfriend is very encouraging and has taken up running again after I was talking about the exercise (30DS) that I've been doing because he's decided he wants to be in good shape as well. You should try to talk with your boyfriend and see if you can't have a small area of his cupboard to keep healthy snack foods and etc in so that when you're there, you can snack like he is, but on different things. Could you try to prepare meals together? We cook a lot together and for each other because it's cheaper than going out and I find it's a lot of fun.
I think communicating some of these issues to your boyfriend will probably help you out a lot - I'm sure he'll be there to support you completely and maybe doesn't realize he's helping you overeat with his own habits.
06-02-2009, 05:05 PM
I had the same issues with my husband before we lived together. We were living about an hour apart for the first almost 2 years we were together, and he loves food as much as I do plus he's a GREAT cook even if he did eat a lot of crap food. Another issue we had after he moved in was that I have a tendency to eat match him, even if I felt full, if he got seconds, I wanted more food too. One thing we've done is start keeping the 2 serving meal in a bag pastas from Bertolli's or Stouffer's in the freezer. No leftovers to be eaten! It's helped him, too, as he's trying to learn portion control as he approaches 30.
One thing I'd suggest for you to do, though, is instead of being a picky guest, run by the grocery on your way to his house and pick up a few things that you like that aren't so bad for you as pasta on top of pizza with a bagel on the side. Know that you can eat with him if you're hungry without having to eat all of the high calorie, high fat foods that he's eating.
When I met my husband 3 years ago, I'd just lost 30 pounds and was SOO close to being under 200, but because of how he ate and how I ate around him and how that trickled over into my life at home without him, I put on about 80 pounds. I can point the finger at him for helping me this way, even if it's all my fault, but I make him help me work it off. I can just try to make better choices for both of us at home and follow my own path as best as possible. Luckily, he's very supportive and encouraging and even willing to try hitting the gym with me.
06-02-2009, 05:55 PM
I always found going over to my bf's house a bit unnerving also because my schedule would be completely thrown off. He usually doesn't have much food in the house and orders in or eats out, and can go for half a day without eating anything! So it's a bit stressfull when I start getting hungry and the only option is take out or go home. Lol and when I get hungry I get sooooo grumpy! So I started bringing over cans of soup, and bags of precut and washed veggies and hummus to dip. That seems to work for now.