I had a moment like that today. My cousins own a BMW and I decided to go with them for a ride. I sat in the back with one of my cousins. My other cousin was driving with their mom in the passenger seat. It was snug getting in the back to begin with but I didn't think too much of it.
As we were getting out of the car I just realized that there was no way for me to get out. The space between the front seat and the door was so small... I could squeeze through but with one leg outside the car and the other inside, the leg inside couldn't support my weight and push my massive body through. One of my cousins had to take my hand and pull me out.
It's really weird. I've been insulted about my weight so many times, both by strangers and people close to me and yet it has never bothered me. But this upset me so much. I tried hard not to cry and made light of the situation by cracking a joke about my weight.
This one little thing made me realize that my life isn't normal. I am not living life normally. I am not enjoying life. I used to be okay with my life. Merely satisfied. And this one incident made me realize, satisfied is not enough. And the only thing holding me back is my weight and my inability to take my weight loss seriously.
I don't even think... I know this is that moment. Where I know enough is enough. I want a shot at a normal life. Enjoying things the way someone at normal weight would enjoy. I will do this.
Sorry for the long monologue... I wondered if anyone else felt this way. Has anyone ever been on-again off-again with their weight loss but have had a sort of epiphany... where they thought enough is enough?
06-01-2009, 12:24 AM
I think you'll find lots of those around here. For me it was developing Plantar Fasciitis which is caused by overuse of the tendons in the feet. It makes walking in the morning very painful and if I do too much walking- I pay. Having lost some mobility (albeit temporarily) was a big wake up call. All those health problems that I thought were a 'someday' thing and far off in the future had come knocking.
Add to that the fact that my daughter was getting to be overweight (about 10 lbs. which is a lot for a kid) and I KNEW it was my fault. I couldn't have her spend her youth fat if we could avoid it. I knew I had to change for my health and hers.
Change has been slow and steady for me. There are ups and downs but I'm willing to ride them through. I've found what works for me based on my personality and shortcomings. I no longer think I have to 'power through' or change who I am in order to lose the weight. Instead, I am learning to accept my personality quirks (I'm impulsive) that can derail me and instead find away to work around them rather than thinking I have to change them.
I've never stayed committed (note I said committed, not motivated) for this long of a time before (9 months) so I know this is the time when it's all clicked for me. Slow and steady will win the race even though I just want to hit that finish line as fast as possible. There is no finish line so I may as well take my time and enjoy the ride.
Alana in Canada
06-01-2009, 01:26 AM
Good for you, Ambershimmer! :hug: We can all reach "tipping points" or turning points and not recognise them for what they are. Sometimes we may choose to feel sorry for ourselves stuck half in and half out of a sportscar. Sometimes we haven't quite the courage yet to realise we really can change things and turn them around. So, congrats!
I am 45. In the last ten years I have been getting increasingly overweight and increasingly less mobile. Funnily enough the downward spiral started with plantar's fascititis (However you spell it!) so kudos to you bindersbee.
I haven't had any one big moment when I thought "This was it" but a lots of little ones where I decided to make specific changes.
I was in the chiropractor's office two months ago and I nearly wept. I was in such pain. My back was so stiff in the mornings I could barely get out of bed. I asked the chiropractor for some excercises and he advised me simply to start stretching.
One month ago I could at least move into the various positions and my ever sensitive chiropractor cracked, "It'd be easier to move if you weren't 90 years old." or something stupid like that.
So, I bought a book on how tomanage back pain by Hamilton Hall and he said, basically: you can live with the pain and let it win and circumscribe your life to "manage it." You can let the pain be in control and tell you how to live your life always careful of it, always trying to avoid it.
Or, you can accept the fact that there will always be some pain and you will control it. You will determine what you are going to do in your life and learn how to manage it.
That was one of the bigger "aha" moments for me. So, I immediately started to figure out how I could control the pain--instead of it controlling me.
And now I'm here.
Sorry--that got awfully long!
06-01-2009, 01:46 AM
This time, please God the last time, I just woke up one morning and did it. Today is day #126 on plan - if I knew what It was that started me, I'd bottle it and sell it!
Congratulations to everyone who's had a lightbulb moment - and acted on it!
06-01-2009, 01:47 AM
awwwah, sending a hug your way! I definitely can relate to the back car seat experience; I used to absolutely dread 2 seat cars! so much so I would avoid going some places if I know I had to sit in the back seat of 2 door car because I was embarrassed trying to get out (and in!).
I'm not sure if I had that "moment" yet; but I'm definitely tired of not living my life and not feeling good about myself.
06-01-2009, 02:12 AM
All those health problems that I thought were a 'someday' thing and far off in the future had come knocking.
This was my wake up call! That and I feel at times like there is a great big clock hanging over my head ticking away every second I've wasted being fat, worrying about being fat, worrying about what I look like, worrying about what I was going to wear, worrying that I was going to be worrying about being fat forever. I don't want to worry about it anymore. The fat is not worth the thoughts and tears I've spent on it.
06-01-2009, 08:01 AM
I'm 34 and was having heart palpitations while I was laying down! That did it for me! I refuse to die at this young age because I was too damn lazy to do something about my weight.
06-01-2009, 10:10 AM
At my heaviest, I went on a trip to one of the larger cities near where I live. I took the First Class train. They serve meals, and they have those tables that fold up and out from the arm of the seat. Well, I couldn't get the table DOWN into place because it kept hitting my stomach! My waist was so large that the table actually sat on top of my belly instead of sitting locked in place from the arm of the seat. They served the meal, and clipped the tray into the table, but it was at a horrible angle and jumped up and down as I breathed. They poured me a glass of wine and with my next inhale, the glass slid OFF the tray and dropped on the floor. The steward then came over, mopped it up, and suggested that I move to the handicapped seat, where there was a fixed table and enough room for me to "eat comfortably" because if a wheelchair could fit there, well, so could I. :o
GOD, I never want to go back there again...
06-01-2009, 10:46 AM
My wake-up call was the day my mom was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. I flew out to California to help my sister take care of her through the intial rounds of chemo/radiation and a few hospital stays. We don't have a family history of breast cancer, so Mom getting it was just "one of those things." However, I researched and found that being obese increases a woman's risk of getting breast cancer fourfould. Mom has been overweight most of her adult life. I have been overweight most of my adult life. *click*
At that moment, I knew that I did not EVER want to subject my daughter to taking care of me because of something that I could (maybe) have prevented if I'd paid attention to my weight. So here I am - six months later and 31 lbs. lighter. :)
06-01-2009, 10:49 AM
I am sure this has happened to many, but for me it was seeing a picture of myself, not good at all!
06-01-2009, 11:08 AM
Mine was a combo, one I just woke up and was done, that was 19 days ago. Also, a few days before that my daughter was arranging her stuffed puppy "family" in her room and arranged them biggest to smallest. The biggest one was the mommy and the middle one was the daddy, ouch.
06-01-2009, 11:14 AM
I was at Universal Studios on the Dueling Dragons Rollercoaster and they couldnt get the arm cage to come down to lock over my huge stomach. I had to get out and wow, with all those people watching along with my DH and DD, I just wanted to find a hole and die of emberrishment. There are othere OMG moments, but that tops the list.
A phat chick
06-01-2009, 01:58 PM
Actually, my lightbulb moment was about 3 weeks after I quit smoking. I have been smoke free for 36 days now and I came to a couple of realizations along with that.
1) If I have worked this hard to quit smoking, I need to work hard at quitting being overweight. I want to be healthy and quit smoking, I better go the whole way!
2) I have 3 young children whom I refuse to teach my bad habits to. Smoking, eating the wrong foods and not exercising will show my children that's okay, and it's NOT okay for them, so it's NOT okay for me!
3) I have to stop whining about the foods I can't have and enjoy the ones I can have. I need to eat to live, not live to eat! :)
I'm 2 weeks into my last weight loss journey and I get it, finally!
06-01-2009, 01:58 PM
For me it was a combination of a picture at a company function. I had a picture taken with the CEO of the company (formal picture) and I ashamed to even have it out I was so ashamed of the way I looked. As well as avoiding things because I felt embarrassed or I knew I could not physicallly do it.
06-01-2009, 02:22 PM
Well for me, coming to it was a gradual process but starting was a click. I finally realized I'd been depressed for years, and wasn't anymore ~ I deserve to look as great on the outside as I feel on the inside. My BFF asking me to be her Maid of Honor for her November 2008 wedding was the click. And I've had so, so, SO many serendipitous positive things happen as a result of this. I just KNEW from DAY ONE MINUTE ONE that this was it...and that hasn't, and will not, change. I'm totally, 100%, forever, committed.
I had plenty PLENTY of horrible bad moments like the ones y'all have had, and none of them ever served to permanently motivate/change me. It took me being in a positive happy place to be able to do this and succeed. I had to come from a place of peace and joy, not fear and sadness. For me, fear motivates, but it doesn't morph into commitment. Joy morphed into commitment. Just my $.02.
06-01-2009, 02:33 PM
health reasons and a very blunt doctor is what put me on track to change my life forever!
06-01-2009, 02:49 PM
Mine was about 3 years ago, my dad was scheduled for a triple bypass and I one day woke up with chest pains and after many tests it was determined that it was a pulled muscle from hauling my middle son around on my bag in a carrier on a hiking trip. I finally was doing it and losing weight and exercising regularily then I got pregnant again.
During that pregnancy I developed a heart murmur, my gestational diabetes was still borderline but it was a pretty terrilbe pregnancy because of the weight and I went up to over 300lbs. After he was born, I tried and tried to get back to it, the summer went okay and I was back down in the 270's but by the end of a stressful summer I was going up again.
Sometime in November my mom issued a challenge to my brother and I to lose 50lb each by Christmas and she'd pay up $1000. I knew there was no way to lose that much in such a short amount of time but I thought ya know what, i have to try this, I need a jumpstart and that's what it did.
I did manage to lose 10lbs and she gave me the money away. Since the 19th of December I've been up and down, not really having a plan, exercising when I could but making excuses about everything from stress to being to busy with my sons and just waiting for the next jumpstart, it was my thing, I just need jumpstarts. Now I figure I didn't need a jumpstart I just need to go and do it.
About 3 weeks ago I picked up Jillian Michaels' new book about Mastering you Metabolism and the thing that stuck me was her list of side effects from too much insulin, I had everything on her list except the diabetes. I see my doctor and a nursing who's running a weight loss clinic at our Nursing Station and I know what my health is at but to see this list really clicked for me, I had to start doing something, make a plan and just do it. So I did. I started calorie counting and now I'm facing it everyday and making better choices. I'm happy.
I also wanted to say welcome and you know you can do this. It's hard work but it's doable. Good luck! We are here for you.
06-01-2009, 02:49 PM
For me it was my mother complaining that if I didn't eat a whole pan of lasagna she was 'going to have to throw it away'. I looked at my morbidly obese mother and realized that I've been overweight my entire life. She's been overweight my entire life and as long as we continue this way I know exactly what the future will be in store for me. It was hard because there was a lot of pressure on me not to change but I started making healthy choices and after I had lost 20 lbs my mother saw the light too. As of my last BMI calculation I'm no longer considered morbid and while she still is she's lost 15lb so far and is on the right track. I feel proud that I'm helping her with this. She'ld lost weight several times before I was born but always with prescription drugs and weird grapefruit based diet plans. Now she's stopped talking about bypass surgery and is now talking about gym memberships.
06-01-2009, 03:29 PM
I don't know if I've had the moment yet, but there have been a few mini-moments.
One was a picture. I have avoided getting my picture taken for YEARS. Last year, I was the "mystery reader" for my oldest son's class and the teacher took a picture of the two of us.:( I couldn't fuss my way out of it in front of his class so....*SNAP* she took the picture. When the class thank you note came with the picture in it, I wanted to die. I hid the picture right away.
Two was as my fourth pregnancy advanced, I was REALLY careful about not gaining a lot of weight. It wasn't because I was scared for my health, it was because I was scared of the scale! I kept watching the numbers creep closer and closer to 300 and it terrified me! For some reason being over 200 pounds was okay, but 300?! That for some reason was unacceptable. :dizzy: I had to take the 3 hour glucose tolerance test 3 times too. I hate that test. I almost passed out once. After he was born, I weighed LESS then when I got pregnant. I got down to 245, I felt so smug, until I promptly shot back up to 270.
Third, I have 3 stress fractures in my right foot. My foot is always swollen from just above my ankle down. I can not wear woman's shoes, the nerve is messed up and the foot is painful ALL the time. Walking, running...all hurt. I have 4 little boys! I've had these fractures for 10 years! I want to get the weight off my foot so I can avoid surgery (if possible...pins and rods don't appeal to me) and if not, at least be a normal weight so the surgery can be as successful as possible.
The fourth thing, I am embarrassed of the way I look. I am a shell of the person I used to be. I don't go out much and not at all socially. Clothes torment me...especially buying NEW clothes. I know it sounds awful to say, but I was the "hottie" of the group. I was not a stick figure, but athletic, with a nice booty. :cool: My husband's friends were jealous, my husband's brothers were jealous...I secretly LOVED it. Now I think they feel sorry for him. :( My attitude TOTALLY changed when I felt bad about the way I looked. I didn't flirt with my husband anymore, I got jealous, I didn't want to have sex anymore (sorry for the TMI) and when we did do it, I wanted it quick, with the lights off. The whole time I pictured what my fat rolls must have looked like. Not a good way to live.
FINALLY....we don't have ONE family picture. Not one. Not one single picture of me and my boys either. NONE. All because I am humiliated with how I look. That is unacceptable.
06-01-2009, 03:50 PM
I have been overweight my entire life (with the exception of college when I unhealthily lost weight) and had several very bad moments along the way.
However, what made me realize I could really do it this time came from the most positive event in my life. I had a natural, drug-free birth with my daughter. I remember clearly looking at her afterwards and two things struck me. First, I don't want her (or my son for that matter) to live their lives overweight. Secondly (and the kicker for me that has made this a real commitment), I realized if I could go through all the pain of childbirth, that I could do anything.
The pain of weight loss is not the physical pain I felt during her birth, but the emotional and cognitive pain are equal. I have a lot of deep seeded "junk" in my head. But, I know that I can overcome anything.