20-Somethings - When I mess up on my diet I feel like a failure

05-31-2009, 11:51 PM
I have really messed up now. I have this brides maids dress I have to fit into for my best friends wedding. But I just can't stick to a stupid diet. I feel like a failure. Why do I keep messing this up? I really want and need to lose this weight. I need so much help. I can't do this by my self.

05-31-2009, 11:56 PM
First off, I don't think you should call it a DIET. That just kills it because you'll feel like it's something you have to 'get off of". Make this a lifestyle change, not just to fit into that dress but to be healthy and feel good about yourself for the rest of your life.
-Just try to get into the mindset! set yourself a goal and stick it on the wall, write it on your hand. REMIND yourself why you're doing this and remember...we all mess up, it's what makes us human but we can also fix our mistakes too. Just know that you have it in you to do it. Get determined, push yourself and don't make failure an option. You can do this!!! :D just remember that you're not the only one.

Good luck!!!

06-01-2009, 12:03 AM
I"m not sure how much weight you are wanting to lose but try to shoot for small goals. For instance, if you want to lose 50 pounds, don't concentrate on losing all 50 pounds. Instead, focus on losing the first 10 pounds. After you reach that goal, try for 20, etc.

06-01-2009, 12:56 AM
Thank you so much for the advise. I know I can do it if I just put my mind to it. I will let you guys know how it goes.

06-01-2009, 01:35 AM
Getting into a bridesmaids dress just isn't enough to motivate you. You need to search deep for that emotional thing that has the power to move you. It can be immature or stupid or embarrassing. It just has to be something that has emotional pull over you to make it work.

Alternately, you don't have to wait for motivation to hit. The thing is, you don't have to have motivation to lose weight. You only have to do the work. Motivation comes and goes. Know that. Accept it and find a way to work around it.

I wasn't motivated at all when I started this last time. I decided instead of expecting myself to take on some huge commitment of exercise 6x per week and eating perfectly (which will always fail- any change that requires perfection will never work out long term), I would learn to do the minimum. My goal was to figure out what was the LEAST I could do and still lose an average of 1/2 pound per week.

When I started focusing on minimums instead of maximums, things improved. There is a saying from Dr. Abraham Low that says "Lower your expectations and your performance will rise". I used to think "Well duh! If you expect less of yourself then of course your performance will rise because you lowered your standard". That's not quite it. We (humans) are never motivated to achieve when we feel we are failures. If avoidance of failure is the motivator, it's a negative kind of motivation that leaves us flat. When we are gentle with ourselves and set reasonable expectations, we get to feel like a success because we are constantly meeting them. Success breds success.

I've found that when I manage to make that 35 minutes on the clock for a cardio work out and DECIDE I can do another 10 minutes, I feel empowered and successful. If I set a goal of 60 minutes and stopped before that time OR struggled and struggled to get there I would feel like I put out a ton of effort and was just barely good enough. See the difference?

Look at the small changes you can make and decide to accept a less than perfect effort. You'll most likely surprise yourself and improve your self esteem in the process.

Iconised Ghost
06-01-2009, 04:20 AM
maybe you need to look at what it is that doesnt work for you. for example, maybe you are cutting out everything unhealthy that you enjoy, which is admirable but most people find that hard. Instead, maybe cut out one thing at a time and work on having less of the other things. If its your cravings that are getting to you, that may help. Or maybe you are on a diet that just doesnt work for you- i could never cope with a low carb diet for example! So my plan has taken this into account- you have to find what works for you :)