20-Somethings - rant




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CurvaceousCutie
05-29-2009, 04:32 PM
so on June 8th i thought i would stop talking n seeing my friends for a month to lose some weight because i recently got on to the scale and gained 10lbs!!! i know its not there fault, its all mine. I've always seem to make bad judgments when there around and don't want to exercise at all. plus i need to clear my head and fig out who's true in my life and who's not. because of my last posting on here where my guy friends were making fun and and no1 was sticking up 4 me. i also was recently talking to one of the guys who use to make fun of me and told him to stop cuz it did hurt my feelings and he has. :) he was telling me that the friend that night that was making fun of my weight likes me a lot, and i kinda knew sort of. but he thinks my friend wouldn't go out with me cuz of the way i look that he would be ashamed to date me n that's y hes hes saying mean things so i can lose weight. im not losing weight 4 him im doing it for me. but i think going mia 4 awhile will be a good thing right? n i just needed to rant. lol


stellarosa27
05-29-2009, 04:59 PM
he was telling me that the friend that night that was making fun of my weight likes me a lot, and i kinda knew sort of. but he thinks my friend wouldn't go out with me cuz of the way i look that he would be ashamed to date me n that's y hes hes saying mean things so i can lose weight.

No! If he likes you, truly likes you, he will like you the way you are and NOT say mean things to get you to lose weight. That is NOT how it should work - and if this is how this person is operating he is NOT worth your time. If he cares about you and wants you to be healthier and encourages you in your weight loss, that's a completely different story - but he is not acting like he cares about you by making fun of you or saying cruel things.

Someone once said this to me - oh, he'd date you if you were thinner - and after I cried for about three days I woke up and was like EFF THAT. If someone likes me, they like ME - not the number on the scale.

beerab
05-29-2009, 06:11 PM
I agree 100% with stella- so cuz you are overweight you aren't good enough? People like that end up single and alone their whole lives...

NONE of my friends has EVER EVER made fun of me for being overweight- NOT one- I think it's time for you to find some new friends so you can see what real friends are like. You don't tease and say mean things to someone so they'll lose weight- they are just making excuses to be jerks.

Personally it'd give me more motivation to lose weight and if that dude asked me out I'd be like "I don't date ugly guys, get plastic surgery." :p


MugCanDoIt
05-29-2009, 06:20 PM
This is just my opinion, but maybe you are right, you should stay mia for a while, to see just who is a true friend. You dont need that nonsence! Being overweight is hard enough without a-holes making you feel bad...

shrinkingleah
05-29-2009, 06:33 PM
WTF? He likes you so he's a a totally jerk to you? How old is he, 6? I agree with Beerab If he asks you out tell him he's too ugly and to get plastic surgery.

Seriously, Stay away from that group of a-holes. They are not your friends, No matter what they say or what you tell yourself.

You've done really well with your weight loss, they should be happy for you and encourage you, not put you down.

Screw them, for serious.

janellody
05-29-2009, 08:53 PM
I agree with everyone else, this guy doesn't deserve you. You don't need people in your life who aren't supportive... they aren't even true friends if they are going to make fun of you. None of my friends have EVER made fun of me, because there is nothing to make fun of, we are friends not for how we look but for who we are.

I feel like you have just put up with it so long that it seems normal to you now.. it's not! You deserve better!

valpal23
05-30-2009, 12:09 AM
?!?@$$%#@!!

that is sooooo freaking messed up and makes me really angry. somebody who makes fun of you because they like you but would only date you if you lost weight?? what is he.. five?! you deserve WAY better then that crap! that's ridiculous!

littlelion
05-30-2009, 12:21 AM
well, the first thing that comes to mind reading your post is that don't be too quick to believe everything you hear "through the grapevine"...it's very possible that your so-called friend said this, but you'll never know exactly how he feels unless you speak honestly with him. aside from that, it sounds like a good idea to take a break from spending time with this particular group of people, because they are only bringing you down at the moment. hopefully, once they see that you are serious about your health and being treated with respect, they will change their attitudes towards you.

real friends don't make fun of each other or intentionally hurt each other...i would tell them before you go MIA, and briefly explain that since they continue to hurt your feelings, you are distancing yourself from the group for a short while. they might be offended and automatically assume that you now believe that you're "too good for them," but emphasize that you are trying to focus on your health and you simply want to put yourself in a positive environment that will enable you to do just that.

luvja
05-30-2009, 12:23 AM
If he doesn't like you the way you are NOW, he is not worth it. My favourite quote that I live by is, "If you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." I really do live by it.

On the friends subject. I am the exact same way. When I'm around certain friends I can't control my eating habits. I know it's MY fault, but they are just SO unhealthy (I'm talking Wendy's, Burger King, McDonalds) once or twice a day! It's hard to stay on plan when you are surrounded by people like that. I totally get you. That's why I to am distancing myself from them as of right now. I will still see them on weekends, but that's it.

starmac13
05-30-2009, 12:52 AM
If you need to stay away from friends to get your weight under control and find out who's real in your life, do it. Weight loss is a journey, but not a good one with people pulling you in the wrong direction. I have one friend who also likes to eat healthy and i know I can count on her when we go out. At parties she always has great stuff to eat that is not calorie drenched. My friends used to say stuff, but completely stopped when they saw that I was serious and sometimes even follow suit. I dont wake up with the awful headache because I substituted (insert fav drink here) for water and wings and fries for grilled chicken salads. Do want you need to do and those who are there to support you will be right behind you.

As for the boy who is too much of a coward to step up to the plate, lose him. fast. Guys can be superficial a**holes and dont realize there is a good thing in front of them until they are old, balding, and alone. The more you get comfortable with yourself, which always happens when losing weight, there comes this indescribable glow that attracts quality guys like honey to a freakin bee. Dont waste your valuable time. you have better things to do.

gretchen1986
05-30-2009, 01:02 AM
I agree that getting out of your normal social circle is a good thing when trying to make a big change in your life. Not only will it allow you to tailor your lifestyle and habits around you and your needs, but it wil also help you to decide which of them you want to remain friends with at all. And don't be afraid to make new friends :D

starfishkitty
05-30-2009, 09:55 PM
He may be a nice guy in general, but even if he is... and even if he likes you but the whole problem is he's afraid to date you because you're too heavy.... then PASS.

Seriously. I've been there, done that... and you know what? That's his choice, his pass up... his problem he's missing out on a great girl. There ARE some good guys out there that will give you a chance despite your weight (i.e. so called "flaws"... grr) and love you for who you are inside and see you for your potential. And a guy like that is priceless..... mine is. :) And now that I found him... I'm so much more motivated to better myself than I was before because he's so supportive. :)

Good luck chica....

huggamouse
05-31-2009, 01:53 AM
I agree with the other ladies above. That's a toxic situation, if they were real and good friends they would support you, not pressure you into it. I see on your ticker that you've already come a long way, and I don't think they have the right to tell you that you're fat and make fun of you like that. I mean, you've dropped 76 pounds! that's an amazing number and they have no right to treat you like that. Those aren't friends. That's not what friends do. I do suggest that you separate yourselffrom them for a while. And if that so called 'friend' asks you out, you should ask him why he asked you out, or why he waited so long, or why he put you down like that, because it really hurt you.

Then you need to find yourself someone who is your friend thick and thin. Just reading that made me angry. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. You're a strong and brave young woman. You deserve better than those jerks.

mizmizzy
05-31-2009, 10:30 AM
I agree with the other ladies above. That's a toxic situation, if they were real and good friends they would support you, not pressure you into it. I see on your ticker that you've already come a long way, and I don't think they have the right to tell you that you're fat and make fun of you like that. I mean, you've dropped 76 pounds! that's an amazing number and they have no right to treat you like that. Those aren't friends. That's not what friends do. I do suggest that you separate yourself from them for a while. And if that so called 'friend' asks you out, you should ask him why he asked you out, or why he waited so long, or why he put you down like that, because it really hurt you.

Then you need to find yourself someone who is your friend thick and thin. Just reading that made me angry. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. You're a strong and brave young woman. You deserve better than those jerks.

I completely agree with this and pretty much what everyone else has said. You deserve to surround yourself with true friends who are supportive and caring! I know its hard to find as I have just recently lost my best friend and the only friends I have left live out of state. I have my boyfriend but I don't discuss weight issues with him, and he thinks I'm perfect the way I am which is nice :) It helps me to positively lose weight, but its hard not having friends anymore and deciding to cut out certain social circles. I miss a lot of my old ones but I know they aren't around anymore with good reason. I live near cleveland, so I'm just another NE ohio girl who understands! :)

ValRock
05-31-2009, 10:57 AM
No no no no, this is not the kindergarten playground. Taking some time for yourself is a good plan but don't give this guy the time of day once you come back!

People who love and like you will support you, not berate you!

whiskeygirl862
05-31-2009, 11:20 AM
I'm with the others on this, taking time off from your friends might just be the thing that you need to re-jumpstart your motivation. I know that sometimes I need to do the same thing. I've heard that it takes 3 weeks to build a habit, so if you can get yourself into healthful habits it might be easier when you see the friends again.

I also think that you should ditch the dude. No guy worth having would say something like that about a woman that he truly has feelings for. I would even reconsider his friendship, I have never been made to feel uncomfortable due to my weight around my friends. Obviously they notice, but they see past it to the person inside :hug:

Tracy
05-31-2009, 07:58 PM
Someone who would make me feel bad,or insult me,is not someone I would want to be around. I would defiently rather be alone.And if he is doing that because he likes you,which I doubt. That was just an excuse for is bad behavior.Then he is too imature for a relationship anyway.If you continue to let people treat you like that,then they will,and it will probably get worse. Let them know you are better than that by not taking that abuse. And it is a form of abuse.
Good Luck,Tracy

CurvaceousCutie
06-02-2009, 02:27 PM
thank you guys 4 ur input, i really appreciate that. i did decide to go m.i.a for like a month. just to figure out who i really need and want apart of my life and hoping in the process the fact that i wont be around friends that i wont be eating bad or more than i should be. thank you again!!! i heart u guys.

yoursummerdream
06-02-2009, 09:46 PM
Curvaceous - first of all, CONGRATS on your amazing weight loss, you are an inspiration!

I don't know if I can add anything that hasn't been said, but I think your idea to have some "time off" from these friends of yours is a great idea. More importantly, to have the confidence to be able to say "I deserve better than this, I need to find out who my real friends are" is absolutely amazing. A lot of people will never do this, and as such, continue to surround themselves with toxic friends. Having the guts to weed out the negative people in your life is something you should be very proud of yourself for.

Everyone on this thread was right when they said real friends don't have to hurt your feelings to be "encouraging". For example, I was out for two dinners in a row at friends' places over the weekend and both friends went out of their way to accomodate what I could and couldn't eat (like gluten, etc). I was so grateful and their support and understanding meant so much to me. There are people out there who will do the same for you, and you absolutely deserve it.

As for the guy who apparently likes you - he needs to get over himself, if that is the truth. You sound like a really cool girl, you don't need to change for anyone - only yourself. There is a much nicer boy out there for you, one who likes you for who you are, not whether or not you'd be acceptable to be 'seen' with. This shows a complete lack of self-confidence in himself (for not having the courage to admit what he feels) and obviously his friends (who may judge him for not dating a thin girl). I'm sure you don't need that sort of negativity in your life right now!

In the meantime, stick to your plan, you are doing amazingly well!

MandiK
06-03-2009, 04:18 PM
He doesn't like you. Plain and simple. If he liked you he wouldn't be making fun of you.