100 lb. Club - Feeling sad (sorry, long).




View Full Version : Feeling sad (sorry, long).


Alana in Canada
05-29-2009, 02:09 AM
Hi!

Silly way to introduce myself here--but I hope it's all right. I've been lurking for several evenings now and you all seem like a bunch or warm and wonderful ladies!

I went shopping tonight --my kids (9 and 11) have their final piano recital on Saturday night.

I found a really cute dress, on sale, even, at Pennigtons. I'd need shoes for it (I haven't worn heels since two pregnancies and two shoe sizes ago!). Then, of course, I would like to get a proper fitting bra and, oh, I don't know what it's called--but it's like a lycra girdle for the tummy and legs. (I'd like that for any dress, really, as I hate having my upper thighs touch each other without fabric between them when I walk. Control top pantyhose MAY be an option but I wouldn't have a clue as to what size.)

However, I have a dress, in my closet, which I've never worn. It's beige and boring. I would need a T-shirt for it--and I found one--but it wasn't all that much cheaper than the dress. It would look OK--in an "Earth Mother" sort of way with the chunky "support" sandals I wear around the house.

I came home and cried. I told my husband I'd like to be "cute." And the dear man said, "Go ahead. You never spend any money on yourself." And it is true, I don't because I just can't. I hate spending money on myself when I'm fat. I don't feel like I deserve it.

This is my very first week of being committed to losing the weight I have. I haven't really got a pre-arranged eating plan worked out yet--I'm just doing my best to eat better (like avoiding the bacon and cheese sandwiches served by my husband for lunch today!) and I'm committed to working out and excercising.

So, why spend $$ to look nice for one night when I'm going to be losing the weight anyway (and I really don't need a "cute" dress. I need shorts. And maybe another pair of pants (I have two.) And tank tops. It's summer and I've literally nothing to wear.

But oh, did I want to eat. And eat and eat when we left the stores. So, I had a 1/2 cup of strawberries, a 1/2 cup of low-fat yogurt, a small bowl of low-fat taco chips and a diet coke. Whew. Maybe I didn't, but I feel like I dodged that bullet.

(I'm a horrible night-time eater anyway. Choosing better food is my goal this week.)

Anyway, sorry this is so long. If you've made it this far, thanks for listening.


CLCSC145
05-29-2009, 02:50 AM
Welcome!!!

Okay, your feelings are totally normal. Let's separate the issues and tackle them one by one. Much more manageable that way!

What to wear to the recital: Your kids are interested in having you at their recital. I'm 99.9% positive they don't care what you are wearing so long as you are beaming with pride for them and clapping until your hands are sore.

But it's a good thing that you want to look nice! It is a sign that you care about yourself and that means a lot when it's so easy to put ourselves down for our weight. That said, boy do I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to buy clothes for a body you don't want. What is going to make you feel best? A new dress with new supporting garments (and by the way, even the skinniest of actresses on the red carpet wear Spanx like you are describing that suck everything in. Makes me think of the line in Steel Magnolias where Truvy says, "Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them since I was 14." And Clairee answers, "You were brought up right." Words to live by no matter your size!) or saving that money for some new clothes after you've lost a little weight? Both are a-okay. Do what is going to make you feel the most confident. Whatever you do, don't avoid spending money because you don't think you are worth it. You are absolutely worth taking care of regardless of your size.

Next, I think it's awesome that you are committed to losing the weight! I think cutting out the high calorie, high fat stuff is a terrific place to start. A lot of people are very successful by creating their own eating plan based on things they know they enjoy. Calorie counting can also help a lot when you do this.

May I just say how awesome it is that you avoided emotional eating tonight?! Knowing that food isn't the appropriate answer to any feeling other than true hunger is one thing, being able to apply that reason in the heat of the moment is FANTASTIC! And exercising too - good for you! Start with walking. It will make such a difference.

There are so many hopeful signs in your post even though it's clear you are feeling frustrated by the weight now. You can do this! And you will feel so much better even with just a handful of pounds lost. Think about setting some small goals for yourself instead of focusing on the total number. 10% of your starting weight is a good one or break it into 10 pound increments.

Hang with us, you absolutely can be that cute person you picture in your mind!

Alana in Canada
05-29-2009, 04:01 AM
Oh, CLCSC145, thank you!

You are such a wonderful encourager! I am so grateful.

You know, I was thinking after I wrote this that I do need summer weight clothing of almost every kind. A nice pair of capri pants and a decent top would be a sensible compromise--and I can always wear it to something else--assuming there is something else. (But why wouldn't there be--even just to look nice grocery shopping! No, we don't get out much.)

So, I'll go back to Pennington's tomorrow (and another store nearby) and perhaps I can find something a bit more versatile--and still feel like I didn't frump out for the occasion.

And yeah--you can bet there'll be an after picture of me in a "cute" dress (or whatever!).

About the eating? I took my before shots today. Wow. What a motivator!


Jo Kittibuck
05-29-2009, 09:38 AM
*huggles* Hiya! Welcome to the most wonderful place in the world.

I'm so proud of you, making such an important commitment in your life. It's very good that you've already recognized it as a commitment, and not a diet. That and a little patience and paying attention will get you alot farther than you think.

I know what you mean about the clothing. I love fashion, but can't really wear anything. At the moment I'm wearing simple black pants and a beige sweater that's been washed so many times it's gone grey. But I think, you should treat yourself when you lose some weight, say 5 or 10 lbs, and go ahead and get that cute dress. It's important to feel good! Alot of people on here give themselves rewards for progress made, especially in the form of clothes or haircuts/stylings, makeovers, anything that makes you feel fabulous. I got highlights put in at 20 lbs lost. Or, alternatively, you could buy the dress a size small and use it as a motivator!

As for the eating, I had real trouble with that at first, too... I couldn't seem to stop being hungry. Eating every 3 hours helped, and planning my calories so that there was a little wiggle room at the end of the day, in case I blew it and reached for one last meal.

melwolfe
05-29-2009, 11:06 AM
Check out yard sales, thrift stores, etc. also, you can get more clothes for the money (If you're lucky) Also, you can always have a fave dress or pants cut down as you're losing weight to get more use out of it.

It sounds like you're headed in the right direction and making good choices so keep up the good work and remember you don't have to be perfect. If you do make a bad choice just chock up to a learning experience and make better choices at the next meal or whatever.

Nada
05-29-2009, 11:14 AM
If you have cnsignment shops in your area you may want to check those out. I have outfitted myself all the way down from consignment shops because I didn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes that won't fit this time next year. I have gotten so many great bargains and many of them still had original store tags on them! There is a woman who engages in retail therapy (cheaper than a psychiatrist I guess) and I stumbled on the consignment store she goes to when she cleans out her closet! Unfortunately I think I've lost more weight than she has.

Tummy Girl
05-29-2009, 11:30 AM
I would have to second everything the wise ladies said. My own two cents is that it is important to love yourself and dress yourself as well as you can regardless of size. If you dress like you're a grey shapeless person you're more likely to feel gross and unworthy and all that negative stuff. Take the time to make yourself look nice and just see how much better you feel regardless of size. You have to be worth it now or you won't be worth it when it gets hard somewhere else down the road.

Personally, I have a rockin closet full of size 18's (a lot of what is getting altered as I go dang it), when my clothes fit and I look nice, I feel better and more social and therefore more likely to get on that treadmill or go for that walk. Please don't wait to start finding the beautiful person you are on the inside and outside, it so pays off.

Hugs!

Thighs Be Gone
05-29-2009, 11:40 AM
You do deserve it! I started a year ago. One thing I decided when I made my life change was to START loving myself. I should have done it years ago. I started paying attention to my makeup, to my skin and smaller things too--things like rubbing on lotion after my bath and just doing things "a lady that loved herself" would do. I didn't feel like others really loved me so I made up my mind to love myself FOR ME instead.

There is some wonderful advice overhead. If you don't like the clothes in your wardrobe or they depress you then get them outta there! I would rather have three outfits I loved than 20 that depressed me when I looked at them. You might also want to experiment w/some accessories if you aren't already--scaves, colorful purses to give every outfit a "punch, or maybe some colorful jewelry. These types of purchases will be suitable even as your weight goes down. I think the idea of consignment shops is also a good one. Good for the environment and for the pocketbook! :)

annie175
05-29-2009, 11:42 AM
As far as eating, try staying away from empty calories like chips etc. If you eat your protein, veggies, fruit, little or no bread/starches, little or no sweets, in that order, you will probably not eat the bread and sweets, as the protein, veggies and fruit will fill you up and keep you satisfied.

This is how my bariatric doctor has her patients eat and said it would work fantastic on anyone with or without surgery. Give it a try.

TJFitnessDiva
05-29-2009, 11:49 AM
:hug:

I'm glad you decided to come out and join us! I agree with everything C.C. & others have already said to you. :) Listen to these ladies...they are awesome!

Alana in Canada
05-29-2009, 01:44 PM
What a wonderful bunch of ladies you truly are!

I haven't quite decided what to do about the clothes just yet.

Funny story, though. In my twenties I gained a lot of weight--I was at about 180lbs. I went out and bought a lovely "mini-wardrobe" for grad school--and about a month after I decided to lose the weight. I got to a wonderfully lean 137lbs with diet and exercise and in nine months (I realise that in my forties, now, I may not have quite the same rate of success!). I maintained that for about seven years--and then I got married, had babies, and so on. But I remember: how I felt in those clothes (partly) got me going.

So, yes, I understand, in my head, that I need to love myself and treat myself well regardless of where I am in the weight loss journey. Doing it to punish myself or because I hate myself isn't going to work. And there's a great deal of "self-care" I need to get back into--habits I've let go. It's terrific, though, isn't it that once you reverse a downward spiral--you create an upward one?

(Oh dear--The husband's home on holidays this week--and he's making me breakfast with a TON of cheese in the veggie omelet I requested for breakfast. Ack.)

L R K
05-29-2009, 01:52 PM
Welcome!

I've only been with the site for a few days and already I feel inspiration and a lot of support to help me reach my goal weight - you will too!

:wel3fc:

rochemist
05-29-2009, 02:38 PM
I would have to second everything the wise ladies said. My own two cents is that it is important to love yourself and dress yourself as well as you can regardless of size. If you dress like you're a grey shapeless person you're more likely to feel gross and unworthy and all that negative stuff. Take the time to make yourself look nice and just see how much better you feel regardless of size. You have to be worth it now or you won't be worth it when it gets hard somewhere else down the road.

Personally, I have a rockin closet full of size 18's (a lot of what is getting altered as I go dang it), when my clothes fit and I look nice, I feel better and more social and therefore more likely to get on that treadmill or go for that walk. Please don't wait to start finding the beautiful person you are on the inside and outside, it so pays off.

Hugs!

Amen.

You are always worth looking your best, fat does not = ugly, unattractive, or undeserving. Fat is an unhealthy condition that can be changed. Feel free to check my profile pic and I will tell you I always know I am worth new shoes, new dresses, and new pieces to flatter my body and keep my looking my best as I move through every stage of weight loss. Besides you have a husband you need to be looking sexy for anyway! How you look is how you feel.

JulieJ08
05-29-2009, 02:44 PM
Funny story, though. In my twenties I gained a lot of weight--I was at about 180lbs. I went out and bought a lovely "mini-wardrobe" for grad school--and about a month after I decided to lose the weight. I got to a wonderfully lean 137lbs with diet and exercise and in nine months (I realise that in my forties, now, I may not have quite the same rate of success!). I maintained that for about seven years--and then I got married, had babies, and so on. But I remember: how I felt in those clothes (partly) got me going.

I did the same thing. I was tired of ugly or too tight clothes and tired of telling myself I should lose weight but not doing it. So I went I got nice things. Then a couple of months later I "for some reason" finally changed my life. I do think treating myself better (with the clothes) contributed to treating myself better in other ways. I actually never even wore some of those clothes I bought.

CLCSC145
05-29-2009, 04:58 PM
Oh, CLCSC145, thank you!



You are MOST welcome! I'm glad you're feeling energized about this!

cfmama
05-29-2009, 05:46 PM
Welcome welcome! You'll love it here.

For the first 40-50 lbs I lost on my journey I bought very few clothes. Just enough to get my by. Mostly I just let everything hand and look very sloppy. Why buy new things when I'm just going to shrink out of them right? Or I couldn't help thinking that things would not last and I'd GROW out of them!

But finally I kicked myself in the butt, bought some clothes to get me by and now I'm addicted. I'm out buying clothes ALL the time because I DESERVE to look nice. And SO DO YOU!!!!

So go buy that new dress, and some new shoes, and clap your hands off for your littles!!! You deserve it. You are taking steps to a new and better you and you should be very very proud of that.

And GREAT food choices.

Alana in Canada
05-29-2009, 11:44 PM
Hello Ladies!
Went shopping today.

:carrot:

I had so much fun.

I got a pair of pedal pushers or capris or whatever you call them, a lovely top, hoop earrings, (for unpierced ears), and the s*xiest pair of shoes you could ever imagine!

I'll have my daughter take a picture tomorrow night when we get all gussied up.

I am feeling fantastic.

thank you all. This really could get addicting, though, couldn't it?

Smiling_Sara
05-30-2009, 12:00 AM
welcome alana! You are worth looking your best. Remember that. And good job on being committed.

kiramira
05-30-2009, 12:01 AM
BIGGEST problem after weight loss -- the clothing options available! I went to Holt Renfrew during my travels and it was actually a GREAT thing that they didn't have my size (they only carried between size 2 and 8). Sure dodged a bullet there!
I'll bet you look amazing! Looking forward to the pictures! And I'll bet your kids are so proud of you...

:hug:

Kira

Alana in Canada
05-30-2009, 02:02 AM
And I'll bet your kids are so proud of you... Oh, I don't know. My son is 11--and kind of oblivious. (Which is just fine.) and my daughter, well, can I tell you another story?

Today while I was trying on the new clothes, I said to her something like, "oh, I wish these sleeves were longer to cover up my thick arms. And oh, look, the top hits me right here--my widest point. I wish it fell about an inch lower."

And the eight year old know-it-all says to me, "Mommy, who cares what other people think?"

So I turned to her and said, "This is important. I don't care what other people think. This is not about that. I'm not dressing for them. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks. But there is a way to dress that shows you at your best. Dressing is almost scientific. There are rules to follow and if you do then you will look your very best. That's all I'm trying to do. I want to look my best."

I'm not entirely sure I was as coherent as all that--but the distinction between dressing well so I'll present my best and dressing well so that others will think well of me is crystal clear to me today--finally.

Obviously, I grew up with messages that you should look good so you 1) wouldn't shame your elders by being a slob and 2) so other people will think well of you and the family (and the family member telling me all this of course!). Man--even at 45 I have been acting, in part, like a rebellious teenager. --the only way I could assert my "choice" was to NOT look good. And so it gets all messed up--and looking good takes effort, too, doesn't it? I admit I'd rather read about Angelina Jolie's eyebrows than pluck my own.

Well, kinda.

kiramira
05-30-2009, 05:15 PM
Hi there! Well, you sure must be doing SOMETHING right because your little girl has enough independance and spunk in her to realize that she has to follow her own path, and who cares what others think!!!
This is great, because she will most likely make up her own mind about things rather than following peers blindly...what a great thing you have done for her!

We do get all sorts of messages from family -- my SIL won't go out of the house without full makeup, and for her, being "fully turned out" equates to being a "high class" person, which drives me nuts. I like to look nice, but I could care less if I have makeup on, or my best clothes. So in her mind, I am "low class". Which makes me laugh!!! Just like you, I AM the rebellious one in the family!

And as for the rules of dressing, well, we get that from shows like "What Not to Wear", and they are appropriate...

Awesome!

Kira

losingitbaby
06-08-2009, 08:53 PM
i feel ya when you say "why should i spend money on clothes when i want to lose the weight"!! this is how i ended up with an empty closet haha.

just remember an important part of weight loss is gaining back that confidence in yourself that you can succeed and achieve goals, as well as gain back the confidence in yourself and your appearance->and a new outfit will def help make you feel better about yourself. if you feel better about yourself, then you'll be more motivated to keep up the good work :D

kittycat40
06-08-2009, 09:23 PM
Hi Alana, I want to say welcome also :)

I can relate to every word in your original post. When I first found 3fc I felt so sad lost and helpless when it came to taking off the forty pounds (at the time I would have been happy to get past the ten up and down dance I had been doing) I ultimately did. My esteem was in the garbage.

Thanks to a decided readiness and the chicks here I have lost weight and maintained since AUgust. And now I have to put a STOP on my shopping :)

I am glad you are here and that you found great stuff :):):)