Weight Loss Surgery - My wife and my dilemma.




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mr206
05-27-2009, 07:57 PM
My wife gained about 100lbs since our son passed away 2 years ago (most was immediately after he died) and she's now dead-set on getting the lap-band surgery to help her lose the weight she can't seem to shake. We used to work out almost daily and we cut back on the things we ate... well, I did and she did for a while, but she's almost child-like sneaky with eating things; I've lost some weight, but she hasn't and she worked out harder than me.
Here's the thing... she puts condiments like ranch dressing and BBQ sauce and parmesan cheese on EVERYTHING from pizza to pasta, so I know she's taking in far more empty calories than she'll ever admit. She also likes to drink and doesn't seem to realize that even though Miller Lite is 99 calories, 6 of them are still 600 worthless calories. Also, my wife has said "I love food and I love eating food".
She thinks that the lap-band surgery is some cure, but I'm not willing to pay tens of thousands of dollars when she still eats like she does, knowing that she'll gain it all back. She's already self-conscious about her weight, but even talking about it makes her want to eat more.

So I need to convey to her that she has habits that aren't going to allow her to ever lose weight. Anyone know how I can tactfully do it and not hurt her feelings? Every way I play this out in my head, she gets angry, upset and/or defensive, which is exactly what I don't want. HELP! I love my wife and I want her to be happy... I just think she's not going about this the right way.


GradPhase
05-27-2009, 08:09 PM
Has she gone to therapy since your son passed away?

It sounds like she's using food and alcohol as an escape, and really they're just symptoms of deeper feelings that may need to be addressed?

It's a shot in the dark, but it sounds like you love her very much and want the best for her - it's great that she's got a loving cheerleader on her side which is definitely also an important factor in both recovering from such a tragedy as well as weight loss.

Good luck to the both of you

Justwant2Bhealthy
05-27-2009, 08:23 PM
I agree with the last poster that your DW has some grieving issues that she is trying to deal with; and counselling may help her, but she has to want to do that herself.

I'm not sure there is a 'delicate' way to tell anyone else anything that they don't want to hear, especially concerning their weight. When and if your wife does investigate lap-band surgery, the doctors will give her lots of info about how to eat in a healthier way.

BTW -- having some condiments on some things may not be her biggiest issue: ie pizza itself has hundreds of calories per slice (the crust has more calories than anything else). It takes time to learn how to eat in a healthier way; trying to do everything perfect all at once isn't realistic either. If anyone wants to lose weight permanently (and I'm learning and living this myself at this time), then they will have to find a way to eat healthy AND also enjoy it for the rest of their lives or they WILL gain all the weight back, surgery or not.

She has to want to do this herself; take the initiative herself; and do the hard work herself. Interfering may indeed be interpeted as a put-down; and what she really needs more than anything right now ~ is your support -- 100%. Have you ever considered making a dinner or two yourself, and treating her to your version of a healthier meal? Just a thought ...


missangelaks
05-27-2009, 08:50 PM
I agree...WLS of any sort would come after counseling. I would get grief counseling. Lead by example. Go for the counseling myself...talk about how much it's helping me and encourage her to attend a session and see how it goes. She may feel like you're calling her crazy, that food is bad...which it isn't (condiments and all) or she is bad, that you are trying to take away her only recourse for the pain of losing your child. Even with the best of intentions, she might perceive it as you trying to exert control over her somehow, thus the sneak-eating. You only really can control one person's reactions and actions...your's.

Look at excess food as medication for depression...the only one that she knows how to use. In counseling, hopefully she can learn to deal with the pain and sadness of your loss, different ways to handle the difficult life that follows that loss that don't necessarily involve excess food.

Good luck to you both and may I extend my deepest condolences to you and your entire family...the loss of a child is unbearable!

Angela :hug:

MariaMaria
05-27-2009, 10:06 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.

You've got a relationship issue (both of you) not a weight issue.

bobblefrog
05-27-2009, 10:30 PM
What a terrible loss for you both - my most heartfelt condolences. There are no words I can say, of course. Only know that you have all of our sympathies.

I have to agree with the other posters that this is a grieving issue. My thought, from my own experience, is that food and drinking (for her) is a way of literally "pushing the pain" back down inside. The grief may be too difficult for her to consciously face. May I also suggest that your focusing on the details (as correct as you are - there is nothing wrong or unloving about your post) is another way of allowing the weight to become the issue (it is a tangible thing that can be controlled) rather than allowing the grieving process to come back to the forefront.

This may be what the previous poster was trying to express. In some families a child's bad grades and poor performance in school can become an issue to keep the parents from facing a relationship issue between the two of them. In this case if you focus on the weight (and details) then it is a different issue - something with "handles". Does that make sense?

But this isn't what you asked....I have had two friends that had the surgery. Both were in situations it was affecting their health and it was a last resort. One almost died from complications. The other ate himself back "out of it". This seems crazy but I guess it can happen. So no, this is not something to take lightly. And I guess yes, you can destroy the surgery.

I sure hope this helps. I would also recommend counseling (or if money is an issue, some support groups and just some reading - lots of good books that talk about this) for yourself. Take care of yourself, first, and hopefully - in time with love and patience - the rest will fall into place.

mr206
05-28-2009, 10:25 AM
Has she gone to therapy since your son passed away?

It sounds like she's using food and alcohol as an escape, and really they're just symptoms of deeper feelings that may need to be addressed?

Yes, but no (if that makes sense).

We don't really have the money for her to see a shrink, so we utilized the counselling services through our HMO. The issue there is that they seem to be focused more on physical health, so the counselor brings up her drinking in the session and she gets upset/defensive about it. She's always been depressed, because of her ****e life growing up and our son was really the one thing that kept her happy and gave her a purpose (no, I'm not offended by that)... so now, no depression drug in the world is going to 'fix' her. She takes meds, but they don't help... she then says she's anxious about things and can't cope with that, which comes back to the counselor, because they prescribe that medication. So we're back to a circuitous path of going nowhere.

Honestly, she's moved on from the terrible grieving, but because she's so heavy, she's less attractive to me, which means I'm less 'in the mood', which makes her feel less attractive/worth, which leads her to drink more... etc and the circle continues. Her entire family from grandparents to mother to brother are addicts of either drugs or booze and they use it as a coping mechanism; to think my wife miraculously missed this curse is naive, so I'll be a realist and say that I think she's dealing with an addiction to food and booze; she's always 'loved' food and can't stop eating sometimes... she eats WAY past what's comfortable, so if that's not an addiction, then I don't know what is.

I just don't know what to do at this point. She needs help for her addiction(s) and she doesn't want to hear it from me. He family is worthless and won't tell her anything and she's offended if my parents say anything.

How do you tell your spouse that they have a problem, short of calling the 'Intervention' TV show, without them blowing up or shutting in on you?

mr206
05-28-2009, 10:30 AM
I have to agree with the other posters that this is a grieving issue. My thought, from my own experience, is that food and drinking (for her) is a way of literally "pushing the pain" back down inside.
Problem is, her entire family is 'broken' and addicts, so they use it to cope with everything. She drinks 'because it helps me sleep at night' or 'because it relaxes me'... there's always a reason and I don't care about the drinking, but when you're 100 lbs overweight and trying to lose weight, should you drink 6 beers a day?

We're moving in 2 weeks and the new place has a huge gym... she talks about "I'm going to be this cute, skinny chick down there" (because I promised her I'd buy her breast implants if she was X weight... hey, she wanted them, not me ;) ), but I have to laugh inside, because she's taking ZERO steps to acheive that goal, other than moving there. She really thinks that she can get lap-band and POOF! all her weight woahs are gone. I know that's just not the case... one has to adapt their eating habits, which she isn't event TRYING to do.

Thighs Be Gone
05-28-2009, 10:46 AM
You are laughing inside? Just wow. That's all I can say.

Every woman's situation is different so I cannot speak for her. The only advice I can offer is to encourage you to be supportive of her in every respect. She will come to face her demons in her own time and in her own way. Any amount of negativity or nagging coming from you isn't likely to do anything but blowup in your face and add fuel to her fire. If she knows you aren't attracted to her anymore--well, it must be devastating for her. My hubby has lost his hair and isn't as buff as he once was. I am attracted to him more so than ever though because he is one **** of a man and fathered my kids. I guess what I am trying to say and sometimes attraction comes from another place besides physical appearance. For me, my attraction to my spouse is so much deeper than what his shell is.

As far as lapband, it has greatly helped many. I don't know if it's your wife answer or not. A medical doctor hopefully will address several issues with her before agreeing to perform the procedure.

ETA: You mention not having money for a "shrink" but I notice you mention that breast implants were in the future?

Jen415
05-28-2009, 11:06 AM
Oh my goodness. She has two issues--one of them is her addictions.

Until she takes Step One and admits she is powerless over food and alcohol, there's nothing anyone can say to her.

And any reputable bariatric surgeon would RUN--not walk--from your wife's case until she starts working on the root of the problem.

Good luck to you both.

PS: I think I would rather have my wife free from addiction than to have big boobs....but that's just me.

mr206
05-28-2009, 11:52 AM
You are laughing inside? Just wow. That's all I can say.
Yea, maybe that didn't come out right. Call it a disbelieving 'Ha!' at the irony of the situation. Kinda like "You have GOT to be kidding me".

ETA: You mention not having money for a "shrink" but I notice you mention that breast implants were in the future?
Yea, she's not working right now (since we're moving), so I don't have the hundreds each month to spend on a shrink.. obviously the other would be financed in the future.

Leenie
05-28-2009, 11:56 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss :cry: You sound like a great guy one who's willing to help her at any cost. I agree with the other posters that lapband at this point would not help her. She seriously needs counceling and maybe some counceling with a nutritionalist. Lapband will set you back thousands $$$$ but taking that money and putting it towards proper counceling would put you both ahead of the game... its a great investment if she goes.

Grieving is something everyone must do at their own pace. It might take her 10 years where it might take others 1 or 2 years.. I think when there's a child involved grieving lasts a life time, the hurt never goes away. Your marriage is worth saving but its going to take alot of patience on both ends... you and your wife are worth it.

Good luck :hug:

mr206
05-28-2009, 11:58 AM
Oh my goodness. She has two issues--one of them is her addictions.

Until she takes Step One and admits she is powerless over food and alcohol, there's nothing anyone can say to her.
Exactly... but how does one get them to do that?

And any reputable bariatric surgeon would RUN--not walk--from your wife's case until she starts working on the root of the problem.
Well, that's good to hear; I didn't think they would just slice and dice someone without seeing if they are ready for the mental and physical hurdles ahead.

PS: I think I would rather have my wife free from addiction than to have big boobs....but that's just me.
That is my goal.. she wants the enhancement... though I have no doubt it's tied to the low self esteem and body image she's had her whole life. TBH, I've played down the need for that operation.

mr206
05-28-2009, 12:01 PM
I agree with the other posters that lapband at this point would not help her. She seriously needs counceling and maybe some counceling with a nutritionalist.
Thanks for the kind words and I completely agree. I've told her that I'd stand behind anything she needed, but she has only in the last few months climbed out of the deep hole she was in.

If I were your husband, how would you want me to present the idea of a nutritionalist or counceling? My fear is the delivery...

Leenie
05-28-2009, 12:13 PM
If I were your husband, how would you want me to present the idea of a nutritionalist or counceling? My fear is the delivery...

Everyone is different, but if it were "ME" I think I would want my you to sit down with me, tell me you love me no matter what, tell me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am. Explain your concerns and that my weight is a health issue as well as the addictions. Tell me you want us both to grow old together. I think "I" would want you to take my hand and go with me to the doctors (therapy and nutritionalist) because I am not only torn apart from losing my child, I am embarassed at what I've done to myself. I need help and lots of patience and understanding as this could take years. I would want you to say that no matter how long it takes you'll be there for me and you won't leave me.

But... thats me. I too have had a death in my family that resulted in me gaining 75 lbs :( its sad. I still struggle with it years later.

Good luck sweetie !!!

:hug: Leenie

melwolfe
05-28-2009, 12:16 PM
So far as counseling, if you go and tell her that your counselor would like to talk to her about you, etc. etc. that would at least get her in the door. If you make it about helping you rather than focusing on her she might go to help you and get help for herself without really realizing it at first........

Ditto for the eating. Tell her your doctor says your cholestrol is high so no pizza, fast food, etc., maybe you could then get better healthier food and it would help her even though she thinks she's helping you? Not sure of your lifestyle, who cooks, how often you eat out but if you ask her to cook healthy meals for you then maybe she'll eat the same.

Either way, good luck!

mr206
05-28-2009, 12:41 PM
Everyone is different, but if it were "ME" I think I would want my you to sit down with me, tell me you love me no matter what, tell me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am. Explain your concerns and that my weight is a health issue as well as the addictions. Tell me you want us both to grow old together. I think "I" would want you to take my hand and go with me to the doctors (therapy and nutritionalist) because I am not only torn apart from losing my child, I am embarassed at what I've done to myself. I need help and lots of patience and understanding as this could take years. I would want you to say that no matter how long it takes you'll be there for me and you won't leave me.

Thanks, this is exactly what I was looking for. In the sessions she had with our HMO counselor, I went with and was 100% supportive. I love her and will support her in anything she does, but she has to take that step/initiative.

mr206
05-28-2009, 12:51 PM
Ditto for the eating. Tell her your doctor says your cholestrol is high so no pizza, fast food, etc., maybe you could then get better healthier food and it would help her even though she thinks she's helping you? Not sure of your lifestyle, who cooks, how often you eat out but if you ask her to cook healthy meals for you then maybe she'll eat the same.

lol I wish I could do that... she knows I'm pretty healthy and knows my stats (kinda).
She cooks and I guess we don't exactly eat as 'good' as we could... we eat things like spaghetti, pastas and other things; I don't think those things are necessasarily 'bad', so long as portions are kept under control... but that's something she has trouble with.

We both agree we have to drastically change what we eat when we move in 2 weeks.. I hope that the change to a different state will be like a fresh start for her and she'll have the motivation to do all the goals she says she has.

Leenie
05-28-2009, 01:09 PM
It might be fun for the both of you (after your talk) to go thru the kitchen and do a clean sweep.. get rid of all the junk. Then go shopping and buy some "clean" foods, if she loves ranch dressing, try to find one thats less calories/low fat/light, make small changes and take it from there... it could be lots of fun and challenging. Just remember, if she slips up... she's human. She's going to have good days and bad days (us women are like that normally lol) ;)

Introduce her to fitday.com - its a place where she can log her daily intake and see exactly how much she is eating.. its fun and it might be an eye opener to her.

:hug:

mr206
05-28-2009, 01:13 PM
Just remember, if she slips up... she's human. She's going to have good days and bad days (us women are like that normally lol) ;)
I'll admit, this is not one of my strong suits... but it's something I know I need to work on and I've been trying to do. Luckily with the move, we're not taking ANY food with us (since it's cross-country), so we plan to shop well when we get there; the cost of living and food is about 1/2 what it is here, so eating healthy is something we can actually afford to do now.

Introduce her to fitday.com - its a place where she can log her daily intake and see exactly how much she is eating.. its fun and it might be an eye opener to her.

Yea... we both started doing that on SparkPeople.com and I kept it up... but she didn't like the constant entry online. She kept a food journal for about 2 weeks, but she gave that up. Any ideas on how to keep her motivated to do the journal?

Leenie
05-28-2009, 02:50 PM
I am SOOO bad at journaling myself :( so I'm going to have to let some one else chime in here.

The only other possibility is, if she doesn't like to log things in or journal that much is joining Weight Watchers... they count points which is pretty easy to do. WW is a great way to go, she can go to the meetings or join online.

:hug:

jiffypop
05-28-2009, 02:51 PM
wow. double wow. oh my. look what i missed while coming home from work and falling asleep last night!!!

ok. here's my two cents - and it's not gonna be easy. all of this advice is WONDERFUL, and wise. but it's not gonna do a single bit of good if it doesn't meet your wife's immediate needs - and ANY amount of good intentions will not get past the feeling of being nagged or attacked.

there's a psychology of addiction - and of change. Developed by Prochaska and DiClemente [and one of them wrote a book for us lay folks about it - check Amazon]. it's about THE STAGES OF CHANGE. from denial through action. the key is [and this is starting to make it into the medical literature] that the doc [or anyone else] HAS TO meet the person where they are in the stage.

for example, it's not going to help if you insist that she set up an exercise routine [which is an ACTION-stage thing] when she's still thinking that there's nothing she can do about her weight [the CONTEMPLATION stage].

i strongly suggest looking for that book - i'll see if i can find it but for right this second, i have to go do some work!!!!

good luck. breathe. BOTH OF YOU.

jiffypop
05-28-2009, 02:53 PM
oh. one more point. there are a FEW counselors who specialize in weight issues. there's a whole bunch of them at the RENFREW centers [a national group]. while most people think of them as treatment for anorexics, they actually have a program for heavy people/food addicts.

it's a little weird, but a very warm, accepting place.

jajabee
05-28-2009, 03:28 PM
You know, I'm not familiar with the process, but people often mention how much counseling there is before WLS, and it looks like a lot of folks are even strongly encouraged to lose a good amount of weight even before the surgery. Would giving your wife what she wants, the WLS, actually end up being what both of you want? Maybe the whole experience would give her the information and the mental shake-up she needs to start seeing nutrition differently. Especially coupled with the move, which can be a great opportunity to get rid of old habits (that's what I did!).

Just a thought!

annie175
05-28-2009, 04:12 PM
Weightloss surgery is only a tool, you still have to work very hard at maintaining, believe me, I am that person. I lost 160 lbs with WLS. You have to continue to eat healthy and exercise. It is only a tool and you CAN gain all your weight back if you are not mentally with the program. It is all work. As a matter of fact, maintaining is harder than anything I have ever done. PM me if you have an questions.

sfj
05-28-2009, 05:14 PM
All great advice you have gotten so far.

There is a wonderful workbook out there called Love Hunger. http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&q=love+hunger+workbook&cid=12097869858963002621&sa=image#ps-sellers

It deals with the reason behind WHY we overeat and eat the way we do.

You may want to think of getting a copy and looking through it to see if it might help.

GradPhase
05-28-2009, 05:43 PM
I just have one bit of last advice to give.

A good friend once told me that if a whole building is overwhelmed with fire, spreaded water won't put out the flames, but only feed them. You have to concentrate the water in sections to put the fire out room by room in order to save the building.

Basically, what I'm getting at... is...

You have a whole host of issues here that you're trying to address at once, and the priorities might be a bit askew.

It sounds, to me at least, that your wife is really in need of a better therapist, and better bereavement counselling - **First and foremost** if and WHEN she is comfortable with her therapist, they can together address her addictions to alcohol, food, relationship issues, self esteem, and everything else going on. I just took a psych class on stress hormones and I learned a lot of really great information about this...

For example.....

When put under prolonged extreme stress, the body can create an abundance of stress hormones (glucocordicoids) in the system which causes a total shift in biological priorities and brain processing. Amungst many other things, Glucos tell your brain you need sugar/carbs, and you need it NOW to survive (which is a big part in comfort eating and cravings when stressed). It's entirely evolutionary. Your body stores sugars to use as energy to literally run away from the stressors (ie a bear chasing you). In today's society though, there's very little to literally run away from and way too much emotional stuff to deal with - but the body processes it as if it really is a bear, and it's trying to prepare you to really run away. When you don't run off the excess calories - your body keeps storing it for when the time DOES come. And thus extreme stress = obesity. When you deal with the stress through coping techniques (deep breathing to get more oxygen in to your brain, journaling to lower anxiety, meditation), medications, and prolonged therapy - you re-train your body to stop over reacting to the stressors, and you stop hanging on so desperately to the sugars - which leads to less over eating and cravings and more emotional and physical healthiness.

What THIS means to YOU is that as simple as you think it may be to just eat pasta in the right proportions - if she has an abundance of glucocordicoids and cortisol in her brain - her body is constantly screaming "Eat this NOW to survive" It's not as much about comforting yourself, as it is about evolution!

This could very well be her thought process. (Not that it IS, just that it COULD be)

*Grieving* -> Stress hormones -> Sugars and carbs because it's what her body is screamign she needs -> Over weight because she actually IS listenign to her body -> Confusion, depresion, lowered self esteem, over all feeling lost, low sex drive, relationship issues -> Alcohol and more eating to forget it all, as it's HER learned coping technique from her family.

Anyway. Back to the burning building. Her first, most important room to quench is absolutely going to be her mind. Get the bereavement therapy. Once she has better coping techniques and her body readjusts to what's actually going on and when it knows there's no actual bear, they can start moving on to the second, third, and forth most important "rooms" and start putting out fires there (diet, exercise, alcohol abuse, self esteem, relationships) and everything will fall in to place like a puzzle.

I'm at work, and don't know if this post is making as much sense as I'm hoping it does. I keep going back and forth between typing and answering phones. But there's my food for thought.

jajabee
05-28-2009, 06:16 PM
I just wanted to chime in again on the therapy issue... I know it's not an easy thing to fit into a budget, but since your wife is obviously in desperate need of good professional bereavement therapy, maybe you can look for ways to "do without" other luxuries for a few months while your wife gets all this sorted out. And it's entirely possible that she'll learn to move away from the food therapy if she gets some real therapy, which would be a win-win for both of you! :)

mr206
05-28-2009, 10:07 PM
I just wanted to chime in again on the therapy issue... I know it's not an easy thing to fit into a budget, but since your wife is obviously in desperate need of good professional bereavement therapy, maybe you can look for ways to "do without" other luxuries for a few months while your wife gets all this sorted out.
Trust me, where we live now, we've cut back on quite a bit... but with the move, I think the lower cost of living will allow us to get professional help.

Thanks everyone for the great advise so far... I guess I have some things to think about before I approach her. :D

kiramira
05-29-2009, 01:38 PM
Best of luck to you both. I know you want the best for her, and for you. And you sure have a bunch of issues to deal with. It might be helpful to start with "couples therapy" so that she can go with you. It might make the transition to her getting individual help easier on you and her...
My thoughts are with you...
Kira

fifilaroach
06-04-2009, 01:37 AM
One way to deal with this is for her to start down the trail to the lap band. It takes quite a bit to get one. You do see a counselor to be cleared for surgery, a nutritionist who will explain how she'll have to eat after, and a surgeon who will talk to her about her commitment to losing weight. Most docs won't do the surgery unless you jump through the hoops. And after surgery, should they approve her, when she eats too much it will make her sick. So that is one way to stop that behavior. I'd let her check it out. Some of your issues will present themselves to the lapband team and maybe she'll get some insight.

CyndiM
06-04-2009, 08:19 AM
Can you find a local chapter of Compassionate Friends? Years ago our family had a similar experience and finding a group of people who really understand helps more than anything.

Rainbow
06-04-2009, 08:46 AM
Saw your post and thought I'd reply although I don't belong on the weight loss surgery forum. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry your wife is still struggling a lot. I don't want to assume, but I am sure it's the grieve of your bereavement that's causing her to eat and want to eat this way and I really would suggest she gets help for that before deciding on weight loss surgery. I put on 70lb after a traumatic miscarriage very very quickly 5 years ago, nearly lost most of it now but it's taken the last year. I guess is she's investigating surgery if she's emotionally eating then this will come out anyway as she sees the doctor but surgery, or even losing weight aren't going to take away the pain she's feeling and I really would suggest she needs counselling and to treat the emotional eating before committing to weight loss surgery. Be gentle with her though - she may not be willing to find the help she needs (I wasn't) but that I believe would be the best thing for her health in the long term. She also may not be ready to get the help and support she needs - so be patient with her.

CruiseCAT
06-04-2009, 09:40 AM
One way to deal with this is for her to start down the trail to the lap band. It takes quite a bit to get one. You do see a counselor to be cleared for surgery, a nutritionist who will explain how she'll have to eat after, and a surgeon who will talk to her about her commitment to losing weight. Most docs won't do the surgery unless you jump through the hoops. And after surgery, should they approve her, when she eats too much it will make her sick. So that is one way to stop that behavior. I'd let her check it out. Some of your issues will present themselves to the lapband team and maybe she'll get some insight.

I love this idea. It shows that you support her, the issues get discussed and it gives you an opportunity to talk to her with a "team" behind both of you.

I hope you come back and update us.... how was the move?

worthylady
06-07-2009, 05:22 PM
Mr. 206 I am so sorry to hear about the lost of your son. It sounds like your wife is still grieving and using food as an outlet. She is self medicating with food and needs to seek counseling. She has formed an unhealthy relationship with food because its filling a void for her at this time. I think that you all should probablly go to therapy before starting the weighlt loss surgery process. She probably doesn't realize how much she eats and not ready to talk about it because its so comforting to her. It doesn't sound like she had this problem before the lost of your son. Food is helping her to cope...I hope this helps.

Leenie
06-08-2009, 12:01 PM
Most docs won't do the surgery unless you jump through the hoops.

Thats only true if your going through your insurance.... if you self-pay most doctors will do it in the drop of a hat.. money talks.

when she eats too much it will make her sick. So that is one way to stop that behavior.

Eating to much will not make her sick, however it can hurt like heck if she does not chew properly (eats to fast) and it gets stuck..thats very painful. But in order for that to happen she needs to have the proper restriction (fills). Fills cost money as well (if your self-pay), some fills cost up to $200 each..depending on your Dr.

Just having the band does not make you lose weight... if she decides she is not going to diet and eat healthy, she will find a way to get those foods that get stuck down one way or another, or subsitute them for other food that will go down like ice cream or greasy junk food. Junk food is easier to eat with the band then clean foods, so the band could work against you if your not careful and have a healthy Mindset to make it work.

Her mind has to be in the right place or its just not going to work her (or anyone), so IMHO, she needs therapy first, pretty much what all the others have said here.

:hug:

jiffypop
06-08-2009, 06:50 PM
Because the original poster hasn't been around for awhile, and we're going over the same ground, I'm closing this thread. If anyone has major issues with that, and is perhaps just ACHING to respond, ask me via PM to re-open it. But please be prepared to explain why it needs to be re-opened instead of you starting a different, more-general thread!

thanks, ya'll!!!