Weight Loss Support - Obsessed with being obsessed about weight loss.

Optical Goddess
05-21-2009, 04:01 PM
I don't know if this is the place for this, but I need to vent. I'm not asking for that much in return, just for a space to let this out.

I was hoping that by the time I was 30, I'd be over this. I'd be over having a bad body image, and over having to worry about my weight.
Maybe it's whiney, but I want to have a normal/healthy relationship with food. I don't want to be always counting points or counting calories or counting something else, or having 'have and have not' lists. I just want to be a person where food and it's effects on my are non existent

Or atleast to the point where I'm able to accept myself with my flaws. People will say that my life isn't that different when i'm thinner, that's not true. I have been thinner and I can tell you that my life is better when i'm not afraid to put on a swimsuit or wear shorts in public, when i"m not worried about what angle I'm being seen at. People treat me different when I'm thinner and I treat myself different when I"m thinner.

I"m just sick of this. I'm so close to giving up...not giving up the fight of losing weight and getting fit, but giving up on being normal, and admitting and accepting that I will always be a slave to the weight loss effort.

Why does this make such a big difference to me? Why does it effect me so much?
I'm not sayng I should be able to eat a crap load of cookies and stuff and still be thin, but I want to get to the point where I'm not down on myself because of it, where I can just cross it off and keep moving on.

I can't unring a bell...why do I try?
What I want is to be able to work out to see what my body can do, how far I can run, how much I can lift, etc, to measure my successes in how I look in the mirror, how my clothes fit and how I feel.

I don't even really use my scale..... I just wish i was normal. That's all. I've seen women who are larger than me who have no weight issues, they don't worry about it, they don't let it get them down.
Yet me? Not so much. ((sigh)).

I'll get over it. I" have to, but it's just really frustrating. I do weight watchers because itworks for me. I don't think I could ever do low carb and things like 'core ' where I'm supposed to eat until satisfied don't work for me since I'm not good at identifying that point.

I just need to get past this funk. I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I want to go and have fun, and not stress over what I'm eating or not eating.

You see, it's not that I don't feel that I should care about my weight and my health, but I just don't want to be obsessed with it, where the rest of my happiness hinges on it.

Anyone else been there? Any one have any advice? If not, that's cool. I have plenty of advice I can give myself....now following it....that's a different story.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this whole thing. I do feel a bit better from writing it.

05-21-2009, 04:07 PM
People will say that my life isn't that different when i'm thinner, that's not true. I have been thinner and I can tell you that my life is better when i'm not afraid to put on a swimsuit or wear shorts in public, when i"m not worried about what angle I'm being seen at. People treat me different when I'm thinner and I treat myself different when I"m thinner.

Is your life better when you are thinner, or is your life better when you are simply allowing yourself to enjoy it more and worrying less about what everyone else is thinking? It sounds to me like your life is better when you treat yourself better...and, guess what, you can treat yourself better no matter what size you are.

Optical Goddess
05-21-2009, 04:23 PM
that's why I love this place, everyone knows how to use a firm, but loving hand to slap some sense into me.

05-21-2009, 04:26 PM
First of all, :hug:

I feel where you're coming from! :dunno:

It's not good to be obsessed--but you will probably always have to be aware. There is a difference.

Awareness means paying attention to what you are doing in the moment. Obsession means thinking all the time about something.

Awareness means eating careful portions of food at lunch. Obsession means thinking from the time you get up in the morning about what you may have for lunch, how much, how many options, what you should choose, etc.

Awareness is being present. Obsession is never being present.

I hope that helps. Now for the hard message... Take a deep breath... ;) You are probably right that you'll never be normal, if normal means that you don't have to be aware of what you eat. Most of us folks on 3FC have found that if we eat the way we consider to be "normal," we gain weight. That's how many of us became obese! So, just throw that idea away and don't look back.

You have to redefine normal in your own terms. It may simply mean keeping track of points--but how bad is that, really? That's not a big price to pay for having a healthier body.

Move on! Make the change! And always feel free to vent--it's what the Weight Loss Support forum is for.


05-21-2009, 04:38 PM
I know what you are saying. I have been struggling with this myself. While I don't see anything wrong with working out and eating well and having a goal to work towards- I have also been thinner and it is better in certain ways- you can't deny it. You feel better and more confident, I came to the conclusion however, that I will change, my body will change so my self esteem cannot be contingent on my size.

I started to analyze the reasons why I feel this way- because at this point, the problem isn't my thighs, it's my head! I think what you need to do is look inside and consider what is this line if thinking doing for you? What purpose is it serving in your life? If anything it's stopping you from living your life proud of who you are so you need to look at why you feel this way, what caused you to believe you are fundamentally 'not good enough'. Sometimes it can be because you are afraid of success, afraid to be more successful than someone else in your life. I hope I am making sense because it has helped me in the past few weeks- stop trying to figure out how to stop thinking that way and start to consider why you feel this way, it may lead you to some answers.

05-21-2009, 04:40 PM
Gosh, JayEll, that was truly inspired. I read the post and couldn't think of anything helpful to say. That was perfect!

So, I'll just add my support! Hang in there! (That's about as inspired as my writing gets.....)

05-21-2009, 04:41 PM
I was reading your post and it was like you were talking about me. I have this unhealthy relationship with food that hurts my social life, and why not to say, my life in general. It is so hard to me to turn food down at restaurants, parties and events. I also wish I didn’t have to worry every time I have food around me. Unfortunately I don’t have any good advice to you, since I struggle with this problem daily. Control! that is what I want. Control around food. How can we get that???

05-21-2009, 05:10 PM
Do you allow yourself one meal a week (or within whatever time period your comfortable with) that you do not count, that you just enjoy and dont worry about whether or not it's necessarily "on plan?" I do that, and I've found that it really helps me not to obsess over food all the time. If I want something I shouldn't and I know I can't have it, I plan to eat it Sunday.... Now, I don't go crazy & eat 3,000 calories on Sunday, but I do allow myself things that are not on my plan. I, like you, was very obsessive in the beginning... I had to find a way to stop obsessing & learn to just live with what I was trying to do & learn how to make it become second nature rather then an unhealthy obsession. I found that my 1 day to eat what I wanted helped me because I obsessed less the other 6 days of the week because I knew come Sunday, I could have that slice of pizza or that cookie... I've also found that by depriving myself of all these things 24/7, only lead to binging & making my obsession worse. Hang in there, there are ups & down on this journey, but it will be worth it in the end. :)

05-21-2009, 06:54 PM
Why does food get some kind of special treatment because it's food? I don't want to obsess over money, but I have to be careful with it. I don't want to bounce checks or miss a credit card payment.

05-21-2009, 10:24 PM
"Beautiful" and "perfect" are not synonyms. You can be beautiful without being perfect. Being perfect is not always beautiful. You are a beautiful person whether you are at your goal weight or not! We all are! It took me 39 years to figure this out, but hey, better late than never.

05-22-2009, 07:00 AM
Why does food get some kind of special treatment because it's food? I don't want to obsess over money, but I have to be careful with it. I don't want to bounce checks or miss a credit card payment.

This is brilliant! Thank you.

05-22-2009, 07:31 AM
I agree. Brilliant.

This is hindsight of course, but I look back now and it just seems absolutely absurd that I was not monitoring my food/calorie intake all along. That I wasn't putting more thought into it. To leave something so vital "up in the air", just winging it, taking a guess, seems so incredibly ludicrous and irresponsible. *Now* it just makes so much SENSE to be to thoroughly aware and conscious of what I'm ingesting.

Eating healthy won't happen on it's own. Things that are important and matter take time, thought, careful planning and dedication.

05-22-2009, 09:23 AM
"Beautiful" and "perfect" are not synonyms.


05-22-2009, 09:29 AM
I just wish i was normal. That's all.

But ... what is normal? If you look around at our American society today, "normal" is eating a calorie-laden fast food diet, being sedentary and becoming obese. Even our kids have a high obesity rate, which is really scary for our future.

I can certainly relate to the desire to just relax and not have to THINK about this all of the time. If everyone around us ate healthy foods (in reasonable portions) and included lots of healthy activity in their daily life, then we could just do what everyone around us does and be fine. But, in reality, we are striving to live a life that is very different than most around us, and that takes attention and planning. There are times when I just get tired of being so careful, and just want to be like everyone else!! But, if I eat and behave like everyone else, then I'll also look like everyone else!! And be on high blood pressure meds, and be pre-diabetic, and unable to to walk up stairs without getting out of breath. Improved health and ability to DO things are what drive me -- the improved appearance is just a bonus.

So, I choose to be different, because the results are worth the effort. I choose to be active, and healthy, and mindful of what I eat and do. I guess I'm not normal, either.

The only consolation I can give you is that, in time, the new habits do get easier. At least it has for me. I still have my moments, but they are fewer and farther between. I'm so happy with how I feel -- it's worth all the hard work. And it does absolutely take hard work, heck, if it were easy, we wouldn't all be here.

05-22-2009, 09:41 AM
:hug: Optical Goddess - I could have written that very same post not more than 2 weeks ago. You sound like me - someone who spends a lot of time in her head and will overanalyze the heck out of everything. Maybe it was my 42nd birthday (42 is the answer to the universe, right, Douglas Adams?), but I just recently had what I'd have to call an epiphany. The world doesn't give a fig about what I do, how I look, or how healthy I can be. We get one go-around (or more, depending on your belief system), but it is 100% up to me/you to make this life what it's going to be. People and events don't "do things" to us - WE create it in our own heads and choose how we're going to react to it. That ownership is scary! There's a tipping point somewhere that Robin and Lori Bell and Glory and mamaspank have talked about (and many others!) where we decide to LIVE and put ourselves first - to truly pursue the happiness that belongs to us. And when that happens ... the limitations and boundaries fall away. You and I are the same height, same weight, same target. It's complicated but it's also SO simple - choose to pursue that happiness. Get out of your head and DO IT! :hug:

05-22-2009, 10:34 AM
Awareness is being present. Obsession is never being present.

JayEll, thanks for giving me something to ponder for a couple days at least.

I struggle with obsessive tendencies. I have been reading a lot lately about mindfulness.

I'm so glad you wrote your post, Optical Goddess. I go through moments like that also. For me, though probably not for you, it's tinged with self-pity. The voice in my head says: "Poor me. Why is it harder for me than for other people? Why do I set these standards for myself?"

05-22-2009, 12:55 PM
Awareness is being present. Obsession is never being present.

Ah, I missed that the first time through. Really excellent point. I thank you too!

05-28-2009, 07:13 PM
I can definitely relate. I feel like I have been so obsessed about my weight that I have lost a couple of great relationships. I definitely wish I could go back and do things differently with him and my weight obsession.

05-28-2009, 07:23 PM
Love your post JayEll. :) Thanks for the inspiration.

I am so glad I joined this forum. It definitely helps me to read posts and realize there are other people out there who are struggling with the same things I am. I have gotten to the point where I feel so disconnected from everyone and life in general because I "hide from life" since I have gained so much weight.

05-28-2009, 07:36 PM
This thread is a shining example of why I am here - the original post could have been written by yours truly...and the responses are what I need to take in, ponder and own. Thank you, all.

05-31-2009, 11:04 PM
If you can manage, make an honest attempt not to dwell on losing weight, on what you are eating, or not eating. If you have an active life style that includes enough exercise, you can take up this mindset and not have to worry so much about losing weight all the time. If you eat more on any given day, then you simply increase the time that you work out in order to counteract the extra calories. Be practical and you'll have an easier time losing and keeping weight off.

06-01-2009, 08:38 AM
I think about it aaaall the time pretty much as well. I think my relationship with food was fixed when I was a kid, and I'm always going to be swimming upstream, so to speak, to fight those thoughts and habits. I don't think I'd ever be able to just stop and be normal, but I've realized it and am fine with it. Everyone has their own personal struggles, weight is just an obvious one to the world.

06-01-2009, 10:42 AM
I still have a ways to go weight loss wise, and I do feel like I need to be more mindful of my calories and exercise in order to consistently lose weight. I tried to get around that, feeling like I was being too obsessed, but maintained instead of lost weight.

There's a book (and theory of approach) called Overcoming Overeating
http://www.overcomingovereating.com/ They deal with dieting and body image.

you know, the time and effort put into taking care of a kid or parent, an animal/pet, garden, or even a car can feel like a labor of love. We're just as worth it if not more (if you don't take care of yourself first...) When a car or garden (or even a pet that gets bad habits) gets out of whack, it may take more of an effort for a while to get it back in balance. Like a mindset and metabolism.

06-01-2009, 10:52 AM
Oh I have the same body image problems and always have. I have problems with having the problems too.

My biggest issue with never having conquered this is I turn 40 this year andI have self image issues relating to AGE, well not a damn thing I can do about that but I decided to not be 40 AND fat. *sigh*

I know as I get older this is going to be harder and harder for me. I can't just accept the natural changes you get over time. I even have fewer wrinkles than most women my age because I stay out of the sun, never really smoked, etc. Most people think I am in my lat 20's or early 30's. That doesn't matter every little wrinkle and line screams at me and makes me miserable. I wish I knew how to get past all this because it makes me miserable.

How do you learn to accept things like that? I have never been able to figure that out.