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PatientlyWeighting
05-21-2009, 03:56 PM
A couple things!

1) I am a big girl.. 224 lbs, 5'6" big. And I have a son. Will I ever find a guy?! Does anyone in a similar situation have any success stories? I feel a lot of guys are turned off by big girls and the ones who aren't run the opposite direction when they hear I'm a mom.

2) I'm new to this page and have difficulty understand how I can check all the posts I made. Also, when I can get a ticker, where will I find information for it? And will I get one after posting 20 threads?


Thank you!! :dizzy:


Operator265
05-21-2009, 04:04 PM
You just need posts. You don't have to start threads. You also need 20 days. I really isn't that long although it kinda feels like it. It prevents spammers of which you will be incredibly grateful for later. This site is fantastic at busting their b*lls on outta here.

I'm in UT, so there's a little more appreciation for the "big 'ol gals". All men tend to do a "Whoa" reaction to single moms. But, there are good ones out there. It's may take a little time. Also, you gotta look inside yourself and know that you are worthy of love no matter what your size.

nelie
05-21-2009, 04:07 PM
I am 5'6 and started dating my husband when I was 300 lbs. I've learned that weight has less to do about dating than your own self confidence.

As for having a kid, I think it depends on the age of the guys you are dating. I admit when I was in my late 20s and dating, I was put off by guys with kids. Partly, I didn't want to deal with the 'ex' situation more than the kid itself. If the mom wasn't around for some reason, I'm not sure I'd want to be an instamom. This can often be countered by dating someone who has a kid themselves already.


bargoo
05-21-2009, 04:56 PM
The best way to find a guy is to quit looking. The right guy will show up when you least expect it. . To check you posts click on your name at the left of your postings. This will bring you to small screen then click on find more posts, etc.

PatientlyWeighting
05-21-2009, 05:28 PM
Thank you for your inspirational answers. :) I guess the reason I worry about the guy situation is because I never go out to meet any, and the ones I do meet are too young to appreciate the fact that I have a child. It's a shame a lot of guys don't see past the outside the way a woman usually can.

WormwoodDoll
05-21-2009, 11:59 PM
You're a great mommy! I just think a lot of guys around your age are afraid of that kind of commitment. My mother left my dad when I was 6 months old - and she has been happily with my stepdad for 12 years. It happens, you just need to find the right person!

Windchime
05-22-2009, 12:28 AM
The best way to find a guy is to quit looking. The right guy will show up when you least expect it. .

Really? ;) Does this work for anything else, say jobs? Would you say to someone who was wondering about a better job, "Hey, the best way to find one is to quit looking. Then the right job will just appear!" I honestly don't see anything wrong with looking; to me, that means being open to possibilities, being friendly and yeah, maybe sometimes asking a guy out. (I don't have the guts for that but I know some women do and I think that's cool).

As for the OP's question--there are as many types of men as there are women. There are men who won't be bothered by a few extra pounds or a child, and there are men who might not want to deal with either one. It just depends on the guy, the girl, and the circumstance.

Thighs Be Gone
05-22-2009, 12:34 AM
Windchime and bargoo. I think I am in between you both on my idea on the guy situation.

I say don't look for any old JOB or GUY. I saw prepare yourself well. Get yourself 100% ready for success. Know that when you discover a position in a firm/a guy captures your interest you will have an absolute FEAST to bring to the table. Put lots of "pots" in the water but be extremely careful what you decide to bring up on the JOB front or GUY front. Just my two cents--LOL...and it may not be worth that much! :)

p.s. If you prepare the feast you can be sure there will be LOTS of feasters ready to dig in---in other words, job offers and the guys when the time is right. No worries on either end.

bargoo
05-22-2009, 07:37 PM
Really? ;) Does this work for anything else, say jobs? Would you say to someone who was wondering about a better job, "Hey, the best way to find one is to quit looking. Then the right job will just appear!" I honestly don't see anything wrong with looking; to me, that means being open to possibilities, being friendly and yeah, maybe sometimes asking a guy out. (I don't have the guts for that but I know some women do and I think that's cool).

As for the OP's question--there are as many types of men as there are women. There are men who won't be bothered by a few extra pounds or a child, and there are men who might not want to deal with either one. It just depends on the guy, the girl, and the circumstance.

I didn't say it is wrong to be looking. I merely said that sometimes when we least expect it we meet our soulmate. It has happened to me and many others.

Windchime
05-22-2009, 08:01 PM
I didn't say it is wrong to be looking. I merely said that sometimes when we least expect it we meet our soulmate. It has happened to me and many others.


Actually, what you said is "The best way to find a guy is to stop looking." I'm not trying to pick on you, honest! It's just that we single people hear that all the time, to the point where it is kind of a cliche. I guess it bothers me because it implies that looking is somehow wrong. I used to be part of a divorce support group, and the common thought there was that even the *thought* of looking for a mate was somehow desperate or something! So that's why your comment caught my attention. I know that your advice was completely well-intentioned; it's just my hot-button issue so I felt compelled to respond! :)

I realize that many people find a mate when they're not looking, but I'm going to guess that equally as many find a mate when they are actively dating. As TBG says, both with jobs AND with men, it pays to be particular no matter what the circumstance. Just as we don't want any old job (in normal economic times!), we also don't want any old guy so the password is "caution". (Did I just date myself?)

bargoo
05-22-2009, 08:12 PM
Actually, what you said is "The best way to find a guy is to stop looking." I'm not trying to pick on you, honest! It's just that we single people hear that all the time, to the point where it is kind of a cliche. I guess it bothers me because it implies that looking is somehow wrong. I used to be part of a divorce support group, and the common thought there was that even the *thought* of looking for a mate was somehow desperate or something! So that's why your comment caught my attention. I know that your advice was completely well-intentioned; it's just my hot-button issue so I felt compelled to respond! :)

I realize that many people find a mate when they're not looking, but I'm going to guess that equally as many find a mate when they are actively dating. As TBG says, both with jobs AND with men, it pays to be particular no matter what the circumstance. Just as we don't want any old job (in normal economic times!), we also don't want any old guy so the password is "caution". (Did I just date myself?)

I do not understand why you are offended at such a remark which wasn't even directed at you.

janellody
05-22-2009, 08:58 PM
I do not understand why you are offended at such a remark which wasn't even directed at you.

I think her point is that looking doesn't hurt, either.

Shopaholic1204
05-23-2009, 03:13 AM
I'm a big girl..and I met my hubby in high school (well..junior high..long story, lol). He's much thinner than I am..and my weight isnt a issue with him.

PinkyPie
05-23-2009, 06:10 AM
I have to kind of agree with the "not looking" theory... the thing is, I met guys when I WAS looking and they weren't that great. Then I stopped and I met someone who was of a little bit more quality and caliber than the others. Funnily enough I wasn't a "big" girl when we met, but he happens to like the type more than "skinnies" (his ex wife is a big girl and I am now as well, always had the tendancies).

And you want to meet someone who actually likes you for you, not necessarily the package. there are plenty of guys out there who are decent, who actually WANT to meet someone based on who they are more than just the outside. My grandmother always told me "Pretty is as pretty does" - so the packaging isn't always number one for everyone.

My DH has kids. I'm sure he also wondered if he'd ever meet a girl that would accept him AND his children, but you know what? Your son is part of the deal and you don't want ANYONE who doesn't accept that fully. Again we are talking about quality and caliber here, not just "a guy".

So personally, I think, when you are not looking and you just do the things you like to do, and go to the places you like to go, you'll "find" someone who has similar interests. Then you go from there.

Looking forward to seeing your ticker when you get your post count up! WELCOME!

JuliaDH
05-23-2009, 09:34 AM
I think you need to be prepared with a "standard" and "type" of guy that you would like to be with. Then live life and see who you cross paths with. Mind you sitting at home doing nothing wont help. You do need to participate in activities. But do activities you enjoy not just anything cause your on a man hunt. LOL. When you are focused on the activity versus the looking for a guy that is when mr right shows up. Just my opinion!

FYI I was introduced to my husband at my best friends baptism. Then we connected at another social gathering with common friends. After the third encounter we were joined at the hip and married 1 yr later.

Windchime
05-23-2009, 12:13 PM
I think you need to be prepared with a "standard" and "type" of guy that you would like to be with. Then live life and see who you cross paths with. Mind you sitting at home doing nothing wont help. You do need to participate in activities. But do activities you enjoy not just anything cause your on a man hunt. LOL.

Exactly! Sitting at home and conspicuously "not looking" sounds an awful lot like waiting for prince charming to come by on his white steed, which (as we all knows) rarely happens anymore these days!

Back to the OP: Some people may disagree, but I don't believe in the "one soulmate" theory. I think there are lots of possible matches for us in this big world; meeting up with him is sometimes the sticky part! So just be yourself, do the activities that you like, and keep an eye out for him. I have to believe that he is out there for you, just like he is for me. (Hopefully a different guy so we don't have to fight over him, heh). :)

bargoo
05-23-2009, 04:48 PM
And don't forget the old adage, "Be careful what you are looking for, you might find it ".

Windchime
05-23-2009, 06:41 PM
And don't forget the old adage, "Be careful what you are looking for, you might find it ".


Yep, very true!

PatientlyWeighting
05-26-2009, 04:27 PM
That's true. I need to not search desperately but then again, I can't just give up on the idea altogether. As soon as I turn 21, I expect to be going out more and meeting more people. As of right now, my life is sort of at a stand still. I work a lot but will be starting college in the fall if all goes well. Hopefully I will meet new people there and just expand my circle of friends. But thank you for all your answers. :)

dragonwoman64
05-27-2009, 04:00 PM
wow, college is one of the best places to meet new people. Take your time choosing the right partner, that's all I would add.

grneyedmustang
05-27-2009, 08:56 PM
I do not understand why you are offended at such a remark which wasn't even directed at you.

Maybe she wasn't offended...it's just that when you're on the single side of the fence (and have been for a while) - a lot of times you get tired of hearing the same "stop looking" cliche.

To the OP - I don't have any words of advice, because I'm in the "single and looking" boat - but I think that relationships are a lot like jobs. You won't find a good one if you take any old thing that comes. But remember, I'm in the single boat too - so I might not be the best one to take advice from. ;)

And you're only 21 - so you've got PLENTY of time. :)