20-Somethings - i'm tired of this....

View Full Version : i'm tired of this....

05-16-2009, 09:11 AM
im sorry i need to rant a lil i had a bad night. its basically bout my guy friends making fun of my weight. its like more constant then ever. one of them saying its supp to morivate me. ya it motivates me to go to the fridge n eat. cuz i am n emotional eater. YET they ALL have a weight problem. i tell them it hurts n they dont care they think i need to just suck it up n take it and im sorry but i am female and i am human and i have sensitive feelings. i dont know what to do none of my female friends stick up 4 me they just laugh w/ them n yet they have weight problems to. i did ask 1 of my female friends y she didnt stick up 4 me (apparently shes supp to be my bff) she didnt want to get involved or them to start on her cuz shes is plus sized too but u cant really tell cuz shes like 6'0'' n i AM 5'2''. i just dont what to say my only option is to stop being friends but ive been friends w/them 4 like 10 yrs. i just feel like staying in bed all day crying.

05-16-2009, 10:16 AM
Aww sweetie I'm so sorry youre dealing with this! They are being awful. I have a group of guy friends, and while they dont joke about my weight, they do get a little rough with their other jokes sometimes. The best thing I can tell you to do is to just continue to make it clear to them that youre not interested in them joking about your weight. I understand that you dont want to stop being friends with them, but you have to make it clear that even though they think they are being 'supportive' it hurts you and you dont appreciate it, and it's NOT helping!!

Youve already lost 80lbs though!!! That's INCREDIBLE! Keep going! Let that drive you to continue to be successful, and soon enough, youll be in such great shape!!

05-16-2009, 10:31 AM
umm, honestly? They arent very good friends, and I would just stop hanging out with them for a while. And if they ask why - tell them. Maybe they'll realize they dont have to be such aholes.

Sorry they are such jerks.

05-16-2009, 10:36 AM
85 pounds lost ! That is great ! It is very rude and unkind if your so called friends to be making fun of you. I don't have the answer for you but you might try saying that you want to improve your health and they are not helping by making remarks that hurt. As hard as it is you cannot let them get to you. Ignore them as much as you possibly can and remind yourself that you CAN DO IT and YOU HAVE ALREADY proven it by losing 85 pounds.

05-16-2009, 11:03 AM
I'm really sorry to hear your friends are treating you like this. Maybe they think they are motivating, but I agree with the above comments:

...you have to make it clear that even though they think they are being 'supportive' it hurts you and you dont appreciate it, and it's NOT helping!!

You've already lost 80lbs though!!! That's INCREDIBLE! Keep going!

I would just stop hanging out with them for a while. And if they ask why - tell them.

Ignore them as much as you possibly can and remind yourself that you CAN DO IT and YOU HAVE ALREADY proven it by losing 85 pounds.

Instead of hanging out with them (if you know they'll just pick at you), find a better way to spend your time: grab some headphones and go for a walk, try something new for fitness (gym, new workout, or buy something like walking shoes or a workout dvd), or spend that time doing what you like (read, watch movies, pamper yourself).

Seriously, if they are treating you like that (even your gf's who won't stick up for you), I'd just stop hanging out with them until they get the point. When they ask why you're not hanging out with them, tell them you're tired of it.

You're doing well to have progressed this far. Don't let them set you back with their negativity. Try to find a fitness/workout buddy or group in your area.

Good luck!! :hug:

05-16-2009, 11:05 AM
My guy friends did that years ago. I replied with how much I'd been losing, and asked them how much they had lost in that same amount of time. I then poked their beer bellies. It only took that once, of it being turned on them, to shut up.

05-16-2009, 11:46 AM
My dear it seems that they are just making fun of someone in order to feel better about their own weight problems. Unfortunately they chose you out of the group, but it probably could've been any of your other friends. Just know that it arises from their own insecurities, especially if they are aware that you are in the process of losing weight, they are more likely jealous!!!

Lose the weight and shove it in their faces!!!!!!!! :D:devil:

05-16-2009, 11:58 AM
I totally agree with everyone above. I've gone through this same thing as well, in some ways. I was having a really rough time (not just weight, but life in general... job, guys, school, health, family) and finally one night my guy friends took it too far and I got totally wasted and cut myself to the point of nearly bleeding to death.

Needless to say... THAT has never happened again. At that moment, I realized that whatever anyone had to say to me that was negative.... was their darned opinion and they could go suck it because they don't know me, they don't know my situation... and they sure as HECK haven't walked in my shoes.

Inconsiderate jerks. Ah well... those of us who have to work for what we've got..... will definitely deserve what we eventually get. :)

05-16-2009, 12:48 PM
You deserve so much better. Really. It doesn't matter if they have other good qualities. *LOTS* of people out there have good qualities, and don't then turn around and bash their friends, and continue to bash them even after they've been told how bad it makes you feel. Those are scary friends. Really, other kinds of people are out there.

05-16-2009, 05:02 PM
I agree with all of the above. You're doing great, and screw them if they're jealous and can't handle it. My guys are nothing but supportive about my journey here- if these people aren't they are NOT your friends. They're just trying to make themselves feel better about NOT losing weight, and the same goes for the girls. I would stop hanging out with them and be very clear about why you are.

05-17-2009, 12:37 AM
im in agreement with everyone here. sounds like next time they start to pull that crap you need to give them a big f*you and walk out. its more important to remove yourself from the negative behavior, especially since youve been dong so great so far! friends arent irreplaceable, at least these 'friends' dont sound like it. if they dont shape up, i think you need to upgrade.

stand up for yourself, you deserve it!!!

05-17-2009, 03:58 AM
Something that I've learned is that guys do that to one another. Call each other names, pick on each other, and it's actually a form of endearment. I don't think they're doing it to be mean, but rather because they consider you to be "one of the guys" and next time, fire one back! Say something like "At least I'm doing something about it, fatass!" in a jokable way. Make fun of them. My boyfriend's friends make fun of him for being a little overweight and hairy, so he makes fun of them for something else.

I don't think they're bad friends. I just think they don't really understand how women don't joke around like that. So either zing back, or tell them that you don't think it's funny or to lay off.

05-17-2009, 06:04 AM
I agree with sunflower that guys interact with each other differently, and teasing/making fun of each other is a very important part of male bonding. HOWEVER, if it truly upsets you, AND you have let them know, then they're not good friends. Period. You shouldn't need to feel that you have to ignore very legitimate feelings just to be one of the guys. I'm surrounded with a bunch of typical guys every day at work, and we make fun of each other for everything, but there are still lines that oughtn't to be crossed. Maybe they really don't mean it in a malicious way, and if you make your feelings clear they'll quit it. Real friends would respect your boundaries - if they still don't get it after that, then I'd distance myself from them. As they say, with friends like those, who needs enemies?

05-17-2009, 11:43 AM
I don't think they're bad friends. I just think they don't really understand how women don't joke around like that. So either zing back, or tell them that you don't think it's funny or to lay off.

That's the thing. She did.

05-17-2009, 11:53 AM
Guys know when they have gone to far.Someone should have said something,especially your BFF. If some people know your weakness,thats what they will attack.I would attack them where it hurts,in a kidding manner of course.Just like they did.Or I would just stop hanging with them.

05-25-2009, 03:22 PM
That's the thing. She did.

Then she should make fun of them back. Maybe it's just their insecurities too.

OP, Guys can be stupid sometimes, and they admit this every now and then. You should tell them they're being idiots, and to stop. Or maybe they're not as good of friends as you thought if they don't after you ask them. Maybe if you stop hanging out with them for awhile and tell them you don't want to hang out because they're @ssholes, they'll lay off. But you can't be passive aggressive with guys. You could say that you're not going to hang out until they act like a friend to you.

05-25-2009, 04:03 PM
Omg that is so insensitive! I'm sorry :hug:
But you know what, seriously, true friends aren't so hurtful. And if you tell them what they are saying/doing is hurtful and they continue to do it I would drop them as friends, because really, they aren't if they treat you like that.

05-25-2009, 09:08 PM
Wow they definitely aren't being very supportive are they? If I were you I would probably try to find people who would cheer for me instead of people that say things that are meant to be constant pokes in the ribs. I say, get rid of anything "toxic" in your life, including anyone who makes you feel less confident in yourself.

05-25-2009, 09:22 PM
Yea I can lose weight but your D*** will never get bigger........that should shut em up

But your GF shouldve stood up for ya and to use the excuse as I dont want to get picked on thats a bad friend. I had a very toxic friend in my life and we had been friends 20 years I didnt want to cut her lose but after so many times of being toxic , just not being supportive or a good friend, I did and I found much better friends.

05-26-2009, 08:05 PM

I totally agree, her friend should have stuck up for her. I think the whole "It's not my fight" excuse is LAME-O. If one of my friends was being picked on and she asked me to help her out, i wouldn't doubt it in my mind. Perhaps her friend is also insecure.

And I really like the whole "I can lose weight but you can't make your dick bigger" insult. Hilarious.