General chatter - Almost 25- feels like a crisis




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mizmizzy
05-16-2009, 12:55 AM
So I turn 25 next week. And it really feels like a crisis. I just don't know what I want in life anymore. There have been a million roadblocks and fallbacks this year for me. Financially, emotionally. Its all just wrecking hevoc on me. And I just lost my best friend due to a argument between us not at all threatening just emotionally painful and her loser bf wrote me a hate mail calling me names and threatening my life if I didnt leave her alone. Which seems quite high school to me, I mean whatever was going on with me and her had little to nothing to do with him -- its childish of him to step in like that and behave in that way! In that sense I am glad that maybe its time to let go of the friendship and move forward. Its made me realize most of the people I am acquainted with are still very much highschool-ish. In every way you can imagine. They have immiture relationships, don't have their own cars, still live at home with their parents. While I've graduated college and worked for almost 3 yrs straight and in fact just got a promotion. I've lived on my own for two of those years. And you know I realized none of my friends lives are compatible with mine. They are all still so "behind" andmaybe this is why I am so frustrated and feeling like turning 25 I don't even feel 25 -- because I am surrounded by so many immiture people who can't seem to get their acts together. I don't know why I don't have any friends around my own age who are accomplished at all yet. There seems to be drama in almost any relationship or friendship I've formed except for a select few. Maybe I need to find a new hobby where I can meet people who are more on my wave length. I don't know how though. Maybe it goes back to all the years I felt like an outcast. Its weird that somehow I am actually fitting into society and have a great job and a future to plan -- yet I still feel like the girl on the other side of the mirror, hiding but from what? Reality? the fact that maybe I am not such an outcast at all. That maybe a nice life and a nice career is attainable for me after all. I don't know. I'm just going in circles trying to figure out why I feel so crazy lately. There are alot of changes and I just don't even know what I want anymore. (besides losing this weight!) Anyone else go through anything like this?


lizziep
05-16-2009, 02:09 AM
I definitely went though that at 25 only for me it was maybe a little more on the other side. I felt like I had done nothing so far with my life and found it very upsetting that I didn't have anything to show for myself. It wasn't true, but it's what I was telling myself.

I also have always had a hard time relating to people my own age- I'm almost 29 now and just starting to find people that seem to be grown up and living on their own and making good decisions. I had an experience going to the town I went to high school in, where I saw some old friends and they were mostly either unemployed or working crappy jobs, living with a bunch of room mates so they can afford a place to life, still getting drunk and high every night... i just don't get it. i grew out of that stuff right out of high school.
i do think it'll help to look elsewhere for friendship. a hobby is a good place to start, or maybe finding some friends at work. Now is a good time for starting something new.

micheleherts
05-16-2009, 08:05 AM
We are all different and as you get older you will mature yourself, I'm sure you are a lovely girl but i'm sorry in your post you have come across as looking down at people that havent acheived as much as you have. I'm 44 and still don't have a car.

Hope you and your friend sort things out.


mizmizzy
05-16-2009, 10:01 AM
Sorry I don't mean to come down on people who don't have cars in the sense that they can't afford them, or if they just don't really care to have one, that wouldn't bother me at all, but I meant in the sense that they just mooch off their parents or mooch of their friends for rides all the time and they don't even try to get their act together themselves. It just bothers me because it makes a person feel used sometimes.

CountingDown
05-16-2009, 10:31 AM
It sounds like you need to reach out and find some folk that share similar values and experiences. You don't need to give up your friends, but try adding some new ones.
Is there anyone at work? church? gym? other places you frequent? that you think you might hit it off with? Invite them out for coffee/beverage and see where it goes from there.

:hug: You have a lot going for you - you really are blessed giving the economic situation for so many of your peers. Try to see this problem in light of the big picture.

janellody
05-16-2009, 11:50 AM
A lot of the time, your high school friends will take different paths than you choose to. In high school we don't get much opportunity to really do anything besides high school. But when it is over, there are so many different paths to take, it seems like maybe you have grown apart with most of your friends.

I had three main friends in high school, and for a lot of years afterwards, I only stay connected with 1 of them. We were all very close so it was weird that we never stayed in contact, but eventually we all came together again and now I am very good friends with all three of them. However, it HAS been a rocky road, because I want our friendships to be like they were in high school and they just aren't. People do stupid things, make stupid decisions that I don't agree with, have stupid boyfriends, etc. and these friendships just have to grow and mature past high school, otherwise they won't last. I think time will tell if your friendships will really last.

As for turning 25, I am 26 now and I really do hate growing up. I feel like I am 21 still and can't believe that I am so old!! I know I know, everyone tells me that it's not old, but I can't stop from feeling like it is. I try to remember that you are only as old as you feel, and don't let the number 25 define who you are or where you should be in life or what type of friends you have. You get to lead your life however you want to, so don't let age make you feel like you have to follow some rule book about what to do in your life.

lizziep
05-16-2009, 12:36 PM
a really good book for the 20 year old crisis is 20 something, 20 everything. goes a lot into how young women especially feel a lot of pressure to be everything right away, especially right out of college- and how a lot of us wind up working really hard toward some goal then realizing it wasn't what we wanted afterall.
it's good. might help with that quarter life crisis feeling.

mizmizzy
05-16-2009, 04:13 PM
Thanks for the book recommendation I will have to go take a look at that! And also thank you to jenellody its good to know I am not alone in this process! :)

LittleBitIzzy
05-17-2009, 05:47 PM
I remember being in high school and just wanted to be done with it---I just wanted to be older, wanted my life to begin already. Now, I'm 25, been married for almost five years, and feel so old...feels like life is slipping away and I'm getting older without even realizing it......you really need to make an effort to appreciate every day for what it is and be thankful for what you have in life and what you can aspire to accomplish.

LittleBitIzzy
05-17-2009, 05:49 PM
Also, I know what you mean about being on a different level with your friends---in high school, most of my friends were already out of school...then when I got out of high school, I got married two years later and it was hard to relate to my friends because they weren't married and didn't understand why I didn't want to spend 24/7 with them anymore...and now they are all married and have kids...and I don't have kids...and so I'm not a part of their exclusive "club"...sucks. Sorry, not trying to hijack your post, but just trying to say I can understand where you're coming from....but it is good to have friends with different lifestyles and personalities to balance everything out.

mizmizzy
05-22-2009, 08:15 PM
Yeah. Its just really hitting me how no one will ever be a best friend to me like she was. I'll never stop missing the good moments we had. Its really sucky :(

Tracy
05-23-2009, 01:37 AM
Just be thankful you made it to 25,some people aren't lucky enough to.

Mahina Lani
05-23-2009, 09:48 AM
If it helps, I'm 27 and I don't know what I want out of life.
You're not alone feeling this way.

techwife
05-23-2009, 11:18 PM
I remember being your age and going to where I spent my summers as a kid (ironically, where I live now). I went to the beach where we all had campfires every night and....nobody was there. A couple nights later I went back and all my friends' little brothers and sisters were there and I felt like Wooderson from Dazed and Confused. I asked where everyone was and they were all graduated from college and had jobs, were married, etc. I'm like...whoa...everyone grew up!

Don't worry. You get used to it, grow up yourself and suddenly you look around and say, you know? This is pretty cool being grown up. Its painful and scary to know that you're getting older. But you get used to it.

A couple years ago I got a job at Master Cuts. One day, at 41 years old, I looked around at the people I worked with and realized that when I was their age, they weren't even BORN yet! I felt old. Really old. Then Saturday after Saturday I'd come in to work and someone would be in the back room crying because their boyfriend broke up with them or cheated on them. Life in your twenties can be so DRAMATIC!! It was then that I didn't feel old...I felt just about right. I'm so glad I'm not that age anymore. I love being in my forties. But I have to say that I was a little taken aback when one of the girls went to the bank with me in my car and I had Rush on in my CD player and she giggled and called me OLD SCHOOL!! I'm like, "HEY!" I loved the girls I worked with even though they were half my age. I also have good friends that are twice my age.

I know you don't have a problem with growing up, but maybe with growing away from what you're used to. Cheer up. It gets easier.

dkneec19
05-24-2009, 12:28 AM
I'm 28 and have no freakin' clue either. But the beauty is you don't need to know.

And oooohweeee! If I had a dime for every friend I had to let go, or that had to let go of me. Even "the good ones" There are reasons and lessons as to why people come and go out of our lives...

GradPhase
05-24-2009, 03:49 AM
20 Something, 20 Everything IS a great book, and I came here to say that but someone beat me to it :)

I turn 20 in a few hours, and I feel like I'm already well on my way to my "Quarter life crisis"

flatiron
05-26-2009, 01:12 PM
Yeah. Its just really hitting me how no one will ever be a best friend to me like she was. I'll never stop missing the good moments we had. Its really sucky :(

You don't know that. You are only 25 and you talk like you are the salt of the earth already! LOL!

You have so much of your life to live still! The rest of your 20's, your 30's and 40's! There is SO much that goes on in those years!

You will have so many friends and do so many things in that time.

And take it from someone who is twice your age and still enjoying life. All those years go by pretty fast and it is so true when people say life is short so enjoy it.

You lost one friend and that is sad but you will have so many other friends in your life!

Figure out what is your "passion" then make a plan. That's all their is too it. I did and now I am doing what I love. :)

Thighs Be Gone
05-26-2009, 01:17 PM
Aack..the 20's..luckily I am finished with them...your pondering "what to do and how to do it" brings back memories.

First off, if the email was threatening, you need to print it and keep it. You may need it. Secondly, get the drama OUT of your life. Put the guy on block or whatever you need to do.

Last, keep your eye on the ball. If it is a career and good life you want then keep moving towards it. No matter what. Don't let miserable people with little ideas and big drama get in your way. Walk through it/them and keep on going.

Are there meetup groups in your area for others in your profession? Have you ever been to Toastmasters? What about doing volunteer work for Habitat for Humanity or Meals on Wheels or whatever? Often times, these things bring out the best in us. While we are exuding our best, it's the PERFECT time to attract others like us! :) Good luck!

Thighs Be Gone
05-26-2009, 01:22 PM
I'm 28 and have no freakin' clue either. But the beauty is you don't need to know.

And oooohweeee! If I had a dime for every friend I had to let go, or that had to let go of me. Even "the good ones" There are reasons and lessons as to why people come and go out of our lives...

Beautifully said.