General chatter - Anyone leave their husband?




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Savora
05-14-2009, 02:34 PM
Hey girls, just wondering if any of you have ever gone through a break up while trying to lose weight, i'm leaving my significant other of 10 years and am thinking without all the added stress of him always cutting me down i might be able to lose weight a little easier???? he is really mentally abusive and used to be physically abusive, he is mean to my teenage girls and i just got fed up, i'm moving out this monday, have everything setup, found a really cute apartment and am ready to try this on my own.... he has told me i won't be able to do it, but i'm determined!!!!


Jacque9999
05-14-2009, 02:45 PM
My ex and I split 13 years ago and I lost a ton of weight at that time. I don't recommend this sort of plan for weight loss. However, if you are in an abusive relationship or if you or your kids are in danger...GET OUT!!! Please GET OUT!!!

24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

JerseyGyrl
05-14-2009, 02:49 PM
I'm sure you've heard the saying "Its not what you're eating....its whats eating you"....it is 100% true. When someone is mentally & emotionally abusive, particularly in a relationship, it can often be worse than physical abuse. Trust me, it took me years to learn, you do not have to live like that! Life is way too short to be lived miserably.
You are definitely on the right track getting away from him...not to mention for the sake of your daughters. You have a good positive attitude and will do just fine and in time, when you are ready, you will find someone who loves, appreciates & accepts you for the person you are:)
Don't let him (or anyone) break your spirit by telling you that you won't be able to do it. YOU WILL!!!
All the best to you!!:hug:


beerab
05-14-2009, 02:59 PM
My mom left my dad a few years ago and he was very abusive, told her she'd die without him, no other man would love her, and so on.

Now it's over 4 years later she's got an amazing career now and looks great- she lost weight and I say she looks younger than ever :)

Good for you for getting out and showing your children they don't need to put up with crap.

kiramira
05-14-2009, 04:33 PM
Thank you for being a great example for your teenagers. You are living proof that no one has to put up with abuse, and you are living the values of self-worth and are protecting your kids.

You'll be just fine.

:hug:

Kira

newleaf123
05-14-2009, 04:52 PM
Telling you that you won't be able to do this is another attempt at trying to control you. Good for you for getting out and moving on!! I'm sure your weight loss will go fine and even blossom.

Be safe.

dutchgirl
05-15-2009, 03:58 AM
I left my abusive husband and it was the best thing I ever did.
Give yourself time to get to know yourself again, you lose so much sense of who you are in an abusive situation.
But don't you believe him when he says you can't make it, because you absolutely can.

I found it necessary to cut off all contact with my ex and make it a clean break because he wanted to keep trying to pull me back into his life. Be watchfull about that and remember that very few abusers manage to truely change their ways.
No matter how sweet and nice and lovely and apologetic he becomes in the coming time, as soon as he would have you back where he wants you the abuse would start all over again.

You are going to do so well without him, and so will your girls!

ringmaster
05-15-2009, 04:47 AM
I almost married an abusive man. Weight loss or not, I was burying my pain and emotions in food and was regaining weight I lost before I met him. Mines also said I wouldn't make it on my own, I wouldn't become anything and I wouldn't meet anyone better than him.. he always picked at my flaws and looked at other girls. Getting an argument with him was scary... he'd grab me and throw me against the wall, slap me and leave bruises, a few times it was bad enough I wanted to call the cops. It's taken me awhile to sort out my feelings and start taking care of myself and knowing I'm someone that doesn't deserve to be treated that way.

If you feel you'd be better without him, leave. Don't wait to lose weight or hope it'll make your weight loss easier, leave for your own peace of mind and safety.

squeak351
05-15-2009, 10:19 AM
Kudos to you for getting out of that situation. I am sure you don't want your girls to be in the same situation. Getting out shows them that it's NOT ok to be abusive to the one you are supposed to love.

I know you can make it on your own. Will it be tough, yes, can you do it YES!!

TamiL
05-15-2009, 10:23 AM
I didn't go through a break up when trying to lose weight. Losing weight just became easier after I left the jerk!!! Heck I lost 200 lbs of deadweight with the stroke of a pen!!!

Seriously, my ex husband and I were married for 13 years. I couldn't stand the sight of him. I tried to get him to move out for many years to no avail. He would always tell me that I was fat, ugly, had 2 kids and no man would every want me. I knew that wasn't true because I had no problem getting men interested in me even then.

One day I grew up and just did it. I borrowed a friend from works truck, packed some stuff and moved into an apartment. Then I called him and let him know that I had moved and he should probably call me to make arrangements for custody. Of course he spent some time trying to convince me that it was just temporary and I should just take some time to think about it. I did, about 2 days and then I filed for divorce! Ironically, he is the one who still, 13 years later, doesn't have a girlfriend or wife. I've been remarried now for 12 years and have 2 more beautiful children. I married that friend with the truck!!!

Don't waste your life being unhappy! You only live once. I lost about 30 pounds during this life change without trying.

Savora
05-15-2009, 12:52 PM
thank you all for the heart felt replies, i go to a therapist and she assures me this is the best thing for me, i'm just scared i won't be able to feed my daughters... i'm moving in just 3 days and am really excited, i got the keys today and have a uhaul setup for monday.... i'm still losing weight as i go through this transition, i'm just hoping it will come off a little easier without the stress of always being put down, i was very thin when i met him and he didn't like the looks i got from other men, well i don't get them now that i'm heavier and i think he likes it that way!!! anyways... i'm doing this and he will just have to accept that... thanks again!

zanheltangia
05-15-2009, 02:35 PM
thank you all for the heart felt replies, i go to a therapist and she assures me this is the best thing for me, i'm just scared i won't be able to feed my daughters... i'm moving in just 3 days and am really excited, i got the keys today and have a uhaul setup for monday.... i'm still losing weight as i go through this transition, i'm just hoping it will come off a little easier without the stress of always being put down, i was very thin when i met him and he didn't like the looks i got from other men, well i don't get them now that i'm heavier and i think he likes it that way!!! anyways... i'm doing this and he will just have to accept that... thanks again!

:D I imagine that the stress would be off your girls too once everything settles! Are they excited about the move too? A happier mom is always a great thing to daughters, I speak from experience! :hug:

Windchime
05-15-2009, 10:19 PM
Savora, I got divorced 13 years ago. My ex wasn't physically abusive, but he would always cut me down or ignore me if I wasn't toeing the line. When I moved out, he told me that I would fail because I'd never shoveled snow in my life. On the day of the first snowfall, I went to his house while he was at work and stole his snowshovel and used that to shovel my driveway. I don't recommend this, but it's kind of funny in hindsight and, to his credit, he never said a word about his missing snow shovel.

You can do this. You can feel it in your heart that it's the right thing, I know you can. Best of luck to you! You will feel so much better when you are away from the abuse, and you are doing your daughters an immense favor. Hang in there!

Savora
05-16-2009, 09:16 AM
Yes i'm excited and my girls are too... they like the apartment and the location and we are buying little things for it to make it "girly" (our kitchen is gonna be pink and white) we are gonna be doing without a lot of things we had when i was with my b/f but they are gonna have to realize that's how life is and get a job (she's 16) and work if she wants a cell phone or gas! anyways we start moving some stuff tomorrow and get our uhaul on monday, here we go..... i'll keep ya'll posted to how the move goes, thanks again!

beerab
05-18-2009, 12:32 PM
You can do it!

david
05-18-2009, 02:25 PM
savora...i have three daughters....what you are doing is sending a very positive message to your teenagers...they see that no one needs to stay in a bad situation...you are empowering them as well as yourself...best wishes and congratulations on your decision....stay strong!!

kiramira
05-18-2009, 02:34 PM
Savora, my thoughts are with you today and I hope you have a fantastic, stress-free move.

And I really hope this thread serves as a reminder that NOONE should stay in an abusive situation -- female OR male.

Kira

Savora
05-20-2009, 07:09 PM
well i am officially moved in and have internet now, yea..... he called me over to cut his hair last night (i'm a hair stylist) anyways... he was being extremely nice, but i'm still staying strong and i signed a lease for two years instead of one, just to make sure! i have my little puppy here for all the lovin i need, he is a sweetheart.... thanks again everyone, hope all is going good for everybody!

Windchime
05-20-2009, 08:25 PM
I'm glad to see your post, Savora. I was wondering how you were doing! I'm glad to hear that things are going well.

gretchen1986
05-22-2009, 05:13 AM
Woohoo, congrats Savora!

My mum left my dad after 35 years of marriage and even though all us kids were grown up and out of home, it made a big difference to all our relationships!

Amy8888
05-22-2009, 12:36 PM
This was not the same situation as you are in...but I did lose around 50 pounds after I broke up with a guy I dated for four years. We lived together so it was a serious relationship. It was so much easier to restructure my way of eating once I restructured my life, especially by getting rid of the thing that was making me the most unhappy in my life.

Dominique19
05-23-2009, 06:58 PM
Get out. You can do it. If you ever think about going back just recall all the suffering you've endured at his hands and how much more misery he would love to put you through. My bestfriend left her mentally and physically abusive longtime boyfriend about 2 years ago. She has lost close to 70 pounds since.

Dominique19
05-23-2009, 06:59 PM
If he was mentally and physically abusive maybe you need to cut off all contact. Most abusers try to be sweet and considerate to get you back where they want you.

MissRicer
05-24-2009, 11:51 PM
Hi,

I had to write. I was in an abusive relationship that turned out to be the cause of my weight gain; all the stress and guilt. It ended over four years ago but I have not been able to get rid of all the weight yet; only because of my own laziness. Now, I am determined to lose the only reminder of I have of that dark time: my extra pounds.
They always try to come back and seem really sweet. I feel for it once and realized a month later that he had not changed but I had; I was smarter. I know that you can do it. Think of what a wonderful new, safe life and example you are setting for you daughters.
I wish you all the best, stay strong.
If you ever want to send me a message, love to hear from you!
:hug:

flatiron
05-26-2009, 12:02 PM
My wife ran off and left me and our at the time 9 year old daughter.

It turned out to be the best thingthat ever happened to me. After my doldrums I decided I would make this a change for the good.

I lost a ton of weight (but unfortunately gained it all back but it took 10 years! LOL) changed careers, starting doing all the things I ever dreamed of one of them ended up being my career.

You are starting a new chapter in your life and YOU are the author of what is going to be written in it. How exiciting! :carrot: