Thanks, but... - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

matt_H · 05-13-2009, 10:57 AM

My WW leader last week was talking about something that I do all of the time and now I see how wrong it is both to myself and to others. Specially, this is when someone makes a compliment on weight loss and you say "Thanks, but I still have XX pounds to lose" or "Thanks, but I am still really fat..".

Not only does it hurt the person who is trying to say something nice, but you aren't allowing yourself to be happy with what you have been doing and the choices that you've made.

So, if someone says something nice to you, say "Thanks". (with no buts!).

Kae · 05-13-2009, 11:01 AM

This is a very nice point. ...I haven't had compliments from others yet but I've found myself saying it to others. "I've only lost "XX" so far... so I've got a long way to go... but it's a start." It's like you said.. it really does take away from the positive and all the hard work that has gotten you to where you are.

Thanks for sharing!

Rosinante · 05-13-2009, 11:03 AM

Good point. We need to learn to be happy about what we Have achieved and not just worry about what we haven't yet - and to accept compliments graciously too.

irishsarah · 05-13-2009, 11:18 AM

Very true. Now that you mention it, I always negate a compliment like that. I guess no one is harder on us, then ourselves.

ShutterK · 05-13-2009, 11:25 AM

I never thought of it like that. Not like anybody's saying that to me yet, though!

kswood87 · 05-13-2009, 11:27 AM

Wow I was just doing this yesterday. A friend told me I was really starting to look good and I pretty much laughed at her and said yeah I still have a loooong way to go. I guess sometimes I just feel like people are just trying to be nice. Or maybe I don't want them to think that I am being conceited or something?!? Hmm...I seriously need to work on this.

JulieJ08 · 05-13-2009, 11:32 AM

That is so true. If you keep answering compliments with "but" people may start answering with "Oh. Bummer for you."

freshmanweightorbust · 05-13-2009, 11:33 AM

I had this problem, too. I've been trying to train myself to say, "Thanks, I feel great, too!" when somebody tells me I'm looking good. I do lie and say that I don't know, when they want to know how much I've lost. I don't think it's quite exactly polite for people I'm not close with to ask me that. I know they don't mean to be rude, but I still prefer to airily dismiss it with "ooh, I don't even know, but I'm not worried about the numbers, I just want to feel better, you know?" and change the subject.

freshmanweightorbust · 05-13-2009, 11:34 AM

Yet, for some reason, I have no problem posting it for all to see on the internet!

WhitePicketFences · 05-13-2009, 11:36 AM

Ha, just over the weekend, when I was trying on a ton of clothes in various sizes -- and receiving a little snarkiness for it -- I ended up telling a shop saleslady that it's because I recently lost 70 lbs.

She very nicely responded, "Oh, you must feel great!" I said, "yeah, still have a lot to go ..." She was like, "I mean it must feel good, like on your joints." (Truthfully I never really thought about my joints much.)

I hastily, Oh, yes, of course'd her nicely and confirmed how good it felt ... though in walking back to the dressing room I realized how possibly rude/negative I was in our original exchange.

Delphi · 05-13-2009, 11:42 AM

Well, I think that is exactly the outlook we should all take. I've always been the type of individual that simply can not take a compliment, but this may be a very good place to start. Thanks!

GirlyGirlSebas · 05-13-2009, 11:44 AM

I agree. We should treasure our success. We earned it!

Nash · 05-13-2009, 11:49 AM

Whoa! I just did this the other day. My Cousins wife asked me - "you have lost a considerable amount of weight haven't you!" I quickly responded - I have a lot left to lose.

You are right matt. Thanks!!!

shrinkingleah · 05-13-2009, 11:56 AM

I've got to learn some grace. I really like hearing positive compliments, but if I think about it, maybe I'm not that positive in return. No more buts.

Slashnl · 05-13-2009, 01:32 PM

It's funny that you mention this. I've had a couple of people at my gym say something about my dedication to being there every day (except Sunday). The first time, I said something lame like, "Uh thanks. But I have a lot of work yet to do." But I realized how stupid that sounded!!! When someone I know mentioned that I am doing so well and she was impressed, I said, "Thanks! I'm feeling really proud!"

Just about killed me to not put myself down, but it was an accurate response.