Weight Loss Support - angry and sad at myself... help




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teawithsunshine
05-09-2009, 12:20 AM
Today wasn't good for me.

My sleeping habits have been wrecked the last 2 days due to work being done on the house.

So I got out of the house today with not a lot of energy... I didn't realize how bad it was until I got to the gym.

I generally work hard/very hard at my exercise. I sweat a lot on the elliptical and lately, I've been upping the incline/resistance so I can keep getting a good workout. It's not easy.

I then spend over an hour doing total body weight training three times a week as my trainer suggests (It can take longer than an hour because of waiting for other people at the gym to finish a particular weight machine).

Generally, I love it. I love the feeling of accomplishment I get from exercising and I'm excited by the beginnings of some feeling of muscle in my arms, et al.

I went on the elliptical for an hour as I usually do... I could not do it in an aerobic state. I thought my body was "pretending to be lazy." I stayed on there, hoping at some point my energy would kick in and I could develop a sweat. Nada.

I tried the treadmill for a bit after the pathetic attempt at the elliptical... I tried for 6 minutes at an easier pace and then realized "okay my body's NOT kidding around here, I literally have NO energy here." (*For those of you wondering, I had left the house for the gym having eaten several cups of steamed broccoli and a salmon patty for protein as my pre-workout meal).

I then tried to do my weight training, to see if "well, if I'm not in a cardio mood, maybe I can still do a bada$$ weight training workout and not call this a total loss?"

I went through all the motions like I usually do .... nada. I still had next to no energy here.

I remember feeling throughout all my time trying to get into an aerobic state --- feeling so angry and upset at myself. I go the gym 6 days a week, and I understand if some days I don't do as well as others, I follow the motto "at least I tried my best!"

This was NOT my best by FAR. I didn't break a sweat (even though the elliptical massaged my ego by saying I burned over 500 calories by the time I hopped off the machine-- yeah, riiiight).

I felt even more miserable by watching others in the gym who clearly had more energy to spare than me. I spent time thinking to myself... I'm not sick, I'm not on TOM... why can't I be more like THEM today?!

I went to my local neighborhood cafe/bookstore after running some errands after my dismal gym experience, ordered a cup of plain rooibos tea, and had a copy of "french women don't get fat" and just burst into tears.

I felt so bad.

Hear me out, I've joined the gym several months ago. A part of my brain is throwing a temper tantrum, saying "I should have been able to drop MORE than 2 or three of pounds with that amount of various cardio machines & weight lifting options?!"

I looked at the "french women don't get fat" book in the cafe and I remembered how much easier it was in the beginning-- I could just walk several miles outside and enjoy my food in small portions and lose weight.

Now, I have to work even HARDER to try to lose weight (in addition to enjoying my meals in small portions).

Then I felt even worse having to go home, prepare my dinner and finish off the rest of my 1,500 caloric intake of chicken, veggies, and a treat of nuts (measured out by measuring cups... I never trust myself to just simply take a handful of nuts or a lick of almond butter from a knife. I'm a serious calorie counter). The thought of eating that much just made me feel like a fat pig (For a long time I ate at 1,200-1,300 calories and lost weight effectively until my weight slowed and I upped it to 1,500 at the advice of my trainer).

Since it's the weekend, I'll be able to get more sleep. (*I'm not trying to make an excuse for myself here, just letting y'all know I'll be able to get more sleep tomorrow!).

I just am upset that I couldn't make my personal best attempt today to exercise. I've never exercised or tried to exercise feeling this sapped of energy here.

I wish it wasn't this hard to lose weight. I'd feel a lot better if I could see a pound or 2 dropped by next week, even though my recent track record doesn't suggest I'll see that on the scale this coming monday :(

Sigh.

Just a bad day.

~ tea


JulieJ08
05-09-2009, 12:24 AM
Hey, it's just one day. Let it go :) Save all that angst for when you have a persistent problem with it. :hug:

Windchime
05-09-2009, 12:35 AM
Tea--you had no sleep for 2 days. No wonder you didn't have energy! There have been days where I am just plain old too tired to complete my exercise. Not many, and I don't let myself use it as a reason to stop early very often (I think only twice since the beginning of February). But if your body is just plain ol' zapped of energy, then you need to cut yourself some slack and get some rest. Seriously. My guess is that after a good night's sleep and some serious rest and good nutrition*, you'll be back in fighting shape.

*I know you're already getting good nutrition, but don't go too low in calories! Someone mentioned awhile back that our bodies are like a furnace. When we're exercising, we need to stoke that furnace so it can burn hot and fast. If the furnace is being starved of fuel, it just can't burn like it should. So don't feel bad about eating your calories.

Hang in there! You just sound really tired to me. Things will look better in the morning.


Jacqui_D
05-09-2009, 12:37 AM
Tea, I've read a lot lately about the role of sleep in weight loss. It's absolutely necessary! So of course, it necessary for exercise! You said that your sleep patterns have been disturbed lately. You may not being going into REM sleep, and if that's so, then your lack of energy is related to a need for deep sleep. It repairs the body. I have fibromyalsia and that's all about aches and pains in the body and chronic fatigue for the very reason of not going into REM sleep. It's not your fault! Your body needs a good night of sleep to heal and to function well. Don't beat yourself up! You just need a few nights of really good sleep! Once you get that, it will be okay. :hug:

VickieLou
05-09-2009, 02:25 AM
Tea

Look under Weight & Resistance Training then under Basic Bodybuilding Info 'gettin started. It has some great information. Look under Rest: It mentions every 12 weeks rest one week. I'm not sure if you were rest after 12 weeks.
Maybe, that would help. Good Luck.

flatiron
05-09-2009, 02:46 AM
Tea life is a roller coaster ... sometimes you are UP ... and sometimes you are down. Just keep remembering that! :D

How can workers disrupt your sleep? Are they banging on the walls all night? Don't most workers knock off in the evening? Are you a nightshift worker and they are working during the day while you are trying to sleep?

Two days without sleep I can definitely relate. I went 20 years without getting a good nights sleep. When I was finally diagnosed with sleep apnea and got my CPAP machine it was a God send!

If you are not getting enough sleep that could definitely be and underlying reason WHY you feel the way you do.

Maybe if you go get a fancy hotel room with a jacuzzi for the night by yourself and just soak in a tub and then get a good nights sleep it would be like taking a mini vacation! It is for me anyways! You get to lie in bed and watch TV and no one knows where you are at!

good luck Tea hope you feel better tomorrow! :D

PinkyPie
05-09-2009, 08:05 AM
Tea, I'm so sorry you feel angry and sad at yourself. As others have said, sleep has a lot to do with energy levels and ability to give it your all for a great workout. Instead of being angry and sad at yourself, which really has no added value, realise and accept that a situation that has been OUT of your control has affected you, and with the help from these fantastic friends at 3FC find a way to get you back to your more-energy self. One off day is definitely not going to wreck the fantastic work you've done so far!

hang in there!!!

JayEll
05-09-2009, 08:10 AM
For goodness sake... not only was your body worn out, but your judgment was way off! ;)

Listen to your body! Gosh, you're not a failure because you can't make yourself sweat! Some days the body needs rest! It's not just this passive thing that we can boss around with our mind... :faint:

The fact that you ended up crying in a coffee shop... Well, that's over the top, don't you think?

Maybe you are just generally pushing too hard. I'm not saying lay back and eat donuts, but could you ease up a little? Give yourself some credit here.

Jay

rockinrobin
05-09-2009, 08:34 AM
Awww honey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

But honestly, I just don't get it. I can't see what you are so upset with yourself. You are dealing with unusual circumstances as far as the sleep deprivation goes. You're expecting too much from your body. It was tired. Give it a break! And of course give YOU a break.

Don't feel badly about tracking your calories either - feel PROUD. You're doing a wonderful thing by being accountable and keeping your food intake at a reasonable and healthy level. It's responsible of you. It takes a lot of commitment and drive and you should CELEBRATE the fact that you are doing it!

You have and still are accomplishing SO much. Why are you being so hard on yourself? I think you should take a step back. Imagine if it were a good friend of yours who has made these lifestyle changes. Would you expect her to work out at her top speed when she was sorely lacking sleep? Would you think she was a fat pig for consuming 1500 calories? What would you think of her efforts and her progress and her tranformation? I bet you'd think she was pretty darn amazing. :hug:

Tomato
05-09-2009, 09:25 AM
I think you have unrealistic expectations. You are working way too hard and your body needs some time off. Especially if you haven't slept. I decided this morning to skip my spinning class because I slept a total of 3 hours last night. I woke up at 2 am and just couldn't fall asleep again ( my brain is a very active state these days and it will be an issue until a certain problem in my life is resolved). There is no point for me to try to do anything this morning, especially when I had a weight lifting session until 9 pm last night. I am just taking a break, that's all, and so should you.

Ija
05-09-2009, 09:41 AM
Listen to your body, tea... you're pushing it too hard. Give yourself some rest and get back to the gym another day.

Windchime
05-09-2009, 11:08 AM
How are you feeling this morning, Tea? Did you get some rest last night?

Delphi
05-09-2009, 11:26 AM
I just took a much needed day off and my body felt so much better today during exercise, perhaps you need the same. Sleep is definitely important, so if the workers are keeping you up, perhaps some ear plugs are in order. ;)

teawithsunshine
05-10-2009, 01:05 AM
Hi guys!!

Thanks for the comments!

I had some time to reflect on why I was feeling like this yesterday...

I'm dealing with a lot of stress lately, mostly bad (a little of it good!) and I think what happened was I really needed my mojo in the gym yesterday.

I'm fully aware life happens-- you got the parents, kids, job, errands-- all the nuttiness that comes with going about your life here. And, as much as everyone'd like-- they can't just drop everything in the middle of the day and go hang out in an infinity pool and meditate or do yoga for an hour with new age music in the background ;)

And while I do have other means of relaxation, in that part of the day that I was stressed out as I headed into the gym, I really wanted my energy buzz so I could burn calories and also "burn" stress off too :) It just didn't happen and I think that - and being tired from less than the usual amount of sleep I get - was really was what I was more upset about.

I did have a better workout today... I wouldn't even place today's session in the top twenty by FAR, but it's probably the equivalent of a light, sweaty walk.

But I do plan to veg for the rest of the day and Sunday is my day off from exercise after exercising 6 days a week, so I'll be enjoying a lovely movie or 2 in bed! :cool:

Thanks everyone for listening to this meltdown!!!! :)

I had a scaled back day today, so that allowed me to literally "go out and smell the flowers" and just enjoy the really nice weather!

~ tea

georgiad
05-10-2009, 10:45 AM
Maybe your body's just getting tired of the same routine.

Do something different today that doesn't feel like exercise. Go swimming, go hillwalking, play tennis or squash...give your body something to wake up to!

And if not...it's only one day.