Weight Loss Support - Is Revenge a motivator for you?




View Full Version : Is Revenge a motivator for you?


kiramira
05-05-2009, 10:12 PM
Hi all!
OK, so I went to visit a friend of mine a few weeks ago (see my previous threads about this trip from ****). We hadn't seen each other for about 5 years. Since I've seen her, she's gained around 40 lbs. I've lost 40 lbs (she last saw me at 221 lbs). It was like we "flipped bodies". She kept saying how GREAT I looked, and she wasn't really saying it a nice way. It was more in a jealous way, because I've always been the heavy one in the relationship and now things are different.
Anyways, to make a long story short, it was a horrible trip. Before I left to visit her, she expressed to me about all the things we would do and how much fun we'd have, but when I GOT there, she turned really passive-aggressive. In all areas. And although she KNEW I was watching my diet, she and her DH decided to eat out twice a day at places with NO healthy options (Five Guys, anyone???) and would CHANGE the restaurant AFTER I'd look up the menus and make a healthy choice. It was like she was sabotaging me. Needless to say, it wasn't any fun. And I gained 3.5 lbs which thankfully I have since lost as I got RIGHT back on track when I got home.
But her actions got me MAD and MORE MOTIVATED than ever. I probably won't see her for another 5 years (she's only 1.5 hours away by air but has told me that she wouldn't "waste her money" coming up to see me but I could fly down to see HER again...), but when I DO see her, I WANT TO BE AT GOAL WEIGHT.
I really, REALLY want this. More than pretty much anything ELSE right now. I mean, I believe in the healthy lifestyle and am committed to it, but when I run out of mental steam, I JUST think to this and I AM MOTIVATED again.

Anyone else experience this? With respect to whom? And does this make me a bad, shallow, vindictive person :o ?

Kira


SweetScrumptious
05-05-2009, 10:42 PM
Oh ya, when me and my ex of 2 years first broke up in August 2007 to be with another girl, I made it my PACT to become this skinny hot thing for when he sees me again. I started losing weight right away, but I started to get REALLY serious at the beginning of this year.

He moved to Calgary and is now engaged to that girl, but I don't think he'll be seeing me anytime soon (haven't seen him since we broke up).

But if one day, we cross paths, I still wanna be little Miss Hot Thang to rub it in his face!

sidhe
05-05-2009, 10:44 PM
Yes, I've experienced it. Am experiencing it right now, in many ways. And no, it doesn't make you a bad, shallow, vindictive person. It makes you human. :hug:


DCHound
05-05-2009, 10:49 PM
After reading that, she's not your friend and I'm not sure why you would ever want to see her again.

SmilesIowa
05-05-2009, 10:54 PM
All I have to say is Amen! I am doing this for myself the most, but I have several people that I want to stick it to. I have a friend who basically said she hangs out with me because I'm not competition for her and she is pissed if anything good happens to me... I'mnot sure how long we'll be friends. Oh and the ex's, I can't wait for the day they see me thinner. :) Whenever I get down or need motivation, I think about what it would be like for one of them to see me and it gets me going again.

So if this makes you a shallow person, then we are there together! LOL

RachelOnADiet
05-05-2009, 10:56 PM
I agree with DCHound, this woman doesn't sound like a very good friend! I don't think I'd wanna see her. She does, however, provide great motivation ;)

Windchime
05-05-2009, 11:16 PM
Are you asking me if part of the reason I'm buckling down is to look like a million bucks at my class reunion this summer and make all the guys who didn't give me the time of day in high school a little bit sorry? Nooooooooooo! ;)

ringmaster
05-05-2009, 11:20 PM
ha, similar story here. Yeah, I want to look good in case I ever run into my ex again and so he can see what he missed out on. And also show off to anyone else who wasn't the nicest to me because I wasn't the "skinny" one. :mad:

Oh ya, when me and my ex of 2 years first broke up in August 2007 to be with another girl, I made it my PACT to become this skinny hot thing for when he sees me again. I started losing weight right away, but I started to get REALLY serious at the beginning of this year.

He moved to Calgary and is now engaged to that girl, but I don't think he'll be seeing me anytime soon (haven't seen him since we broke up).

But if one day, we cross paths, I still wanna be little Miss Hot Thang to rub it in his face!

JuliaDH
05-06-2009, 12:00 AM
I try to use the "I WILL show you" 'tude to have a positive effect on my losses. Dont anyone dare tell me I cant do it! Actually its good when someone doubts me and says I cant. Its fuel to "Get 'er done!"

Delphi
05-06-2009, 06:09 AM
I'll mirror the words of others and say, that your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend at all. However, I definitely understand, especially after this trip, how hitting your goal and showing off your hard work would be quite satisfying. ;)

rainy
05-06-2009, 07:24 AM
Yes, revenge is a great motivator for me.

My mother: the one that used to tell me all the time that I can't loose weight after getting 18 yrs old, just to show her she was wrong.
My father: the one that always teased me and also caused me the full range of eating disorders, that he failed everything about it.
My ex: that I'll be a slim ***** and sorry I'm not for him any any anymore!! :P
My ex-ex: that he missed a very good catch leaving me!
My ex-dietologist: that my diet worked much better than her and her fake assistance!! (I've already demonstrated this though)

MoonGirl
05-06-2009, 07:34 AM
Gosh! Really felt for you when I read that!

My advice? Stick with the diet, sounds like you're doing brilliantly. However, ditch the friend. She sounds like a skanky little *****!!!!

xx

Heffalump
05-06-2009, 08:02 AM
As the saying goes: "Living well is the best revenge." :s:

Devsmama
05-06-2009, 08:11 AM
I agree with DCHound, this woman doesn't sound like a very good friend! I don't think I'd wanna see her. She does, however, provide great motivation ;) couldn't have said it better!

That kind of motivation is good for the short term, but at the end of the day, that girl isn't your friend and thank God you don't have to see her again! Who needs frenemies like that?! Good riddance!!

Fat Pants
05-06-2009, 08:44 AM
Yup, I agree with the other ladies...this "friend" sucks! But I TOTALLY understand your motivation... like another poster, my 10-year high school reunion is next year and no way I'm showing up fatter than I was in high school (which was still fat, but not as fat as I am now!)

kiramira
05-06-2009, 01:27 PM
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with revenge motivation!

I have no intention of keeping contact with my (ex) friend. She DID mention that she and her DH MAY be making a trip to my town by boat some day as they want to do a huge cruise in their new boat which of course they made sure I knew how much it cost and how great it was and how they had so much money that they just didn't know what to do with while fully KNOWING that we had to scrimp and save and use all of our airmiles points so that I could visit...

Anyways, I have this secret dream that I get a call, and they've showed up on their boat and want to get together and I look AMAZING because I have that 130lb body that is toned and fit and I'm wearing a FABULOUS dress that has a corset waist that emphasizes the work I've done and maybe the dress is RED, or maybe I'm in my workout gear which would be a sport top and shorts that would show off my abs because I'm off to the gym and just have time to stop in and say "hi" and SHE'S shlumping around in his old sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt...hey, a girl can dream!

Hope the reunions go well! And that all our ex-s out there bump into us and don't recognize the person that we've become!

Kira

teawithsunshine
05-07-2009, 05:24 AM
kiramira-- I had that same experience... meeting a friend of mine from high school I haven't seen in over 10 years. Unlike your negative experience, she was happy for my weight loss and complimented me on my weight loss progress as well (I'm at least 40 lbs thinner than her today... I was probably 50-60 lbs heavier than her in high school).

But honestly, dump the "friend." True friends, even those that don't keep in touch over the years, do NOT disrespect other friends like that... even in eating habits, etc.

Keep posting, you're doing terrific!

~ tea

Lori Bell
05-07-2009, 07:29 AM
heh...well, I am highly motivated to lose this last ten and KEEP IT OFF because of a local gossip queen/ruler of the community. :) Once people started noticing I was losing weight she began telling people I'd never lose it all, then when she saw how serious I was she said I'll "never keep it off". She is the same one who started the rumor I had WLS as well. The WLS rumor came after she realized I was still going, and she had to find a reason that I was still "keeping it off" LOL Oh the things we do to pi$$ other people off...What fun! ;)

For a while I did take her words very personally, but have began to realize, (after knowing her for 20 years) that she talks trash about everyone...not just me. ;) I'm not special, just a good topic of discussion!

JayEll
05-07-2009, 07:37 AM
Well, if someone said they wouldn't "waste the money" to come see me, but I could come up and see them, I wouldn't be seeing them anymore. I think your friend is a case of arrested emotional development.

If you can use her insulting behavior to fuel your motivation, great! It will keep you going for awhile!

For me, life is too short to spend on getting revenge...

Edited to add: I also don't wish obesity on anyone.

Jay

Rosinante
05-07-2009, 07:57 AM
Maybe not quite revenge but I have a fair few 'in your faces' spurring me on!

Renacer
05-07-2009, 09:09 AM
I don't think is revenge but I want to teach a lesson to my sister in law. When I was dating my husband I was just a few pounds overweight so I was still looking ok. After giving birth and going thru everything that we went with my son I started gaining and gaining, I now recognize that it was a kind of depression. She is a very judgemental person and I noticed that in a couple of ocassions when we were eating out together she made comments to my husband. I never bring this to his attention since she is the only sister that he has here and I don't want to create any type of resentment between them, It's not my style.

When we told her I was doing WW she gave a look to my husband and I now what she meant with it. I want to teach her that we can not have control of all aspects of life, that some things can happen and we don't have control over them and as humans we are not perfect and we can fail at times. I want to show her that by being my old self again.

And I do agree, that's not a friend.

bindersbee
05-07-2009, 10:28 AM
I do have a person who motivates me to lose but it isn't really a 'revenge' thing so much as an 'avenge' for my spouse. My hubs has an ex-wife who cheated on him but portrays herself to be this 'sweetness and light' Christian woman even though she hasn't lived that way when she doesn't have an audience. It's been nothing to me all these years because she and I haven't met and it's like she didn't exist.

Recently, I've discovered that we have a mutual acquaintence and it honestly creeped me out. As a result, I've discovered another way that our circles will likely cross in the not so distant future. I want to look great so that she knows my hubs upgraded in every possible way when he got me. It's totally immature but it's the truth of it.

There's a book I LOVE on weight loss, "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle" by Tom Venuto and the entire first chapter is dedicated to goal setting and motivation. He specifically tells you to tie your goals to something that's highly emotionally charged for you because it will strengthen your resolve tremendously. He probably wouldn't recommend attaching to a negative emotion but hey, I gotta go with what works. LOL!

NicoleDiana
05-07-2009, 11:04 AM
When I first started to type in this box, it was going to be about how I'm not doing this out of revenge and blah, blah, blah....

But then I got distracted and in those brief few moments, I thought about my ex mother-in-law who said to me "you used to be a pretty girl", and my ex-husband who was embarrassed to be "married to somebody over 200 pounds" and...well, the list kept growing.

I guess the fact is that although I KNOW I need to lose weight and and feel like I'm doing it for me and all the other right reasons like health, the fact is that it feels pretty good to realize that as I work off a the pounds, I'm shedding those hateful moments. I AM still a pretty girl, she's just hiding under this fat suit. I will not embarrass the next man in my life because he'll love me unconditionally. But still, I wanna show those people from the past that I can do it, that I did it and that they were wrong about me.

Revenge? I guess it is on my list of motivators. :D

futuresurferchick
05-07-2009, 12:16 PM
I have this fantasy that I will run into a guy who made my life a living **** when I was in grade 7. He was a year older than me and tormented me in front of my class and his, every single day. There were many others who did this to me but he was the worst.

Anyway, I picture that I am at a bar looking movie star hot (maybe I am shooting too high lol), and there are also other people from my school days around, maybe it's a reunion. He'll hit on me not knowing who I am, and I will laugh and shut him down. I'll walk away to the dance floor and somebody will say to him, 'don't you realize who that was?' And tell him... and then he'll feel like the @ss that he is/was.... :s:

I doubt it will happen just like this but I can dream. ;)

Razorcandy
05-07-2009, 03:43 PM
My sister! I love her BUT.... she makes these comments sometimes like "I'm the cute one." or "Atleast I am cute."

She lives out of state so we do not see eachother much. Also she has a gastric bypass and is down to like 100 lbs. I am happy for her BUT that doesn't give her a license to make rude comments.

Glory87
05-07-2009, 10:09 PM
My sister! I love her BUT.... she makes these comments sometimes like "I'm the cute one." or "Atleast I am cute."


Next time you see her, it's time to whip out the "air quotes." Keep saying "but oh yeah, you're the "cute one"" and make REALLY exaggerated quote marks with your fingers! Put a little pause between the words cute and one too, hee, it should drive her nuts!

craftykath
05-07-2009, 10:43 PM
Yes, yes it is. x) It's not my only motivator, but...damn. It's an effective one.

sarahmayhem
05-08-2009, 11:23 AM
wow, that "friend" of yours sure is nice. :X

when i started to get healthy and lose weight, it was for me. i wanted to look and feel good, and i wanted my boyfriend to be proud of me. i wanted him to flaunt me. but he broke up with me last month...and now, i've decided i am going to become incredibly healthy and good looking not only for ME, but to spite him. when he looks at me, i want him to regret ever leaving me.

cookiemonster
05-08-2009, 02:22 PM
I just broke off a 2 and a half year relationship, and although I feel a little like it's revenge for me to get in better shape, I really think it's just a realization that I've put off and ignored something that's always been important to myself. Exercise and not binging on nachos. Also, I really think that the better care you take of yourself, the better people you will attract!

jajabee
05-08-2009, 02:34 PM
I don't really have anyone I need "revenge" on, but showing off is definitely a big motivator for me!! :) I've got my 10 year high school reunion this fall, and while I might not go (out of the 400+ people in my class, I only knew about 20, and most of them might not go), I was about 140/150 in high school, an inch or two shorter than I am now, and I really want to be back to or even past that weight by then. I want to be one of the people who actually looks better 10 years later. :)

Thighs Be Gone
05-08-2009, 02:44 PM
I have had to weed MORE than a couple of toxic people from my own life. People that seriously weren't letting me be my best. People that seriously were not wanting the best for me. The thing is I WANT TO BE MY BEST and I WANT THE BEST FOR ME! If they can't jump on that bandwagon, I don't want them in my life.

I feel like I bring a lot to the table when I offer my friendship to someone. Not to mention, I open myself up to possibly be hurt. When someone takes advantage of my nature or my generousity, I have a very difficult time trusting them ever again.

And yes, I did lose a friend (one of my supposed closest) over the weightloss. She is morbidly obese and while I never, not even once brought up weightloss, exercise, nutrition and the like she has had a very difficult time coping. We are still in contact but rarely.

Bumbleberry
05-09-2009, 02:01 AM
It's not a motivator, but it does occur to me now and again. Little comments from people (whom I'm now smaller than) stick in my mind, I guess.

Joan
05-09-2009, 08:44 AM
I went to an all-girl party last night, and came home very depressed. It's a stylish group of gals, and it seemed a number of them had lost weight and looked fantastic--even the usually chubby ones! There was a lot of "you look fabulous" talk. Not for me, though. :-(

Does it motivate me? Yes, but right now it's bumming me out.

socal17
05-09-2009, 02:09 PM
Pretty much all of my friends are thin (or at least relatively fit) and they always dress up and look really great when we got out. Whereas, I've always been kind of a tom boy. Now that I've lost some weight and I'm not as self-conscious, I have this fantasy of going out to a club with all of my friends, looking great, and getting ALL of the attention.

Oh, and I also have a fantasy of reuniting with everyone I knew in high school and looking amaaazing. There's no one that I really want to get revenge on, but I just want everyone to know how much they under estimated me.

Reddalice
05-09-2009, 02:43 PM
Revenge, yes, oh most definitely yes! I have a couple of overweight exes (girls, and we are so catty man...) that were never supportive of my goals, my desire to be healthy, and every success became a reason for them to rain down on my parade with something negative. Really, really, just all around negative people. The good parts of their personality after a while became totally overshadowed by the nasty. I'm going to be the best me, despite them. Sometimes, when I see them I get kinda... I don't know, like I'm smiling on the inside and thinking: "Just watch me, b*tches." :s:

Reddalice
05-09-2009, 02:56 PM
As the saying goes: "Living well is the best revenge." :s:

THE BEST QUOTE EVER! :hug:

Platinum
05-09-2009, 04:25 PM
I'm right with you Kira... I just don't know if it's enough to keep me going. I feel like I need to do this for myself. But that hasn't seemed to be working either. Maybe I should focus on these people in my life that I want to flaunt it in their face when I finally lose the weight. Well not really flaunt it, just be there looking fit & trim & beautiful and showing the world that I did it by buying awesome clothes to put on my awesome body.

Like my sister who said during a fight several years ago (when I was in the 180's) how can my boyfriend be attracted to me cuz I was soo fat and now she herself is close to or right at 200lbs. I think to myself 'If I could just lose the weight now and get fitter than her...' I wouldn't say mean cruel things like she did, cuz I'm not like that, but it would be sweet.

And then I have this friend who is about 150 and talks all the time about what a fat cow she is...(so what does that make me?) and acts like we should be buddies in this weight loss that we both want but when I tell her I messed up on my diet and ate fast food or whatever she snickers. And I have actually decided to just not talk to her about it anymore, I don't even tell her I work out, because I swear she tries to sabotage me. For example she'll tell me to 'skip the work out and come hang out' or when we do go out to eat, (I've told her I want to cut out alcohol from my diet, cuz it causes bloat, causes me to not to work out, & costs me too many calories!) she won't stop staying 'Well you might as well have 1 margarita/glass of wine/beer.' Like just because she is I have to too. And she teases me about my french fry habit. I'm not a sweets person but I like chips & fries and when we go out to eat she'll say 'you're getting a side of fries. right?' It's almost as if she wants me to stay her fat friend so she can feel better about herself. I feel like telling her I gave up and am not dieting or exercising but still do it and when she notices I've lost weight I'll just say nonchalantly 'yah, I've lost a couple' but it'll be like 30.

PS: Razorcandy that pic of your Schnauzer & the laptop is the cutest thing in the world! I have 2 schnauzers they are silliest, smartest, cutest dogs in the world! I just had to say that.

Jo Kittibuck
05-09-2009, 09:39 PM
I want to stick it to my lap band surgeon. After the band caused me great pain constantly no matter how little I ate, and didn't do anything for my weight anyway, I asked him to loosen it back to its widest position and just leave it there. "Okay," he said, "But you're going to be fat for the rest of your life. People like you can't do it without surgery."

Yeah, 25 lbs down already on diet and exercise. Sit on it, Potsie!

Razorcandy
05-10-2009, 12:04 AM
Next time you see her, it's time to whip out the "air quotes." Keep saying "but oh yeah, you're the "cute one"" and make REALLY exaggerated quote marks with your fingers! Put a little pause between the words cute and one too, hee, it should drive her nuts!

Ha Ha! GREAT idea!

Ookpik
05-11-2009, 09:15 PM
I have worked for years at a place where I was always the biggest person, and now that I've lost the weight, I am one of the smallest. I used to get rude comments occasionally, and, to be honest, I enjoyed rubbing my weight loss into their faces these past couple of years! Some coworkers are very supportive, and those coworkers I have no problem with, but others make comments that make them sound jealous, whether it's an outright insult or backhanded compliment. Those ones I enjoy "strutting my stuff" in front of!

Botzz
05-12-2009, 01:21 PM
As the saying goes: "Living well is the best revenge." :s:

The truth has been spoken ;)

but with that said, I try and focus on the positives rather than the negatives and if someone was trying to "sabotage" me, well I would have just told them that there was not an option for me at the places that they wanted to go and that we needed to change spots (especially if I had looked up nutrition info before hand) but either way the above quote holds the most weight for me.

oh and no it is not a motivator for me :D

As Ever
Me

sassybangs
05-12-2009, 07:05 PM
i guess i have a similar motivation. for me its my mom. she is overweight, lost a bit of it and then kinda stopped. shes the queen of excuses. always talking about weight, like why she cant do it, why its to hard for her, always giving me tips like it would be so easy for me and not for her. then my sister lost a ton of weight. shes a size 4 now. and my mom treats her like crap, always has to point it out. if she walks by a mirror, my mom will say, do you ever get tired of checking yourself out. or at easter she was wearing this adoreable safari shirt dress. everyone was making over her, and all my mom said was, whered you get the money for that dress. not you look nice, not good job for maintaining. just snark. and i feel bad for my sister. she doesnt deserve that. so shes being really supportive of my weightloss efforts. were in operation make mom realize what an a$$ shes being.

SmilesIowa
05-12-2009, 11:17 PM
So basically I found out that a guy would have totally been into me this weekend...if I was thinner. WTF?! Another motivator. :P

merose
05-14-2009, 04:52 AM
This thread is so much fun! I have endured, like many of you, teasing and so many taunts over the years. Part of my motivation is not necessarily revenge but a bit of 'in your face!.'
which I suppose might be the same thing :)
I'll show them all!!! muhahahaha (evil laugh)

It seems silly, but after reading this I feel like I want to go for a run.

Diva
05-15-2009, 08:27 AM
Revenge is one of the biggest things that keeps me going on the treadmill when I don't think I can do another second!

Revenge or shall I say living well, is a motivator for me in many aspects of my life; not just losing this weight.

I was also so overlooked and under estimated. My entire life I have been , by my Mother, by so-called friends, ex husbands, boyfriends. People mistake my kindness and naturally bubbly disposition(yes this is true) as a weakness or even stupidity.

So yes, going back to college to get my degree and losing at least 50 more pounds IMO will be the BEST revenge. I can't wait to prance my smaller behind w/degree in hand in front of a few choice people just to rub it in the faces of those who totally dissed me and made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be loved and respected.

If I drop dead the next second, it wouldn't matter because THAT moment will be one of my greatest. :)

losermom
05-15-2009, 09:21 AM
I don't like to think of myself as a vengeful person but I did get some satisfaction recently. I ran into a "friend" that completely and utterly dumped me four years ago. We were best friends for 20+ years and we have not spoken for the last 4 years. I have had a couple of sightings of her over that period of time but she avoids me. We came face to face this past Sunday in a store. She was talking on her cell and happened upon me. I could tell by the look on her face that she was shocked to see me. I said Hi and she said Hello, turned around and walked away. She continued to shop, as my DD and I did as well, but talked on her phone the entire time. I was pretty shook up by the chance meeting. But here's the kicker. She looked like she had just rolled out of bed (it was 6pm) and she looked at least 20+ lbs heavier than when I had last seen her. She had poured herself into a pair of skinny jeans with pumps and her hair was looking crazy. She was not at her best...

Thighs Be Gone
05-15-2009, 09:24 AM
ROFL. SssssssssssssssWWwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettt !

I am sorry about you losing your friend. I hope it has made room in your life for something/someone very special to come in!

losermom
05-15-2009, 10:24 AM
Thighs, the main reason that she dumped was because I had met a bunch of new girlfriends and she was very jealous about it. The new friends are so much more supportive of me that while I was very hurt by her actions I realize now that it was definitely for the best. I'm in a much better place in my life now. I almost think that it was an abusive/toxic relationship. I had pretty much disengaged myself emotionally before our "break-up" but it still hurt deeply.

And yeah--it was sweet revenge!

freeqeegrl
05-15-2009, 01:45 PM
revenge is such a great motivator. its wanting to prove everyone wrong . you know you can do it you just have to shut them up. i want this , because it was mine. until i started dating the hellish ex i was athletic , fun , pretty. then after three years of his insanely jealous *** / and poor. we were eating fast cheap food all the time, i wasnt allowed to go out with friends, or go to the gym, i gained 70 pounds. i already lost 200 by dumping him and finding 155 pound man of awesome. its just time for me to get rid of the evidence of what he did to me. my revenge will be him seeing me as fine as i was before him walking down the street with a man thats finest he cant reach. and BAM!!!!!!!!! sweet revenge muhahahahahaha muhahahahahaha