Weight Loss Support - Has your child ever been teased because YOU are fat?




e.mccoy
05-04-2009, 11:56 PM
Today I learned that children that call themselves my daughters friends tease her because of me. I am so embarassed. Has this ever happened to anyone? And what do you do? I know my weight makes my daughter a little uncomfortable but she loves me and doesnt say anything for fear that it will hurt my feelings. I am trying to lose but dont stay motivated long. But I think after this I will be. She is 8 and at the stage where other childrens impression of you is important to them (even though I talk to her about children who dont except her the way she is) and she is so shy and any hurtful word effects her. Please help


Raquel7
05-05-2009, 12:28 AM
I can only imagine how you feel. That is one of my biggest fears, which is why I have decided to get serious about losing weight. My son will be starting school next year and it horrifies my to think that he can be teased because of me. I think it's great that you talk to your daughter and that she's very aware of not hurting your feelings. However, in trying to protect you she may be harboring other feelings(subconciously). Feelings of recentment, anger, frustration etc. etc. Be sure to tell her that it's ok to express what she feels and to talk about it. I'm also trying to be extra cautious and watch my son's diet . Eventhough my husband is a very tall man and it looks like our son will be too, I fear that he may pick up my bad eating habits and be overweight. That's another issue. For now I would just recommend that you find a diet or a program that will jump start your losing weight. Once you see that you can do it, you will get more motivated and stay on track. I started a super strict cookie diet (Smart for Life) and it has jump started me so much that I'm determined to stick to this diet or any other diet, as long as it takes to reach my goal. I've already lost 5 lbs and feel great. :carrot: The important thing is that you've already taken the first step and acknowledged the problem. Take the next step with action. I wish you the best.:hug:

shrinkingleah
05-05-2009, 01:49 AM
I wanted to post because when I was in fifth grade a boy called my mom fat. I said "At least I have a mom, Motherf***er!" Not the way your daughter should handle it of course, But I was devestated. Not that my mother was overweight, but that someone would say something like that to a child. Kids can be harsh, but being overweight has become so common I really didn't think that it even was commented on anymore.

Don't be too hard on yourself, one must find inspiration somewhere.

One of my biggest motivators is that I don't want my son to be made fun of because of his mom and I really do not want him to be "The Fat Kid" He is only one so I've got time to instill good habits in my family.


e.mccoy
05-05-2009, 01:53 AM
Thank you soooo much for the reply raquel7. You are right, I never thought that this could affect her subcontiously and that she may harbor feelings of guilt. I really want to change especially for her. I would never want her to go through what I have been through. Losing weight is so hard for me though. I have never been successful at losing weight. I lose a few pounds here and there but nothing to really see a difference. I really want to succeed at weightloss. Thank you for youre support.

Rainbow
05-05-2009, 05:15 AM
Yes. A girl who doesn't like my eldest daughter teased her because of my weight though no one else ever has. My daughter was very very angry with the girl for being so mean. My middle daughter who's only seven has had comments about my weight from other children in her class. I'm not the only overweight mum though so she's not the only one. My middle daughter didn't cope with it so well as she is shy :( My eldest will start high school in just over a year so I'm hoping I've lost most the weight i need to by then, or that I at least look much more "normal".

Delphi
05-05-2009, 06:45 AM
My nine yr. old son has never mentioned it but he has talked to me about my weight many times, which the first time was quite embarrassing for me. I make sure when the bus pulls up in the evenings, that I am inside and out of sight as I know how cruel kids can be. Funny thing about my son though, as he is the most supportive child, if I ask him to get me a cup of ice or something, he will put that hand on his hip and say, Now, Mama are your legs broke? I kinda chuckle and get my big butt up and get it myself. He is my own personal cheerleader and really does keep me on track.

I want to make him proud in every sense of the word, because his character astonishes me daily.

It is embarrassing but we have all made the decision to move forward and do something about our weight and I don't know about you guys, but for me, it gives me so much confidence knowing I wont be an embarrassment to my children too much longer.

KforKitty
05-05-2009, 07:08 AM
My DD told me earlier in the year that a boy in her class had said to her I was a 'big fat tub of lard'. The fact that I'd lost 100lb and was about 100lb less than his mum makes be believe that kids will say anything when they are just out to upset. BTW, the kid in question is chunky himself.

I wouldn't therefore take too much notice of the comments, the girl is just being mean to your DD. If you want to lose weight however, do it cause YOU want to.

Kitty

losermom
05-05-2009, 08:35 AM
When my son was 8-9 a neighborhood kid teased him that his mom, (me) was fat. My sensitive son flipped out and almost punched him but another neighborhood mom was able to stop him. The funny part is that later in the summer we saw this kid with his mom at the pool and she was at least 2x my size, even at my weight at the time!

canadianangel
05-05-2009, 08:46 AM
Last week i was sitting on the couch with my 6 year old, and he started rubbing my tummy, i asked him what hes doing and he said" im rubbing the back of the baby thats in your belly" I said theres no belly in there..and he said then why are you fat. I was shocked..and didnt know what to say. The funny thing is, that now im losing weight he has commented about my weight, but before he didnt care. My other 3 children though, are very supportive, and tell me i look skinner everyday.

have a great day everyone

Jacquie668
05-05-2009, 08:54 AM
Remember being a kid and how rough it can be? Even at age 8, you're put into an environment that can be pretty hostile. Yeah the playground.

Kids will pick on anything they know will get a reaction from another kid. It doesn't matter if it is about them or their parents. "Oh your mom stinks!" or "your mom is a big fatty!" They are just trying to get a rise out of your kid and they probably don't even fully get what they are saying or doing. It is just how kids are.

Any type of weight, looks, god forbid if you have glasses (being fat and having glasses is like the holy grail of teasing for kids)....I mean it is kids being kids. Trying to raz each other. Unfortunately there are a lot of mean ones out there. My nephew gets bullied, he is around 7. He is very smart, actually polite, a good kid. He gets really hurt when kids bully him and his mom gets really upset, especially when they tease him about her. She is super thin, petite, and they still pick on him about his mum! They find anything...

Devsmama
05-05-2009, 09:04 AM
Yes, my son gets teased and he is 14. But he's 5'10 and 175, so they don't really mess with him like that anymore. Anyway, he tells them, my mom can kick your mom's butt!

rockinrobin
05-05-2009, 09:18 AM
My kids never mentioned a thing to me. But I know it had to be hard having a Mom my size. It's hard enough being a kid, without having a Mom so openly different.

Their life was directly affected by my morbid obesity. Never mind the teasing, but I was simply incapable of so many things. All that physical activity, vacations, day to day things - things I just couldn't participate in.

Though they never said anything to me, now that I've lost the weight, they don't stop telling me how proud they are of me. They love "showing me off." They love how I dress. Heck we even share clothing now. They love how active and productive I am instead of just lazing around on the couch.

Kids can be cruel. And I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this. It drives me crazy just how cruel children can be.

Yes, your children and the quality of your life that you are missing out on are all reasons to change and can be great motivation for you. Now it's time to use that motivation to make a commitment to do what's necessary to ensure the highest quality of life for your family. And you are indeed a very special part of that family. :hug:

Jacqui_D
05-05-2009, 10:10 AM
Kids can indeed be cruel, and apparently, it doesn't change much as they get older. My daughter is in college and has mentioned that when some guys were talking about this very cute friend of hers, one guy said to the other, "Yeah, but she's going to be fat. Just look at her mom." I thought, oh my, I don't want anyone ever saying that about my daughter behind her back. She's a very small, athletic 5'4" and my college-aged son is a 6'7" string bean, lol! I just want her friends to know, "This isn't me! I'm the thin one inside!" It really did make me think about how kids can be judged based on the weight of their parents, at any age.

e.mccoy
05-05-2009, 10:14 AM
I thank everyone for thier stories and words of encouragement. It is amazing to here that children tease kids with moms that arent really overweight. That lets me know that they are just trying to find my DD sensitive spot and that is her MAMA. But the reality is that I am overweight and its not healthy. Im going to do this fo myself as well as my daughter. Thank you all for the support. I was really down yesterday after this incident but now I am motivated.

Jacqui_D
05-05-2009, 10:32 AM
E.mccoy, I don't know if you are involved in any challenges, but you are certainly welcome to come join the May Weight Loss Challenge and/or the May Exercise Challenge. We are all very supportive of each other's weight loss efforts (as one new member said, we're "chatty chicks," lol!) and it's extremely motivational and inspirational! The challenges are on this page if you are interested: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=159. You might want to come check it out! :)

Lori Bell
05-05-2009, 11:59 AM
My 10 year old son "had" a super morbidly obese mom, and still has an autistic older brother...talk about torture for the poor kid. He is also slightly chubby for his age...triple threat. My boys are the driving force behind my weight loss. My 10 year old is my biggest cheerleader, but sometimes he can be the food police....which drives me nuts! ;) I remember how kids said things about my obese mother when I was in school and how it hurt. Some kids are just mean. Unfortunately most grow up to be mean adults.

cfmama
05-05-2009, 12:08 PM
When I was coming out of the school at the beginning of this school year (just before I started my journey) one of the girls said to another of the girls "wow... Madeline's mom sure is FAT!" Maddy turned around and said "my mom is beautiful and you guys are rude!"

My kids are supportive. I'm sure Maddy's been bugged about it but she's a sensitive and caring soul so I don't think she'd tell me.

M Dizzle
05-05-2009, 12:15 PM
My 6 year old has teased me about my weight, but he meant no harm by it. I've made jokes and he was reinforcing the joke I had made, and didn't really understand. My boyfriend heard him make one of these jokes once and was very upset by it. He say down with my son and "explained" things to him. When I then explained it to my BF, the jokes we made, he apologized to my son, but still said he didn't like them. He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what size, and wants my son to feel that way to (eventhough he absolutley does). I tend to made comedy out of things that pain me. It's my tolerence mechanism.

farawayshore
05-05-2009, 12:37 PM
Well, on a slightly more positive note...my poor son has to go to the school where I am a teacher. I was playing in a school netball tournament and a kid said something about me being a good defender because I was too fat to get by. And apparently he was turned on by many of the kids I teach AND my son and shamed into apologising for what he said. Only embarrassing bit, they made him come and apologise to me and I didn't know anything about it. I have had a kid tell me I should go to weightwatchers to my face, and I'll bet the kids do make comments but you know what? I'm too old and too smart to care, and I hope my children know better than to tease someone about the way they look. I have brought my children up to understand that people come in all shapes and sizes, just like dogs and horses. Yes, I accept that one of my children might be fat, or short. They might be involved in an accident, or develop a disease which disfigures them. And if they do I'll love them just the same. Don't let the teasers win, looks are only skin deep and someone who can't see that isn't worth knowing. I'm here to get thinner because I want to, not because some insecure child is looking for a reason to pick on my fantastic kids.
And, to pass on a story another teacher told me about a fat kids in their class (much older children) being teased. Student one said 'why are you so fat' and student 2 replied 'cos every time I *&£$ your girfriend I eat a biscuit' !!!!!!!!

Tracy
05-05-2009, 06:56 PM
I agree with you farawayshore. Yes,children can be cruel.But I am so passed that, to care what people say.I went through so much in my life,if I hear a comment,I truley came to the point where I don't give it a second thought.I only care about,what God thinks about me.
Children should be taught to respect others.They should also learn early on,that some people don't know any better,or don't feel good about themselves,that's why they are mean to others.

e.mccoy
05-05-2009, 08:31 PM
E.mccoy, I don't know if you are involved in any challenges, but you are certainly welcome to come join the May Weight Loss Challenge and/or the May Exercise Challenge. We are all very supportive of each other's weight loss efforts (as one new member said, we're "chatty chicks," lol!) and it's extremely motivational and inspirational! The challenges are on this page if you are interested: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=159. You might want to come check it out! :)

Thanks I will join you all today

Lewisempire
05-05-2009, 10:49 PM
Farawayshore!!!!! OMG, I know it is probably terrible, but I totally lmao! I just told my husband about the fat kid, and eating bisquits and he spit soda on me!!!!!!! Thanks for making my day!!!!!:D

WhitePicketFences
05-06-2009, 03:22 PM
I'm a bad person too, because I literally started laughing out loud when I read the biscuit thing.

I don't have kids yet, but my father was -- still is -- big (what I later came to realize must be around 400 lbs?) and I was not teased about this as a child. I remember that a few times some kid or another would remark on it in a 'wow' type of way, but nothing that fazed me.

Buttercup
05-06-2009, 07:58 PM
I remember when I was in third grade a kid in my class told me my Mom was fat and I was so surprised! I had never seen her that way. To me she was my Mom and I loved her. Now I have a weight problem and my kids have seen me struggle and always been supportive. They never told me if anyone said anything until my son came into the living room one day spitting mad. He was in high school and someone told him that another person had made a comment about my weight. He took care of that situation! I do feel bad that he felt he had to. I agree that some people just say mean things to get a reaction.

EZMONEY
05-06-2009, 08:07 PM
I am sorry you had to hear this. But I think it is a great opportunity for you to do something good about it for, not only you, but your daughter. Your child is always going to love you...and stick up for you...but at age 29 YOU ARE LUCKY!!!!!! Yep...LUCKY....you can do something about your weight and you will have many-many more years to celebrate the victory with your daughter....just think....in 9-10 years when she graduates high school...you will still be around....maybe by then the kids will be teasing you...Miss Skinny!...

Kids are always going to tease and be nasty...big people too...

but YOU don't always have to be heavy!

Prayers for inner strength as you go through this ~ Gary

Fressca
05-06-2009, 08:10 PM
And, to pass on a story another teacher told me about a fat kids in their class (much older children) being teased. Student one said 'why are you so fat' and student 2 replied 'cos every time I *&$ your girfriend I eat a biscuit' !!!!!!!!

OMG farawayshore... lol funny!!!

georgiad
05-07-2009, 03:26 PM
Hey, I've found this thread very interesting, because although I'm not a mother I hope to be one day, and would hate the thought of my children being teased because I had a weight problem.

However, I'm going to become a secondary school teacher next year and am scared of how tough that may be if I'm still overweight. I know that kids used to make fun of some of the bigger teachers at my school, and even though it sounds a little weird, I would love to be thought of as one of the 'hot' teachers.

I'm shocked however how at such a young age, these kids have already had the 'fat-bashing' mentality drummed into them. When I was 7 or 8 I had been taught tolerance and think I would have barely noticed whether someone was fat or thin.

jamiec0926
05-28-2009, 09:32 PM
My son is 5 and I have heard a couple of the kids make comments to him about me!! All the kids in his daycare class like me but they have made comments. Just today one of the little boys asked me if I was going to have a baby because my belly was big!! Normally I would have been devastated but I just told him no...some people are little and some people are big....I am just big. I even heard my little guy tell one of the girls the other day "don't call my mom fat!" I don't want him to have to go thru this kind of ridicule and teasing because of me! It is one of the things that is motivating me.