100 lb. Club - Guys, I need advice




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anmitche
05-03-2009, 11:54 AM
Sorry, this is really long!!

This week I have been crazy busy. It all started last Saturday when I had an unexpected house guest show up. He's my best friend and I haven't seen him in nine months. He's kind of a free spirit, and comes and goes as he pleases, which really doesn't bother me THAT much. So, he shows up with a bottle of vodka. I haven't drank throughout this whole weight loss journey, but I drank the whole bottle with him. On Sunday, I ate healthfully, but drank a soda. Monday I went to work and had a donut and soda for breakfast. I was starving, but didn't get to the grocery store because my friend was here, so no healthy breakfast for me. I had a job interview, so I ate bad for the rest of the day because I was on the road driving to and from it, and I met my cousin for dinner because she lives the area I was in. The rest of the week was hit and miss. I ate unhealthy foods for most of it, and drank at least one soda a day. To top it off, I only exercised one day this week. It was like once I did it for a few days, I craved the "bad" stuff.

I haven't been motivated at all this week. My energy has been flagging, I'm exhausted, I've had bad headaches, and I've been kinda depressed. I know it's because I've abandoned my weight loss plan. I know this.

However, if I can't maintain this lifestyle when my normal routine gets messed up (unexpected houseguest, job interview, writing sub plans) and I still have my normal stuff (preparing lesson plans, looking for a job) then how can I possibly maintain it? I like eating out with my family and friends. Though I know it's bad for me and I can stay away from it, I like drinking soda. It's easy, cheap, and I don't have to prepare it like I do my tea.

When I am on my own, in this town where I know virtually no one, it is fairly easy to not eat out and not drink soda. And though I hate it, and have to force myself to do it, it is easy to work out because that's all I have to do in the evenings. What about this summer, when I go home? What about next year, when I am (hopefully) closer to home?

I feel like giving up. This is so hard, sometimes. I have lost significant amounts of weight (40-60 lbs) before without even trying. Why is it so hard to do this time? Should I give up? Should I do the best I can and not worry about it? I just don't know what to do!


Numina
05-03-2009, 12:21 PM
I know what you mean. So much of this life change is built on careful planning and seems to take a lot of time; when life gets cranked up (like yours did this week), it becomes exponentially harder to stay with it. Can it even be possible to stay with it?

Well, let's put a different spin on it for a minute. What if your actions and choices directly affected the life and health of one of your students? What if every time you tossed the plan out the window for a few days, you increased that student's chances of diabetes, heart attack and stroke? What if every time you ate very badly for a few days, you limited what activities that student could do for the rest of their lives?

Would you be able to mostly stick to your program, even during the chaotic times, if a child's life and happiness were on the line?

Now, what if it were YOUR life and happiness on the line?

GirlyGirlSebas
05-03-2009, 12:37 PM
At some point, each of us have to decide what we really want out of life and what we're willing to do. Losing weight and getting healthy means we do need to change our lifestyle. The habits and choices that made us fat are not the habits and choices that will make us healthier and thinner. We can stomp our feet and yell at the world, but it is what it is.

I love Pepsi. Not the diet stuf, but the real HFCS laden syrupy stuff. But, I don't love it enough to sacrifice my health. Now is the time for you to decide what you love more. Yourself.... or the soda, sitting on the couch, not planning your meals and the subsequent unhealthy fat lifestyle?


Numina
05-03-2009, 12:44 PM
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OK, having thought about what you could or couldn't do to save someone else from death, disease and limitation --- and faced the idea that we all seem to care a lot less for our own health and well-being than for others --- let's get a little less philosophical and a little more pragmatic.

Is it possible to stick with this stuff even when life is blowing up around us?

YES! Look at the people just on this board that are succeeding in losing and in maintaining --- you gotta know that their lives get just as wild as yours was this week! So, while it might not be easy and it might not be pretty, holding to your program is definitely possible.

First, there might be days or even a week where there are no good choices. All you can do pick the best that is available and go right back to program as soon as you can. Or you might decide that you aren't going to be concerned with any of that for the next 3 days --- again, set a limit and then go right back to your program.

Second, let's not confuse NO choices with UNPOPULAR choices --- and I don't mean this to sound judgmental or harsh, just as neutral observations: You decided to drink with your buddy; you decided not to shop for groceries; you knew you had a job interview coming up and decided not to have the fixings for a good breakfast, etc. The better choices were not out of your reach, just inconvenient. Why did you decide the way you did?

Finally, you DID have a wild week with lots of unusual stuff thrown at you and lots of emotional pressures (I HATE job interviews, for instance --- very stressful!). Maybe there were some better choices you could have made along the way or maybe you did what you had to do in order to get through the week at all! It's over, no blood -- no foul. In any case, what you do now is simple: you nod and say,"Yep, that week is all done," make sure you have the right foods in your house for NEXT week and get right back to it.

I hope you decide to stay with this, AnMitchie --- you SO deserve the very, very best in life!

:hug:

JayEll
05-03-2009, 03:43 PM
Why is it so hard to do this time? Should I give up? Should I do the best I can and not worry about it?

Yeah. That's it. You should give up.

What the heck, why not go back up to 220 pounds? Five foot three and 220, that's not so bad, is it? You can still walk up a flight of stairs, right? It's not all THAT hard to find clothes, is it? You don't worry too much about seat belts, usually they still fit... And really, since you don't have high blood pressure yet, or diabetes yet, what's the big deal?

Isn't it really more important to "have fun" the way everyone else does? Eat the same things they eat, drink the same things they drink? Know how to party? Not have to pay attention to what you're doing?

:no:

Okay, now let's get serious. It's probably not going to be enough for you to "do the best you can and not worry about it." That's a justification for going off your plan. What you may find you have to do is go beyond what you think you're capable of doing. Oh yes, you can do it! :yes: Absolutely I do believe you can! But it is really going to take you figuring out that you don't get "time off" just because life happens.

You don't say what your plan is, but I humbly suggest that you might want to get really clear about what it is and stay with it. It's how you're going to be doing things for a long time! Get used to it. You'll find it's not so bad after all. It just means being a grown up and staying accountable. Drink half a bottle of vodka? It goes into your calorie count, or however you're tracking. Everything counts! :drill: ;)

Good luck... you can make this work... but no one can really MAKE you do this.

Jay

Windchime
05-03-2009, 04:27 PM
I haven't been motivated at all this week. My energy has been flagging, I'm exhausted, I've had bad headaches, and I've been kinda depressed. I know it's because I've abandoned my weight loss plan. I know this.

...
Though I know it's bad for me and I can stay away from it, I like drinking soda. It's easy, cheap, and I don't have to prepare it like I do my tea.


Giving up isn't the answer; you know that. You've had a week where you ate crummy and as a result you feel headachey, depressed, and yucky. What will week after week of eating like that make you feel like? Not healthy, happy, and energetic--that's pretty much a guarantee!

Being on the road doesn't necessarily mean eating crummy. If there are fast food places, then there are most likely grocery stores where you could pick up an apple, a yogurt, and a couple of slices of deli turkey with a bottle of plain, unsweetened tea (or water). Sometimes we forget that we can just swing in there and pick up something healthy instead of the burger, fries, and sugary pop.

It takes time to replace bad habits with good habits. Make sure your fridge is always stocked with low-fat string cheese, fruit, yogurt, baby carrots. It really is a matter of priority; if I had time in the past to keep the pantry stocked with sugary cereal or candy, then I surely should have time now to fill it with oatmeal, nuts and whole-grain crackers.

You can do this. Be mindful of forming new habits to replace the old ones and it won't take long until you just do it like you would brushing your teeth or taking a shower.

CandaceG
05-03-2009, 04:53 PM
Your friend is a bad influence. I need to have a talk with him. Come here dude.

"What are you doing bringing a bottle of Vodka to our friend Anmitche house. Are you trying to kill Anmitche? Are you trying to kill yourself? Ever heard of alcohol poisoning? Ever heard of alcoholism? Don't do that again? Got it. ;)

Anmitche,

Please do not give up on yourself, your dreams, your quest for good health. Look in the mirror and remind yourself why you started the weight loss program in the beginning. I know it is not easy. We all have times when we backslide, when we make mistakes, when we forget that we are worth the extra effort.

Forget the past, we can't go into rewind. But we can wake up to a new day and start again.
Do not think about how hard it is. Think instead that you can accomplish this and more.

Next time you see your friend tell him to leave the vodka at home and just come and visit. That stuff will kill you. Do you like your friend? Then do it for him. He doesn't need to drink that much at one sitting either.

Have a great day and pick up where you left off. :yes:
Candy

anmitche
05-03-2009, 06:28 PM
Thank you all for the advice. I came back home to my parents for the night because I was feeling really sorry for myself. Just setting foot into their house made me feel better.

I think some of this has to do with my friend. I absolutely adore him, we've been through a ton of crap together in the past ten years. But, he's always been fit. He works out, he's buff, he's completely and totally in shape. He had no idea I've been trying to lose weight, and didn't even notice until the day after he came and I measured out my dinner. I had already drank with him and had a fast food lunch with him. I was trying to eat a healthful dinner to "make up" for it.

We had a talk about my weight loss, and I even showed him this site. He was really encouraging. But I just felt crappy. I thought after 20-25 pounds he would notice. I mean I've worked really, really hard. But I was still his fat friend with the pretty smile. And that sucks.

I KNOW what I need to do. Like Jay said, I need to define my plan. I really haven't had a plan, actually. I've flirted with calorie counting, and have stuck with it two or three days before I slack off. My plan pretty much has been move more, eat less. I've gone from two cases of soda a week, to 0-2 a week (except for last week, obviously). I started looking at portion sizes and eaten only one portion at a time. It was working, but slowly. And for someone I love not to notice after not seeing me in nine months, well, it really sucked.

I WILL do this. I'm going to start over, in a way. This week, I'm going to research plans and write down everything that goes in my mouth. When I want to give up, when I want to give in, I'm going to think of my parents, my best girlfriend, and you guys. YOU will be my inspiration until I can inspire myself.

Also, I have a second interview tomorrow. Wish me luck! If I get it, most of the turmoil I've been in for will be resolved.

CountingDown
05-03-2009, 06:57 PM
Everyone gave you good advice, so I only have a couple things to add:
1. You said that you hate to work out - you need to explore the wide world of movement and activity. If you are to succeeed, you need to change your lifestyle. In order to do that, you must - yes MUST - enjoy what you are doing. Life is too short to settle for a routine you hate and force yourself to do. Me, I HATE repetitive exercise - absolutely abhor it. So, I use dance DVDs, my Wii, walking, hiking, cross country skiing, stretchie bands, hand weights, yoga DVDs, and a host of other things to get in my workout for the day. I choose WHAT I will do, not IF I will do each day. I went a whole 180 degrees - from hating exercise to loving it :D

Secondly, Jay is right - you MUST PLAN, PLAN, PLAN and execute that plan. But again, this is a journey - your plan must allow for flexibility so that you can work in "life". Eating out is OK (particularly if you go back to calorie counting), but plan ahead. Make good choices. Even when I end up in fast food restaurants, there are a wealth of good choices to be made. These days, even FF places will customize your order. Soda isn't easier than Crystal light to go, or even plain water. Get a water bottle that you can take with you (or even re-use a soda bottle). Buy "portable" foods that can go on the road with you. I keep protein bars, LF string cheese, baby carrots, even baggies of Fiber One on hand and can throw together a "road lunch" in less than 30 seconds. No excuses - you CAN do this!

:cp: Today is the first day of your new plan. I can't wait to see your progress post a week from now :yes: Good luck on your interview! But, regardless of what happens, you ARE and WILL BE in control of your eating ;)

JayEll
05-03-2009, 06:59 PM
You GO anmitche!!! :cheer2: :cheer3: :cheer2: Nail that interview!

And regardless of which way it goes, feel happy that you did it!

Looking forward to your plan... :broc: :cb:

Jay

irishsarah
05-03-2009, 07:13 PM
Okay, I feel really bad saying this, but I am glad you had a bad week. Don't throw things at me yet! I think most people have bad weeks, days...I know this week was not a stellar week for me. Everything was upside down and crazy this week, not just my "diet". Mercury is in retrograde, and while that probably doesn't make sense to 99% of most people on this board, I know what it means to me...everything that could go wrong will. LOL. So why am I laughing? I am laughing because its one helluva learning experience. Jay said SO much in his post. As I've been going along this journey I haven't had a real plan. Not like everyone else seems to have and its worked okay for me. Well, play time is over. I've lost over 30 pounds and it is time to put in more effort to get to the next level and no one is going to make me do that but me. I have all the excuses in the world; a houseful of little boys, my oldest son special issues, lack of money, lack of time, lack of energy but play time is over. If I really want this, then its time to stop coasting. Nothing worth having is easy and I think you learned that big time this week. Hey, don't beat yourself up. Even if you get down and dirty serious, it doesn't mean life won't derail you again. What it does mean is that you will be better equipped for situations like surprise house guests or whatnot and maybe next time, it won't be so bad.

:hug: Hang in there, we are all allowed a do over on this journey, the only unforgivable thing is giving up when you fall off the horse. You are only punishing yourself when you do that, why make yourself feel worse?