100 lb. Club - Does anyone else get this response?




HVEECK
05-03-2009, 12:05 AM
Ok, I know I've lost a considerable amt of weight, and its very noticeable. I get comments every single day at work about my weight loss. which I enjoy. It makes me feel good. sometimes embarassed and uncomfortable at times, but for the most part I really appreciate the comments. Recently, and more than once, I have gotten some new comments that sort of throw me back a bit. Like, "how much more do you want to lose?" "you dont look like you need to lose much more?", or " so, you are pretty much done with losing weight now, right?" OMG!! are you kidding me? I mean yeah, its sort of flattering for them to think this, but I am still way over weight and almost 200lbs!! I mean do people actually think this is an average weight now a days? and why in a million years would I stop here? after going this far with my weight loss, as long as I have the desire and motivation (which I do) why would I want to stay at 192 lbs? its just bizzare to me. has anyone else had this happen? just wondering.
My husband even says that he can't imagine me being 135lbs! why not!!!! I see myself at that weight every day in my head, LOL. I just wonder why that seems so shocking to people.:dizzy:


Thighs Be Gone
05-03-2009, 12:26 AM
Weightloss and the goals thereof, are immensely personal. I do not discuss my goals with anyone in real life other than my doctor. If someone says anything like, "you are just maintaining now??" or something I usually get off onto a spill about the importance of concentrating on nutrition, whole foods and balace and how I have shifted to that rather than a scale number. This is somewhat true. Not once has someone pecked me to death about whether or not I planned to lose more. I guess my spills on the importance of whole foods and balance would shut up anyone! :)

Thighs Be Gone
05-03-2009, 12:32 AM
My husband even says that he can't imagine me being 135lbs! why not!!!! I see myself at that weight every day in my head, LOL. I just wonder why that seems so shocking to people.:dizzy:


Hey, this a FANTASTIC question to ask! EXACTLY! WHY NOT??? That is one of the ULTIMATE questions I asked myself, "WHY NOT ME???" Then, I got mad about it and wanted to shout it to the universe, "WHY NOT ME!!!" YES, ABSOLUTELY ME is my answer to the question!

My hubby is fantastic. In every way, he is super. He told me once last year that I would never be a size 8. Well, I guess he was right--well, at least I wasn't an 8 very long! I am a 4 now--and even wear 2 in several brands. :) This journey is beautiful because it is ALL yours. Make it what you want. Make YOURSELF what you want.


Rosinante
05-03-2009, 02:11 AM
I got the same comments last time (2002-2004). I got to 136 from 242, was aiming for 120 - but instead got to 225 by January this year. Idiot.

I think it comes from a mixture of reasons -
* most people have no idead what weight numbers look like
* most people who don't have a lot to lose think that losing Another 4 stone sounds impossibly huge
* some people are threatened by us when we change shape so radically
* (the one I found most comforting) while our startweights might undoubtedly have been high, and shocking to Us, other people are a lot less aware of it than we think.

I agree absolutely though with the 'why not me?' - that's my battle cry this time too.

And ps, you Do look fantastic, and congratulations on your achievement!

Couch
05-03-2009, 06:00 AM
All of the above, and also:

1) general resistant to change - they barely recognise you now, and don't want you to be completely different.
2) the number you say you still have to lose sounds like a massive amount and they don't want you to be underweight.
3) it's never nice to say someone needs to lose weight. Much nicer to tell they they're fine.

Devsmama
05-03-2009, 07:49 AM
Thighs is right on this one. Goals are personal and you know what you want to do. I think people just can't imagine you being smaller, like your husband said, but you know what? That's their problem, not yours, do you!! Keep going because that's what you want. I think its odd that at close to 200lbs and 5'4 people think thats okay..lol..I can't wait to get under 200lbs, but I'm not stopping at 199 either!! Keep going and let them keep drinking haterade cause you look fab!!

rockinrobin
05-03-2009, 08:51 AM
I agree with what's already been posted.

Now people are pretty much used to me being this small, but as I was on the way down, I got comments like that all the time. Sure, people could understand me losing weight, but not THAT much. But I didn't start this little venture just to get health-ier, I wanted to get health-iest, if that makes sense. I mean just because I was morbidly obese, I should have settled for plain old obese, or overweight - uh-uh. I was taking this baby all the way home.

Long before I hit goal, people would mention, "that I'd lost enough, that I was thin enough, you mean you want to lose MORE weight?, don't get too skinny now" and things like that. But I do agree that people just don't realize what a healthy weight IS and what it LOOKS LIKE.

You have done such a fabulous job thus far. People are amazed by you and therefore they think that your weight is open for discussion. One of the downsides (luckily the only one) of losing so much weight. It's part of the package and we've got to take the good with the - not so good.

KforKitty
05-03-2009, 09:09 AM
Happens all the time to me. Granted I don't want to be 135, I do think this will be too thin for ME. However I do think another 10-15 lbs will not make me look too thin. I work with medics and I even had a Professor of nutrition tell me that I shouldn't lose anymore. She was shocked though when I said that I was still 'obese' and kindly said that I did not look it. BTW, she is tiny herself (about 120lbs I would guess).

I don't really know why people see me as different to what I am. Perhaps its the contrast with what I was, I don't know. But I do know that the people who comment most about not losing more are those who are slimmer than I am at the moment.

Kitty

Heather
05-03-2009, 09:10 AM
I think, from a psychological perspective, I think what's going on is the contrast effect. You're so much SMALLER than you were, that people focus on that part. The contrast from what you were. Not that you're still larger than many of them!

rockinrobin
05-03-2009, 09:22 AM
I think, from a psychological perspective, I think what's going on is the contrast effect. You're so much SMALLER than you were, that people focus on that part. The contrast from what you were. Not that you're still larger than many of them!

Yup. I remember when people started telling me how great I looked. And of course I was grateful for the kind comments. But I remember thinking to myself how ironic it was. And funny. It's all about perspective. People would comment on how good I looked at say, 170 lbs. But of course that's because they'd seen me at 287 lbs. But what if they'd last seen me at say, 135 lbs and then they saw me at that very same 170 lbs. I'm pretty much thinking nobody would comment on how "good I looked" then. Because then I would be dealing with a huge gain. All about perspective.

Friday
05-03-2009, 09:28 AM
Girl! i know what you are saying!
Ihave a lot of large muscle. So i dont look as much as I weigh..
But I still weigh it! and its on my heart.. People are like you dont weigh that much.. you dont need to lose another 25 pounds ( i dont tell anyone how much i weigh) LOL..
I say.. Well I will reach my goal when im happy..
I think a lot of people are jealous too.. SAdly!
I go by what my doctor suggests and how i feel!
Good Luck keep going! your doing great!

JayEll
05-03-2009, 10:34 AM
It's nobody's business whether I want to lose more weight.

I moved after I had lost weight, and in my new community, people view me as "normal," not as someone who has lost weight. It's really rather nice. No one tells me how "great" I look (having lost weight). No one asks me questions about how much, how much more, etc. No one watches what I eat or asks me questions about my food.

Remember that a lot of what people are asking you or telling you is inappropriate and they would never dream of saying these things to anyone who hadn't lost weight. So try to just let those comments go. Don't discuss your target weight, your current weight, how much you've lost, or anything else--just say "Thanks" to the compliments and move the conversation on.

Jay

LittleMoonRabbit
05-03-2009, 10:55 AM
I have had a similar response from people. My friends especially. They are like "why would you want to lose more weight???"

Seriously, I am still overweight for my height, I still have lots of extra weight on my hips, my thighs, my stomach... but I kept being told I am going to end up getting "too skinny." Uh, I have a LONG way to go before I am "too skinny"... the BMI chart says I could go as low as like 105... that's another 38 lbs from now! And I have no intention of going that low.

Personally, I do think some people have this altered perception of what a "healthy, normal weight" is now. I also think, because I have ALWAYS been overweight (since 4th grade), that people in my inner circle can't really imagine me being at a healthy, normal weight. And because they can't imagine it... they assume it must be bad.

Thighs, my husband has told me similar things, like I will never get to 125, or I shouldn't lose any more... I think he may be just as apprehensive about the "unknown" as I am... but, I just don't let any of it bother me. Not from my husband, my mom, or my friends... this is MY journey. I am not doing this for ANYONE ELSE but ME.

And I think that's what is making me successful this time. I am doing this for me, and no one else, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I am going to get to 125, I am going to be healthy and athletic... and if people aren't going to be supportive, I really don't care... I have enough inner support and love-of-self to get me there all on my own at this point... well, that, and all the love and support from you guys at 3FC :)

LuvMyMr
05-03-2009, 01:31 PM
Oh I don't go by the BMI chart. If I had then when I was a size 6/7 I was considered overweight! I have no problem with people asking how much more I want to lose. A friend asked me that this morning I said between 30 and 50 more pounds and she said WOW! That's because she knew me when I was so much bigger and I lost a lot of weight and am looking significantly better. It's not offense to me. I don't mind at all and if it's to maybe encourage someone with their weight loss it's all the more better. :)

kiramira
05-03-2009, 02:09 PM
I think this has less to do with BMI and so on than it has to do with changing relationships between you and those around you. You have always been perceived as being "heavy" within your group, I'm sure. I'm sure there were food behaviours and socializing skills that established you within your group. Now this is all changing!
The people around you are uncomfortable with you becoming a "new you" -- how will things change for them? Will you still go out with them? Will you be the same person? Will you still want to be their friend? Do they still want to be yours?
I certainly haven't transformed myself in the manner that you have, but some of the comments I have heard, LITERALLY, include:
1. "You're getting so THIN. You look better than I do!" then as an aside to a second friend, "She's not ALLOWED to look better than us"...
2. "You're no FUN since you stopped eating out with me."
3. "You shouldn't lose too much weight. You look sickly. I wish I could lose weight"...

So, you have to try to get to the root of why the person is saying what they say, because it most likely is more about them than it is about your success.

Keep your own path in mind, and deal with the relationship fallout as it happens. You may find that you don't keep some people in your life, but add new ones in! Scary! But true...

Kira

time2lose
05-03-2009, 02:15 PM
Thighs originally posted:
Hey, this a FANTASTIC question to ask! EXACTLY! WHY NOT??? That is one of the ULTIMATE questions I asked myself, "WHY NOT ME???" Then, I got mad about it and wanted to shout it to the universe, "WHY NOT ME!!!" YES, ABSOLUTELY ME is my answer to the question!

This is thought provoking.....

TJFitnessDiva
05-03-2009, 03:23 PM
I encounter that a lot now. It's a little weird but I really don't go into details about how much I have left to lose, how much I've lost, etc to anyone except a few people here and of course y'all ;) I do live in a very small town and half grew up here so if they don't come up to you and say something rest assured they are talking about it....the only reason I know is because I hear what they are saying (ie the next aisle of the grocery lol) or it gets back to me. Blah :lol:

The comments don't bother me too much...it's mainly the changing dynamics of my friendships. It's amazing and a bit disturbing to see the people that you thought once were friends end the friendship because I wasn't the "fat" one anymore. It hasn't run off everyone but my circle has certainly gotten much smaller.

saef
05-03-2009, 03:57 PM
"You're getting so THIN. You look better than I do!" then as an aside to a second friend, "She's not ALLOWED to look better than us"...


Bingo!

People tend to use their peer groups as a yardstick to see how they're doing in life. They assign one another roles: So-and-so is the "hot one." Such-and-such is the "brain." So-and-so is the most maternal. When you pursue new interests that threaten these new categories, people get ruffled a little. They can't help themselves. They're not always actively malignant, they're often just more comfortable with the status quo.

I think of my group of friends who've stayed in touch after grad school. I was easily the heaviest & the least athletic. Most of the others were slender & into eating healthily (to my annoyance then & for which I am deeply grateful now, when I hang out with them) except one was slightly chunkier than the others, though never obese like me. That friend is, of course, the one who's been made uneasiest by my loss of 106 pounds.

Every time I talk about healthy food choices, I reinforce the actions & belief systems of the ones who've always been into shopping for organic vegetables at Whole Foods. They can congratulate themselves: "She's finally come over to our side." Someone else believes in what they do, so it's safer to believe. When they see me, I affirm their choices & hold up a flattering mirror to them.

The heavier friend, who's always been more amused by food as a lifestyle choice, particularly by junk food or really bad 1950s comfort foods or "campy" foods or faux-proleteriat food, has suddenly lost her one ally in our group.

To her, I've "gone over to the dark side," and remind her irritatingly of the health-conscious L.A. people she lives & works among. I have become one of the pod people, like at the end of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." I am no longer carefree & fun & thinking only of immediate pleasure. I am a self-denying ascetic & I have "bought into" a form of Puritanism.

I never foresaw all this happening when I started losing weight.

JulieJ08
05-03-2009, 04:35 PM
but some of the comments I have heard, LITERALLY, include:
1. "You're getting so THIN. You look better than I do!" then as an aside to a second friend, "She's not ALLOWED to look better than us"...


Unbelievably sad and pathetic. How can people even say such things and not die of embarrassment?

rockinrobin
05-03-2009, 04:40 PM
My closest friend in the world, one of the kindest people you'd ever meet, said to me at one point, "I knew you wanted to lose weight, but I didn't realize you wanted to get this thin?"

The reason that I mentioned she's one of the kindest people, is to just show you how even SHE was put off by my weight loss. She's about 30 lbs overweight.

I think it makes people feel badly about the choices that they make and how they are living their lives. Makes them feel inadequate.

sunnywarmth
05-03-2009, 04:54 PM
So true, Tanee. Like true love, true friendship should not be 'skin deep'. I don't know which bothers me more---the people who make senseless or snarky comments or those who stare at ya, looking you up and down and noticing the two or three sizes that you have already dropped and say--absolutely nada!!! I think there must be humor to be said in that--at least I think so!

And, congratulations on your magnificent weight loss. You are inspiration to anyone! Bless!
Joan

Jennelle
05-03-2009, 05:30 PM
Husbands worry. They worry that we will get slim, trim, and racy and then decide that we can find a newer model husband, too. My husband actually asked me if that was going to happen waaaaaaaay back when I first lost a bunch of weight. Well, here I am, 20-some-odd years later. I think he realizes he's stuck with me now! :lol:

HVEECK
05-05-2009, 10:42 PM
Thank you all for your wonderful insight :hug: I do think dh is a little worried about me becoming a "hot moma". LOL, even though he doesn't need to worry. I also like the idea that everyone is probably just comparing me to the morbidly obese person I was before, so even though I am still very heavy, i look way smaller than I use to. I guess I can see how that can happen. Most of the comments I get are at my work. I know it shouldn't be anyone else's business, but my weight loss is usually the topic of discussion. They are all very supportive and always give me encouragement. For the most part I dont mind it, but sometimes I wish I could just have a normal conversation and not be stared at when i walk in the door. Not be known as the one who is losing all this weight. Its also very scary to think "if I ever gain the weight back, how awkward that would be". Believe me, im not planning on gaining the weight back, but you can imagine how horrifying that would be after this past year of me being the talk of the department. IDK, these are all just things I never thought I'd have to worry about when I started losing weight.
thanks again for all your comments

cfmama
05-05-2009, 11:44 PM
I'm still way overweight. Yes I've lost 107 pounds but I still have like 115 to go AT LEAST and people keep saying "how much more do you want to lose?" And when I tell them at least another 100 they freak. "OMG you'll be a bone rack! I can't believe that! no way!"

because 170 lbs will be a bone rack... *roll eyes*

I have one friend in particular. I was engaged to her husband ;) We dated from the time we were 15 to when we were 22. Were each others "first" the whole bit. We really did break up because I had gained like 150 pounds... so what does he say to my friend the other day? IN FRONT OF ME?

"wow... Tammy's looking freaking awesome. You better watch out R or I'll go back to her!"

nice huh?

HVEECK
05-06-2009, 01:36 AM
OMG, I cant believe he said that to his wife! and in front of you! thats crazy! You do look awesome though. Ive seen your before and current pics ;)
I think that is what shocks people, when I tell them I still want to lose almost 60 lbs. They just cant believe I still need to lose that much! at my height though, 135 lbs is not even close to being too thin. People are just going to have to get used to it, because I will be 135lbs, and I will maintain that weight for the rest of my life :D

paperSkin
05-06-2009, 01:24 PM
Having been the person to say this to my really good friend when she was losing weight I will tell you exactly what I was thinking. Nothing about insecurities about her looking better than me.. or anything like that. It was that she was looking so beautiful.. like absolutely damn gorgeous that I was proud of her and her hard work and I just wanted her to know that she didn't have to work so hard anymore to reach that because she had arrived!

She got a little upset with me and told me that I had never seen her at a lower weight and that I didn't know how good she could look. And told me that she was size 12 and that wasn't good enough. I was like, fair enough.. and she lost another 20lbs... I was so proud of her for doing that too.. she is a big inspiration to me in my journey.

rockinrobin
05-06-2009, 01:46 PM
I have one friend in particular. I was engaged to her husband ;) We dated from the time we were 15 to when we were 22. Were each others "first" the whole bit. We really did break up because I had gained like 150 pounds... so what does he say to my friend the other day? IN FRONT OF ME?

"wow... Tammy's looking freaking awesome. You better watch out R or I'll go back to her!"

nice huh?

Okay. This guy is a moron. I'm sorry. Pleeeeeze don't take this the wrong way, but I think you just may have the "answer" as to why you gained 150 lbs, since you say it was the cause of your break up. First of all, anyone that would break up with some one (yet alone YOU) over weight is an idiot. And second of all, any one that would say something like that in front of his wife is a bigger idiot. Yup, those 150 lbs - it was G-d's way of protecting you from this jerk.

Yeah, right, like you'd ever go back to HIM. He should be so lucky. ;)

WhitePicketFences
05-06-2009, 03:05 PM
I think a lot of people don't know how much "30 more pounds" or whatever really means. To some people who have always been particularly thin, losing 10 lbs can be a huge difference to them in confidance, clothing size, etc. So naturally they might think that the effect of losing 30 pounds (for example) is 3 times what they have experienced.

This isn't exactly the same thing, but in real life, I've only told one other person besides my husband how much I lost. She is a nice acquaintance who complimented me on looking like I'd lost weight. At the time, I had lost 50 pounds and told her so. She acted wow'd, was sincerely congratulatory.

We both went back to what we were doing and then, about after about a minute of busy silence, she asked, "What are you, about 5'10?" Heh. Yeah, I think she had been pondering how much I had weighed and how it was possible that I lost 50 whole pounds, especially when I still looked (look) overweight.

I told her I was 5'8 and asked her height -- she replied that she was 4'11 and a new avenue of conversation ensued.

Still, I was left with the impression that at 4'11 and looking tiny, 50 lbs may well be half of her own weight. She was very polite but it's no wonder that someone else, someone with very different stats from ourself, might have a weird immediate reaction.

annie175
05-06-2009, 03:10 PM
and mostly, people (my parents) are not used to seeing me weigh what I should weigh for my height. They think I am too skinny, no...I just finally weigh what I am supposed to...

Trazey34
05-06-2009, 03:37 PM
it's probably because they know you and in contrast to how big you WERE you seem tiny NOW, if that makes sense??? A stranger would probably think "ok she wants to lose weight, makes sense" because they see you starting at square one. Of all the things people say, I'd rather hear "so you're DONE now right???" than to work my a$$ off and have them say "Wow you still have a TON more to lose right?" LOL

MrsHomeStretch
05-06-2009, 03:48 PM
I am so glad I am not the only one hearing this. I've lost about 55 lbs, and it is obvious that I need to lose a bit more. But people are already starting to make the comments, "You aren't going to lose your hips are you?"

I want to say, no, I'm not going to lose my hips, I'm going to find them under all this FAT!

Also, my best friend who is trying to lose weight keeps putting me down. Whenever I get all excited and start talking about losing weight she says, "Well, remember, it takes time."

Um, yeh, I know! I mean, I've been working on this for years. It is just like she is trying to put me down. Really, why set yourself up for failure?

I know once I get down to my goal my family is not going to understand. They think I look healthy right now, but I really just don't think they understand. I am truly amazed by how many people are not aware of what a true healthy weight is.

DCHound
05-06-2009, 04:06 PM
My mother and sister are both as large as I was when I first started...and I feel like I can't share any of my successes with them because I will depress them, and remind them that they aren't losing weight. It makes me feel terrible, because I love them both and I'm NOT the food police. I know how badly I would feel if the situation were reversed...in a way I am not looking forward to going home for Christmas this year. There's every chance in this world that I might be at a size 8 or 10 by then. I've never been smaller than a 14 since I was in, probably, sixth grade. I'm afraid they are both going to feel terrible about themselves, and I do NOT want that for them. Errrgh.

melwolfe
05-06-2009, 04:14 PM
Too funny! My wedding rings are just loose enough that I put them in a drawer because I'm afraid I'll lose them.

My Honey calls me Monday in the middle of the day for no apparent reason and says to go ahead and get them sized because "I'm taken and I need to show that", why he's even thinking about it in the middle of the day I have no idea........I pointed out that we'd have to size them again in a couple months and he said he doesn't care, if we have to size them 3 more times, so hey, if it makes him feel better I'll get them sized this weekend

Total waste of money, but whatever floats his boat!

I have decided that lots of people have lots of stupid things to say and do whether you're large, small or in between. I've decided to ignore most of them and do what I want to do and what makes me happy.

thinpossible
05-06-2009, 04:39 PM
If you've lost a lot of weight pretty quickly, it can be a dramatic change. If these are people you see frequently, like co-workers, they knew you at a much higher weight, so by comparison you look much thinner. So they think how much skinnier can she get?!

I see so many people on the boards go through this, if I ever get to the point where I have this problem (did I say if? I meant when ;)) when I have this problem I'm just going to say: I'm not going to lose too much, I just want to be in a NORMAL weight range for my height. Hopefully that will put any worries they have to rest.

HVEECK
05-07-2009, 12:34 AM
[QUOTE= Of all the things people say, I'd rather hear "so you're DONE now right???" than to work my a$$ off and have them say "Wow you still have a TON more to lose right?" LOL[/QUOTE]

LOL, so true ;)

HVEECK
05-07-2009, 12:37 AM
just last night (after this thread was written), I had another co worker say "how much more do you want to lose?" , so I said " I just want to be normal". I guess that pretty much sums it up. Its not like Im looking to be lindsay lohan or anything. I just dont want people to think I have some crazy eating disorder to make myself lose weight. when in fact, I had the eating disorder before, when I was eating like a horse. It is flattering though to have them think I look good the way I am now :)

Rosinante
05-07-2009, 01:56 AM
I agree with..well, all of the above really!

I have a friend who keeps telling me to stop at my June Vac Target Weight (179) because last time we went on holiday together, that's what I weighed. Of course, I'll be delighted to get there - 11lbs and counting - but it's 50lbs off 'normal'. Her reasons are mixed, I'm sure. She's basically kindly, has lost weight herself but only about 20lbs, so doesn't really understand big figures; but also, last time I did get to 135 and she was quite stunned:'You're the Same Size as ME now!' and it clearly would have taken her a while to get used to it, had I not rebounded right back up again like a tennis ball!

However, in the meantime I'd be happy for someone, anyone to notice the 35lbs I've lost this last 3 months!!!!!

rockinrobin
05-07-2009, 02:05 AM
I just dont want people to think I have some crazy eating disorder to make myself lose weight. when in fact, I had the eating disorder before, when I was eating like a horse. It is flattering though to have them think I look good the way I am now :)

Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. That's just it. BEFORE we had disordered eating. BEFORE. Not now. Finally - I'm eating sensibly. When people tell me that I'm getting too thin, they really don't anymore, they're used to me, but when I was heavier and still had plenty to lose people would warn me against getting "too skinny", "you don't want to be anorexic now do you?", I would think, "are they CRAZY?????", I'm no where near a normal weight, anorexic? - not even a remote possibility - but yeah, why don't they get that what I was doing BEFORE was in fact an eating disorder - compulsive eating, binging, eating while not hungry, abusing myself with food, taking in more calories then I was burning, not exercising - umm - yeah - eating disorder.

People will think, what people will think. Anyone wants to believe that any one of us has an eating disorder - that's unfortunately their issue. Most folks are not aware of just what it entails to lose a large amount of weight and then maintain that loss.

I think it's just the drastic change in, number one - how we look and number two - how we eat. Drastic change. It's uncommon and people are unaware how to "behave" and "react" to it. Because, let's face it, it's not very often you meet someone who has lost over 100 lbs.