hello everyone. I'm new here, this is my very first post. There may be others here like me, maybe not. I haven't heard much about this, so not such how common it is.
Here it is in a nutshell----
I am 48 years old--over weight-- I am female 5ft 3in and 280lbs, size 28. How I got to where I'm at, you're wondering?? I spent half of my teen years and ALL of my 20s being anorexic (and some of my early 30s). I got down to a womans size 3 and then a little girls junior size 12. I was down to 89lbs. My eating habits never changed, but in my 30s, instead of keeping the weight off by starvation---it backfired on me and I started gaining weight!! Even know, I still skip meals--either eat one time a day and very little at that, or go several days without eating---trying to get this off. At one point, I had started walking and walked 5 miles a day--7 days a week (and NOT eating)--lost 30 lbs, that put me at 250 BUT I could not get below that---it seems that if I eat, I gain and its very frustrating. Plus, I can eat very little and feel really bloated.
I would really love to find someone that has been through exactly the same thing that I have, and can tell me what they did to lose the FAT. I am strong and have never had a problem with will power. The feeling of being thin, far outweighed the satisfaction of eating and getting full. Yet for several years now, I have been messed up. all of those years of starving myself and not eating properly has come back to haunt me.
Long story---but--My eating disorder resulted from my father making comments to me as a teenager, about my weight. I had his approval when I was thin and 'beautiful'...but when I got fat, I stayed away from him and was embarrassed for him to see me fat--I knew he would say something, look down on me and disapprove. (I was in the military--and lived in another state from him). I once stayed away 14 years because of me not wanting to deal with him seeing me fat. I would not meet up to his standards. I would be an embarrassment to him. so I just stayed away. when I finally got the courage to go back and see him, it was exactly as I thought it would be. digs on my weight. it would be five years after that before I would go back and see him again, and that would be because he was on his death bed. It sucks, it really does.
anyone here been in my shoes?? or even ONE of my shoes and has dealt with part of my situation??? thanks much.
the silent sister
Hi!
Been there done that, I've had the full range of eating disorders, been anorexic, bulimic and binge too.
And for me everything started with my father always making nasty comments, aww...I've a collection of them to say.
Have you been able to reinstate the hunger/fullness feelings? I know we lost it while having eating disorders, and that is also one of the main reasons we aren't able to regulate ourselves. If you need help with it just let me know, lol, been there done that.
To lose weight you need to reinstate the hunger/fullness feeling then get on a plan and stick to it. You know the exercize+no eat doesn't work, actually puts your metabolism into starvation mode, tell me about it, I gained 50 lbs with it! ****!
Regular and healthy meals and regular exercize, you can get below the dreading 250, the problem is you may stall, stalls, plateaus, call them as you like, they may be long, but if you can manage to keep going they have an end, really.
Here if you need a chat and welcome on board!
Emotions are the bane of many of our weight issues. I think you should seek therapy and continue here @ 3FC. Therapists are wonderful, you just need to find the right one for you. ^-^ If you've never been, it can be scary, but we are here to support you.
Sister, are you under a doctor's care? I think that if would be very helpful to have a physical if you have not already. Have you had your thyroid levels checked? This could cause significant weight gain without overeating--I know I managed to gain 50 lbs in 3 months once all because of my underactive thyroid.
Although I have never been in yours shoes, I was always a binge eater, I just wanted to welcome you to 3FC. As you can see there are already a few people who have posted that they understand where you are. For those of us that aren't we are willing to support you and help you along your journey.
Like the others have posted I would suggested a full physical and therapy (group with people with eating disorders). The more tools you have and use in your arsenal the more likely you are to succeed.
I was threw the exact same thing..reading your story, it was like i wrote it myself. It hit home, and brought back memories. My parents to, no matter what weight i was always critizied me. I rember one year on summer break from school, it was the first time i decided to starve myself to lose weight, i was watching a show about tv stars that didnt eat, and thought..i can do that..and i did. when i went back to school, everyone said how amazing i looked...so i kept it up Monaday, wendsday and fridays i would eat 1 apple, 4 crackers, and a slice of cheese. the rest of the time was diet pop or water. It worked for a bit, and then i stopped losing, and started to gain..i couldnt figure out why. To make a very long short, i have been fighting my weight, have tried ever diet, and even stopped eating again, until one day, when i called my 8 year old son for breakfast said he wasnt going to eat breakfast, or take a lunch to school, becasue he thought he was to fat!! He left for school, and i cried, and realize that not only am i risking my life, but that of my children..that was the day my life changed. i went and talked to my doctor and dietician.
They advised me that even though i wasnt eating anything or enough, my body was storing it all, as i was starving. it was my bodys defense system. And i need to change. They put me on a diet...i basically ate 6 times a day, but small meals. at first i gained weight, but after about a month my body realized..i wasnt going to starve it anymore, and the weight started to come off.. amazing.i was eating and losing weight...i ended up getting down to a size 10..then i got pregant again, and gained over 100 lbs with braden, and then a year later got pregant again. my weight went up to 280 after birth. i lost some of it, but tried every diet there was. Until recently, i thought, why not do what i did before, and eat. I now eat 4-5 times a day and drink protien shakes and the weight has been coming off.
Its not a easy thing to do..it very easy for me not to eat, and not even realize it, but my husband and my children, make sure i do, and keeping a food diary that i review everynight keeps me on track.
Canadian Angel - this is such an excellent reply! --- Silent Sister - welcome - I only just joined today myself, but I think you've come to a good place for support. As Canadian Angel said about how her body was holding onto food for dear life thinking she was going to starve it again, that was exactly what I was thinking, too. As the others recommended, do work with a good doc, or counselor, and stay here on the board too. You can beat this! I haven't done it myself but have known women with issues like this. You can beat this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianangel
I was threw the exact same thing..reading your story, it was like i wrote it myself. It hit home, and brought back memories. My parents to, no matter what weight i was always critizied me. I rember one year on summer break from school, it was the first time i decided to starve myself to lose weight, i was watching a show about tv stars that didnt eat, and thought..i can do that..and i did. when i went back to school, everyone said how amazing i looked...so i kept it up Monaday, wendsday and fridays i would eat 1 apple, 4 crackers, and a slice of cheese. the rest of the time was diet pop or water. It worked for a bit, and then i stopped losing, and started to gain..i couldnt figure out why. To make a very long short, i have been fighting my weight, have tried ever diet, and even stopped eating again, until one day, when i called my 8 year old son for breakfast said he wasnt going to eat breakfast, or take a lunch to school, becasue he thought he was to fat!! He left for school, and i cried, and realize that not only am i risking my life, but that of my children..that was the day my life changed. i went and talked to my doctor and dietician.
They advised me that even though i wasnt eating anything or enough, my body was storing it all, as i was starving. it was my bodys defense system. And i need to change. They put me on a diet...i basically ate 6 times a day, but small meals. at first i gained weight, but after about a month my body realized..i wasnt going to starve it anymore, and the weight started to come off.. amazing.i was eating and losing weight...i ended up getting down to a size 10..then i got pregant again, and gained over 100 lbs with braden, and then a year later got pregant again. my weight went up to 280 after birth. i lost some of it, but tried every diet there was. Until recently, i thought, why not do what i did before, and eat. I now eat 4-5 times a day and drink protien shakes and the weight has been coming off.
Its not a easy thing to do..it very easy for me not to eat, and not even realize it, but my husband and my children, make sure i do, and keeping a food diary that i review everynight keeps me on track.
thank you all so much for the great feed back and support!!! I was a little shy about telling my story but you guys made me feel right at home. thanks for listening and understanding. I am so glad I found this group and look forward to getting to know you all!!! thanks again!!! Silence
Just wanted to let all of you who struggle with this issue, I don't know what you are going through but my heart goes out to you. Hopefully you will find the right combination to begin to lose the weight and keep it off. I think it would be very helpful to consult a dr. or nutritionist to help guide you through this. Best of luck and keep us updated on your progress!
You and I are the same age and have been through a very similar pattern. I was hospitalized for ana as a teenager, and have several more bouts with it throughout my adult life. Of course, these episodes were in between balooning to dangerously obese weights too. I too longed for that approval from my father, even when he died, I was seven months pregnant and looking terrible. It made it even more painful because we know the pleasure of winning their approval, and the demoralizing low when that approval is withdrawn. These men are as ignorant and thrwarted by social & media advertising as we are. They don't know any better than we do that beauty does not equal a size 4. And it would hurt them so much if they knew how devasted we are when that approval is witheld. It's funny, for the first time in six years I'm feeling hopeful about getting this life-long struggle under control - I know we can do it, the tools are there - and like you said, you're strong! Lean on the support system that's there for us. This forum and others are great. Choose healthy foods and keep a journal. If you're craving something off limits -- have a smaller, healthier version (like say, a Lean Cuisine pizza or pasta dish). Hang a favorite dress or pair of jeans in plain sight. And don't belittle yourself - you're here, and that's important! You have a story to tell, and your journey will help others. Keep strong, believe in yourself & the sisters around you!!
Good luck Honey!! ))
I haven't experience this, but I've been a binge eater for several years now. I agree with Reddalice when she stated "Emotions are the bane of many of our weight issues".
To put it simply, emotions suck. I know because of low self esteem, I almost hit 400 pounds, just to make myself more miserable. What did the extra food help besides the local economy, no one.
Lose the weight for you and no one else, and you'll feel so much better. Even if it's a 1/2 pound a week, at least you're trying and that's something to counteract the bad emotions surrounding you.
The anorexic FAT CHICK
