100 lb. Club - I don't want to lose weight

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04-29-2009, 06:34 PM
I wasn't sure if I should address this topic or not but I figured why not...

I've struggled for over a year with being happy with my weight. I have to admit that I am very happy with my weight. I'd like to lose more weight for various reasons but the true desire is not there. I've bounced around the same 10 lbs for over a year. Its not a plateau because I haven't truly been trying to lose weight.

So my current desire is to figure out what I can do to make myself want to lose weight. It is a bit hard to accept that I truly don't want it but I've thought about it for the past couple months and I know that is the problem.

So what can I do to want to lose weight? I figure there are a couple things including writing down reasons for losing weight.

Here is what I have so far
-Running will be easier
-Biking will be easier
-Hiking will be easier
-I will be able to do rock climbing
-I will be able to resize my wedding ring
-I will be able to fit in smaller clothes
-My feet may shrink more

None of those are really strong motivators. The rock climbing is probably one of the stronger ones as I really would like to learn.

Anyway, despite the lack of desire to lose weight, I started counting calories.

04-29-2009, 06:53 PM
My husband's motto is: I eat to live not live to eat! Unfortuatly I am JUST THE OPPOSITE!!! LOL :D

04-29-2009, 06:57 PM
Nelie -- Wow, I feel exactly the same way! When I started, nothing stopped me. I really wanted to lose. And I did -- over 100 pounds!

Now, I've gained back 25 pounds, and I know that the desire to LOSE just isn't there like it was before. And yet, I'm not really happy at my new weight (just under 200 pounds)... but happy enough... or perhaps more accurately, not *unhappy enough*

I feel like I've been in "fake it till you make it" mode for MONTHS. I count calories and do well for a while, and then I fall off the wagon a bit. Not badly, but enough to erase any losses (or create small gains)... It's so much harder to make the commitment when on some level I don't want it enough...

04-29-2009, 07:22 PM
Tough question. I was there for years. And, I think you are right - you really have to want it, and the reasons you listed are not compelling enough.

Only you can find the "trigger" that will work for you. For me it was several things.
1. health issues were starting to be a problem. The future looked bleak if I didn't act soon.
2. not being able to keep up with my kids when hiking, or even walking around town
3. wrist fat (yes that's right). I looked down at my little wrist and the big bulge of fat above it. It looked like someone had inflated a balloon and attached it to my wrist. Totally grossed me out. Why I never noticed it before is beyond me. I actually knew that I would be at my goal weight only when that bulge was gone.

Now, you won't find many that will agree with me, but I didn't have much luck with "fake it until you make it" mentality over the years. It seems that my mindset had to match my actions for me to really lose weight. Every time I tried in the past, and didn't have that real, honest, gut-level commitment - I failed.

For me to begin and then continue this journey, I had to have mind, body, and spirit working together. Two of the three just didn't do the job. And - getting to a place where all 3 are aligned and working toward the same goal can be really tough.

So, I encourage you to keep searching yourself to find what WILL motivate you. It might not happen today, or tomorrow, or even next month - which is OK. You have come so far, and have done so well. You can do things you couldn't do before and you should be thrilled with your progress. Maybe you are at your goal weight. Maybe not. Only you know the answer.

04-29-2009, 07:51 PM
I don't really have any advice on what can jump start you back into weight loss but it is funny that you post this. My ultimate goal is to lose 150 pounds but I was just thinking yesterday about how I feel like I will make it to 200 or a little below and get comfortable. 209-211 was always my weight range before I gained so much weight. That is the weight where I feel like me. I wonder if I will be experiencing something similar when I reach that weight.

04-29-2009, 08:06 PM
I know exactly what you mean. Right now I am at the lowest weight I've been in a long time (at least since I started paying attention to my weight a few years ago). I know I still have a lot to lose to be considered healthy, but I am so pleased with my accomplishment so far that I am getting complacent, and obviously, the scale is not budging.
I think one of the things is that I am afraid to step out of my comfort zone and not being/feeling invisible any more. I notice people are starting to interact with me a little differently now, and while it's pleasing, it's also a bit scary.
I think for me is going to boil down to having a sit down with myself and remember why I lost the first batch of weight in the first place:
-I want to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy.
-I want to be a good example for my baby and instill good habits in him/her so that they don't have to suffer what I've gone through all my life.
-I was pre-diabetic and that actually hurt my kidneys and I am not out of the woods with that one yet. I've seen what diabetes can do and I don't want to suffer through that when I am older.
-The summer is coming and I still can't wear short sleeve shirts because my arms have a funny roll in them.

Now I have to keep digging and find some other things that are going to re-ignite the fire under my butt and help me going.

04-29-2009, 08:18 PM
Nelie, do it for your health, think of the problems obesity causes. High blood pressure, diabetes, strokes, heart problems, varicose veins just to name a few.

04-29-2009, 08:25 PM
You are an active person and you also eat a very healthy and varied diet. Therefore, most of the diseases and illnesses attritubed to being obese may not ever apply to you. However, the pressure of the added weight can cause horrible strain and damage to your joints. This is just basic physics and there really is no way around it. Over the years, this gets worse. This might be a biggie to add to your list if you want to be an active senior.

You and Heather have made amazing strides in conquering your weight and eating issues and I'm so sorry that both of your are struggling a bit. But, please realize that you do still have the desire or you wouldn't still be concerned about the lack of desire and you wouldn't still be reading and posting here on 3FC. Sometimes, it takes a bit of time to re-adjust. I understand. I've been maintaining a 30 pound loss for 2 years and have just recently found my motivation again. So, don't give up. Keep trying. As long as you keep trying, there is hope. One day, it will click for you again.

04-29-2009, 09:48 PM
you know something??? this might be controversial, but who says you HAVE to lose more? I know 200 pounds is too much, but you WERE 360 something, and you've lost 160 lbs. If you can maintain that weight loss for the rest of your life i think you're on easy street! if you can live with your lifestyle now, what would happen if you dieted down to 150 but couldn't take it and snapped and gained it ALL back?? it's happened to other people before!!! I say maintain your 200 lbs. vigilantly but maybe increase your exercise a bit and see what happens.

04-29-2009, 10:04 PM
I'm glad there are others that feel the same way.

I know the joints thing is an issue and the only possible health reason I could add. At my highest weight, I had horrid back pain and I also started to experience knee pain. My back pain has gone away and the knee pain is mostly gone away although some days I feel a little twinge.

Based on my diet, I don't believe I'm at risk for the usual obesity related diseases. I do have PCOS which of course is a pain and improves with weight loss but part of me thinks it'll never go away, no matter what weight I am.

I do feel better typing everything out.

04-29-2009, 11:46 PM
Can you maybe change your focus? Make an exercise goal that you want to achieve, for example, and then control your eating more to achieve that goal rather than lose weight, ie nutrition, good quality food, feeling good. Then when you're more inspired to lose weight, you can reduce your calories again.

04-30-2009, 12:04 AM
Whew! I can so relate to you Nelie (and Heather). Although I've lost lots of weight, I've regained 25 lbs from my lowest weight. I'm not particularly happy about it, but like Heather, I've not been unhappy enough to work at it again. In the last week, I've started counting and logging calories again - something I had stopped doing for a while. I have seen the scale drop some since then, but I don't have the mental weight loss glow that I had the first couple of years of weight loss.

I'm not sure how to get it back. I will have a day or two of gung-ho - back in the saddle - I can do this! kind of day, then it fades and I'm struggling all over again. I think the fact that my clothes are getting tight (and some feel too tight to wear) helped me get restarted tracking calories again.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that you aren't in it alone. Thanks for sharing your struggle. :hug:

04-30-2009, 12:26 AM
you know something??? this might be controversial, but who says you HAVE to lose more? I know 200 pounds is too much, but you WERE 360 something, and you've lost 160 lbs. If you can maintain that weight loss for the rest of your life i think you're on easy street! if you can live with your lifestyle now, what would happen if you dieted down to 150 but couldn't take it and snapped and gained it ALL back?? it's happened to other people before!!! I say maintain your 200 lbs. vigilantly but maybe increase your exercise a bit and see what happens.I was thinking the same thing the whole time I was reading nelie's original post. 160+ pounds lost is nothing to sneeze at.

You've come a very long way, baby, and been successful at maintaining the loss. That's an accomplishment in & of itself.

04-30-2009, 01:17 AM

Everyone has given you great responses, and I just wanted to chime in a little bit. I want to tell you that you don't have to wait to start climbing. I started climbing at 230 lbs (before I was pg, obviously) and fully intend to start climbing again regularly when the weather warms up enough. If your form is correct then your legs will hurt like heck, but it's great for building up those muscles. I say give it a shot and see what happens! :)

04-30-2009, 05:13 AM
I agree with Couch, why not think of another type of goal rather than the scale? Don't worry about losing just now, but focus on habits and exercise goals. Maybe just weigh in every now and then to make sure that you don't gain.
Other than that personally I feel that motivation isn't everything. If you figure out the reasons (and they have to be good, like your health for instance, a big incentive) then go ahead and DO IT. Motivation comes and goes, but determination can stay forever.

04-30-2009, 08:34 AM
Maybe it's time to re-adjust your goal then. If you are happy at this weight and can maintain it, then why go lower? Maybe in another year you'll decide you do want to lose more. If you decide that, then you can go for it. I personally think I would be happy at about 200, so that's my ultimate goal. If I hit it and maintain it for a while and then decide I want to lose more, I'll go for it, but chances are I'm just going to be happy and stay!

04-30-2009, 09:10 AM
Why stop at "almost" where you need to be on weight loss. Get motivated girl, lose that weight to be healthier. It's all about you....do it for you...be proud of you.... You certainly wouldn't head off to the store and stop 5 miles away and be there, same with weight, take it all the way home.

04-30-2009, 09:14 AM
nelie and heather :hug: Hello, dear chickies!

Weight loss wears a person out, especially if she or he is trying too hard. How many times have folks decided "I'm going to get rid of 2 or 3 pounds a week!" and then set themselves at too low a calorie level--only to find out after a couple weeks (or less) that they get too hungry and can't sustain the effort.

I wonder whether one's metabolism changes for the better after months of exercising, so that what used to be a level of calories at which we could lose weight without too much discomfort suddenly becomes too low for our faster metabolism. Just speculation...

What I really wanted to say is, maybe "wanting to lose weight" isn't the right direction to be looking in at the moment. Maybe there is something else you want. What might that be? It could be a combination of things.

Maybe it's a case of not wanting-- the restriction, the discomfort, etc. Maybe the food plan that worked so well just doesn't cut it now. Maybe the exercise program has gotten stale, or it's just not what works any more. Or maybe the old habits are subtly reasserting themselves--the habits that led to weight gain. I don't know! But it's worth looking at everything.

Whatever the case, I wish you luck. I am struggling right now with trying to get below 150 again, and I've been following a pattern by which I'm good for a few days or a week, then I overeat and wipe out any loss.

But the one thing I don't do is stop exercising or being aware of what I'm eating, even when the eating is going off the chart. I really don't want to regain any further! Been there, hate it!

Keep on trying to figure out where you're at. If you want to maintain for awhile, that's great! Just make sure that's what you're doing, and that the pounds aren't slowly coming back...


04-30-2009, 09:32 AM
Great topic. Weight is not a topic where there is one right answer. Where is "home" as far as goal weight goes? I set my original goal based on how great Heather looks like in her picture at 174 and then decided I didn't look as good as she did and lowered it. If I hadn't I would have been at goal now.

I wonder about folks who spend months trying to lose the last pound or 2 to get to a certain number. What is magic about a number?

If you are healthy, active and comfortable in your skin, why not concentrate on other goals that might tone you but not worry about the number on the scale (as long as it doesn't go up, of course).

04-30-2009, 12:34 PM
Maybe you should look at the reasons you DON'T want to lose the rest of the weight instead of the reasons to lose it.
Are you afraid of unwanted attention perhaps? Fat is a wonderful shield. You have come a LONG way and aren't *fat* but if you have more to lose that means you still carry a little of that shield.
Good luck!

04-30-2009, 02:23 PM
I have been thinking about the post ever since you wrote it. I wanted to come up with the exact right thing to say. That didn't happen, so here goes.

Both of you have lost great amounts of weight. You have succeeded, just look where you were. I have seen both of you in person and you both look great...you look "normal", whatever that is. You have greatly improved your health.

So now it's time to decide what you really want.

If you are happy with when you look in the mirror (we will never be prefect, you know!) then please, sit back, maintain and give yourself a break!! You did it - be proud and content! There is no magic number, you decide what weight works for you.

If you are not happy when you look in the mirror, then you need to decide if you are willing to do what it takes to get more weight off and then continue to do that to keep it off. If you aren't willing do make more changes, then you need to come to peace with who you are and where you are and be awfully proud of yourselves!!!

:hug: Love you guys!!

04-30-2009, 02:59 PM
Remember that any decision you make is NOT carved in stone. You can always decide in 3 months or 6 months or 2 years that this weight was a great place to pause for some adjustment time, but that it no longer is good enough. Maybe after you find out all the things you can do at your current (incredibly improved!) weight, you might begin to wonder what you could do if you went even lower.

There is no one right way to do this --- there is just the way that is right for YOU.

Lori Bell
04-30-2009, 03:34 PM
Hey Nelie, you have done wonderful things for your body. I'm thrilled that you are happy at your current weight. For much of my adult life I have hoovered around 195, so being an inch taller than you, we were probably close to the same size. I felt good, attractive, active, healthy and all that good stuff, but did tire of struggling to maintain an overweight frame...I gave up and gained an enormous amount of weight. I remember at 300+ I'd look at pictures of myself at 190-200 and think WOW, I was so thin. NOW at 169 I look at pictures of myself at 195-200 and think...I can't believe I thought I was so thin...LOL 25-30 pounds has made a HUGE difference in my appearance. It has also been amazing for my mobility and grace. (Not to mention looking better in clothes.) We both know that you are going to have to work at maintaining your weight....it's still going to be hard. You have taken a year off losing, and it is AWESOME that you have not gained any back. Since now you know you can maintain why not give it a shot to lose 10 more? If you don't like how you look 10 pounds lighter, you can always gain it back. :)

Though of course there is the clothing issue. If you have bought tons of cute clothes and losing 10 pounds will force you to have to buy a new wardrobe, well, then I could see why you are hesitant to go lower. I only buy very on-sale clothes and very few of them. I don't' want to get caught in a trap of a huge wardrobe investment YET ;)

04-30-2009, 03:52 PM
i LOVE the idea of taking the focus off the scale, off clothes, off all that stuff and putting it on learning how to do something new.

i really want to take a dance class. i want to be somewhat in shape when i do it. it's not about a number on a scale or a specific kind of diet, but about being comfortable enough in my skin to bend, move and feeling valuable enough to myself to invest the time and money into a good introductory dance class.

maybe you want to learn to climb? ride a bike really fast? triathalon? scuba diving?

is there anything you have ever seen other people doing that you wanted to be able to do?

and then tah-dah! your motivation might suddenly find a very new home!


Lori Bell
04-30-2009, 04:07 PM
While I totally agree with you stillclock, that learning a new activity can be terrific there is still the issue of re-gaining weight. In my experiance when I took the focus off the scale, (and focused on say, men, kids, school...etc) I gained and rather quickly I might add. I think that for some of us who are prone to overeat/binge/morbid obesity there is just no other choice than to be fully aware of what the scale/clothes are telling us. According to some stastic's around 2% of people who lose weight actually maintain their loss. I have a feeling the 2% who maintain, are still pretty tight friends with their scales.

04-30-2009, 04:22 PM
i was assuming (foolishly now that i think about it) that moving the focus onto something else didn't mean abandoning smart eating habits.

i want to believe that part of this journey for most of us is learning a new way to live - to be - and to become more at home with much much healthier ways of eating.

it's never going to go away, but i want desperately to believe that the obsessive day in and day out attention to food will at some point cease to rule so much of my thinking.

and that way i could pour my compulsive energy into something different, without letting the other go. it would just move from my primary focus to a more normal, everyday kind of relationship.

am i making sense?

it's possible i am not.


04-30-2009, 04:35 PM
I think vigilance with food is really the issue. I have vigilant days and non-vigilant days, the scale really rules how I react to each day.

At the end of last year, I started running, biking and swimming with thoughts of doing a triathalon. It actually ended up in me eating more which was not good. I found out swimming really did me in so I gave up swimming. I'm still running and I switched to triking recently now that the warmer weather is back.

I appreciate everyone's words.

Sandi, You are right, it is time to figure out what I really want. I've also known for a long time that I hate counting and I've avoided it as long as possible but I need to do it in order to continue to lose weight. It is one reason that I am trying just to count to count. To get into the habit.

04-30-2009, 04:40 PM
I have been thinking about the post ever since you wrote it. I wanted to come up with the exact right thing to say. That didn't happen, so here goes.

If you are happy with when you look in the mirror (we will never be prefect, you know!) then please, sit back, maintain and give yourself a break!! You did it - be proud and content! There is no magic number, you decide what weight works for you. !

I too have been thinking about this since I saw it posted. I was afraid to post as I so badly don't want to hurt your feelings or offend you in anyway whatsoever. I am going to try really hard to word this well, which I know I won't as I'm in a rush and even if I weren't it might come off *wrong*. But here goes.

I know just how much my life has improved since losing the weight. And it improved GREATLY, GREATLY waaaay before I hit my *goal* weight. So therefore I *pretty much have an idea* of just how hard you've worked to get where you are and how hard you're working to STAY where you are and how greatly YOUR life has improved.

Sandi mentioned, are you happy when you look in the mirror? And that's a great question. Sure I was happy when I looked in the mirror 50 lbs prior to goal, even 50 lbs lost was a marked improvement. But is it really about what we look like in the mirror? Isn't this about good health - first and foremost????

Yes, you've improved your health 10 fold, probably more (& your quality of life as well). But there are still risks involved. You're young still. But what about high blood pressure? High Cholesterol? Diabetes? Heart disease? Stroke? Liver disease? Gall bladder disease? Gout? The numerous different cancers that come from being overweight? The affects on the joints. And who knows what else? Don't you deserve the chance to live your very best life possible? Are you not entitled to that just because you started out at a higher weight then some? Why *settle* for healthier? When you can have healthiest? Why?

Do you think you may regret NOT losing the weight? Do you think you would regret losing the additional weight?

Perhaps *now* is NOT the right time. But try and keep it in your mind for one day down the road. I would hate for you to look back and think "If only". :hug:

05-01-2009, 12:27 AM
Great topic. Weight is not a topic where there is one right answer. Where is "home" as far as goal weight goes? I set my original goal based on how great Heather looks like in her picture at 174 and then decided I didn't look as good as she did and lowered it. If I hadn't I would have been at goal now.

Nada - I just wanted to say that how I look in a picture isn't the same as how I look in person. The pics of me back at 174 were just of my face -- you don't get to see my still big and jiggly belly in those pics. I think it's very likely you DO look as good as I did! It's just that we don't look perfect!

Congrats on your accomplishment!!!

05-01-2009, 08:52 AM
I've been asking myself the same question recently and with a little help from my doctor have decided that yes I do want to lose the last 10lb or so. I am by nature a 'finisher/completer' and I don't like to leave things half done. I set myself a goal 110lbs ago and I still desire it even though I could be quite happy staying where I am. I want to rid myself forever of that horrible label 'OBESE'. If I asked 100 people if they thought I was obese I bet 98 of them would say absolutely not. However by any healthcare professionals measurements I still carry that label. I know even when I've lost the last few pounds I'd still be labelled 'overweight' but I think I'll live with that one.


05-01-2009, 09:38 AM
Heather, I'll take your word on the jiggly belly but your after picture still looks really good! :)

05-01-2009, 10:28 AM
Welcome to the wonderful world of the emotional plateau. I've hit these before -- just like physical plateaus except the irritation at no weight loss is just not there. And one starts to become complacent because one has come SO FAR, and one feels SO much better, so...bleah...that's how one feels.

Now, there is a huge case to me made for continuing on with the weight loss. And an equally huge case to be made for maintaining. But only question that I have is this, and I've asked it on the Maintainers' Forum but didn't get much response:
How EXACTLY is maintaining different from losing weight? Other than the reduction in calories, it seems to me that the lifestyle has got to be the same.
Where the issue is HERE is that, IMHO, it is absolutely fine to maintain at your weight. You are happy and healthy and tired of the grind. BUT, if your lifestyle is DIFFERENT -- you've stopped exercising or doing those things that made you feel great, and/or you've stopped being vigilant with your food intake (and you don't need to restrict, but you can bump things up to maintain), then the sad fact is:
It will be slow -- a pound here, a pound there, and before you know it, you'll be back at Lane Bryant and life will suck.
So the ONLY thing I can advise, IMHO, and take it for what it is worth, from someone who lost 60 lbs then regained 82lbs one little pound at a time to reach my all-time high of 244 lbs, you DON'T WANT TO GO THERE. You need to draw a line in the sand and maintain exactly where you are. Or get back on track. Either/Or. But DON'T become complacent, because you will really, really regret it...