100 lb. Club - getting compliments




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matt_H
04-27-2009, 02:53 PM
I mentioned some recent weight loss on a separate blog (where I rarely talk about weight loss) and someone that I know *in real life* said "it definitely is noticeable that you lost weight, but I didn't know a good way to say something or if I should have said something at all".

This isn't the first time that someone mentioned to me that they are uncomfortable telling someone that they look like they lost weight. Would anybody be offended if someone told you that you that you look like you lost weight? Maybe people are just afraid of saying it because the entire subject of weight is something that you aren't supposed to discuss? Is it because mentioning someone looks like they lost weight implies that they *needed* to lose weight (indirectly calling someone fat!) :D

Maybe I'm in the minority, but whenever someone tells me it looks like I lost weight, I feel pretty good :).

Do weight loss compliments bother you or make you uncomfortable? Is it is something that is best left unsaid?


Trazey34
04-27-2009, 03:10 PM
I can't help myself! when someone looks great i have to say it :) I try my best to do it when we're alone as a lot of people hate a bunch of people staring at them after someone says "wow you look awesome !! you're wasting away!"

For myself, I love it when people notice!

willow68
04-27-2009, 03:13 PM
i love compliments!

though i do sometimes think then: did i really look that bad? was it that obvious?

well, and then i have to admit that yes, i did look bad and it was obvious that i was/am obese...

it depends on who says it and when/where. i appreciate it more when people tell me in private.


WhitePicketFences
04-27-2009, 03:14 PM
"You look like you lost weight" ~ that's very cool with me.

The only thing I wouldn't like is a fuss that goes on too long. Partly because I am still fat.

Though when I was skinny, I was the same way. Appreciative comment on my looks ... good. In-depth analysis of my body going on at someone's wedding or funeral ... creepy! Older female relatives are often the ones to do it. My husband's grandmother will note everything down to the littlest detail. I had more of a tan last time she saw me, etc etc.

Thighs Be Gone
04-27-2009, 03:14 PM
matt..some shy away from giving comments about weight because they are afraid to insinuate you had a real issue with weight before..

honestly, I never, ever took them that way and don't take them that way...when someone I feel positive about says something to me my standard response is, "hey, thank you so much for noticing, I appreciate it".....I only HATE, HATE, HATE people that come talking to me about my body that have been ugly to me in the past.....the true CATS of the world!!! I do my best and then sllliiinnnnnk away! Hehehehe

luvmy3
04-27-2009, 03:22 PM
I love hearing that I look like I've lost weight.Sometimes I don't notice but when someone else does it makes me open my eyes a little wider.

matt_H
04-27-2009, 03:25 PM
I love hearing that I look like I've lost weight.Sometimes I don't notice but when someone else does it makes me open my eyes a little wider.

Its definitely hard visually to notice your own weight loss outside of how your clothes fit. The only way for me is by looking at a picture.

I do like the compliments though and will not be offended :) Last week at work someone told me I looked good and was very cool.

TJFitnessDiva
04-27-2009, 03:41 PM
I love compliments....it's the "compliments" from the people I know don't mean them that way that gets me mad ;)

Kae
04-27-2009, 03:47 PM
Compliments are great... I haven't had any come my way yet (from anyone other than my mom and sister- who see what I eat everyday and live with me)... but hopefully when I get closer to 50 lbs down. :)

beerab
04-27-2009, 04:12 PM
I usually say "hey you look great, have you lost weight?"

Wynter
04-27-2009, 04:30 PM
Hey Matt, the only time I'm uncomfortable with a compliment is when someone says "You're really looking good! How much have you lost now?" and I know I've been slacking off and haven't lost anything. Otherwise, bring 'em on! I LOVE compliments when I deserve them.

teahoney
04-27-2009, 04:53 PM
I love compliments. As it turns out, I am smiling from ear to ear because my next door neighbor just asked if I'm losing weight. Made me feel good as I have been working my butt off.

kiramira
04-27-2009, 05:38 PM
I have mixed feelings about compliments:
I LOVE it when people notice my weight loss and say something like "you look great!"
I HATE it when people add something like "SO much better that you did before"
and I ALSO hate it when people compliment me but marginalize the effort that it took to get there (like my dear SIL God Love Her), like "it is amazing what going to the gym 3 times a week can do!" (while refusing to acknowledge the effort it takes to control one's diet for long periods of time to get the kind of results that I have experienced...)
Kira

Rosinante
04-27-2009, 05:46 PM
I love compliments and, at 31lbs gone in 3 months, I am SO looking forward to my first one! OK, my hairdresser asked if I'd lost weight at 22lbs but they're kind of paid to ask, aren't they??? lol

I think people worry about complimenting sometimes because
maybe we're thinner because we're sick
maybe they don't want to imply we looked like dogs before
maybe they're envious, sometimes it's really hard to compliment someone for doing what we know We should be doing

thinpossible
04-27-2009, 05:53 PM
I like when people tell me I look good, but I don't want people complimenting me on my weight. To me, that's a private issue.

Well, actually I take it back. I don't mind people asking if I've lost weight. It's the "how much" "what are you doing" "I lost 20 lbs and I did it this way..." "what's your goal" "don't lose any more weight" etc., and all the other baggage that accompanies weight loss that bothers me.

Sunrose
04-27-2009, 05:56 PM
I guess I am in the minority here. For the most part, I don't like people commenting on my looks, period. I don't like attention and if I had to have it, I would rather get it for something unrelated to my looks. However, if it comes from a very close friend or family member and it's sincere, then it's fine. I just hate when people that I hardly talk to or just say "hi" or "bye" or "good morning" to at work all of a sudden think it's okay to comment on my appearance. How is it their business? That said, I do try to be understanding and not let it bother me because I know that for the most part they are trying to be nice, and that counts for something. :)

shrinkingleah
04-27-2009, 06:08 PM
I realize that some people would rather not mention weight at all, but it depends. a family member or close friend is welcome to say something if they actually think I look better or just good in general. I know that I was fat, hence why I decided to lose weight. I appriciate people noticing all the hard work I am putting in.

One of my dads friends would ask me EVERY time she saw me if I had lost weight when I had not. Sometimes even as my weight was climbing. It was pretty obvious that after I shook my head she wanted to say "Well, You should." She's a mean person in general so I didn't even worry about it. By the way, Now that I have lost close to 30 pounds, she hasn't asked if I've lost weight.

I think that it depends on the situation. If you think that the person will take it the way intended, say something. If you're not sure, best kept to yourself or saved for a more private conversation.

GirlyGirlSebas
04-27-2009, 06:22 PM
I will gladly accept all compliments on my weight loss. I'm greedy like that.:D

JulieJ08
04-27-2009, 06:34 PM
It's impossible to win. There have been many threads started by someone terribly upset because no one has said anything. Any many just as upset by any comment on their weight, because noticing at all is taken as meaning you must have looked just terrible before. While there are some who love to be gushed over, it's probably at least safe to avoid gushing and stick with a short and simple compliment.

BillBlueEyes
04-27-2009, 08:00 PM
Matt - When I lost my weight some people called me aside privately and said I looked great - was the weight loss intentional?

They were concerned about great complimentary fanfare out of concern that a disease was taking me down.

TamiL
04-27-2009, 09:24 PM
Bring em on!!! I'll take whatever I can get as far as compliments. It only means people notice me.

Thighs Be Gone
04-27-2009, 09:38 PM
A chinese lady asked me last week if I had cancer. Oh my.

GirlyGirlSebas
04-27-2009, 09:58 PM
A chinese lady asked me last week if I had cancer. Oh my. :yikes:

luvja
04-27-2009, 10:04 PM
I like when people say something regarding my weight loss(it makes me feel like it's worth the hard work), but at the same time I'm not great with compliments, they make me a tad bit uncomfortable. I don't know why. I also don't know how to handle men hitting on me now, never happend before, it's new to me. I'm very uncomfortable with that, and don't really know how to respond to it. I probably make a fool of myself :lol:

Lori259
04-27-2009, 10:23 PM
Compliments~Make me personally feel wonderful.
(As long as there good ones without trash added to ruin it for me LOL)
But some trash makes ya stronger ~So I guess I will take any!
hahahaha~Matt~I am happy you are getting compliments~you deserve them.
HUGS! ~Keep on keeping on~

Examples of compliment with trash:
I hate you Your a skinny BIT** LOL~
It is better than hearing that I am a fat one I guess LOL~
(That was a compliment from my only sister whom I love but fight with all the time! She is 5 years younger than me and a pain in my butt! She meant that one well BELIVE IT OR NOT but some could have took it badly ~Even from a relative~)

Lori259
04-27-2009, 10:27 PM
OMG ~THIGHS~CANCER?
WOW~YOU LOOK SO HEALTHY IN Your before & your after pics~I guess she was just amazed you look like a dang beauty queen now~LIKE MRS. AMERICA !(which you know I think you was very pretty in before pics also!) She was definetly part of the "Jealous commitee" Placed to ask your secret for losing and to act concerned to get it ~LOL

Windchime
04-27-2009, 10:43 PM
"You look like you lost weight" ~ that's very cool with me.

The only thing I wouldn't like is a fuss that goes on too long. Partly because I am still fat.

Though when I was skinny, I was the same way. Appreciative comment on my looks ... good. In-depth analysis of my body going on at someone's wedding or funeral ... creepy! Older female relatives are often the ones to do it. My husband's grandmother will note everything down to the littlest detail. I had more of a tan last time she saw me, etc etc.


Compliments are great, but I agree with WPF that the in-depth body analysis makes me really uncomfortable, as if I'm being scrutinized. A simple, "Hey, are you losing weight? You look great!" is enough for me. I don't need the endless gushing or the probing questions (unless it's from someone who is truly wanting to know because they are using me as inspiration!)

I dunno. There is a lot of baggage about weight for me, so I like it from some people but not from others. I guess when there is a critical edge to the comments that follow the compliment that I don't like it.

I have to say, though--people are finally starting to notice that I have lost a few pounds. Mostly just family. I wish I had a shortcut to the "stages of weight loss" that someone posted a few weeks ago. It was hilarious, and I think I am starting to enter another phase.

Kae
04-28-2009, 12:53 PM
I wish I had a shortcut to the "stages of weight loss" that someone posted a few weeks ago. It was hilarious, and I think I am starting to enter another phase.

***********************************************
I think this is what you were looking for... :) I copied it below:
***********************************************

Prepare for a deluge. After the more observant people start noticing, the dimmer ones do eventually, too. Others are likely to have noticed already, but they might still trying to be tactful & they're still not sure how to raise the issue when they see you. Wait till you wear something new. Your haircut could do it, too.

It goes in phases. You could probably chart it, like early adopters & outliers:

1) The observant notice & say something.

2) The less observant notice & speak up.

3) The truly dim & tactless notice & have their say, coming up with remarkable things you'll likely want to share in the forums with us.

4) Even the self-centered notice.

5) It's a general topic of conversation at your workplace, school, church & etc. Sometimes you're in on it; sometimes you're not. But know that there's buzz out there about you.

6) A backlash begins. At this point, you look so good that you shake up the social pecking order. Some people start to feel threatened & competitive. Catty remarks may ensue. You may also want to share those here with us.

7) People get used to your appearance. They may forget what you looked like before. If a picture of you turns up from beforehand, people will marvel, but generally, the compliments & remarks will die down. (A big secret: You may actually miss them. You may wonder why they're not as frequent as before.) You may think you've been forgotten, but you haven't been. You have simply entered local lore at the office & etc. as a sort of phenomena: The girl (woman) who lost LOTS of weight. Your day will come again: Wait till New Year's resolution time.

Redflame
04-28-2009, 01:07 PM
I would love a compliment, so if you have any that you dont like I will take hand me downs!

I can clearly see in my profile picture a difference in the last 3 months, but no one seems to say a thing. My DH has dropped 40 pounds he says, and honestly I think it looks more like 15.......so my 20 must look like 7????

loveDC425
04-28-2009, 01:15 PM
I've been getting a lot of compliments lately- It makes me feel like all that huffing and puffing and complaining while i was exercising paid off. and that I should get back to more huffing and puffing

WhitePicketFences
04-28-2009, 03:08 PM
Oh, those stages are funny!
Guess I haven't hit stage 3 yet, though in the next 2 months I am seeing relatives I haven't seen since I started ...

H8cake
04-28-2009, 03:19 PM
A woman that I see only once in a while asked me if I was okay. She was worried that I had lost the weight because I was sick. She said she always worries about that when she sees someone lose a lot.
A guy in a store I frequent asked me if he could ask me a personal question. It was kind of funny, because he leaned towards me and said it really low. I appreciated that, I like compliments, but not the ones that yell it for everyone to hear type. He asked if I had lost some weight, pretty funny considering how much I've lost, lol! Anyway, he said "you look great!" That made my day.

matt_H
04-28-2009, 05:36 PM
Thanks for all of the comments everyone!

I just had a meeting with 3 co-workers that I haven't seen in long time (we are in separate offices) and I got several compliments today. More general along the lines of "you look great!" and so that made my day. :)

chickiegirl
04-28-2009, 06:20 PM
I recently was too uncomfortable to tell one of my bosses they looked like they had lost weight. I wanted to say congrats, but I thought, what if there isn't that big a difference and I'm overstepping here so as to imply this person looked large before?

barefootnikki
04-28-2009, 06:24 PM
I think it's great to let someone know --- but if someone said something like "Wow, you look so much better" or something... that would be rude.

cfmama
04-28-2009, 09:55 PM
I love getting compliments... what I DON'T love is people trying to figure out how much I weigh...

"so you've lost how much?"
105 lbs
"so how much do you want to lose?"
I'll just keep going until I get there...
"so what's your goal weight?"

at which point I usually say that I'm not telling them how much I used to weigh or what I weigh now or what I want to weigh ;)

Thighs Be Gone
04-28-2009, 10:00 PM
Lori--yeah, I know--the BIG C--it surprised me too!

You are a sweetheart! Hugs coming your way! :)

Windchime
04-28-2009, 10:13 PM
***********************************************
I think this is what you were looking for... :) I copied it below:
***********************************************

Prepare for a deluge. After the more observant people start noticing, the dimmer ones do eventually, too. Others are likely to have noticed already, but they might still trying to be tactful & they're still not sure how to raise the issue when they see you. Wait till you wear something new. Your haircut could do it, too.

It goes in phases. You could probably chart it, like early adopters & outliers:

1) The observant notice & say something.

2) The less observant notice & speak up.

...


That's it, Kae--Thanks! I think I'm teetering between phases 1 and 2. Hmmm. Not as far along as I'd like, but I'll take it!

JulieJ08
04-28-2009, 11:29 PM
I love getting compliments... what I DON'T love is people trying to figure out how much I weigh...

"so you've lost how much?"
105 lbs
"so how much do you want to lose?"
I'll just keep going until I get there...
"so what's your goal weight?"

at which point I usually say that I'm not telling them how much I used to weigh or what I weigh now or what I want to weigh ;)

People are nuts and they don't even realize it, usually.

"What a strange question."

or, "Wow, you're braver than me! I'd feel so awkward asking someone that!"

Of course, I can never think of these things at the time.

Thighs Be Gone
04-28-2009, 11:44 PM
And who are these people that all seem so concerned that everyone is sick and dying if they lose weight.
This is no true show of concern, they are just trying to unsettle you.

I think in my case it was actually a cultural difference. The lady went on to tell me that her daughter was "really fat" and she wanted to know details of my own journey.