General chatter - Male attentions...




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rainy
04-26-2009, 03:43 PM
Just wondering if anyone of you here can share the same...All my life I've been 'the ugly one', just in high school I committed to be nice (that was keeping weight off, making up and flirting, lol) and at the time, for a few months, I was among the most popular girls of the school, but I had troubles home and I got fatter, and fatter...with no ending, and lost all the popularity, boyfriends and friends too. For the following years I've always been the ugly-fat-alone classmate.
And most of my relationships after high school were online based, except for one, that ended up badly anyways.
Now I sure lost 20 lbs, probabily more but I didn't weight, anyways I see men have started looking at me. Sometimes I'm just a teen thinking 'OMG he's looking at meeee!!!' but most of times I just cannot believe it's happening. People look at me. They look at me? Do you understand? Me, the one who could go around dressed in red at a mourning party and still go unnoticed now is noticed!! :o
OMG, is it just me or someone else shares it?


Windchime
04-26-2009, 06:42 PM
Yes, and it's a little.....I dunno! Part of me likes it but part of me is a little freaked out. I'm almost 6 feet tall so you'd think I'd be rather noticeable, but much of the time I feel invisible. Last time when I lost weight, I all the sudden noticed that I was getting checked out more frequently and I even had a young guy (probably 15 years younger at least!) give me his phone number and ask for mine.

I got chunky again after that and have still not lost down to where I was when Mr. Young Cutie Pie was looking my way, but I did see a couple of men glancing my way at Lowe's the other day when I was shopping in there. So I'm going to have to figure out a way to deal with that. I'm in my 40's so it's doubly-strange to be getting checked out, since the common perception is that men are mostly interested in younger women. But I'll take it!

Ookpik
04-27-2009, 11:18 PM
Definitely the case with me. I'd always been the one who would go out with friends and be ignored by the guys...I've gone home many a night and cried. That was when I was younger...my self-esteem increased somewhat to make me realize they weren't worth crying over.

Now, however, I've lost 100 pounds, and I've noticed a lot more men are starting to check me out, talk to me more, etc. I am starting to get used to it, and although there are times it makes me uncomfortable (I think I mentioned this in another thread recently), lately I've been liking it. I dress differently..on the rare occasion I leave my house out of uniform, I wear low-cut tops, snug jeans, heels. There are times when the attention pisses me off, such as when it comes from a guy who acted like I didn't exist before. There are also times when it creeps me out, such as one day last week when I noticed this old man (must be in his 70s) staring at my crotch. He was obvious about it too! I feel nauseous just typing it. I've noticed men looking at my mouth but staring at my crotch is just disgusting!


luvja
04-27-2009, 11:25 PM
I'm in the same boat. Men are starting to notice me and I don't know how to react. I get all weirded out. It's not normal.

Ookpik
04-29-2009, 11:09 PM
Yeah, it's a weird feeling. Life was easier before...especially now with guys showing interest and it isn't mutual and you don't want to hurt their feelings. :(

Smiling_Sara
05-01-2009, 01:55 PM
you are certainly not alone. I'm certain I gained most of my weight to keep boys away ( and i like boys! ) messed up, I know! I have severe anxiety involving dating and crushes. The older I get, the harder it becomes as well. If anyone tells me I'm beautiful I polietly say thank you and blush, and then go about my way quickly so it ends there. I don't know what I'd do if someone were to ask me out after that! What ends up happening is I fall for guys who live hundreds of miles away b/c it's safer. I can't get hurt that way ( even though I still do ) but at least I can blame it on distance and not b/c of my messed up brain playing tricks with me.

It's lonely, I hope to work past it someday, but I'm not sure I can. What's even craizer is I believe I am beautiful, so why can't I allow others to see me as such?

RobinW
05-01-2009, 02:20 PM
nope, you are not alone.

When it happens to me, I always think ...whats wrong, what's he staring at. Thinking Ive got ink on my face or something :lol3: I dont know, its just weird the crap that goes on in my head....what's even weirder is when they dont look away when you've caught them looking!! I always smile and say hi.

grneyedmustang
05-01-2009, 03:10 PM
Add me to the "me too" club!!! Most of my life, I've had issues with my self esteem...so I don't always realize that a guy may be looking at me because he thinks I'm nice looking - and not because he's going to make fun of me.

The sad part is, I just turned 32 and I'm still dealing with it. I have my days where I feel good about myself, but I have my "OMG I'm still ugly and fat" moments also.

Congrats on your weight loss, by the way! I need to adopt the "scale free" mantra you have. :)

LandonsBaby
05-01-2009, 09:26 PM
I'm still a big girl so I get a little creeped out sometimes. I feel like they must be desperate. And honestly, some of the comments I get are RUDE. Like when a man comments on my butt. A couple weeks ago I had a man ask if I had ever slept with a black man and could he be my boyfriend on the side. That was pretty inappropriate. But then I had another guy say I was "just tooooo cute!", that was a nice comment. Some men, especially the younger ones don't seem to know how to compliment a woman without being creepy or dirty. It's not so much the attention that bugs me, it's the way it's given.

Delphi
05-01-2009, 11:50 PM
I lost a lot of my weight after my youngest son and the attention, I got was, at the least weird. I still don't know how to react to advances by men, because I'm constantly living in this "big girl" mentality. Constantly, questioning the motives of these guys, which is something I really need to work on. :D

LittleMoonRabbit
05-02-2009, 12:32 AM
lol I am still not getting noticed... no that I have seen anyways. Either I just give off that "I've been taken for a very long time" vibe, or I don't notice it or... maybe I am just not attractive to most guys? I really don't know, lol.

Windchime
05-02-2009, 01:47 AM
lol I am still not getting noticed... no that I have seen anyways. Either I just give off that "I've been taken for a very long time" vibe, or I don't notice it or... maybe I am just not attractive to most guys? I really don't know, lol.

If that's you're picture in your avatar, I would think you would definitely get noticed, as you're a very cute girl (serious face and all! ;) ). You're probably just giving off an vibe that lets guys know that you're taken and happy.

I had a weird thing happen in the bank today. There were only three tellers and a huge long line for some reason. This guy who looked a lot younger than me joined the line right behind me and we exchanged quick comments about how long the line was, but it seemed to be moving, etc. At one point, I glanced sideways out the window that was beside us and he said, "Something on your mind?" (I realize now he was probably inviting conversation but I didn't get that at the time). A couple more times, he made little polite comments, and I would reply with a smile and a polite comment of my own. Eventually a bank employee came walking down the line, offering to fill out withdrawal slips for people so it would speed up service for the tellers in the windows. I gave him my name and had to spell my last name, and as the employee was writing it down, I heard the cute young guy behind me whisper my last name, as if he was trying to remember it! It was very strange but also kind of flattering. (Hopefully he won't be a stalker!)

Anyway, I left the bank and that's the end of the story, but it was a little bit encouraging to have this cute young man notice me and even if he was just being polite, it was still nice to be "seen" and not invisible.

Ookpik
05-03-2009, 01:00 AM
I was making small talk with a man recently about travel, and when I mentioned I hadn't been to this place we were talking about, he said, "you're going to have to get your old man to take you there someday". First I was a little confused, because I had grown up thinking "old man" meant father, but then I realized he meant husband/boyfriend. When I was bigger, it seemed people used to automatically I assumed I was single and couldn't get a boyfriend, now it seems a lot of people assume I am taken. Perhaps this is your case, LittleMoonRabbit.

As for friends and coworkers, etc., another way things have changed is that they now make comments like "we need to get you a man" or "he'd be a good one for you". I never got those comments before, even though my other single coworkers often did. Like I said, they do make those comments now though.

I find lately that I've been flirting a lot more with men, and they seem to be responding in kind. I feel a lot more confident now, and even though I'm still single, I'm having fun just flirting and meeting men.

Chirpy
05-03-2009, 01:30 AM
This reply made me think. I used to think guys who approached me (when I was much fitter than today) were without ill intent at all. That's unrealistic of course. After dating my last long term b/f - my opinion of what goes through a man's mind has change 180-degrees and I now think they're all as depraved (really, he is - no kidding) as him. That's also an unrealistic view for me to have - as unrealistic as thinking they're all honorable. The answer is - some are good guys and have noble intentions when they admire us. Others, well, theyr'e like my ex and their brains are warped. Enjoy the attention - but carefully analyze which type they are!


I lost a lot of my weight after my youngest son and the attention, I got was, at the least weird. I still don't know how to react to advances by men, because I'm constantly living in this "big girl" mentality. Constantly, questioning the motives of these guys, which is something I really need to work on. :D

nelie
05-03-2009, 10:51 AM
I've never got hit on a lot but even near my highest weight, I got hit on. One guy would not leave me alone (and I deemed him stalker boy). Although really it took a lot for me to realize a guy was interested in me. When I started dating my husband at around 300 lbs, he kept hitting on me and saying things to me that indicated he was interested. I totally did not get it until one day he said it flat out that he wanted to date me. I was a bit shocked. Funny thing is the same thing happened with the boyfriend before him.

I remember one time this guy with a thick accent said something really nice to me but it was a thick accent so I didn't register it until after I had left. He was really cute too... I kicked myself afterwards :)

Star2Be
05-04-2009, 02:30 AM
I am having some difficulty coming to terms with this, as well... I mean, I still don't really get much attention from guys - it's not as if guys are constantly hitting on me, asking for my number, etc - but I guess there's at least been a pretty significant change in the way they treat me. Or at least, I don't feel like I'm as completely irrelevant to them as I once was! Yet, it's a really strange situation for me, because I have been fat my entire life, and have never before been in a position where I was receiving any kind of positive attention from males... It's not that they were cruel to me or anything, but I just wasn't noticed in "that way"--ever.

So now, with 19 years of being conditioned to view myself as unattractive to guys, I find it extremely difficult to realize when a guy might be interested in me: it's not anything that I've even remotely had to have on my radar, so I think I'm pretty severely underdeveloped in that area. And on the rare occasion that it should seem like a guy is being kind to me, I am never inclined to think that it's because he's attracted to me! I'm more likely to think Oh, he's just being friendly; he's just drunk; he's just desperate and thinks I'll be easy because I'm fat; and so on. I swear I don't do this on purpose to put myself down or anything--it's just that that's the way my life has always been in the past, so it's really hard to think that anything has *really* changed, y'know? To me, it doesn't feel like I'm being self-deprecating; I just feel like I'm being realistic! Cuz I still see a chubby chick when I look in the mirror, so I assume that other people see her, too... So it always seems ludicrous to me that some random guy might actually me interested in lil' ol' me! :dunno:

I dunno if this post is making any sense, heh, but I certainly tried my best! This topic is so foreign and fascinating to me that I can't resist putting in my $0.02, even if I can't quite explain myself. :dizzy:

MissVitality
05-04-2009, 07:45 AM
I'm with you all on this! I spent years going out with my best friend who is stunning and has a lovely figure (she was even once approached by a modelling agency who wanted to sign her up!) - anytime guys approached us it was inevitably to chat to her. And so this cultivated my perception of myself as "fat, ugly, inferior, unattractive to men". I had no confidence in myself whatsoever.

Now I have lost quite a significant amount of weight and exercise has become very much my way of life, I am getting more and more attention from men. And I love it, the compliments really boost my confidence. I was even out in a club with the same best friend and (non-scale victory here!) - a guy approached us, she automatically turned to him thinking he was there to chat to her and he said to her "Actually, it's your friend I want to speak to" and he asked me to dance. No offense to my friend here but there was a big smile plastered on my face after that which stayed there for a long time. :)

My difficulty is that I have spent so long seeing myself as unworthy of male attention, I don't know how to deal with it. I enjoy it, yes, so I am fine while it is just flirty fun and feels "safe", but at the same time I feel anxious, over-analyse their motives and probably sabotage any chances of things developing any further. I think I just need to learn to relax, go with the flow and have fun. Oh and yeah, actually believe people when they tell me I am gorgeous etc. rather than thinking "they are just saying that to make me feel good". Guess I need to learn to love myself before I can go on to love anyone else.

starfishkitty
05-15-2009, 12:59 PM
Yep.... sometimes it totally shocks me still. Half the time, unless I'm drunk as h*ll and out at a club (i.e. drunk flirting)... I just ignore it, smile and turn away, etc. I guess it's because deep down inside I just feel that they're desperate and think that I'd be more than happy to fling myself at them because they're lowering their standards to me. :mad:

I was heavy my whole life, but lost about 45lbs from 19 to 21 and guys literally appeared out of the woodwork. All that ended up happening is I slid into my skank days and learned a whoooooole lotta life lessons (i.e. just because a guy wants to sleep with you and finds you attractive for the moment doesn't mean you need to sleep with him). When I gained it all back PLUS some... I learned my lessons. Which probably adds to my "Uh huh" feeling when guys hit on me now, even though I'm losing weight again (naturally this time... don't ask how I lost it the first time :sssh:) and once again the offers are starting to come in. ::

But, as some of the ladies above said, when a truly, TRULY good guy really IS interested in you... he'll let you know. And the right way. :) Minus the crotch staring. :snooty:

evieistrying09
05-16-2009, 04:34 PM
Well Merideth, this is my first day here on 3fatchicks, I found you on one of these threads, and I decided to click. WOW. I am 17 years old, and I want to lose around 60 pounds (to be healthy) I AM SO MOTIVATED. I have lost 5 pounds this week, (This is my first week!) and I cannot wait to go even further! THANK YOU SO MUCH for the pictures! :) You look great!

Star2Be
05-17-2009, 12:07 AM
^ Wow, no, thank YOU! :D Hehe. I am so glad that you found the pictures inspiring, and WTG on losing those 5 lbs in your first week!! It sounds like you are off to a great start; keep up the good work! :hat:

evieistrying09
05-17-2009, 01:15 AM
Oops! I think I posted on the wrong thing! Sorry rainy!