Support Groups - Lo Carb #30

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06-07-2002, 09:24 PM
Hey everybody!!

The week is over and we are supposed to be getting some nice summer like weather.

House hunting remains that same. But it si nice to have someone working for us.

My statistics class might as well be in greek, I would probabbly get just as much out of it. Must spend the weekend reading the book.

DH and I have been battling a cold sinus/ throat bronchitis thing that just seem to hang on..

Food wise some days are good and some aren't. STill haven't been working out.

Water seems to be the only thing I can be true too.

Sue what an awesome workout!!!! You go girl. Congrats to DD. I too was always too fat for cheerleading

Pam how goes it? How is teh stress? I too have been struggling withe th "fear" thing. I seem to be fearing an awful lot which in turns means I am missing out on a lot

Deb how goes teh new way of eating?

Melody how are you? Has life seemed to settle down a bit?




Any body else?

06-08-2002, 09:31 AM
Well guys still here. And mother nature has not been kind to me this week. I'll be glad when I'm toooo old for the monthly thing. Still hanging in there. was really busy yesterday. It's my day off that I get all the little chores done around the house. BF and I are off to the boat races today with a friend from work and her date. Will eat a good lunc before we go. As for my BF he's been a real gem. He's looking at new things to cook. Last nite he made taco salads for us without the shell of course. But he liked it to. So we're fighting the good fight. Headache seems to come and go right now. But is getting better.

Well got to rush off. Lots to do want to hit the pool for a little excersize this morning of my own. Check in later.
Deb ;)

06-08-2002, 12:47 PM
Deb how wonderful that you have made it. you will be suprised at how great you feel. My DH is off this week and well the fight for his weight will begin. I am so glad that you have made it through the week of TOM!!! (time of the month) that is such a hard time! I hardly make it through with out having a good pig out atleast once.

I am going strong here. I did have an icecream with the family last night but the whole time i knew that it although was good did not taste as good as success does. so today I will pass and just watch the kids eat!

well off to finish teh house cleaning

06-09-2002, 01:04 AM
Stress is a catch all phrase really for anything which brings pressure or strain to each of us and I have found that it is an emotionally based process rather than the events or circumstances which triggers "stress". As an emotional response system it is created from childhood on but the key seems to be in identifying the many branches of the stress tree so to speak. So much is created from us to us and only serves to making dealing with the negatives of life a more complicated and confusing propsition. I have found that knowing it is due to an emotional trigger, finding the root emotion and knowing just what you are reacting to is a great benefit. Somehow that process tkaes the sting out of it and allows for a more intelligent and reasonable action instead of reaction. Reaction is when your house is burning,
you realize someone is still in the house and run blindly into it without the quick process of where they are and how to get them and you out safely or at least with the most possible likely hood of survival. The Running blind is a reaction that kills you both.
So I am working on as simple a process as possible that will work for most everyone. At the moment it is a bit of testing and retesting until I have it simplified but I will get there and so far it has been working wonders for me. It takes a bit of time and a new approach to life and myself but I can say without any doubt it is a major key to permenant weight loss. Removing the triggers of the fat chain.

06-09-2002, 08:02 AM
Good Sunday morning all,
I tell my clients all teh time "the event is teh event" What i mean is I choose my responce to a situation. The situation doesn't choose it for me. I overeat at lunch, I choose my reponce. My respoces includes my feelings, how long I think about it , who I tell or don't tell, my physical reactions. Some people have the ability to walk away from it quickly. Depending on teh situation, my responce varies. I tend to worry about being perfect, how others think of me, did I let someone down, being in control, anything emeotional. SO if teh situation relates somehow to something like that , i tend to react. This can be such complicated stuff.

I 'll bring up Dr. Phil again. His bookStrategies for life is awesome. He really suggests that you make your choices thus you can make changes in your life.

Well this is prtty deep for a sunday.
Thanks Pam for getting me thinking.
Let us know what you come up with

Sue I love ice cream, my summer downfall

deb Hope you had a good time yesterday

06-09-2002, 10:29 AM
I passed the icecream yesterday!!! WHOOOO

I am ripping here!

Pam I had not answered your stress question yet but i have to agree with you. when i get stresed the last thing i need to do is to watch my diet it makes one more thing for me to have to worry avout. but as you said it is a control issue. i see that all the time with the diet or with life. how many people you see jump from one problem to another? their life is in constant crissis. I place the blame partly on them as they are not able to see past the first one to get prepared for the second. (I will admitt that many people really have little control over things, but many things can be diminised before they reach a crissis point) A friend of mine said if i did not have bad luck i would not have any at all. it seemed that way but when i looked closer she just lived day to day waititng for things to happen never takin life by the horns and trying to take change.

When i do that i feel so much better even my house it is a great determinant of how i feel and how much stress I am under. the more stressed the mesier the house and then it is too overwealmng for me and i let it get worse then i feel bad and can not follow my woe then i get depressed than the house gets worse, the diet falls to ****, and i start living day to day waiting for the next crisis.

so yes stress is a mind game we all play with our selves the key is to how much we let it take over our lives if we can maintain some part of our lives in a stable state then we can handle the stress better. does this make any sence??
as for me I am trying to regain total conttrol over mylife!!! I am making some head way!!!

06-09-2002, 11:44 PM
How I do hold ya all dear to me for many reasons but SueBee & Pat. I have so much respect for you as people and I am so happy I brought the stress issue up. We all have these issues and how proud of you I am for going down deep and dirty with your awareness of the "stress" dilema. It is not will power but learning a new way to handle ourselves and our lives that will guarantee us not only total success but permanent success. Does that mean we will always be perfect.... well first of all there is no such thing as true perfection in mortal man. It will take time to establish a new way to begin with but who cares about perfection when we have such a wonderful freedom.... to be just human. It gives us permission to fall on our faces , dust ourselves off and continue on with no regrets. Yes I love that freedom so much. Oh well, I am only human! I have never been to concerned about what people think but I do care deeply about what I think of myself. Heck I can't live up to what my expectations are of me how in God 's name could I hope to live up to someone elses? Take me as I am flawed, imperfect, and a person who fights hard for causes, super tender hearted and a bit of a air head. Above all I am a searcher for the truth and no matter what I may like to think of me I have long been an emotional person with little control ....of me. The one thing in life I have the right to control and the power. So my by word is I choose. I shall maintain that forevermore. It is after all my God given right. Love you all.

06-11-2002, 05:07 PM
Sorry I did not get back on yesterday. I will say that I did great diet wise and did a killer workout. but financially I need to pray harder i guess!!! I got a letter saying If i do not pay thi s bill i will be taken to small c,laims court. UGH!!! I have no $$$ so i guess it is time to get serious about a part time job! I hate to do that. I hope that things will pick up somewhere. avon is not paning out lie i had hoped nor is the diet stuff. so what is a poor girl to do???
PUSH Pray Untill Something Happens!!! LOL

06-12-2002, 06:48 AM
good morning all

Just wanted to stop by.
Am doing much better food wise
I was 100% yesterday!

Sue, I am praying for you! Something should break soon! I think with all teh staress you are doing awesome! I am sending hugs! Any word from Dana? I was really hoping us 3 east coast lo carb girls could meet some how this summer!

Pam how goes it? I love our deep discussions. As my food woes are deeper that the fridge

Melody where are you girl? It has been awhile

Deb how are you doing?

Boo, Terri?


06-12-2002, 03:05 PM
I think I shall pray to understand wealth and of course we learn by experience..LOL Finances are still tight but there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I have done much soul searching on many fronts and I know that I have in all things to do my part for God to fullfill his and that is as it should be. I have also discovered that my greatest gift is in my ability to be creative be it in flower arranging, design, or finances. Inspiration is abundant.
Sue Bee......On thing I learned in new age teachings that is also biblical just stated a little differently but clearly is a fact....
Goal - what you want
Purpose - what you want and why you want it.what you are going to do with it when you get it.
Activity- what action you are going to take to open the doors to miracles!
Nothing can happen unless all three of these things on our part is clearly established. This is our part of the circle our part of the contract shall we say that shows our faithfulness which allows God to prove his to us and Honey it works every time. God after all will only give as much as we can use wisely. Being wise with finances is so important to our betterment and our childrens betterment after all they learn through us. LOL and guess what there is one other clause so many seem to forget.... once you get it..... you have to take care of it, well . Appreciate but not become attached or bound by it. I am blessed by having some beautiful things in my home and I do create beauty with little of nothing but there is little I could not walk away from and never look back.
All things can be replaced and with even better things so not to worry. It can be fearful to lose things if you do not understand this clearly. I have seen people clutch what little they had with a death grip and stood in wonder at the lack of wisdom. How can you hope to buy a new wardrobe if your closet is packed with old clothes you can not nor will not wear? The mind say's there is no room so no blessings can manifest. When I had nothing, my love I mean nothing, no food to eat for 45 day's, no coat to wear in a harsh cold Illinois winter, and soon to be homeless, to injured to work any longer....God taught me humility. A hard lesson for one used to be on the giving end, but for this lesson I am deeply grateful. My gift for this lesson is worth more than any amount of money or pride , the gift of love. I learned how deeply I was loved, how important I am to my loved ones, and most of all how blessed I am with those whom I can trust with my life and those who were not such precious people as well.
All things work together to make our lives better even the bad times. That is where trust plays into it and that is sometimes so hard. Before long I had a secure apartment in a friends home that came in the dead of night in PJ's to say enough..... and moved me in. Clothes and food the best money could buy. I looked far from poor I can tell you, in clothes from sax fifth and designer things from yet another friend all left in a bundle in my door . How she fit it in the door I will never know. It seems I had created along the way a lot of love more than I had ever dreamed so amidst the darkest days there was alway glory. Call your debitors and let them know at this exact moment you have no money, that you will not run out of your debits and are an honorable person who will do what is necessary to pay those debits and you are skilled . Tell them you are fighting to keep from being pushed into bancruptsy as you want to pay your debits and will. Then call an agency that is non-profit to help you work through this , let them work with your debitors to lower the interest and excess charges such as later fees, let them get you set up with paying them at a much lower rate and one small bill instead of many. Have a talk with your family and tell them you are all going to have to cut back for a little while but that once this situtation is resolved ,life will be much more pleasent for everyone and how important financial responsibility is. It will all work out well.
A word to the wise......As someone who had a sales and marketing company at one time.....sales is a feast or famine proposition and I was good at it...didn't like it but I was good at it. You have to know your market, you have to know the demand and have to know how much competition you have. These are key factors to sales and takes a great deal of research. Contact s.c.o.r.e. learn about business before you stumble blindly. You will have to work to get back on track but take the time to learn about constructing a business plan so you can see what you must know before you can make it all work well. You can get a packet from Government sources that lend money for new businesses, especially minority businesses , women being one of those. Don't let the packet scare you. Use it as a guide to what you must learn and it really isn't that hard but it sure seems like it is! If I can do it believe you me , you can. Some people pay to have a business plan done AND that is the wrong thing to do as you learn little. It takes about a year to get your plan done but take it from me it will be the best thing you will ever do to ensure you succeed beyond your wildest dreams. When I was done I had accountants check my figures. Math is not my strong point.
That knowledge is invaluable. You are in my prayers,
Pat, Dr. Phil is superb! I should love to spend time with him, talk about a growing experience! I do love to grow....inside LOL.
I am worried about Mom she has eaten next to nothing for almost two weeks and it has taken its toll. I have my Sister on alert too. Stress was and is a biggy. So far so good. I must hold tight to my goals despite the stress. I am scared right now and have made her drinks of tofu, vanilla, peaches , bananas, diet sugar, milk. I hope it helps get her back on track. She has lost 9 lbs in less than two weeks and is weak. I am a Mommies girl and this is so hard but I have done all I can. The Doctor wants to take an x-ray of her stomach. We shall see what happens. Pat Honey celebrate the fact that you are only human and have the God given right to be imperfect. After all doing the best we can in any given situatation is all anyone asks even God himself. If that is fine for him who cares what anyone else thinks!!!!!!!!

06-12-2002, 11:01 PM
Hello everyone:)

Well, I am back from vacation, about 15 lbs heavier, I swear, can we ever take vacations and NOT gain?????? Last week was the end of the school year so we had a lot going on with Kelly's 6th grade "graduation" and Chelsea starting drivers training UGH!!!!
AND I have started my new position along with the full time (YUK!!). I love my job but sure do miss my days off during the week and the house can prove it what a mess it is!!!!!

Welcome Deb....hang in there with the headaches, I just started induction this week and have a had one every night....I can hardly stand it but I know it will soon be gone and I will feel GREAT!!!!

Melody---oh girl, my prayers are with you.....I read through last weeks threads and saw what you have been going thru....I have been there, done that also......just remember that only YOU can change the way of YOUR life, not anybody else or for anyone else..JUST YOU!!! FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN......I know it is scary, I was petrified to be on my own with two children but you know what??? I learned to love myself and enjoy my time by first I was scared and always had to be doing something so I wouldnt be alone(when girls went with their dad) but then I started to like being by myself...It really did make me a stronger person and I like to think that my girls are well adjusted, at least they seem to be to me....If you are able to attend an AL-ANON meeting...they are really great and you get a lot of support there....but we are here for ya!!!!!! (sorry, didnt mean to make this so long)

PAM, PAT, SUE AND ALL YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE...I SURE HAVE MISSED YOU......FROM what I have been reading, it sounds like we are all starting fresh and trying to get back as the saying goes "JUST DO IT""...I am ready and I need all of your help!!!!

we have been staying up late watching the "Red Wings" go for the Stanley Cup GO WINGS!!! WE are going to a minor league baseball game thurs night with Phil's coworkers...should be fun but another late night and trying to stay OP will be tough but I will do the best I can.......

Take care everyone and I will chat with ya later!!!!!!:smug:

06-13-2002, 12:24 AM
Terri!!!!!!Babe, missed you too. I hope you had a good time not just with food! Boy am I glad you are back.

I brought up stress a short while back on the 100 lbs club and asked everyone here to respond as well. I am looking for an end to the triggers that allow us to overeat or eat badly. I have written down what I think and now I am testing my conclusions as I want not only to succeed in losing weight but also a permenant resolution to the issues that cause it and those things that trigger the action to begin with. I know we all want that and I really think together we can create miracles.

Mom, is worrying me silly. It is like anerxeia she does not want food in her stomach not even her favorites. She is down to a half a piece of toast a day and she will drink the drink I make for her but that is all. I am going to be pure gray before this is over!!!!!!!! Still , I am OP and doing well. Hubby has a part time job now to so .....I have taken over watering the garden which is two acres away and will be taking the garbage out which is also two acres away. So it looks like this may work out well for me to as I have to walk a good deal more often. I am vacuuming , mopping and all the stuff I couldn't do before so I am on the go a good deal. Mom used to do the laundry but I have taken that over so needless to say it is all for the good as far as the weight goes. Now hopefully it will reflect on the scales as well.
I admit to stressing but instead of eating , I clean, do a project and post. So far so good!!!!!
(((((((((((((((Hugs To eveyone))))))))))))))))))

06-13-2002, 03:21 AM
A new situtation is occuring as I sit here. My little child of the fur
Simba is dieing. She is asleep now but there is no doubt she is dieing. While I know she is 17 and is treated regularly for the feline leukemia it is still very heart breaking to me. These are my children and I love them in just that way. I shall have one of my Siamese left when Simba is gone. So many years of love and devotion both ways. For that I am intensely grateful. I have called to my Dad to help her across and called my beloved Son Tiny and daughter Che to come for her. Her Tupperware coffin is prepared for her. A garment of mine to wrap her in , a flower to set beside her. The sealer to keep her free from being disturbed, the tape as added measure. I have told her I loved her and calmed her, held her close to my heart and commended her soul to God. I have nothing more to do now but wait for that last moment when my heart shall break again and I shall bid her a last loving farewell. This I know is her last night and I shall wait with my little love. Hopefully I shall not add my Mother to this heart ache but at this time......who knows. It seems a very real possibility. If I am not about for a few days... do not be concerned I shall return. When it rains it pours but rain is necessary in each life to remind us of to wallow in the sunshine when it beams upon us. After the rain comes the promise, the beautiful rainbow as assurance that the sun shall shine brilliantly again.

06-13-2002, 12:42 PM
OH Pam My heart is breaking for you for both your furry kid and your Mom. It seems like you are prepared for the worst, and with Gods blessings that some one will suprise you. Hopefully both! I like the statement that it needs to rain to appreciate the sunshine and the rainbow at the end of the gloom. It is what is getting me through this financial ruin at this time. Do now worry about taking some time off for a while. we will be here for you when you are ready!

Terri!!! welcome back girl!!! I can only imangine how much fun you had!!! I took it easy for a while on the woe and gained almost 20 lbs (much fluid) I am down almost 10 of them but still have a strugle to get that last 10 off then i can continue on my go for the goal! So do not feel bad about the 15 it can be as much as 10 lbs of fluid!!! drink drink drink and it willstart to drop off! just hang in there and be tought.

Meldoy We have not heard from you in a few days. how are you doing??/ what is going on??? Did you take your picts?? I did but have not had the film developed. I am afraid (also do not have the $$ for it even if it is just a few. It seems that one of my kids is going through my pockets and finding my $$ I keep in there. in the last 3 weeks i have come up with much missing. ) But that is another story. I am worried about you and how you are doing!!!

Deb! I see you have met Lee by now! How are you doing? are you keeing full? anre you getting cravings? if so there are a few things to do that can help. how are your legs feeling? if they feel a bit weak then you do need to take some potassium. just a caplet a day but as you are dropping all the water weight the potassium is leaking out too. you should not have to take it for very long but you do need it to keep your muscles funtioning properly./ so if they are feeling jumpy and weak then let me know!!! also how is your water intake?? you should be taking in atleast 1 gal a day. that is hard but you can do it. I have been doing that regularly for the last week and boy did I pee and now I feel so much better!!!

Pat the weekend is almost here take some rest and relax for a few hours then get back on the wagon and go look for that hosue! remember that you are trying to get rid of this fat suit and will have success if you remember it everyday, that way it will not slip and you will be able to maintain your woe better and loose while not paying attention, remember this is a wol so this will become so second nature that you will not have to maintian the focus so you will be keeping your health first and formost in your diet without thinking about it!!!



06-13-2002, 08:23 PM
My Darling Daughter of the fur struggled throughout the night and into the afternoon. I stayed with her, petted her, kissed her a million times and told her how much I love her. She had such a hard time breathing.Finally I prayed for her release. I did not want my baby to suffer so. This afternoon at 2:34pm she left her mommy's arms and passed into the hands of God and my Dad. My Baby, my sweet baby. The tears flow freely as they must and today my heart breaks with the void her passing has left. She reached out and clutched my hand to her chest. She looked me long and hard, frightened in the eyes. My Love, my Babt don't be afraid... Mommy loves you so much and I have called my dad to come for you....look my darling baby,look for Tiny and Chee they are waiting for you. Go my precious, go and get free of this old sick body and play again with Tiny and Chee. Young and healthy again my love. Free my angel , my little Mommy's girl, and in a while I come for you all. You wait for Mommy sweetheart with my beloved son and Cheetos. I will be there with you one day, I promise. She relaxed but a couple of times more she reached and held me. I am right here my Darling , Mommy's here sweetie. Is ok, its ok. One final gasp for air and her valliant little heart slowly stopped. She left my arms hopefully to my Dads and Gods. Mommy is so very , very sad. Mom will eat nothing now , not a bite and only the drinks I make for her sustains her. She is losing weight hand over fist. I am at such a loss and so terribly helpless.
Monday we go back to the Doctor to x-ray her stomach and do a GI series of some sort as well as blood work. God only knows what is to come. I am far to emotional to sense much of anything. Today I grieve for my baby daughter and function the best I can... but I am OP and shall stay that way. I shall not numb my emotions, I will express them, release them and move on . No matter what may come, when it is all over and done with what remains is my life an I want a good one. I may not feel "good for a while but the sun shall shine again, and I ....I will stand in that sunshine thankfully. My job is to love me as much as I love them.
The more I have and the better quality of life I have the more I shall have to offer those I love. In the midst of great sorrow , fear, dread and pure panic, there is a new tomorrow, hope and a life that is mine. I will make it count for all those who love me on both sides of life.

06-14-2002, 12:06 PM
:cry: My hearts breaking for you!!! Bless you! and hope and pray that your Mom finds the energy to regain her love for life!

06-15-2002, 01:20 PM
Hey girls Just checking in for the weekend.

Deb are you still with us?? It is not uncommon to slip so stick with it. where are you???? Just trying to make sure that you are strapped in tight!!! I have some duct tape here for you would you like it in ho tpink???

Pam hang in there babe!! I am praying for you!

Terri How are you doing getting back OP???

Pat today is a yucchy rainy day to doany house hunting I hope you are sitting down with a good book reading!!!

As for me I hit the gym at 8 this mornming and holing my own!!! I am OP but If i do not eat some thing soon I have a counter full of frosting if you remember that was my down fall last time!!! HELP!!! TUNA TO THE RESCUE!!!! :lol: I will say that I am pushing my self and seeing some changes in the last 2 weeks!!!

06-16-2002, 10:18 AM
Happy Fathers Day to all your fathers!!

today will be a Op challenge. I believe it will be a controlled off plan day. I just Hope it will not be too far off. DD made cheese cake and cake for the celebration we have for the weekend. HHHMMM and MIL willbe cooking and said to bring your appetites. I hope that there is enough to eat protein and lots of it. That should not be a problem as long asi I eat enoughbefor ehand and do not snack on the snacks!!!

No exercise for me today!!

Girls Iknow this is a busy weekend so please just check inand say you are here si I do not worry. Checking in is the best way to stay OP!!!

06-17-2002, 06:30 AM
I am still hanging on in some way. Meant to get on this weekend to be more detailed. Where does the time go?
The weatehr was horrible. Did some back door house hunting.
Hope all the DH's had a good father's day.
Well off to another week

06-17-2002, 12:06 PM
Back door house hunting??? do you go knocking on peoples back door and ask if they would like to sell their house??? :lol:

Today I did a killer workout ran for 1.25 miles then did killer upper body when i went to take a shower i felt like puking. I do not know if I over carbed yesterday or what I have pushed myself when exercisisng and this did not happen before, or could this be a responce to the stress I am holding inside???

well yesterday I did fine till the cake and icecream. I should have said nobut I said yes to a small amont of icecream 2 tiney scoups that was fine but i then had a small piece of cake. it was not as good as i thought that it was going to be. but the icecream sure sated good, the DS left almost a whole bowl of icecream there so i finished it off. that was the extent of carbving yesterday. not bad considering but more that i wanted. i will have another challenge all this month on the weekends so I hope things go good. I am determined to make this work. I want to lose this fat and I must lose it. I feel so yucchy and fat that It isreally starting to bother me. I know I can feel better I know that I can look in the morror and like what i see. I do nto care what the scale says but it would be nice if it read lighter. I just want to fit in the smaller sizes. my 14 were tight this weekend. last tiem i wore them they fit good with a little snug at the waist. well they felt like rubber bands on my waist so i must work at it harder. There is no reason to cheat. there is only one person that suffers from it. me. so why do I do this to me. I only get a few min of pleasure from eating bad and infact it last only as the food is passing through my mouth, why is it such an attraction??? why do i feel i must eat it???

I get great pleasure from working out, and from, feeling thin so why do i ruin that feeling by eating things that do not agree with me. from eating foods that take that pleasue away??? I have cake sitting on the counter with some frosting hanging on by a tread. I must remain strong and pass that cake several times today. (it is for the kids and hopefully it will be gone by tonight when they get home from school)

06-19-2002, 02:03 PM
OK girls where are you??? I have some great news. No i have not mysteriously gotten to goal nor have i solved the world problem of hunger nor world peace. NO I have not found out how to stay OP till goal either (evidneced by the frosting I had last night that did not even taste good! only 1 TBS) But I do have an interview with a job at the local hospital on friday at 11. wish me luck. it will be full time for orientation then 3 night shifts a week. that will free me for the kids and all the other things that I am involved with. I am excited and want to start immediatly!! like on friday!!! If you are there wish me luck!!! this will help not only sovle the time frame problem that i am having but will solve the financial problems that i am drowndning with!!!

as for OP well besides that spoon of frostng yesterday ad the cake and frsoting on monday I am doing GREAT!! if i counted that I will be slightly over my carb limit!!! (frosting only) I am still in ketosis as i have dragon breath and almost killed some one with it today!!! I also am so filled with energy that i am doing a double workout at the gym (partly because of fear that I will not have time to exercise when i start work) and riding my bike daily!!!

06-20-2002, 05:03 AM
I am alive, I think but won't swear to it. I see my Simba everywhere and oddly enough I now know that they were the glue that kept me together no matter what the opposition. So much love did we share and how tenderly they saw to me when I needed it. My haven in the worst of storms. It seems I depended upon them as much as they depended on me. Now the world has grown larger, stronger, colder . It is time for me to depend flly on the source but the comfort is so very different. Mom is still not eating and losing a lb a day, this month finances are hair raising and more stressful than words can tell but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel financially. At this moment it isn't of much comfort but this is short term or at least reasonably so. I have discovered hives for the first time ever and tonight my Uncle died. I detest June.... did I say that already. My brain is mush my emotons ...insane. I always prided myself on my strength , God what is wrong with me. Still I just thought I would let you know I am here in some form somewhere between strong and drowning.
I am hard to drown though so I imagine I will make it through.

06-20-2002, 06:30 AM
Good morning all,

Sue congrats. I know they will hire you! I always found teh night shift easier to deal with, less politics. Way to go!

Pam I am so sorry. I just want to reach out and hug you. Your room is just darker for now. Try and focus of the small nuggets of light that are still around you! Take care of yourself I am praying for your mom.

Hello to everyone.
Melody I hope you are alright.

I am OP food wise. I have the metal mouth.

will try to start moving the body next week

06-20-2002, 11:46 AM
{{{{{{{{{PAM}}}}}}}}}} I have so much sympathy for you I hope you can feel it. hang in there the light will get brighter. HOLD TIGHT!!!

Hey girl (Pat) Thanks I will et everyone know what is going on OK???

06-21-2002, 10:43 PM
The interview was successful.. I will know on tuesday. I have had a day from heck so I must run I have kids that are still up waiting for icecream!!!

06-24-2002, 05:05 PM
OH girsl where are you?? I do not want to be here all alone!!

I am employed!!!!

06-24-2002, 11:46 PM
Well Darlin's......
I am still out here believe it or not. Had Mom at the Doctor again today. More blood work which has improved and in fact is really quite good........Mom isn't. She is very weak and can't dress herself anymore. My heart is breaking. Amazing how many times the human heart can be broken. Please know I still laugh, I still enjoy life and people but I must confess I am down. Mom is scheduled tenatively for August to see a specialist concerning her stomach and intestines. She had cancer surgery about six years ago and has been totally clear since then but who knows. She trys to throw up so much but of course she has nothing to bring up. We are now in the end of the third week of not eating.
I watched helplessly as my father starved to death due to cancer,
I did not know my daughter was starving within me due to swine flu. Two of my babies Simba last week and Chee last year to the month starved inspite of eating. There's a theme here isn't there...... God that's scary. Anything but starvation. I find that horrifying. I want to share something with you, if you don't mind.... if you do stop reading here. My Mom is my hero and always has been. This fraile old woman has done so much in her life. I have admired her for so many things. A survivor of severe ( near death) child abuse she broke the cycle and raised two very gentle and loving women, with a high sense of justice. She was not only a great Mom but she taught me that one person can make a real difference in this world if you are willing to put yourself on the line for what you believe in. When I was a child we lived in Morocco and the conditions there for so very many people were dreadful. I have seen her work with the sick and dying, I have seen this little woman grab a Doctor wrestle his bag away, giving orders to boil water and forcefully sterilized his equiptment before allowing him to treat a patient and throw away old needles. A woman too in Morocco that was unheard of.
I saw her get with Princess Lalatia and form the Morrocan version of the Red Cross, teach hygine and food preparation. So many things like this. I have seen her fight for womens rights everywhere and well much more than I can say here. When I built
non profits for veterans, for terminally ill and so on I was not so wonderful just my Mothers daughter. She always knew love was an action not just a bunch of words. Today I would not tell her that lifting her 145 lbs hurt me. The spinal surgery was done well but the spine is not the same. I would never tell her it would hurt her and she could not help herself. I only pray I will have the strength to always be there for her. Yes she is my Mommy and I am a Mommy's girl, but she is also now and always my personal hero. A tender heart for all life human or otherwise and for that I am grateful. For all the pain that comes when you deeply love it gives the fullness and enrichment to life far beyond the ability to hurt. The richness is never lost. Never. She is why I am the woman I am , the best of me. She is....... my Mom. Thank you for listening.

06-25-2002, 06:38 AM
Good morning all,
I am here. I am OP! Still no workout. The scale remains teh same.

My class has me hopping and teh realestate market has slowed to a snails pace. UGH

Work is busy too.

Planning a 4th of July party for DH family next week.

Sue huge hugs and congrats on teh job!! they are lucky to have you!! Way to go on teh awesome workouts you have been putting in! You are an inspiraion to us all. And ALL has certainly dwindled lately hasn't it?

Pam, what a lovely ode to your mother. I am so sorry that she is so unwell. You have been so challemged in teh past year. I am glad you are finding the time to share with us. Take care and know that I think of you.

Hello to everyone else

06-25-2002, 03:08 PM
Thankyou girls for checking in. I was worried. I did not want us to fall apart.

Thanks pat for the vote of confidence I knwo i will do good, I just do not want to be working for some one else. Great on the OPness the workout will comein time when you settle down for the new hosue do nt push that

Pam my blessings to you. I can not imangine how hard it is for you. know that we are here and check in often just to let us know how mom is doing. give her our love too please. she seem like such a wonderful person!!! Take your time and do not forget yourself in all this.

06-26-2002, 04:33 AM
Thank you for your patience and for listening. It is hard but today Mom seems better. She actually ate a little, granted not a whole lot but a little and the Glucerna is helping also. It has been hard for her. She has so little control of her bodily functions. I could tell she was feeling embarassed especially by the diarhea problems. I went in and changed her sheets, washed them and her bedspread and made them all soft and comfy. She has stayed in the bed so much I had no idea what a mess they were. I told her not to be embarassed I have been through all she his dealing with and I am delighted to be able to care for her for a change. She really smiled at that so my day was made. I told her not to worry about the depends that I have given her. She really did not want to use them so I sat down and asked her ..."Do you think I bought those for you? She nodded yes...."well I didn't they were mine. I had to use them everyday for years and was just so thrilled they made them, nothing you are going through is new to me or Hubby for that matter. You have nothing to be embarassed ABOUT EVERYONE IN LIFE HAS TIMES OF SUCH PROBLEMS SOMETIME IN THERE LIFE , get in a room with MS Patients or any other illness of that type and you will see a mass of people of all ages totally thrilled that they make depends and some have tubes so don't be concerned, anyway this is a temporary problem . We will find the reason and get it fixed in the meantime it is a great tool to keep your clothes and, bedding and yourself clean and comfy. I love you Mumsy, I want your life nice and clean and oh so comfortable. If you have a problem call me don't hide it or be embarassed. I finally have the chance to take care of you as well as you have of me all these years. She finally seemed to relax and was up for 12 straight hours! She hasn't been up for more than 1-2 hours a day in weeks. I was totally amazed. Who know perhaps all will be well for awhile I hope so. I am fine, very busy. I washed 9 loads of laundry today, ran the dishwasher and put away dishes, changed Moms bedding, and mine,scrubbed down my counters fixed dinner, fed the children, mine, Mom's, the outside cats, chased a dog out of my yard, watered the garden, srung beans for the freezer, mopped the floors, took care of Mom, did her running for her and I am whooped!!!! It's a good whooped. I got a good deal done. I have a ton more to do tomorrow but we are having one of my super dooper salads for dinner at Hubby's request. I want to do Mom's nails tomorrow to they look so long and scraggly. I am content today, hopefully I shall keep that now. For a while I was just tore up but I hope I have a handle on myself again and life can go on well. Thanks you both for being here for me. When my heart needs to be bared totally I come here for a very good reason. You all are my closest allies and I know I can trust you totally with my whole heart. Thank you so much for that, it means a lot.

06-26-2002, 09:55 AM
Continued prayers endng your way. and all the love too.

please send some my way too. I am in the middle of a severe plumbing problem and totop all that off I will not be starting work till the middle of july. that kills me. I do not know what to doright now. I have to call a plumber and i know it will be about 500$ for the repairs. I can not stand much more of this. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face from frusteration. I know it will be better but what am I suposed to do now!!! just pray that i can get a plumber that will be kind and take payments!!

06-27-2002, 10:09 PM
Plumber shumber I now charge 50$/HR!!!

I redid my whole sewer system my self!!!! it took me 6 hours but i did it myself!!! it flushes and works and I am proud of my self!!!

06-28-2002, 06:31 AM
You are a plumbing goddess!! Way to go! That was an awesome thing! You must be so pleased with yourself. Hugs!