Lighten Up! - New Office Policies!




View Full Version : New Office Policies!


Crazy4Kenny
04-18-2009, 11:23 PM
DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle1.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle3.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle4.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle5.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle6.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle7.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle8.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f88/JEN12376/BLOG/cubicle9.jpg

EFFECTIVE October 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employe e will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement isnecessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!


harrismm
04-19-2009, 12:06 AM
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!I am taking that to work.It is so appropriate right now.

dutchgirl
04-19-2009, 06:05 AM
:rofl:
Boy, someone put an almighty amount of work into that prank!


zinkemomx2
04-19-2009, 07:33 AM
Love it!

flowingair
04-21-2009, 10:08 PM
Funny :rolf:

ferretgirl
05-01-2009, 06:36 AM
:lol: Hilarious!

better life
06-24-2009, 07:31 PM
LOL....wow...that is a whole lotta cardboard

SunshineCA
07-21-2009, 02:26 AM
Looks like many of the governmental offices here in California!!! Please don't give Arnold any ideas!! :eek:

Deana
07-31-2009, 02:51 PM
LOL I like that cubicle better than my own

Aclai4067
07-31-2009, 03:00 PM
The bathroom policy is my favorite!