Momentum / Flex - discouraging co-worker

View Full Version : discouraging co-worker

04-11-2009, 08:12 PM
My husband was talking to one of his co-workers today about how I've been enjoying weight watchers. She was telling my husband that I'll never be able to stick to the plan once they my points get a little lower. She says that it's just way too hard. She says she's been on weight watchers on and off for years.

I'm not sure she should even be talking about this, since I don't think she's ever stuck to the plan for more than a month or two at a time. She's about 350 pounds, doesn't track, doesn't go to meetings, and doesn't really even try... yet she knows that I won't be able to stick to it??? Anyways, I was a little discouraged once I thought about my points dropping... I agree that it will get harder.

Has this happened to anyone else? Maybe she just wants me to quit because she can't do it herself.... I'll prove her wrong!!!

04-11-2009, 08:17 PM
My philosophy is that people like to share their opinions, whether there's any proof that they're right or wrong. Hey, it's even why I'm here sometimes, I like talking to people, sharing my opinions, and even giving advice, and I would bet that some of my opinions are wrong and some of my advice is bad.

So what? There's no reason to care about someone's opinion, just because they chose to give it. In her mind, it's her "truth" that Weight Watcher's is "too hard," that's her truth, and just because she shared it with your husband and he shared it with you, doesn't mean that you need to care or listen. Her truth doesn't have to be yours.

Personally, I think "proving her wrong," is a waste of time. She probably would still think that you're the exception, and that your success does not prove that she could do it - that's how people are with their personal truths, they can ignore all evidence to the contrary.

Besides, there will always be people who disagree with what and how other people do things. It's like the Aesop's fable about the fater, son, and donkey. You can't please everyone all of the time, you can't waste your time trying to prove anything to anyone but yourself, because it will always backfire.

04-11-2009, 08:48 PM
It's very unfortunate that there are people in this world who just can't stand to see someone else succeed in something they can't. The world is filled with "Debbie Downers". I've gotten to the point where I don't even like mentioning that I've started a new diet to people...I don't like hearing..."oh, another one"? Don't let other people bring you favorite saying is, "Life is 10 percent what happens to you, 90 percent how you respond to it". Think of dieting/fitness of how you are responding to a situation that life has handed now up to you, not your husbands co-worker, of how you decide to handle it.

winning the war
04-11-2009, 08:48 PM
When I had success with weight watchers, I didn't have too hard a time with point decreases because by the time my points were affected, I was exercising more and eating healthier and not as hungry anyway. And it will only drop a point or 2 at a time. What's that, a piece of bread? 1/2 of a banana? Keep it in perspective, and don't be afraid of success. You deserve it!!

04-11-2009, 08:51 PM
WTW... that was an excellent reply. I'm not on WW, but it was applicable to me!

04-11-2009, 11:08 PM
I agree with winning the war- dropping a point makes hardly any difference! You probably won't even notice.

I know you can do it- don't let that woman's bad attitude get you down! Just because she's started and quit WW several times doesn't mean that you'll do the same- this is just something that people say when they're envious of your commitment and success. A lot of us have been here, be it with family, friends, or co-workers, and trust me- soon enough you'll see that you have what it takes, and you'll just laugh off these kinds of comments! I say if the thought of proving her wrong keeps you motivated, use it :) If not, forget her- you'll do it no matter what!

Good luck, and keep at it, Mandik- you're doing great! :)

Thighs Be Gone
04-11-2009, 11:11 PM
In general, people like that don't like you to succeed because it forces them to analyze all the issues they have. You keep moving forward towards your goal. Focus on YOU. I can't understand a good reason for your hubby to tell you she said it.

04-12-2009, 11:01 AM
I've been on weight watchers for 20 weeks now and dropping points isn't that bad. That's why you have the extra flex and activity points to eat. She just wants an excuse for why she couldn't lose on ww. I would brush those comments off!

04-12-2009, 11:15 AM
I find myself playing devil's advocate a bit. I think we all speak from our own experience, and we give advice accordingly. Since I've been on a low carb eating plan, I've had more friends, aquaintences and even strangers crticizing my food plan than I have had in all my past attempts combined (30 plus years of them). They tell me low carb is not sustainable for life, and that I'll never be able to stick to it for the long haul, and that it's so unhealthy I'll probably die before I reach goal weight anyway. If I cared about or believed any of that, I'd really be in a bind, since it's the only plan I've ever been able to follow comfortably and long term.

I think they're wrong, but I understand some of the reasons they feel free to share. Not all of them are really looking out for my best interest, as much as speaking from their own point of view. Some are sharing to be helpful, and others are sharing to vent their own frustrations. It doesn't matter what their intent, I don't have to care, and I choose not to. Even getting mad is a waste of my energy.

I'm one of the rare people who likes talking about weight loss. I like sharing ideas, and I'm confident enough in my decisions that if someone disagrees with me, or thinks I'm taking on a task that's impossible (because they would find it so), I don't get offended. It's just an opinion, and an opinion can't hurt me.

Also, I think we have to remember this was a second hand conversation. No one, even hubby's can be trusted to pass along the message AND the demeanor of a conversation, second hand. Unless he videotaped it for you, there's no way to know if she was really focusing on her judgement of you, and not a judgement of herself - and it doesn't really matter. People will think and say what they feel, and when they do it says a lot more about them than it does anybody else. Giving it too much thought just draws you away from your own path.

04-12-2009, 12:26 PM
I'm not sure why my husband was telling her about my WW, but I think it was because it was the first time he's worked with this lady since his work did a biggest loser competition. My husband won, so I'm sure she said something about him winning the contest that sparked the conversation.
Once I posted here it totally got my mind off of the subject and I'm not too worried about it anymore, I've already dropped 3 or 4 points and I've done fine with the reduced points. I think it just annoyed me more than anything that she automatically thinks I'll fail because she did.

Thanks for all the support :)

04-12-2009, 03:57 PM
Well, to be honest when I had to drop down points I did find it really hard. But I think that was more because I love routine and had a great routine/plan worked out for 25-27 points and it was working great for me, then all of a sudden I had to drop down I think to 23 points or something.

I felt overwhelmed with the thought of cutting my perfect plan up, I didn't know what/where to cut down, and I just got all flustered.

It was a struggle for me. Not impossible, but definitely a struggle.


04-12-2009, 04:48 PM
I'm with you, Kaplods, I pretty much enjoy talking about it... with the right people. There are some people I don't like to discuss it with, but they are people with whom I don't like to be open in general, so they don't count.

I agree with pretty much everybody on here, that the negative comments of someone who is just not as committed as she thinks she is should not get anybody down who really wants to lose weight. I'm not on WW, but from what I have seen, the WW program is one of the most consistently successful for the people who choose to use it. If it were really too hard for most people, then we wouldn't see so many WW success stories here on the forum, and out in the 'real world.'

I can totally relate to the feeling of discouragement when people say things like that, though. My workout buddy, who I didn't know very well when we started out together, has for a couple months now been making nasty comments to me about my eating and exercise habits that I think are designed to mask her frustration at her lack of success.The other day, I told her that now that the weather is nice, I'd prefer to focus on long walks in the mornings, instead of holing up in the living room of her apartment, playing Wii Fit. Wii Fit is all very well and good, but I noticed that it's not very aerobic, the way we were using it, and I told her I'd like to focus on walks and the gym. She snapped back at me, "well, that's fine, because walking is the only activity we've done together that you haven't found a way to cheat at!" I asked her what she meant, and to make a long story short, she couldn't back up what she had just said, but she refused to apologize, and now I'm looking into a gym that I can go to without her. I know what her problem is: I've lost 26 lbs, and she's gained and lost the same 4-5lbs several times in the same time frame. But somehow, I'm "cheating."

My point is don't listen to people who are envious, because they are so busy watching you succeed, that they won't do what it takes to be successful themselves.

04-12-2009, 04:54 PM
I'd just look at numbers.
You are 279, she is 350. She has NO word in saying what you can and cannot do. Honestly, tell her to shut up.

04-13-2009, 12:11 PM
I would ask my husband to thank his co-worker for helping you to PLAN AHEAD for your points reduction. Her comments have allowed you to talk to others on this site to get support. The most important step for me when losing weight is to PLAN AHEAD. Prepare lunch the evening before, plan dinner the day before. When I am prepared, I stick to my daily plan. Besides, if she is trying to discourage you, the thank you may cause her to keep her comments to herself.

04-13-2009, 12:26 PM
You are here to get support in becoming healthier and staying healthy. Forget her. Stay here.

I do not think any response to her or your husband is required.

04-13-2009, 12:59 PM

See, now I feel bad. Your suggested response is gentle and gracious, whereas mine was a long-winded rant. I will definitely remember your words for future use.

04-13-2009, 01:32 PM

See, now I feel bad. Your suggested response is gentle and gracious, whereas mine was a long-winded rant. I will definitely remember your words for future use.

I try to choose gentle and gracious, not so much because I think "most" people deserve it, but that when I give people the "benefit of the doubt" that their motives were misguided, out of frustration, or even just explained by ignorance, rather than out of maliciousness, I feel better. Feeling compassion and maybe even a bit of pity for someone, feels a lot better than thinking the world is full of people with malicious intent (or even a single malicious person out to get ME). I can deal with a bunch of idiots sticking their feet in their mouth, I can't deal with the thought of being surrounded by petty, malicious, and vindictive buttholes.

I like to think of the world as a mostly "good" place. Or to quote Katie in Horton Hears a Who:

"In my world everyone is a pony and they eat rainbows and poop butterflies"

04-13-2009, 01:50 PM
This is why I don't say much about my weightloss- if people ask if I'm still dieting I say "yes" and that's about it. Unless there are people who genuinely ask questions I don't elaborate.

Hey some things don't work for certain people. Obviously she's been on WW many times and it didn't work for her BECAUSE she didn't realize that WW isn't a diet- it's a lifestyle change.

04-13-2009, 01:58 PM
I can deal with a bunch of idiots sticking their feet in their mouth, I can't deal with the thought of being surrounded by petty, malicious, and vindictive buttholes.

I like to think of the world as a mostly "good" place. Or to quote Katie in Horton Hears a Who:

"In my world everyone is a pony and they eat rainbows and poop butterflies"

Yes, that approach is easier on the soul. I'll have to remember that. ;)

04-13-2009, 04:00 PM
"In my world everyone is a pony and they eat rainbows and poop butterflies"

I LOVE that. :lol:


04-13-2009, 04:19 PM
I keep thinking of adding the Horton quote (In my world everyone is a pony and they eat rainbows and poop butterfies) at as part of my sig line. It's both naively optimistic, and yet by implication almost dark and disturbing (I think that's me).

My husband is dark and brooding on the outside (looks like an aging, but still potentially vicious biker/viking) and is a soft, squishy (and even conservative) teddybear on the inside.

I'm the exact opposite, all sweetness and normalcy on the outside with a generous and gracious manner (but sometimes with a darkly sinister, evil core). I have a tendency towards dark humor.

Many people remark that my husband and I seem to be opposites, but instead we're actually very similar (because both our external and internal personalities are both "us"). My theory is that one of us was just put together inside out.

04-13-2009, 07:47 PM
Back to the original post, I have had a similar experience when a lady in my neighborhood group laughed when I said I was going to WW. She said that she gained 30 lbs while on WW.
I didn't respond, because she was justifying her weight loss failure (she's about 5'2" and at least 260 lbs) by blaming a program that she didn't clearly follow instead of understanding what went wrong for her. She is now trying to lose the weight on her own and since January has lost 10 lbs but regained 12...
I've gone from 244 to 187 now and find that dropping points is indeed a bit tough but is absolutely manageable. I admit that it will be hard if I drop down to only 19 points a day and it does scare me. But I have to remain confident and dedicated because that will mean success.
And you don't answer to your husband's co-worker, or to your husband. You answer to YOU and if you want this and WW is working for you, then just close your ears to the rest and stay the course.

04-15-2009, 10:20 AM
I'm sorry she had such negative words about WW.
I've always believed that if you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done...and this is working for you and you're working this program! She cannot deny your results!! LOL Just brush off her comments and keep working hard!!! Who knows, maybe she'll eventually see your results and know that she's got to put forth more effort herself and you just might inspire her!

Have a great day! :)

04-15-2009, 10:32 AM
Hey, kaplods...I get the devil's advocate thing. And, as you stated, you are speaking from your experiences and with your personality. However, I've never been one to give unsolicited advice. The bottom line is, I try not to make other people uncomfortable with comments that I make, and, therefore, I don't share them unless I'm asked to. I think isn't rather conceited to think anyone wants to hear about the world according to Jae unless they say they say so.

04-15-2009, 10:58 AM
I've learned to never listen to negative people...they usually have a problem & 99.9% of the time it's with themselves. Just put her out of your mind & focus on your journey.

It's hard to ignore them sometimes (I'm not usually very passive) but I gotta tell ya it can be a bit pleasing when you've lost the majority of your weight on WW & have their jaw drop the next time they see you esp after they ask how you did it & you say WW...duh! ;)

As for the points dropping you'll adjust. It's not like you go from 30 to 19 the next's a gradual thing.

04-15-2009, 11:01 AM
This wasn't about advice, but a second hand conversation. Getting angry about a conversation you weren't even party to, is pointless. And if hubby was talking about how much OP enjoyed WW, I wouldn't call that an unsolicited opinion.

It's not even clear from the OP what the woman said, and you certainly can't tell from a second hand conversation what she said, or what she meant by it through the filter of the husband (he's not a video camera, he's a human being, so OP didn't get the unbiased version of the conversation, she got her husband's interpretation of it).

I don't walk up to people and give advice, and in conversations try never to say "you should," or "you will," because everyone is different than I am, and I have no reason to believe that what works for me, will work for them.

I once had a woman (a stranger) in the Walmart pharmacy walk up to me (I was browsing the diet products, which apparently was invitation enough for her), start telling me what I needed to do to lose weight, because she had.

Of course, I had the right to get angry - but what would that have accomplished? It may have ruined her day, but it would have ruined my day in the process. Instead I just started laughing and walked away. I can't say that it ruined her day, but she did turn bright beet red.

I'm pleasant for a practical reason, not because I "love" people, but because I deserve not to get upset by idiots.

04-15-2009, 03:25 PM
I'm pleasant for a practical reason, not because I "love" people, but because I deserve not to get upset by idiots.

Umm....I think that's the best thing I've heard in awhile next to your Horton's quote! I think I'm going to start saying that - I'm pleasant for practical reasons! lol.

And I agree with Romancediva - it's not a huge drop that you go through, it's when you get really low that it's HARDER but not IMPOSSIBLE. I mean, yeah, eating less food is harder (for me at least). On WW or on any other plan!


04-28-2009, 03:29 PM
lmao my boss is like that, huge and doesnt track or even go to meetings, i counted the points of her lunch today ( in my head ) over 14 points for lunch

04-28-2009, 04:14 PM
This is a really encouraging thread. I'm glad I stopped in. :)