Weight Loss Support - What if that's it? What if it just doesn't happen?

04-09-2009, 09:26 PM
So, probably for the first time in my weight loss journey, I lay on my bed last night and thought - what if it just doesn't happen?

I have been struggling with my weight since gaining a total of 65 lb since starting on antidepressants (over a 10-year period). I have been OFF antidepressants for one year and four months now.

I am currently 167 lb (the last time I checked two weeks ago) and my goal is 135 lb (the weight I maintained with no problem before going on antidepressants).

I have been working so hard to lose the weight, and every time I look in the mirror I am so depressed and disappointed. But I have always had hope that ONE DAY, ONE MAGICAL DAY, I will reach my goal weight.

Last night was the first time I ever thought "maybe it just won't happen". Maybe my body is so screwed up from all the years of antidepressants that it has changed my metabolism permanently and I will be this weight forever???????


04-09-2009, 09:42 PM
Nothing lasts forever, nothing. You will reach your goal, but it won't be a "magical day" it will be a continuation of the hard work that you have been putting in. You will get there. Don't let that stuff cloud your thinking.

04-09-2009, 09:52 PM
Look how far you have come! You CAN do it. I did the exact same thing you did. Laying in bed, thinking to myself.. What if. I think on those days I just felt stressed or I didn't get something I craved and I ended up cranky.

You have done it so far. You can do it. You will do it.

04-09-2009, 09:57 PM
It will happen, just don't let a few fleeting thoughts discourage you. You've already lost more than half of what you want to lose. You will do it.

04-09-2009, 10:09 PM
I guess why I am scared is because my weight has just sort of sat in this range for years now. I have half-heartedly tried since 2005 to lose and seemed to lose the first 35-40 lb very easily. Now I'm stuck, and afraid.


04-09-2009, 10:14 PM
But the key words are "half-heartedly". This time you're not half-hearted, are you? You're going full force, right? With a fully committed effort, you'll make your goal, I'm sure of it!

If you're stuck, try shaking things up a little. Try eating different foods, or a different amount of food. Try exercising longer or harder or doing a different exercise. Stay committed and stay the course. You'll get there; you've done great so far!

04-09-2009, 10:22 PM
I've been overweight or obese nearly all of my life (since age 5). And every time I ever quit a diet, it was because I felt or feared that I would never make it to my goal weight.

The closest I came was in high school (I had weighed 225 and was given prescription diet pills at 13, right before starting high school). I lost 70 lbs, and weighed 155 lbs. It was getting really tough, though and by junior year my weight wasn't budging. My doctor lowered my goal weight to 145, and I just sort of mentally collapsed. I figured if I was finding it so difficult to get to 150 - there was no way I'd ever be able to lose another 10 lbs. And I stopped dieting that DAY. I just figured there was "no use even trying anymore."

What stupidity. I'll cut myself some slack since I was only 16 or so, but still. What kind of craziness is it to think that only perfection counted.? It would have been better to say "the heck with 145, I'm happy with a goal of 150 or even 155.

If I never lose another pound, it doesn't undo or discount what I've done so far. Maybe I can't get to 155, but I don't worry about that - I just look at the next few pounds, and I remind myself that even when I can't lose, I can maintain.

The thing is, I think I WILL get to my goal weight - it may take 10 years, but I'm pretty sure I am going to get there.

You can borrow tomorrow's troubles, or you can deal with today's. You don't have to worry about the next 27 lbs, you only have to deal with the next 1 - and then the next 1......

I find it a lot less stressful that way.

04-09-2009, 10:32 PM
If you tell yourself that it's not going to happen, it won't. You have to tell yourself that it WILL happen, tell yourself this repeatedly if you have to- and I promise that you will find a way.
It can happen. You have the power to make it happen. The rest depends on what you decide to do.

04-09-2009, 10:38 PM
I think if you aren't losing weight over many, many months, you have to take a hard look at what you are and aren't doing, and what you're willing to do, or even what you're willing to try. I think you've proven to yourself that half-hearted efforts take you so far and then no further.

Have you found healthy ways of eating and moving that you can live with, and in fact enjoy, for the rest of your life? I might be wrong, but I'm not getting that vibe. I think I'd still be struggling and unhappy if I hadn't found motivation in myself to live this way, regardless of my weight. If each choice came down to trying to resist something I craved because I dislike myself - vs wanting to change and grow because I like myself - well, I wouldn't last long. It's about choices that feel like gifts to myself instead of like I'm depriving myself.

04-09-2009, 10:57 PM
Maybe I'm in denial, because I just don't think I have an eating problem - ANYMORE.

While I was on antidepressants and gaining weight, I will chalk it up 50% to the medication and 50% what/how much I was eating. However, before that I never had any problem with eating, I never ate that much junk or ate when I was depressed or sad, etc. I kept a weight of between 120-130 lb. I just felt like I had normal eating habits.

When I was on medication all of a sudden all I could think about was food, I ate huge volumes and didn't care what I ate.

But now I feel I'm exactly back to where I was before the medication - I eat normally, I don't binge, I don't eat crap and I don't eat too much. I was eating a healthy diet of about 1600-1800 calories and working out and not losing anything. So I started working out more and two weeks ago took the calories down to 1300. I haven't weighed myself since.

This weekend it really struck me when I went away and I was with my very, very, very thin girlfriend (who is naturally thin) and the whole weekend she kept commenting - "you don't eat much do you" and she kept encouraging me to eat. I was like - "I KNOW RIGHT????"

To me it seems with what I eat, and how much I exercise, losing weight shouldn't be such a problem. But it is! That's why I am scared maybe my metabolism is permanently screwed up. That's where the fear comes in.

Thank you ALL by the way, for your thoughts. It's helping me work through things.


PS - JulieJ08 - yes, the 1600-1800 calories was a healthy way of eating that I'm used to and enjoy and could do for the rest of my life.

Thighs Be Gone
04-09-2009, 11:00 PM
Hey, you have had amazing success thus far. 167 is pretty smokin' if you ask me. Don't think about what if!!!

I posted this on another thread the other night but I will say it again here since it's applicable. You are going on a wonderful vacation. As you drive, drive and drive you finally get a glimpse of gorgeous blue water. You keep driving towards the blue water. Why stop at the 7-11? Why go back to the interstate? Before you left did you consider all the stinky reststops or the possibility of a flat tire? Of course not!

You are seeing the blue water--surely at this point you have at least gotten a glimpse. KEEP ON DRIVING!

04-09-2009, 11:25 PM
I guess what I want to specifically ask/know is - has there ever been a case where someone obviously NEEDS to lose 30 lb more, but the body just won't lose it and they will have to stay 30 lb overweight forever? Is this possible?

04-09-2009, 11:30 PM
I hope one day you can reach your goal, don't be disappointed. I think you need to do some lose weight plans, what you have to do is abide you plan, then you will gain a good result.

Thighs Be Gone
04-09-2009, 11:44 PM
choir, I have never heard of that happening..maybe you need to revisit your calorie intake and lower it--or start doing something differently activity wise--have you considered seeing a nutritionist?? how do you feel about increasing your goal just for the time to say--150--you can always visit it again later..

04-09-2009, 11:48 PM
I guess what I want to specifically ask/know is - has there ever been a case where someone obviously NEEDS to lose 30 lb more, but the body just won't lose it and they will have to stay 30 lb overweight forever? Is this possible?

Yes (if the person isn't willing to change their behavior any further), and no (if they're willing to take it further - moving more and eating less). There are a lot of people who find they aren't willing to do what it will take to lose the last 5, 10, 20, 50, 200....... lbs (it's a decision I made for several years). That's their right and their decision to make, but could they have gone further? Yes - you can always lose "more" by cutting calories more and/or expending more calories in excercise. There is no point at which a person just "can't lose, no matter what they do," (it would come in handy in countries where famine and starvation is common). If you eat less, and move more you will lose weight (it's alot more complicated, and yet just as simple as that). Will there come a point at which you aren't willing to eat less or move more? Only you can make that decision.

04-10-2009, 04:24 AM
cgh-- My heart is saddened to see you post comments like that :(

Honestly, shake up your exercise routine-- and I mean by that get another Jillian Michaels dvd or 2 :) Also shake up your caloric intake (i.e. calorie cycle).

hang in there, you're doing GREAT girl!!!!!

~ tea

04-10-2009, 03:19 PM
I think what I was asking didn't come across properly. This is not a mental/emotional question, because I will never give up. That's not even a question.

It was a purely physical question, and one that had to do with what medication can do to your body, and if medication can permanently damage your body and weight loss efforts.


04-10-2009, 04:44 PM
Then the answer is even simpler. No - if you're willing to do what it takes, it is always possible to lose weight by eating less and/or moving more. Medications and othere health and physiological conditions can slow (but not stop) your metabolism. If it could, then starvation could (at least for some people) be prevented. Even if you're in a coma, your body burns calories. You can't "stop" metabolism. I'm not suggest that you stop eating anything -but obviously you would lose weight if you did.

Even if you had the slowest metabolism on the planet, you would still need to eat - and you could still find a calorie level at which you could lose weight. You might have to eat less than "everyone else," and you might have to be content with far less than one pound of weight loss per month, but you still would be able to find a weight at which you could lose weight.

If you're eating 1000 calories, exercising, and not losing weight, even after 5 or 6 weeks without going off plan at all - then you probably have an actual metabolic disorder. This can make weight loss difficult, but even so, does not make it impossible. You may have to eat a ridiculously small amount to lose weight, but the weight loss would be physically possible.

If metabolism stops - so does life. So you will always need food to maintain you weight and in order to live. If you eat less than this amount, you will lose weight. Even if you hypothetically were able to maintain your weight on 700 calories, then you could lose weight by eating 575 - and you would lose 1/4 of a lb per week. Now, you'd need a doctor's supervision and nutritional supplements, and maybe medications that might boost your metabolism, but it would still be possible.

04-10-2009, 05:05 PM
Second what kaplods just said! If you need some help seeing results, try working out differently, lift more, start boxing, pilates, yoga. I definitely see in myself that inches are a LOT easier to lose than weight at this point.

04-10-2009, 05:18 PM
I'm not saying that it can't be difficult - superhumanly difficult. For many years, I did feel that dieting was far more trouble than it was worth. The effort to see results required me to sacrifice far more than I thought was reasonable. It seemed that I could only lose weight, by ignoring everything else important in my life, and I chose the rest of my life over weight loss.

At the time, it seemed like a fair tradeoff. Then I started getting sick - and I was still afraid to "diet" because in my experience dieting only ended up in weight gain, eventually not sustained loss.

I did find things that helped. I changed my bc to skip periods, because the hormone drop of the placebo/period week played a large role in cravings and binges (without bc, the killer pms and food obsessions are worse). I'm taking metformin for insulin resistance, and eating low carb prevents hunger a lot better than other diets I've tried (in 30 plus years of dieting, except for a few desperate, short attempts, I rejected low carb as "unhealthy." It took me a long time to overcome and unlearn my biases against lower carb eating.

I'm not saying it will be easy, or that some of your experiments won't fail - but there is no reason you can't succeed if you keep experimenting.

04-10-2009, 05:37 PM
I agree with Colleen - if you are willing to do what it takes, you WILL lose the weight.

Honestly, if this 50+, post-menopausal, sententary worker, moderate exerciser, body made it to goal -you will too!

04-10-2009, 08:09 PM
The metabolism is a tricky thing. Jillian Michaels actually has a new book that just came out Tuesday about how to revamp and restore ones metabolism by eating certain foods and getting rid of certain chemicals in ones food and environment. If you're worried about your metabolism being damaged, she's got some good info in the book on how to restore your metabolism and get it revving again. It might be worth looking into. I personally haven't read it yet but I've heard her talk about it on her radio show and everything she said made a lot of sense.

Anyway, I can definitely relate and sometimes it's a matter of battling the mindset than the body really since I'm a firm believer that our mindset determines our lives outcome to a certain extent. Positive thinking and affirmations lead to positive things happening in our live. :)

04-10-2009, 09:06 PM
If your metabolism were damaged, you certainly wouldn't have been able to lose 35 lbs consuming 1600-1800 calories a day! No, your metabolism has simply readjusted itself to the number of calories you consume now. This is a natural process. All it means is that you need to shake up your metabolism to get it to continue running high. You do this by changing your number of calories and/or upping your exercise.

04-11-2009, 12:40 AM
I wonder this alot too. Sure we can lose on 700-1000 calories if our metabolism is that slow, but that would not be realistic to stick to for life.

Are you working out? Lifting weights? That's supposed to help build muscle and raise your metabolism. I think the last 20-30 or so pounds are really the hardest to lose.

04-11-2009, 07:59 AM
I guess what I want to specifically ask/know is - has there ever been a case where someone obviously NEEDS to lose 30 lb more, but the body just won't lose it and they will have to stay 30 lb overweight forever? Is this possible?

From everything that I'm hearing, this is NOT the case with you. Not by a long shot. In all honesty, I don't think it's your metabolism that's the problem.

I'm hearing the words - half-heartedly and I'm hearing 1600-1800 calories - and I'm hearing but it didn't used to be this way, etc.

Losing weight does not happen by accident. It just doesn't miraculously fall off. It takes hard work and focus and determination. It takes a whole-heated attempt. It obviously takes lowering your caloric intake - consistently - day in and day out. It takes recognizing that things change, they aren't always how they "used to be" and you may need to do things differently.

You want to lose weight? Badly enough? MAKE it happen. Do what it takes to MAKE it happen. REQUIRE more of yourself. No more excuses. Don't fall back on, "but it never used to be this way". Deal with what IS. Go back to dieting 101. Make a sensible plan and stick with it. Tweak it as need be. Be consistent.

You said for the past 2 weeks you've lowered your caloric intake - well that sounds like a good place to start. All the best. :)

04-11-2009, 01:57 PM
I wonder this alot too. Sure we can lose on 700-1000 calories if our metabolism is that slow, but that would not be realistic to stick to for life.

That's an entirely different question. But what is "realistic" for some one, may be completely "unreasonable" for someone else. The fact though, is that extremely low metabolism is fairly rare, and usually can be helped by behavioral changes (like exercise) and medication (thyroid and insulin resistance meds, for example).

If you're finding it difficult to lose on 1000 calories a day (and I don't mean lose slow, I mean no loss of even a few ounces per week), then it's usually a good indicator that you need to have a checkup and find out if there's a metabolic reason why.

But eating 1600 - 1800 calories a day, isn't that.

There are also way to increase metabolism (like exercise - building muscle raises metabolism, because it takes more calories to support muscle than fat).

I often wonder if I will be able to reach my goal weight - not because I think it's impossible, but because there may come a point at which I'm unwilling to go any further...

AND THAT'S OK! If I decide that I've "had enough" at 200 lbs, I will maintain 200 lbs and be happy with it, but not because I think that going lower is impossible, but that I've reached a point at which I'm not willing to go any further.

And while weighing 200 wouldn't be ideal for my health, it's certainly better than being 400 (or more likely 450 if I give up, because I've never regained weight without gaining a lot more than I lost).

The point is, it's pointless to worry about reaching a point that hasn't come yet. So what if I can't get to 150 - all I have to do is lose that next pound and worry about the next after I've done so. Borrowing tomorrow's trouble only makes it harder to deal with today's.

04-11-2009, 05:22 PM
Thanks everyone! Wonderful advice from all of you, and I'm so happy to get all these thoughtful responses.

I think another one of my problems is that I compare myself to other people a lot. My thin friends eat badly and don't exercise yet manage to stay thin. So sometimes I look at them and think - what the? How can they do it and not me? My other friend decided run two times per week and lost about 10 lb in a span of a few months. That's it. That's all she did.

So I look at them and think with all I do, and how hard I try, maybe there's something physically wrong with me?

I haven't given more than 2 weeks to the 1300 calorie eating plan, so I definitely cannot say whether or not it's "not working". I have a feeling it will work, it's just these feelings of fear coming up for me.

Plus I have come down ill two times now in the past two weeks so feeling beat and run down - everything seems gloom and doom to me!

it helps so much to have all of your thoughts - THANK YOU!!!


04-11-2009, 08:12 PM
Comparing yourself to others, and even comparing yourself to your younger self, can be deadly. It's not comparing apples and oranges (at least they're both fruits), it's more like comparing a stone to a space alien.

There are just far too many factors to compare. Running twice a week, hey that's a pretty "big change," and if I could do it would probably result in alot more weight than 10 lbs in a few months - but I'd drop dead before I had the chance.

And as for all of the thin, pretty people eating crap, heart disease does not kill only fat, ugly people.

Everyone has to deal with what they have to deal with - and looking at what others have that you don't will always drive you nuts. If you're going to compare yourself to anyone, at least if you do it to people less fortunate than you (and there are millions of those too), at least you get to feel blessed.

It's easier said than done, but the more lucky you can let yourself feel, the easier any challenge is. It's not that it isn't normal to have the jealousies and regrets, but that normal doesn't mean good for you. If you can learn to feel lucky, you suck a lot of stress out of your life. And stress does have negative impacts on health and weight loss, so any stress you can shave off your life, the better chance you have. If not to live a longer life, at least to have more enjoyment out of the life you do have.