Weight Loss Support - Husband is NOT helping.




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Callie1983
04-09-2009, 01:29 PM
Okay, here's the good news... I hit the 20 pound mark!! I was SO excited... then I called my husband. Here's the conversation, "Guess what I've now lost 20 pounds exactly!" Husband - "Okay." Me - Okay?" Husband - "That's good." (And SO not in an enthusiastic tone) Me - "Well I was excited and thought I'd call my husband and share my excitement." Him "Thanks." Me "Well I guess I'll let you get back to work." Him "Okay." Bye.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HHHHH!!
It's so frustrating... this is a milestone I've been looking so forward to and was SO happy until I talked to him.
I'm not sure what his problem is, but its really disheartening.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks!
PS I love 3FC!


midwife
04-09-2009, 01:33 PM
Woohoo!! Way to go on the 20 lbs lost!! :carrot:

As for DH, is it possible he was busy/distracted at the moment? I know that when I get calls at work it takes me some time to shift my attention from X to Y.

Great job on the loss!!!

glitterducky
04-09-2009, 01:33 PM
My husband likes to ruin my diet, but I don't think it's on purpose. He isn't dieting and is trying to change his habits slowly. However, he works for a store and brings home bags of clearance candy.

The other day I saw some and yelled at him, and told him not to bring any home, unless he hides it from me. I don't need that temptation. I also made it a point to tell everyone he works with (because I know them too) to tell him NOT to bring any home.

I told him how I feel about his candy binges, and how I feel he is trying to ruin my diet and trying to not support me. He realized what he was doing. So maybe you should talk to your husband too...about how you feel he isn't supporting you.

He may also be jealous, if he is overweight, or thinks you're trying to lose weight to be more appealing to other guys, so he doesn't want to support you. Assure him you still madly in love with him, and that he has nothing to worry about.


kaplods
04-09-2009, 01:35 PM
I think it's mostly just a guy thing - most guys don't care about weight loss, especially "numbers." So you might as well have been speaking Martian, and I've just not met many guys who can "fake" enthusiasm or interest for sometning they don't understand.

JayEll
04-09-2009, 01:36 PM
Callie1983, I'm sorry to say that our weight loss is probably never going to be as exciting to others as it is to us. :dunno:

Does your husband have a weight problem? Has he ever tried to lose weight? Whether the answer is yes or no, either one could be a reason he was less than jumping up and down for you. It does NOT mean he doesn't support you.

Also, it's possible that being at work, with others around, he can't exactly start whooping. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, and remember, you're not doing this for him or for his reaction, you're doing it for you. Don't let his response or lack of one make you go off plan...

Keep with it!
Jay

ladywinter
04-09-2009, 01:43 PM
I have a husband who could care less if I weigh 1000 pounds or 100 pounds. Often to the man we are married to weight loss just isnt that big of a deal. I hear this often from friends husbands too.

I was excited when I lost my first 10lbs....and my husband wanted to go out to eat to celebrate lmao!

I also hear this from alot of men...dont know why your trying to lose weight you look good to me. Many men, imo, are not conditioned to care about their weight so it isnt such a big deal to them.

Congrats on reaching 20 pounds!

Athenawithheart
04-09-2009, 01:46 PM
Bummer. Sorry your hubby wasn't more excited. 20 pounds is an accomplishment!!!

My husband would say things like, "you're losing too much; you will go find someone else when you're thin." After a couple weeks prior, of telling me I needed to lose weight. Ugh. (We're now getting divorced, but over far more serious stuff.)

Lori259
04-09-2009, 01:46 PM
My hubbby is supportive but My family(sister & mother Aren't)
They have there moments of like you say above~it's pure MEANESS!
Anyways~it's your body~You need to be happy and he will show he likes you losing weight rather than say it with him being "THE HUBBY"
He will become more interested ....If ya know what I mean and ect.
He must be thrilled because people who are not very supportive are jealous so He's proboly got his on insercurties.(My hubby said he was gonna start weight lifting the other day out of the blue just to see my reaction and added since your losing all that weight Because he had a jealous moment....And he is usually supportive
As far as your hubby goes
He will get over and then be thrilled with the new improving you!!! Just give him time.
(I hope I made since sometimes I blab so much I lose track of my point LOL)
CONGRADULATIONS On 20 Lbs I bet your feeling SUPER!

Devsmama
04-09-2009, 01:51 PM
Congrats on the 20lbs!!

Callie1983
04-09-2009, 03:26 PM
Thanks! I think he may be a little jealous; he mentioned this morning that if he lost 20 pounds he'd be skinny... Also, he mentioned when I first started that "You're going to get all skinny and go find another man." I did assure him I would not.
And, yes, he probably couldnt really talk at work - it's been really stressful for him lately.
As for him maybe thinking I dont need to loose weight.... yeah, that's not it! He's been telling me for a while "We need to go on a diet." And he'll do things like grab my fat roll and ask "What's this?"
Lol - he's really not a bad guy... I know I may be making it sound like that... He just doesn't really think about what he says before he says it.
Anyway, Thanks so much for the encouraging words. It means so much to me!

Jacqui_D
04-09-2009, 03:57 PM
:bravo: Callie!! :cp: Great job! :trampo: 20 lbs GONE!! :woohoo:

annie175
04-09-2009, 04:01 PM
WOWSER, Rock on SIsta!

newleaf123
04-09-2009, 04:08 PM
Congratulations on your 20lb loss!! I'm guessing your husband probably just couldn't talk at work, and will be thrilled for you when he gets home...

And even if he isn't, of course we are all THRILLED for you here!! WTG!!

I never even considered the angle of a husband feeling threatened when his wife lost weight; I could see how that could make some men concerned... All you can do is keep reassuring him...

GirlyGirlSebas
04-09-2009, 04:15 PM
Congratulations! What a wonderful accomplishment!

Regarding Hubby's reaction, this would be such a typical response from my Hubby. :D Sometimes, they just don't get us, do they?

sweetandspicy
04-09-2009, 04:41 PM
Bravo on the 20 pounds!! You should be proud of yourself. I understand you wanting to share your accomplishment with your Hubby but just don't worry about him not showing excitement, he will be thrilled when you reach your goal and are happier and more confident then ever.

paperSkin
04-09-2009, 05:04 PM
That conversation you had with your husband.. I had almost the same one.. when HE lost 20 pounds! I was like oh my God you've lost 20 pounds, you must feel amazing.. and he was like "I guess.. I still have some more though."

For some reason, men aren't like women when it comes to the mini goals.. the goal is the goal.. there are no in betweens.

Thighs Be Gone
04-09-2009, 05:16 PM
I don't understand conversations like that. My hubby learned a LONG time ago to get reeled on what I am into. Otherwise, I tend to remember it if you get my drift! LOL.

SweetScrumptious
04-09-2009, 05:42 PM
Maybe you just called at precisely a bad time or when he was in a bad mood?

But here... I'll share in your loss! GREAT JOB FOR LOSING 20 LBS! KEEP ON TOP OF IT!!! :d

Watercolor
04-09-2009, 05:53 PM
I almost never get the response I wish from DH.
But the cure for that is - coming here and telling us!!!!

Doing the computer cha-cha-cha for ya! Good job!!!

teawithsunshine
04-10-2009, 02:05 AM
TERRIFIC JOB on those 20 lbs!!! :cool:

Don't fret too much on the hubby... sometimes, they just don't respond in the way you'd like 'em too.

Tell us instead!! :)

~ tea

Tommy Europe
04-10-2009, 05:33 AM
Overcoming insecurity and building self confidence are emotional states changed by shifting core beliefs about our false self images many men panic when you change because they fear the change might affect the relationship
the better you look the more insecurity plays out so be strong and tell him you love him and love yourself

Lachelle
04-10-2009, 09:34 AM
Way to go on the weight loss! And it looks like you're about a third of the way to your final goal, so that's a milestone too.

As for your husband, don't read too much into it. My husband was exactly the same way on all my previous weight loss efforts. (Worse, actually.) I'd cook a healthy meal, he'd eat it, and then make a frozen pizza for himself after we'd eaten what I had made. Like, WTH?
My husband's always been thin, no matter what he eats. He used to try to pull me off my diet, thinking I'd turn into some supermodel if I lost the weight, and leave him. He finally started supporting me when I sat him down and explained to him that I needed to lose weight for health reasons. I didn't want to end up like my mom, who's been overweight for years, and by age 60, has had fibromyalgia, diabetes, breast cancer, and a stroke.

Lori259
04-10-2009, 11:24 AM
I don't understand conversations like that. My hubby learned a LONG time ago to get reeled on what I am into. Otherwise, I tend to remember it if you get my drift! LOL.



:rofl:
YOU CRACK ME UP THIGHS!

tdiprincess
04-10-2009, 12:57 PM
Thighsbegone: Word! We've only been married a year well closer to 2.. but one thing DH learned quick is that part of my excitement of weightloss is seeing his reaction too ;)

But, like most everybody said, talk to him about it. Sit down and just talk about it. Find out why he was like he was on the phone.. it may have been a bad moment, or he may be jealous or worried. The only way you'll know is by talking to him about it. Reassure him that you're not leaving him.. although my DH was never really worried about that. maybe cus we're still "newly weds''? It may have been something super dumb and there's an explanation for it..

Otherwise, congrats on your loss thus far!! Great work! :flow1:

Savora
04-10-2009, 02:32 PM
i'm pretty lucky my hubby told me good job on 3 lbs he would probably be pretty happy about 20 lbs i was thin when we met and i think he wants the old me back so he is very supportive, plus he is overweight and is trying to lose weight also so he is watching what he eats and is going to the gym too... but congrats on the 20 lbs i cant wait to reach that milestone.. that will be very exciting and it WILL happen, i am determined this time....

willow650
04-10-2009, 02:44 PM
No one ever feels what you feel. No one can feel as excited as you do about something or as sad as you do about something. We always want people to feel what we feel but it just doesn't happen and that disappoints us. I just tell my husband "ok honey, I need lots of and lots of praise now please"...lol

jahjah1223
04-10-2009, 02:57 PM
My husband does the same thing! haha

I just stopped sharing with him and now he compliments me on my weight loss and how good i look on his own.

Callie1983
05-19-2009, 12:31 PM
Just wanted to give an update on my husband... Praise God he is being SO wonderful!
For the past week, we have started getting up early to jog/walk before we get ready for work 3-4 times a week. I LOVE it... he usually works til 7 or 8 at night, so its really great to spend some quality time with him during daylight hours and while I'm not trying to cook supper etc. We get to talk without the distraction of tv, phone calls, our dogs, etc. And, he is enjoying it too!
Last Saturday night, we went to the mall... I kind of wanted to find something new to wear for a commercial we're shooting at my job. We just browsed for a while and then we were walking past Ann Taylor Loft and I said, hey lets go in there, they have some cute professional stuff...
So I started looking and found some cute pants... well, I've been in a 14 for a long time, and I figured I needed a 12...well the pair of pants I liked (and that were on sale) they only had a 14 or a 10... the sales lady said they ran a little big in the hips and talked me in to trying them on... my husband was sitting on the bench outside of the dressing room... i tried those pants on first and low and behold THEY FIT!!! I immediately opened the door and squeeled to him the 10 FITS!!!! He just looked so proud of me... I tried on the size Medium top and OMG it fit TOO! I pranced around looking in the 3-way mirror and said, look, my butt looks so cute and he said yeah, it does, you look like you did when I first met you (AWWWW - I was actually 30 lbs lighter then than I am now, but it was still SUPER sweet!) He ended up buying me two pairs of pants (both of them 10's) and three tops... which was the FIRST time he'd ever bought me more than one little thing on such a random occasion.
I'm just SO proud and excited that he has been so supportive lately. It makes it so much easier and gives me even more motivation!
So, if your hubby is like mine was at first, I guess I'm just writing this to let you know there's still hope! :carrot::D:carrot:

losermom
05-19-2009, 12:55 PM
Callie, I'm so happy for you! Both for your weight loss and your hubby. My DH and I are doing the c25k program and it is nice to spend some one on one time with him--when I'm not huffing and puffing...

evieistrying09
05-19-2009, 07:24 PM
Happy that your husband got over himself!!! (you know what I mean!) I'm glad that you are OFFICIALLY a size 10!! How I wish I was there right now! :) Congratulations, and thank god for 3FC, eh? :)

mizmizzy
05-19-2009, 07:25 PM
Congratulations! 20 lbs is awesome!! :D I'm sorry to hear your husband couldnt have been more happy for you but like some of the other girls said, I think its just a guy thing, my bf is that way about some stuff, ya think they'll act one way (excited in your case) and than just be like "Oh yeah well thats good..." UGH lol I think men are just that way...only us women understand. Or maybe a guy who's lost weight. lol.

Callie1983
05-20-2009, 11:12 AM
Yes, Evie - Thang God for 3FC! It keeps me motivated. You can get there just keep up the pace. Unfortunatly its not an over-night thing... Oh how I wish we could just snap our fingers and it all be gone!

Thighs Be Gone
05-20-2009, 11:32 AM
Awesome news Callie! :) Awesome news.

Mrs Snark
05-20-2009, 01:28 PM
Congratulations, I bet you look just beautiful in your new clothes! And I'm glad your hubbie has started working out with you, that is great!

michelle0630
05-20-2009, 08:46 PM
I just read this whole thread and I'm so happy you posted the update...it turned into such a happy story! Loved the cute scene in the dressing room! Congratulations, that must have felt really great. I can't wait to go shopping for some new, smaller clothes soon!

Mahina Lani
05-22-2009, 10:05 AM
OMG WAY TO GO WITH 20lbs!!!
:carrot:
Seriously, that and getting into a 10, you must be on cloud nine right now!!

And it's awesome that you and hubby are getting to spend time and exercise together - what a great ending to this story!