Weight Loss Support - Very Frustrated

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04-08-2009, 02:07 PM
This is probably going to be a long-winded post. I am sorry up front.

I have been battling obesity since I was 12 years old. I reached the 200s in high school. I am now over 300 pounds. I am scared. I feel defeated and overwhelmed. I have good intentions, but the issue is I never follow through, can't remain committed, and feel like I have 0 will power.

The worst part is I have an obese husband. He was obese when I met him. I try to encourage him to do something about his weight, but I am unsuccessful. It's hard having a mate who shares my predicament but will do nothing about it. I need a partner, and he's like temptation because he is unwilling to put in a committed effort.

I am trying to go at it alone, but I am having a problem with consistency and will power. I feel depressed. Honestly, today, I just feel like I don't want any more. When I had the flu once, I lost 12 pounds in a week because all I ate was 1/2 cup of soup and drank water each day. It's not healthy, but eating fast food all the time isn't either.

On top of it all, I battle with IBS and it makes eating certain foods difficult. When I do try to eat healthy, I feel hungry, punchy, and I never feel satisfied. This is even when eat fiber laden foods.. However, it's hard for me to eat fibrous things because my gut is so sensitive.

I am stressed out because I work full time, and I got to school part time.

I really don't know what to do. I am overwhelmed, and I am feeling very hopeless. :?:

04-08-2009, 02:24 PM
I am so very sorry that you feel this way. I don't have IBS, but I do have other stomach issues that can be difficult to deal with when changing your life. There's not a thing you can do about your hubby, but there is something you can do about you. You may just have to do research on what you can eat with your condition and start off slowly, perhaps increasing your water intake. I'm not sure what to tell you, I know others on this forum have probably dealt with this and will help out. Good luck and hugs to you!

04-08-2009, 02:30 PM
I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. Life can be like that sometimes, can't it? But you're not hopeless because you've found 3FC.

There is so much good information here and some of it will be perfect for you. Don't worry about your husband. When he sees you getting healthier, he'll rethink things.

You don't have to do anything as drastic as soup and water. Twelve pounds in one week just isn't right anyway :)

You know the foods that suit your system, now try to pare back the amounts. Think twice about sugar and fats. And go for a walk each day. You will be surprised how these simple things will get you off to a great start.

BTW ... I think there's even an IBS thread here.

04-08-2009, 02:32 PM
My suggestion is to try going to see a nutritionist since you have some problems with certain foods.

It's hard having a husband who isn't supportive- but I think right now you have to just worry about yourself and not him and hope he jumps on the bandwagon when he sees your progress.

First I'd stop buying all the junkfood you like- once you finish it- it's over. Then next step cut out eating out. Plan and make good dinners, pack lunch for work, don't bring money that will make you temped to grab more food, etc. Your husband most likely will just eat whatever you make for dinner, so that should be a plus, you can cook healthy and large enough portions to satisfy him and yourself :)

Now working full time and going to school with part time is tough and I can relate. I work full time and take an analytical chem class that takes like 20 hours of my week up. But for me even if I get 2-3 days of a workout in, I'm happy. EVEN if it's only 15 minutes- to me it's better than nothing.

Take walks or get a treadmill at home (I found one on craigslist for $100 that works perfectly). I had joined a gym but hated spending time driving there and so on.

The biggest thing is to make changes one at a time and try to not overwhelm yourself and that should make the changes STICK. I cook dinner every night now except the nights I'm at school. Every weekend I pick what I will make for the week and base my grocery list on that. I choose snacks that are low fat and low cal like laughing cow cheese and reduced fat wheat thins, apples and oranges and other fruits, and so on. If I want a sweet I eat a skinny cow fudge bar that's only 50 calories. And so on.

You have to find what works for you is the best advice I can give you. If you think low carbs will work best for you, then do that, if you find at the moment the best exercise you can do is take a walk for half an hour 3x a week, then do that, as you lose weight and progress in your lifestyle changes you can add more.

As for your husband again he might get better as he sees how much better you are feeling and doing. And maybe if you talk to him about it again tell him it's about health- you aren't asking him to turn into Brad Pitt by the end of the year- but for both of your piece of mind to lose enough weight to be healthy- if he's over 300 lbs as well that's not healthy :(

04-08-2009, 02:33 PM
Being over 300lbs is not fun. I've been there, and I was so depressed and had no idea where to start. The best advice I can give you is to start small. When you eat a meal, drink water instead of soda, start exercising just a few minutes 5-6 days a week. This is what I did for the first month, until I had a plan. I chose calorie counting. Planning was also important to me in the beginning. I knew what I was going to eat and when I was going to eat it until it became second nature.

I know that there are many people here with IBS who could give you some tips on foods you could be eating, as well. It is not hopeless!

04-08-2009, 02:34 PM
I am sorry you are struggling. I always thought I had a problem with food, it turned out I only had a problem with certain foods. Eliminating/greatly reducing sugar/white carbs/processed foods was a MIRACLE for me. I went from feeling like a no will power loser with no control over food to...well, feeling normal.

I thought I loved those foods, I thought I NEEDED those foods to be happy, I thought my life would be miserable without those foods.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I didn't know I was in prison, until I set myself free.

There is definitely a middle ground between soup and water and fast food.

Good luck.

04-08-2009, 02:42 PM
On top of it all, I battle with IBS and it makes eating certain foods difficult. When I do try to eat healthy, I feel hungry, punchy, and I never feel satisfied. This is even when eat fiber laden foods.. However, it's hard for me to eat fibrous things because my gut is so sensitive.

You sound a LOT like my before I started.

I was very discouraged.

I'd decide to lose weight, and I'd buy a bunch of health foods. I'd eat Kashi cereal, supposedly very healthy, and I'd get sick as a dog with diarrhea. I'd try soy milk, no help. I'd try salads, no help. I'd eat plain, old-fashioned oatmeal, and the result was HORRIBLE.

I thought I was doomed to be fat forever.

If I ate unhealthily (fast food, etc.), sometimes I was OK with digestion, sometimes I wasn't. It never made sense.

One time I got so sick, after eating spaghetti squash(?), I thought I had food poisoning from the tomatoes. But all tests came back negative.

And eventually I saw a new doctor, and casually mentioned my aunt cannot eat gluten (wheat, rye, barley or oats).

A LOT of people are misdiagnosed IBS when they actually cannot eat gluten. And gluten intolerance is also tied to weight loss OR weight gain, a little known fact. There aren't really very good tests for diagnosing gluten intolerance, either. For example, my blood test came back positive, but my brother's did not, and he knows from experience what happens if he eats gluten. Unfortunately, most gluten-intolerant people cannot eat dairy as well. Some are able to have dairy after being gluten-free for 6 or 12 months.

Give it a thought. Check out the book "Breaking the Vicious Cycle" for more info, and also the "Paleo Diet."

Curiously enough, giving up all grains has finally made me acne vanish after trying EVERYTHING under the sun, from creams to Proactiv. I also used to binge frequently, and now I cannot remember the last time I binged.

If you want more info, PM me.

Edited to add: Also, for me, if I eat *any* gluten, whether on accident or times in the past when I wasn't so careful, it becomes something I crave with no abandon. And no matter how much I ate, I never felt full. It is initially SO HARD to get off gluten. The cravings are very, very intense for the first 4-7 days. But after that, it gets easier.

04-08-2009, 03:36 PM
i think all the advice here has been great and i would like to echo the whole Start Slowly sentiment. for me, i always felt like i couldn't do it and then would feel depressed and like a failure because i was thinking too long range and making too drastic a change at once. for most people, it isn't realistic to completely overhaul everything about your existence just cuz you woke up one day with a great idea. i think heather's suggestions sound great!
make gradual and doable changes at first, like cutting out soda and fast food or just taking every opportunity to move a little bit more than you normally do. for example, instead of looking for the closest parking spot, park waaaay over in the corner. and then take a short walk most days of the week. maybe you could do it with your husband if you can find the time during daylight hours.
sometimes i'll just walk laps around the apartment while i'm folding laundry just to get some extra movement in. the key is just to keep moving as much as you can and slowly eliminate the worst things in your diet and replace them with other things.
start small and try not to get impatient or discouraged. you can do this!!

04-08-2009, 03:44 PM
i should also mention that i too suffer from some disturbing, ahem, digestive issues as well as pcos.
i am seeing a nutritionist on monday afternoon to try and help me sort this all out. if i gain any great insights, i'll try to remember to come back here and share.

04-08-2009, 04:00 PM
My husband and I are both obese and have health problems that are aggravated by the obesity. I also have IBS, so I know the frustration that brings, especially when some of the triggers are the lowest calorie foods.

I've dieted when my husband wasn't interested, and I've dieted "with" my husband, and I can say they both are difficult. I assumed that trying to lose weight together would help us both - and it didn't exactly work out that way.
We're still able to use the other as an excuse. In fact, it's almost easier, because when only I was losing weight, I knew that I needed to exercise and diet for me - but when we're both dieting, when one of us has an urge to "just this once," not exercise or eat something we shouldn't - we do that together too - it's like having twice the temptations my own AND his.

Ultimately, that's just an excuse too. When I'm dieting alone, my excuses are that my husband and the foods he wants are too big a temptation. When we're dieting together, my excuses are that I get discouraged because he's losing faster, or because he's not motivated enough and that's demotivating me, he's not pushing me enough, or he's pushing me too much.... excuses are just that.

We have different trigger foods, and different foods that we find helpful or would like out of the house (and some of my trigger foods are his sanity savers and vice versa) and different styles of weight loss- and we bump heads more than we work together. I think it just shows that the journey to health and weight loss is ultimately a solitary one. It can help to have someone "on board" with you, and on the other hand, it may not.

04-10-2009, 10:02 AM
Thanks everyone for your kind words, sharing your experiences and advice. I will definitely be giving it some thought.