Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - people and why i don't like being around them

I'm so avoiding people at work. Every time I walk into the office I have to listen to twenty minutes of..."Hey skinny! Look at her! How much weight have you lost? Are you still running, how far do you run? I've started walking." etc. etc.

It was flattering the first time. Now, I really just want to get my mail and coffee and use the fax machine and go back to work. Please don't do this every freakin' day. Do NOT ask again how much weight I've lost. I told you I don't weigh myself which we both know is a lie. I'm lying to you for a reason. Don't make me explain my reason to you like you are an idiot because its going to make us both feel bad and we have to work together.

Every...single...freaking conversation anyone wants to have with me is about fitness. Thats not hyperbole either.
Someone please tell me how long I have to maintain before this stops? Like a year maybe? Hopefully a little less?

I'll tell ya, this is the best motivation to not regain the weight. If I have to have one more totally inane conversation about my weight, I'm going to claw my own eyes out.

Totally agree (from the Last Time I lost weight). Compliment me once, thankyou so much, but then leave it! It became the #1 subject every time; every time I was ill (migraine, virus, bad back) it was always the fault of having lost weight; every time I ate at (calorie-budgeted) cake, candy or cookie, it was a major topic for regret that now I'd be bound to have spoiled things.

I know it's better than shouting hey lardas s, every time someone sees you; and I'm still weighting for someone to notice my loss; but enough is enough! :D

Oh gosh I know what you mean! I'm so glad when I get around people that don't know me sometimes :) At least their conversations are normal & not all about weight loss/exercise. Neither do I point out my WL to them.

I have told my family and friends to not feel obligated to try and talk to me about my looks/WL/exercise, etc. I won't be insulted or anything if they treat me normally.

I do love compliments....I just think sometimes people think they have to mention it every time they see you so your feelings won't get hurt.

I agree but now I feel guilty.I have been trying to lose weight for so long and several girls at work have lost this year.I supose I have been very annoying to them as I have frequently commented on their weight loss and asked them for advice.Thanks for bringing this to my attention.

Someone wrote a thread a couple of weeks ago about the stages of people noticing your weight loss. I think you may be in the "enough, already" stage.

The last stage is it's so old hat no one thinks about it.

I hear ya. After I'd lost a significant amount and was approaching normal size, I remember telling my mother that when I was home for Christmas I did NOT want the relatives talking about my loss. Not that I wasn't proud of what I'd accomplished, and not that they were anything but happy for me, but it just made me uncomfortable to be the topic of conversation in that way by that time.

I don't know that there's a cure other than time. I will say that asking how much someone weighs or has lost, or what size they wear, is a rude personal question. I know people think they are being friendly and congratulatory, but it's just rude. You could try the Miss Manners approach -- look a little shocked, and say in a soft voice, "Why would you ask such a personal question?" Or, something that's a little more general that would cover a lot of commments/questions is, "Ya know, I'm a little uncomfortable talking about that, it's rather personal. I know you understand."

Nods, yes it can be entirely frustrating. I am told I am now an inspiration to others.(kinda neat if I tuck my b*tch away) Further I have become almost- I am not joking- iconic as it pertains to weight loss.
When I got to my it's enough stage in terms of "OMG! You keep getting smaller" I laugh and say I've been the same weight for 8 months. Then we all agree we don't see each other often enough....

But of all the annoyances in the world, I'll take this one in exchange for many others ;)

You. Go. Girl. :)

the last straw for me was when I met my parents for dinner at Applebee's with friends of theirs from church that I'd never met and my parents introduced me as "Jessica, Our Younger daughter. She just lost 60 pounds!"

I realized I never wanted to hear anything about my MIRACULOUS WEIGHT LOSS ever again.

LOL. Now no one mentions it. Except people are always telling me THEIR weightloss stories--like, of course, this will be important to you--YOU KNOW what it is like.

I did move to another state three years ago and for a long time I enjoyed relative anonymity regarding weight loss. Now, when it comes out, people say "No, not you. I don't believe it." I shrug. I mean, what am I going to do? I actually had to show someone my passport photo so she would be convinced.

The worst was when my dad emailed a "before" photo to my soon-to-be fiance. Just a friendly FYI from the man who doesn't want you dating his baby. She used to resemble a beached whale!! My family obviously has issues.

the last straw for me was when I met my parents for dinner at Applebee's with friends of theirs from church that I'd never met and my parents introduced me as "Jessica, Our Younger daughter. She just lost 60 pounds!"



OMG. I would just about DIE if this happened to me. Seriously. This is terrible. My husband does some variation of this. Anytime we go anywhere and see anyone he says "look how much weight she has lost!" right off the bat.

I want to smack him so bad.

I passed through that phase. It was OK at first, then got kind of embarrassing, like the other person knew she was just repeating herself but couldn't stop herself. It took a little while, but now I tend to get no comments from some people who used to gush every time they saw me. And *that* took a little (not much!) getting used to also. I think sometimes you just have to ride the phase out.

I was at a party with some of my fellow grad students when my labmate lifted his beer in the air and toasted my new figure. Granted, he was slightly intoxicated, but damn... how embarrassing.

I can totally relate to this. I have a nutty neighbor with a high pitch cackling voice that shouts across the yard "Hey Skinny". UGH UGH UGH! First, I am not skinny, secondly why didn't you shout "Hey Fat ***" when I was heavier!

Grrrrrr

Bookmark this post and re-visit it 6 months after you reach your goal.

It seems to be all or nothing. I got tired of it too. But, now - I hardly ever hear comments and - sometimes - every once in a while - I actually miss them ;)

i dont know what it is about weight loss that makes people feel like manners go out the window and they can say whatever they want. i had someone i used to work with actually tell me that she heard i didnt eat anything! and she tried to argue the point with me, like she actually watches me eat everyday or something. would anyone in their right mind say, 'hey you eat everything in sight dont ya!' heck no. but for some reason, telling someone they have to be eating nothing works. *sigh*

although, the only person who actually complements me is my mother. who is also a hair stylist, and actuallly introduced me to one of her clients by saying 'this is my daughter N. she has recently lost so much weight she looks like she lost a person on either side!" and then went on to tell me that my husband must be so happy! my response was 'J loves me Ma not my weight, no matter how big or small i am' her response? ' yes well men are VISUAL creatures, so he MUST be much happier now.' thanks ma...

Give it time and they'll get used to the new you. Since they don't see all the hard work you go through, to them it's like an amazing, magically transformation. Of course, they will talk about it. You can do what I did and take the opportunity to spread nutritional zealotry! :carrot:

I found I really liked talking about nutrition and most people became more interested in what I eat than how much weight I'd lost. So the conversations went from being annoying to enjoyable. Heck, I even converted some over to my way of thinking! :devil: Now after so many years and since I eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours :ink:, I really only get "Hey watcha eatin today?" or "WHAT kind of shake is THAT?" and not "WOW, still keeping the weight off."

Mark

I like talking to people about what i eat, too. BUT, I don't like it when someone pretends to be really interested and seems like they want to lose weight, take my advice, etc....and then they keep coming back with the same questions and excuses, etc. I have to admit I am not patient with people like that--it is a weakness of mine.

It's just that I don't have time, especially at work, to listen to the same people complain over and over that they are fat and that they just wish I'd share my "secret" etc....after I've already told them twenty-two times what I did. Sometimes I have to say, I think things like "my secret is that I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore." I don't say things like that, but i wish i could. It sounds so empty and unfair to say "it'll happen when you are ready" just like people used to say to me when I was single and looking for true love. But people who lost a lot of weight understand when i say--I was ready to change this time--I really wanted to be different. People who are failing hate hearing that because they think they really do want to change, and get upset that I might be implying that they just aren't trying hard enough, or don't really want it that bad.

That said, I love having the opportunity to share something new with someone when they see that I lost weight. I wanted to go to my 10 year high school reunion just so they could see that I've gotten better with age--and I think I would have had a blast being a nutritional zealot! I know I would have gotten a ton of questions--and you never know when someone who really might benefit from hearing your story might be listening in. Plus, you know...it would be a nice moment for me. Like...all the people who mocked me and avoided me in high school would have been shocked. But I digress....

It's just that I don't have time, especially at work, to listen to the same people complain over and over that they are fat and that they just wish I'd share my "secret" etc....after I've already told them twenty-two times what I did. Sometimes I have to say, I think things like "my secret is that I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore." I don't say things like that, but i wish i could. It sounds so empty and unfair to say "it'll happen when you are ready" just like people used to say to me when I was single and looking for true love. But people who lost a lot of weight understand when i say--I was ready to change this time--I really wanted to be different. People who are failing hate hearing that because they think they really do want to change, and get upset that I might be implying that they just aren't trying hard enough, or don't really want it that bad.

When asked "what's your secret?", I say "there is no secret." This gets a chuckle now since the movie Kung Fu Panda came out. I think everyone knows losing and maintaining any weight loss is hard work. It's just the "shortcut" seeker in us that wants a secret, super-easy way. Hey, that's what drives the billion dollar diet industry, no? You are right, tho. Until they realize there is no secret other than wanting it more than anything else, they'll continue to look for excuses and shortcuts. I know because I did the same thing.

I LOVE THIS THREAD! it was one of the reasons I gained my weight back, I couldn't handle all the attention, now that I have moved several states away, I do not have the scrutinized, comments every time I stepped out of the house. no one knows me, and by the time, I finally get established, my weight will be considerably lower.( I hope)

I can so relate to this thread. I kind of feel like this will never go away. I weighed between 180-200 from the time I was 15 until I was 23. My weight has fluctuated between 150 and 175 since then. When I moved away, i weighed 155. When i visited a year later, people commented that i was so thin even though i weighed 170. I think people always remember you at your heaviest or the way you were when they first met you. I recently got back down to 154 and everyone goes on and on about it. I'm so tired of it all. It makes me want to disappear into a hole.

I have a colleague who almost halfed herself (and also had a tummy tuck as well as skin removed on legs and arms) and I wonder whether she ever gets sick of hearing all those compliments.

It`s probably easier with new friends who never knew you fat. There will take you as you are, skinny, and don`t question you about it.

I can so relate too...

Fortunately, as I get closer to the 1 year maintenance mark the compliments (especially from co-workers) are almost nil as they are getting used to the leaner me.

Also, sometimes I wonder if some of them are watching & waiting for me to gain the weight back because they haven’t been able to maintain weight loss for an extended period of time. It’s okay because it gives me more motivation to show them that maintenance is possible.

I get similar comments (and questions) at work, except they come mostly from our big boss - she's an old Japanese lady who has a love for sweets, chocolates, strawberry shortcake, sushi, and deep fried foods (shrimp, porkchops etc.).

Every time she asks me "how do you do it" I have to smile and repeat the same things: EXERCISE and HEALTHY DIET.

hehe.. no complaining around here :<

i love this thread! i laughed out loud quite a few times! and i can definatley relate.... when i lost weight the first time (from 220lb to 137lb) through out the entire process of losing weight my family would compliment me! so for about two years every time i saw my family (grandma, aunts, and uncles) i would get the "hey skinny!" "omg are you still losing weight?!" but then my grandma would tell me about how fat i was and that she wanted me to lose weight... like thanks grandma! but then i gained 30lbs so now im fat again! ugh! I meet my boyfriend after i lost the weight but he still is always telling people how much weight i had lost and i know he is really proud of me but it makes me self consious i eventually told him that i dont like people knowing i lost weight and that i am currently dieting again! but now that im fat again i miss the compliments from my family! my boyfriend loves my body and is always telling me im beautiful and sexy but im not happy with my body. im excited to be skinny again!

Hi there!
Don't forget that although weight loss is a PRIVATE journey, it is also a very PUBLIC journey. If you start out large and get small, people are going to notice and are going to either:
1. not say ANYTHING. In which case, I've seen posts about "why has no one remarked about my weight loss?"
or
2. comment that you've lost weight : In which case, I've seen posts about "why won't people shut UP about it!!!"
:lol:
I think people are genuinely interested, want to recognize your efforts, but alot just don't know HOW to say it. After all, no one wants to be accused of being 'sizist' or making inappropriate remarks -- there is no "handbook" on what to do! So people just blurt things out...
The really interesting thing I've noticed is that I hear alot of
"Wow, I need to lose weight. And I've tried blah blah blah and I CAN'T do it because of blah blah blah" as if they are, well, apologizing for or rationalizing away their own weight loss issues. As if it matters to ME!!!
We'll see how long it will take for the comments to die down...until then, a simple "Thank you" and "I did it through hard work and exercise" and "It took FOREVER" seems to do the trick. And I don't say that I want to lose MORE, because that opens the door to "Why?" "You're too skinny" and so on that puts me back on the defensive about my choices. And I so DON'T want to go there...:)
Kira

I love this thread! It also made me laugh. :D

I am only 3 months into my weight loss and I LOVE the comments. I hope they never go away (though, it seems, they will).

I always find it funny when folks say, "Are you losing weight? I noticed before, but I didn't want to say anything". That always confused me, but now I see why they are apprehensive. LOL!

I have a co-worker who has taken to saying, "Hi Skinny!" to me...it makes me laugh and it makes me feel great.

I wonder when/if I'll get sick of it all... I tend to be easily annoyed so I am kinda surprised this hasn't bothered me yet. LOL!

I agree once in awhile great but hearing it every day like come on! This is stressful enough now you want me to explain every detail of my dieting to you and for what? So you can listen and not do it yourself or so you can just annoy me. I stopped talking about my weight loss only because 1 if I have a pop or something I hear that's not healthy for you, why are you eatting it. Because I can now F-off.