30-Somethings - Finally got the husband to say yes to dieting/healther lifestyle

frustrated mom
04-04-2009, 11:50 AM
I finally got my husband to agree to try to lose weight with me. So, wish us the best of luck. We have friends that have been not eating more than 100 carbs a day, and they keep wanting us to go on the same thing. Well, it is all going to be on my shoulders with making sure what we need is in the house, and then checking on my husband to see what he is eating when I'm not. I hope this works. We both did the Atkins diet together 10 yrs ago, after our 1st child was born, and it worked then, but then we both just went back to our old eating habits.

04-04-2009, 11:58 AM
:) Having your spouse travel the journey with you is wonderful! It really helps!

I think the key to your whole post is your last sentence. Whatever you do, make this a lifestyle change. Pick a plan that you can do for the rest of your life. You already know the consequences of "dieting".

If this plan fits your lifestyle- great! Otherwise, keep shopping for a plan (reading here on 3FC is a great way to do that). The important thing is that it is a plan that YOU can stick to.

You CAN do this!!! I look forward to reading of your progress!

04-04-2009, 01:22 PM
Why is it on your shoulders to make sure the hubby is eating what he's supposed to be when you're not?

I understand wanting to do the "healthy lifestyle" together, but I think it might be frustrating for both of you if you set yourself up as the one to make sure you both succeed. Just a thought.

frustrated mom
04-04-2009, 05:20 PM
It is on my shoulders because otherwise it doesn't work for him- he doesn't take the first steps. That is just his personality. He is a man, and wants someone to do all of the planning, shopping, and cooking. I know it sounds awful, but maybe wants he gets use to what he can eat and can't it will be easier on me. If he were to plan, shop and cook- he would buy whatever looked good to him, and he would cook whatever he was use to and what he grew up eating. He does help shop and cook, but he just doesn't buy or cook the right things. I will have to teach him. Wish me luck! The only other option is for him to stay overweight.

04-04-2009, 07:41 PM
:crossed: Glad he's on board!

Thighs Be Gone
04-04-2009, 07:45 PM
I understand the man bit but take care of YOU first. I myself am not responsible for my husband and I don't want to be. I do shop, plan and cook, etc. but if he goes and does whatever it is on HIM--on his blood pressure, on his cholesterol, on his waistline and on his own time.

I am glad he is on board with you. He is very blessed to have someone that is going to help him with this.

04-04-2009, 11:42 PM
I gotta second the thought that you canNOT be responsible for what he eats. I mean, you can not buy junk food, but if he goes and grabs McDonald's, then ...

In any case, even if *he* does not fall off the bandwagon, that doesn't mean that *you* can't keep going and losing weight for yourself. Perhaps after he sees the success you are having, he will be motivated, too.

04-05-2009, 12:26 AM
Frustrated mom-I have been in you shoes.A couple of years back I "helped" my spouse lose weight.He wanted nothing to do with going to ww meetings, journaling or shoping.I have always done the shoping, I like it that way.He would eat what I told him.I would calculate his allowed points.It was pretty fun.He would call me during the day from a business meeting and ask me what to order.It was fun and actually made us closer.He certainly ate things off plan but that was his choice.In the long run he lost weight and learned how to be healthy.He does it on his own now.So I think there is nothing wrong with what you are doing.Good luck. Another thing, he began walking with the dogs and I at night.

WVU Jenn
04-05-2009, 01:48 PM
Great for you that you husband is on board.....my husband is a type 1 diabetic and has nevert ate healthy.....when i told him I was going to have to diet earlier in our relationship it was like feeding a toddler brussel sprouts....it just was an extra obstacle I didnt need. This time around i simply told him, "I am going to be eating healthier, I will let you know whats for dinner, and if you dont want to eat it you might want to have something else on hand" So sometimes he eats it with me but most times its ramen noodles and hot dogs or ravioli out of a can...:shrug:
On a lighter note at least his options dont tempt me, why would i want that for dinner? LOL

04-05-2009, 08:55 PM
Frustrated Mom-

I wish you the best of luck. I'm kind of in the same situation that you're in. My husband could stand to easily lose 100 lbs and I would like to lose the last 30 lbs. I think the best thing to is to say this is what we're going to do, and make sure you follow through with it and have food there for everyone to eat that follows the plan. I have found many times of trying to diet that I stop because my husband wasn't having any success with it. This time, though, I know that I want it. I want to look good and it's ME that I need to hold accountable. I hope and pray that in time my hubby will do the same thing. I'm currently in nursing school and some of the stuff we're learning right now is really hitting home with heart disease and preventative health. Sometimes when I told to DH about it, he gets really defensive about it-which makes me sad.

I know you'll do well-I know there are others out there that have dealt with the same thing and have success stories to tell. You will as well. :hug:

04-06-2009, 09:46 AM
I'm in the same boat. My spouse needs to lose 80-100 lbs. too. He is absolutely not interested. He's both proud and a little insecure about my weight loss but so far that hasn't transformed into a desire for action on his part. You are doing great if you've gotten him to honestly agree to work on it.

I don't know when my spouse will be ready to do it. I got a family gym pass and he's gone 2-3 times and resists any efforts to go over with me. I TRY not to push it because I know we all have to do it in our own time.

So, all I can do is cut back how much crap he can get at home. I try to make a decent, healthy dinner at night. He can eat it or not. It's hard- his Mom was a professional cook and showed love through food. I'm very worried about my hubs health but, again, it all rests on him. If he were willing to exercise and eat a decent lunch, I'd do exactly what you are doing. I'd do as much of the work as I could if he were but willing to commit himself to working on it. Maybe someday....

Best of luck to you both which is dumb to say because luck really isn't involved.

04-06-2009, 11:01 AM
I am definitely in the same boat as you. I blogged about it last week.


My hubby could really stand to lose 80-100 lbs. He has all the classic signs of weight-related illnesses. It took at while, but I finally got him on board.

04-06-2009, 11:12 AM
Glad he's on board with you. But as someone else already said you have to take care of YOU first. I hope that he listens to you and that you get closer from this. I also have a hubby who is not on board. He could stand to lose 50 lbs or so but has no desire. He says he doesn't want me to lose a lot of weight and be " a bag of bones". It makes it tough. Just this past year he has finally "gotten" into his thick skull that I want to do this for me and he stopped sabatoging me with fast food and junk food. He will eat what I cook and if he is still hungry then HE makes something for himself. We are closer now than we have been in a long time and I think it's because we are communicating and letting the other know how we feel.

04-06-2009, 02:11 PM
Congratulations! I've been trying to get my parents to get healthier with me but they just won't hear it. They think I'm just some free spirited hippie because I eat right, exercise, recycle, and love animals. It's so much more than wanting someone to work out with, I just want them to get their health in order.

Anyway, You must be so excited to have your hubby by your side for support and now BOTH of you will be healthy and set a good example for the kids! If he falls off, you just keep going. Good luck!

04-06-2009, 05:31 PM
Congratulations! I've been trying to get my parents to get healthier with me but they just won't hear it. They think I'm just some free spirited hippie because I eat right, exercise, recycle, and love animals.

haha.. that's funny..

It's great to have the husband on board.. beware though, they tend to lose weight faster than us, my husband has lost 25lbs. and I'm stuck at 19lbs. I'm so happy he is doing this for himself and he's been a huge help for me.. but I do get jealous sometimes. You have to remind yourself that this isn't a competition.

frustrated mom
04-07-2009, 11:24 PM
Things are going good. We started our calorie counting on Sunday of this week, so we are on day #3. We were going to count carbs, but after reading about which lifestyle change is better, I decided to pick counting calories. My husband is doing 2,000, and I'm doing 1,200.We have a little dry erase board on the fridge that we record everything every day. He is even helping a little more than I expected. We went to Subway the other day and had to ask what had what calories before we ordered. It is great doing this with him, so I pray that we both stay at it.

04-08-2009, 10:16 AM
Subway has great NI available online. I printed it out and have it in a folder with all the other NI's I have managed to collect. Try that next time before you go and you won't have to ask for the NI.

Have you thought about trying a calorie counting website? I find it very helpful. I use myfitnesspal but there are other's Fit Day, The Daily Plate, Spark people.

I am so happy that you got your husband on board! And I can't wait to hear of your guys' success at this. I know you can do it!

04-08-2009, 10:36 AM
I do agree with the other post in that you are not responsibile for your husband, nor should anyone be. But it is nice to have support in the same household and not the temptations of seeing someone else eating all the foods you are trying to keep away from.

Good luck with your journey

04-11-2009, 11:42 PM
I am so glad that your husband is supportive of you and wanting to lose some weight too.

My fiance could definitely stand to lose some weight although I think for him he just needs to cut back on the beer and it would melt off.

I kind of took the stand recently in my home that as I am the one cooking the meals then I am the one to decide what we have. If it were up to my fiance it would be potato bake and steak every night but if it were totally up to me we would have grilled salmon and salad. So I compromised and when I have salmon, I grill him a steak and instead of him having peas and beans, I steam him some potatoes. When the kids are here, they have what I have.

Needless to say like most other women, I put his wants before mine and had way too many steaks and pastas based on his wants rather than doing what I wanted to.

I realised a while ago that I need to fix myself before helping someone fix their own problems - or for that matter not even getting myself involved in other peoples problems. I needed to realise that not every problem needs my help. That has been my issue for so long that I put myself last while focusing on other people. I know once he sees me losing weight that he will cut back on the beer and really try too.

Don't forget about you and what you need - especially if he is less than excited at this change of lifestyle at times.

04-14-2009, 03:53 PM
I have the opposite problem. My husband is 39 and in the best shape of his life. And that is saying something, since he's NEVER been overweight ("no, honey, gaining 10 lbs in college doesn't count as being fat!"). So he has no idea the struggle I go through. He is a stay-at-home-dad and used to cook a lot, but I'd come home everyday to meat loaf and mashed potatoes or hamburgers and french fries (which he can eat because he runs 3-5 miles a day). Finally I had to say "enough" and now I come home from work and have to cook a well balanced meal.

I will say though that he met me overweight (about a size 16), married me overweight, and has never been negative towards me as I've ballooned after having our sons 2 yrs ago. He just supports me and says "honey, I just want you to be healthy."

04-18-2009, 10:28 PM
I am glad he's on board with you. It's nice to have someone to change with. :)