Weight Loss Support - Is it okay to not care occasionally or is that like self-sabatoge?

04-02-2009, 03:45 PM
My mom had an award dinner last night for being a top producer for her work (She's a travel agent). Well, I was invited to go and we went to this very nice very expensive restaurant. They brought out appetizer samplers and at first I was going to not try an appetizer and only have an entree and no dessert, but then I thought forget it. I will probably never get to come here again (my meal itself with appetizers and desert was probably 150 dollars) and get this food so I might as well enjoy it. I tried 1 of each appetizer (there were 3), had my entree, and me and my mom each got a desert and shared so we could try different ones. I did not attempt to count the calories or anything. I know I probably ate thousands of calories, but I feel like that was a once in a lifetime experience and I would have felt wretched all night if I didn't get to enjoy myself. I'm back on track today and have planned a little more exercise for the week and better eating, as in healthier eating, no prepackaged stuff. Is this okay to do every great while or can this lead to self-sabotage?

04-02-2009, 03:50 PM
life happens. It includes meals out, birthdays, weddings, holidays, etc. Being healthy doesn't mean being perfect or denying ourselves decadence forever. It means balancing all aspects of our lives. The choices we make most of the time shape our health. An occasional dinner does not undo that. Get back to your plan. I hope you enjoyed the evening!

04-02-2009, 03:51 PM
I feel like you did the best that you could in that situation. I dont think that it is very practical to think that we will be able to count our calories for the every meal for the rest of our lives, yes we should be carefull what we eat and count when we can but this was a special occasion. Also its not like you went to overboard, you only had one of each appetizer I probably would have eaten the whole tray! ahahaha

04-02-2009, 03:52 PM
I think the key is the word you used in your question - OCCASIONALLY.

IMHO as long as you don't use one over-indulgence as an excuse to go totally off the rails, then the occasional "treat" can sometimes be what keeps us going. No-one enjoys self-deprivation - especially in a case like this where you may not have another opportunity to visit this restaurant.

I'm glad you had a great evening and shared a special occasion with your mum, and you have a healthy attitude towards making up for it by increasing your efforts in the following days.

I'm finding it a trial shopping at the moment with all the easter goodies in the shops, but I've promised myself a treat when my little one gets her eggs on easter Sunday, so I don't feel so deprived :)

04-02-2009, 03:53 PM
Cammie, first of all, you did not eat "thousands" of calories! No way. It sounds like you were completely sensible, and ate a very normal meal, even if it did put you over a bit on your calorie-reduced plan. It also sounds like you are being very good in getting right back on track after this meal. If you're capable (and it sounds like you are!) of planning to have a special-occasion meal every once in a while & get right back on track afterwards, that is absolutely okay! When you get into self-sabotaging is when you start to see every weekend as a "special occasion." :)

04-02-2009, 04:02 PM
I think incorporating real life situations occasionally into your healthy eating style will help you to succeed in the long run. Just don't make a habit of it. Keep it a rare occurrence, don't have a defeatist attitude and binge, don't beat yourself up about it, but just go back to eating as you know you should, which you did! I think you handled it very well!

04-02-2009, 04:11 PM
Cammie, as long as you go back to your normal routine afterward, there is no reason to worry about one dinner, especially if you stuck to reasonable sized portions. Remember that your body cares most about your overall pattern of eating and activity, not mere isolated incidents.

The occasional indulgence is actually part of my plan, and I allow myself to enjoy special outings like that with the understanding that it doesn't give me a license to continue eating that way after the event is over. When I go to a nice restaurant, I get what I want (including drinks and dessert) without worrying about the calories, though I make sure not to eat and drink to excess. It took me a long time to learn to stick to reasonable portion sizes with treat foods, but I've found it to be an incredibly important skill!

Don't worry too much about the dinner, just keep on keepin' on :)

04-02-2009, 04:16 PM
I really think that one of the biggest enemies of permanent weight loss is the perfection myth. The idea that the weight loss plan should be done perfectly or not at all (Even though most of us know on a conscious level that this isn't true, we still may feel guilt and a nagging suspicion that it is when we deviate, even slightly from our plan).

I've fallen off so many diets because I thought that even the smallest of deviations from my plan was not only a mistake, but an indication that I couldn't succeed. I KNEW it wasn't true, but I still felt like a failure over even smallest deviations from plan. I had to learn to re-interpret those feelings. It's hard, because our culture tells us that if we're "dieting," we're supposed to feel guilty (sometimes REALLY guilty) if we aren't perfect in executing our plans.

04-02-2009, 04:21 PM
Did you enjoy the dinner? I think you did. Great. I am glad you had a chance to sample such good food. Throw your guilt out the window. You don't want to live your life eating only carefully portioned cottage cheese and oatmeal.

Lori Bell
04-02-2009, 04:25 PM
I've eaten at a few high end restaurants before and they are not like some of the local dives I used to favor. The food isn't fried and piled high and dripping in grease. The ones I have been to I was actually quite disappointed how "small" a $70 entree was. At one place I was served a tiny strip of veal (probably 3 oz) 4 asparagus spears, some kind of baby pearl potatoes (a few oz max) and a few sprigs of greens with some limey juice squirted on. I figured my entree was about 15 cents a calorie...vs the local dive at 15 cents per 500 calories...lol Life is a wonderful ride. You have to take time to enjoy the finer things in life, just make sure when you do, it needs to be WELL worth it, and only on truly special occasions! You did good, don't feel defeated.

04-02-2009, 04:27 PM
I agree with jacqui - you have to live your life - remember it's not prison, it's a complete lifestyle change and food is part of life.

04-02-2009, 04:30 PM
i think it's ok "once in a great while" the next few days eat real clean an well, excersize a little more, and you will have those calories worked off in a jiffy. Sounds like you had a great time!

04-02-2009, 05:21 PM
Sounds to me like you picked the perfect opportunity to indulge in a splurge.

I mean, it wasn't like it was some greasy all you can eat buffet. But a fine and elegant restaurant in which your mom was being honored. Opportunities like that don't come around very often.

04-02-2009, 05:33 PM
Sounds like you handled it well, and I agree it doesn't sound like 1000s of calories. Since it was once in a blue moon opportunity, no big deal.

I think it's good to discuss when should we splurge and when should we hold back. Since doing it too often is not a good idea. Do we splurge on holidays, when we are eating as a guest at someone else's home? When is it being rude not eating everything given to us?

04-02-2009, 05:39 PM
It just depends on you, and how you handle it. Some people can go totally wild every so often and get right back on plan the next day, and continue for months without deviating. Others fall entirely off the wagon...the whole "I screwed up...I'll try again another time" mentality.

I'm not sure what side I fall on, so I just stick to the plan.

04-02-2009, 06:00 PM
Sounds like you handled it well.

I remember someone on one of the boards talking about someone they knew who followed their plan PERFECTLY while losing weight but then when they got to goal and had a few treats they didn't know how to handle it and gained it all back. So learning how to deal with special situations and not let them derail you is really part of the journey we are on.

04-02-2009, 10:35 PM
I try not to get too hung up on it, while trying to stay on plan most of the time. I've been pretty darn good the past couple of weeks, but this weekend I am going to visit my son at University (Mom's Weekend, woo hoo!!!) and for one of the nights we are going to have lasagna dinner with all of his friends and their moms. I am not going to sit and pick at a salad, but I am also not going to eat three portions of lasanga! So I imagine that I will be off plan, but that doesn't mean I'll go hog-wild for every meal.

Easter is coming up in a week or so, and my mom makes the best ham gravy ever. So yeah, there will be some gravy goin' on for Windchime! But for the week leading up to Easter, I will be very, very conscious about staying on plan. That's how I try to balance it out. I lose slower than many people here, but I also get gravy occasionally. :)

04-03-2009, 12:19 AM
I think you made a great decision to enjoy the very special dinner! My philosophy is that I want to stay on plan at all times, and that my plan is going to include regular "treats" that are counted and worked around just like everything else. It's very liberating, and I think it's going to be a heck of a lot more maintainable than treating treats as things that are Wrong. In the last 3 months that I've been On Plan, I've eaten french fries, ice cream, cookies, brownies, restaurant mac and cheese... and I drink beer several times a week! I count them, I exercise regularly to make up for them (and I know I'm not overestimating my exercise calories), and so I celebrate them when I have them. I've been known to IM a friend and tell her I just had a chocolate chip cookie, yay! :D

Of course, the rest of the time I'm eating very simple, low-cal food, but it doesn't bother me at all since I know I still get to have "fun" stuff on a regular basis. :)

04-03-2009, 01:35 AM
Sounds like you did the right thing :) Enjoy that event and then get back on track (*if you even needed to :)).

04-03-2009, 10:01 AM
You handled it well IMHO, actually that was probably THE kind of circumstance when not following a diet plan was worth it: a nice restaurant with delicious, delicate food in honour of your mother. And as you said it, you may very well never eat in that place again; so might as well enjoy it, which it seems to me you did very sensibly.

(I guess it wouldn't be the same thing if it was the greasy-food joint next door with deep-fried junk and other 'foods' that aren't even great to start with, used as an excuse to overeat "just because".)

As long as it doesn't happen every two days and that you 'fall back on your feet' afterwards, things will balance out quickly.

In the meantime, I darn hope you've enjoyed that good food! :) (Hey, I'm French, of course good food will always be a great thing in my eyes! :D)

04-03-2009, 10:07 AM
Cammieb- I think you did awesome! You didn't count calories for one meal out lDK 50! I am in awe of you because you WERE ABLE to let you guard down and just enjoy yourself (something I have not accomplished yet). The best thing was that you revised your weekly plan and now you are hitting the gym. WTG missy!!!

04-03-2009, 03:38 PM
Wow, thanks for all the great support. I really did enjoy the food and I am indeed back on track with my exercise and eating. I figure adding 15 minutes to my 3 HILT sessions this week ought to blast away those extra calories, or so I hope.

CakeBatter - Don't worry, it'll come. It took me a very long while to be able to enjoy myself with food. The last couple months, when we would go to restaurants, I would order a small salad, eat the cucumbers and tomatoes, and then just shuffle around the rest for an hour and say I was full. Not a pleasant way of life. Eventually, I think we start feeling confident enough in ourselves to relax around food every once in a while.

04-03-2009, 03:52 PM
I don't count Holidays, birthdays and a few other special occasions into my calories. That doesn't mean I eat everything in sight on those days it just means that I eat like a normal person and enjoy myself like everyone else at said event.

I have eaten like that for the past 15 months and am down 190 pounds for my efforts :) I would say as long as its not the norm, meaning a special occasion every week and if you are in the right mind set that its just one day that its mostly harmless. when one of these occasions comes up for me I try and do more cardio that week, or eat light the next day but sabotage? nah, we all gotta live right? and special occasions DO happen, its a lifestyle change not a diet, a diet says that you cannot have the occasional treat or large meal a lifestyle change says that you can.

As Ever

04-03-2009, 04:16 PM
Cammieb, in the future, you'll know you have less to fear from such places than from the corner diner. Whenever we eat out in Manhattan, I've observed that, the better the restaurant, the easier it is to eat healthily. The higher-end places are used to serving people who have their health & appearance on their minds & who are also somewhat spoiled about having things cooked exactly to their specifications. I mean, who's eating there, usually? Actresses, models, socialites & etc. Higher-income women are definitely some of the strictest dieters around. The reverse is true as well, at least in the city: The cheaper the restaurant, the harder it is for me to order well.