When your diet is working and your friend's is not
A friend and I have both decided to lose weight. I want to lost 50 - 60 pounds. She has a little more to lose. Anyway, I was so excited today because I have lost my first 10 pounds and 1 inch off of my waist.
My friend is not doing as well and was not happy at all for me. I know how it feels when others are losing weight and you are not. But how do I rejoice in my success without making her feel bad?
My friend thinks it is "OK" to cheat every now and then. I do not. She thinks it is OK to go to a buffet every few weeks. I refuse to eat out at any restaurant until I have at least 20 pounds off. And even then it will be where I can order off the menu. I write down every calorie that does in my mouth. She is not taking her commitment to her diet seriously and I can not change that other than by example. I am hoping she will see that she could start losing weight also if she got really focused on what she is eating.
Have any of you ever felt like you had to keep your successful dieting celebrations a secret from others who are not as successful?
I don't think you should keep your success and excitement to yourself. You have done a very good job and it's ok to pat yourself on the back. As for your friend, she is a bit jealous. I don't know you and I'm a bit jealous of you myself. Keep doing what you are doing and try to get her to join you. When she decides to go to the buffet....invite her over instead. You can't be there all of the time so she is going to have to be accountable for her own actions. Be there for her and be a good friend. If she is a good friend, she'll be happy for you.
Don't let her attitude ruin your fun . . You are losing weight, and you found something that WORKS for you! You SHOULD celebrate and be happy about it, I know I was after my first 10lbs.
I am also losing weight with my boyfriend and he has lost 17 pounds and I have only lost 8...i am sooo jealous...but I do try to remind myself that I am doing this at my own pace.
I would be very aware that she could be trying to sabotage you and just stay positive. Maybe you will rub off on her?
It is hard, and, being the kind person you are, I know you won't rub it in with that particular friend; but don't you dare feel guilty and don't you dare feel you have to hide your joy! You've done so well!
The weight loss process can be very different for different people people. It's possible that she will succeed - but maybe not at the pace or in the way that you have in mind for her. She doesn't have to follow in your footsteps to succeed. And mixed feelings are natural.
I've dieted for more than 3 decades, and always felt I had to be "perfect" on any diet plan - and if I failed to be perfect, I felt guilty and saw it as proof that I couldn't succeed, and eventually feel "what's the use," and quit. Not, because I wasn't succeeding, but because I saw every slip as failure, and every stall in the weight loss (even if I had been perfect) as proof that I couldn't succeed (because my expectations and defiiniton of success were unrealistic for my life).
So, now I do think it's ok to cheat once in a while (except I do not call it cheating, I call it living a normal life), and I do go to buffets every few weeks (the buffet has become one of the best places I can eat on plan, rather than the worst - mostly because salad bars are becoming an endangered species everywhere else - and yes salad bars can be a dieters worst enemy - or best friend, and so can buffets).
I've lost very slowly, so slowly many people would criticise and even have contempt for my brand of success. And yet, for as dreadfully slow as I'm choosing to lose (The speed of past ultimately unsuccessful attempts where 20 or 30 times faster, but never lasting more than 8 months).
I've been on a downard trend for more than 3 years. Only in the last year have I found what I feel is the recipe for my success, but regardless - going more than 3 years without a significant regain is miraculous to me. I may be losing slowly, but I also KNOW that I've found a path that is doable for life. I don't fear regain, because I know it isn't possible as long as I continue to do this the way I've found works for me.
I would be offended if a friend of mine criticized me for not losing weight HER way, or told me I was not serious about my weight loss because I had chosen a slower path than she did. I would caution that from your OP, it's very obvious that you think your friend is doing this "wrong" and that judgement is likely to come across. Just because she may be in a different place and need to travel a different path than you have, that doesn't make her way less legitimate or serious.
You have a right to be proud of your success, but she will see your success, you don't have to brag about it to her. You rejoice in your success by feeling it on the inside and telling it to people who will appreciate it. You have the right to share your success with your friend (if you really decide you want to, regardless of how she feels about it), and she has a right not to appreciate it (especially if you choose to give unsolicited advice). It isn't really extremely different than if you shared your joy of becoming pregnant to a friend who recently lost her child. Is it appropriate for you to share news that will hurt a friend? You have to decide that for yourself, but discretion isn't a bad idea. You can always temper the news of your joys, with the knowledge of how it might affect others. Just as you would when sharing news of a new job to a friend who has been unemployed for months, or any other situation in which your joy could remind a friend of what they do not have.
I think there's a culture of judgement where weight loss is concerned. Only rapid, rigid and regimented weight loss is seen as legitimate, and anyone who needs to take a slower path for physical or psychological reasons (or just because they want to) is judged as not being "serious" about their weight loss. I would ask that you consider the possibility that your friend is exactly where she needs to be right now, and will find her own way, whether that turns out to be in your footsteps or not.
Perhaps your friend had good intentions when she decided she wanted to lose weight, but maybe she wasn't fully mentally ready. If she were, she'd probably be taking it more seriously, and while I am not someone who believes in a highly regimented weight loss program or severe diet, I do think anyone who really wants to lose weight has to get serious about it. Has she lost any weight at all? If and when she does, be positive and show her you're happy for her, even if she has not been happy for you. And definitely celebrate your successes!! You can come on here and we'll certainly be happy for you!! Maybe your friend is just not ready yet, and perhaps your success makes her feel guilty because, deep down, she knows she's not committed and she should be. The reason I say that is because I am surprised she's not happy for your success. People here lose weight faster than me, but I know that I am doing what I need to do, and I am always genuinely thrilled for them! Absolutely thrilled! They motivate me! But whatever her issue is, it's not your issue. As for you, GREAT job on losing 10 lbs!!! Woohoo!! Way to go!!
When your diet is working and your friend's is not
