Weight Loss Support - So very frustrated, but I know itís my own fault!




PinkyPie
03-31-2009, 02:29 PM
I am really at a total loss here. I WANT to lose weight, Iím practically obsessed with my weight, with wanting to do the right thing, yet there are a few fundamental things I somehow subconsciously refuse to do.

For one thing, Iím following Weight Watchers (well, ďfollowingí is obviously a term used loosely) Ė in fact I am a lifetime member, who once lost almost 70 lbs and kept it off for nearly 3 years. I pretty much know what to do, but I am NOT doing it! If/when I follow the program, I do it 100% and I stay within points, if not saving anything from 1 Ė 4 points (more than 4, since WW doesnít advise to save more than 4 per day, to be sure we eat enough). If/when I am following the program, I have no problem writing/ tracking what Iíve had that day. I weigh and measure my food. I choose healthier options and I pass up chocolate/cake/ candy, etc. I should note (for those of you who havenít heard my same sob story again and again) that I have gained all the weight back during a very bad period of my life and have since not been able to get back to that place I was at when I was successful. Weíre talking 4 years now. 4 years that I have been just pissing about!

But these ďgoodĒ days are few and far between ( - as Iím writing this on the train home Iím watching a guy devour and entire box of chocolate snack cakes and a package of cookies; how does this happen to me??). In 7 days time I might have 2 to 3 ďgoodĒ days. I know, I know Ė I should celebrate the little achievementsÖ even these little achievements I canít celebrate anymore! Iím so sick and tired of myself! But I just donít know HOW to stop this nonsense that Iím putting myself through!

You know, I donít even know if I want advice or tips Ė you know what I really want? A friend! Someone I can share this with who understands and who will literally kick me in the pants when I donít stick to the program. I donít have anyone really. I go to meetings and this evening I almost actually cried at the meeting Ė it all seems so irrelevant to me what is being talked about! I want to talk about real issues, problems and challenges and come up with solutions, but so far it all feels a waste of time! My husband supports me in the general sense of the word, but there are times that he ďtreatsĒ me with food or wants to take me out to lunch or dinner and I am WEAK! I have no real friends (itís a LONG story and has a lot to do with the bad period of my life), I lose 4 hours a day every day going to and from work (no, moving or getting another job is not an option right now), I already get up between 4.30 Ė 5.00 every morning just to prepare my food for the day (no, preparing at night is not an option; I get home earliest at 7pm, then I still need to cook and clean up most nights Ė after that I need to relax a bit before going to bed at 10pm). Iím still totally stumped as to when Iím ever supposed to exercise (yes, I could go out at lunch now for a walk, but my lunch is the ONE break I normally take now to have a little bit of lighthearted fun with a few nice colleagues).

As Iím rambling I realize once again that yes, Iím full of excuses. And I know all too well that the ONLY person who can do this or solve this for me is me. I am on the brink of just giving up Ė I mean really, if Iím not gaining weight, thatís something right? I donít HAVE to be 150 lbs to be a happy/good/ pretty person, right? I wish I could convince myself sometimes of this, but ultimately I am miserable like this Ė it affects everything; my self-esteem, the way I feel about myself with my husband, the way I look at myself, etc. Ultimately I have no idea what I hope to achieve by posting this Ė I guess I just need to get it out so that I donít explode.

If youíve read all this, thanks. And sorry for the broken record for those of you who have heard this all before from me.


meowee
03-31-2009, 02:34 PM
Here's what you really, really need right now . . . :hug: . . . Lots of friends around here to cheer you on, Chickie, but I don't think any of us have found that magic button yet that makes everything work all of the time. Bottom line, you just have to keep plugging away and hopefully you get to the point where the good days outnumber the not so good days.

chicadee76
03-31-2009, 02:47 PM
I know how you how you feel about the starting and stopping. I have friends, but I don't have any that are supportive of my weight loss desires. My husband who is just as obese as me, won't change his ways. It's hard to deal with him eating what he wants and me curtailing myself. Very Frustrating. However, we can't give up, we all want to the best we can be and as healthy as possible.


Lessofmaur
03-31-2009, 03:20 PM
Velveteen, I could have written the same exact post you just wrote many, many times. And, I totally get it and I get you. I get where you are right now. I've been there more times than I care to count. Just know, I am here for you along with a lot of others on these boards. I have only a moment right now before I have to go pick up my son, but I am going to come back here later and add more. Hang in there!

teawithsunshine
03-31-2009, 05:07 PM
Are you able to make your meals at one time of the day, and perhaps do an exercise dvd another part of the day?

It's hard! Believe me, I know! Everyone here knows! But if you really want to lose weight, you'll figure out how to incorporate an exercise routine that's good for your schedule! :)

The best piece of advice I ever got was ironically from the biggest loser tv show: "If I could find time to sit and watch 3 hours of tv every evening after a long day at work, then I can surely use some of that time to exercise instead."

You can do it! :)

~ tea

sprklemajik
03-31-2009, 05:12 PM
Maybe for now, you could just work on getting your eating habits under control. Start switching foods for healthier options and get your 3 good days a week to 6 or 7? Exercise is very important, and I enjoy it very much. But even if you can't get it in doesn't mean you can't be living healthfully and loosing.

rachinma
03-31-2009, 05:27 PM
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Packing food the night before should be totally doable for you. If you're cooking anyway, you can pack your food while you're preparing/cooking (during the "inactive" prep time) or when you pack away leftovers, pack your lunch. The extra sleep time in the morning will doyou good and will make your mornings much less hectic. Also, lack of sleep has been shown to affect weight loss in a negative way. We overeat when we're tired...

Can you pack a few days at a time and just pluck one container out of the fridge each morning?

Also, can you change WW groups? It seems like you really need support. Perhaps you can get that in-person support from another group, if one is avail in your area...

Otherwise, we're always here. ;)

ravenousblue
03-31-2009, 05:28 PM
I feel for your girl and you have my support. Sometimes the good days are overshadowed by the bad. I have learned to let myself have the treats but not let it set off a punishment mode where I go on a sort of binge and have a bunch more bad days and gain five pounds. If your heart and mind is really into the weightloss concept, I have found hypnosis to be a wonderful tool that helps me stay on track. Message me privately if you would like to know more about my Hypno experience. I will say I was 285 and hypno helped me down to 185.. I had some bad years in between and got back up to 240 in a little over 5 years. I SHOULD have nipped my relapse in the bud and went back for more therapy but I didn't. I got myself down to 230 and have had more therapy and have weighed in today at 214. It is a daily process and alot of work but we can root each other on and get where we all want to be. Even small workouts in your week can help. Jillian Michaels has 20 minute workouts.. maybe you can fit 20 minutes in a couple of work days and then do more on your weekends..

fatmad
03-31-2009, 05:37 PM
I am with you for sure. My husband doesn't have to try to be skinny. If eat like him, I would be even fatter.
And I find it hard to stick to plan or even near plan on a regular basis.
I love my job, no other is possible for me, but at times I have long hours too and being tired really makes it hard to stick to plan, especially since eating a high carb with fat meal just before bed helps me sleep better during the day when I need to do that.
And your commute; I can see why you have challenges. I have some major life stressors right now with my father in hospital, almost died last week, and my mother with dementia. With your work schedule, any little thing could easily tip you out of balance.
Feel free to come and vent anytime.
I will hug you :hug: or kick your butt :kickbutt:anytime you like, if you will do the same for me.
good luck and keep posting.

unwanted37lbs
04-01-2009, 01:08 AM
starting and stopping probably means its not your lifestyle yet. Being on a diat (trying to loose weight) shouldnt be a just that - you probably need to have a habit of LIVING this way - not thinking its your plan or goal or anything... stop thinking about it and start living healthy. You had your 3 years that you practiced healthy living and kept your 70lbs off. My poing is that choosing food and portions should be a second nature to you by now :) if it is not then you need to learn to have this habbit :)

As for me my habbit now is that when i eat i choose smallest bowl in the kitchn for my meal portions. That makes me eat less. Dont forget that it takes good 20 mins for your brain to "know" that you are not hungry anymore. Also a habbit of eating slow. Also eat often,,, meal/snack/meal/snack/meal/snack to boost your metabolism :) Also a huge habbit to have DAILY excersice. I set 4pm for gym. My kids love it too (gym daycare). So once it is your life style you wont even think about going back to your old habbits :)

PinkyPie
04-01-2009, 01:50 AM
Here's what you really, really need right now . . . :hug: . . . Lots of friends around here to cheer you on, Chickie, but I don't think any of us have found that magic button yet that makes everything work all of the time. Bottom line, you just have to keep plugging away and hopefully you get to the point where the good days outnumber the not so good days.

thank you so much for the hug. I did actually really need that. and you are right. I just have to keep going.

I know how you how you feel about the starting and stopping. I have friends, but I don't have any that are supportive of my weight loss desires. My husband who is just as obese as me, won't change his ways. It's hard to deal with him eating what he wants and me curtailing myself. Very Frustrating. However, we can't give up, we all want to the best we can be and as healthy as possible.

thanks. I have a friend that I go to WW with, but she's in a very similar situation as me - we both live quite far away from work, we both work too much and we both have issues with stress. We work at the same place and let me tell you there is no shortage of temptations. Yesterday alone there were two birthdays in my department (2 cakes, ice cream) and we had samples in our store for coffee tastings (I work at Starbucks european roasting plant). There is literally something every day in our face to deal with. Sometimes it's ok, but sometimes temptation is just too much - when I'm stressed is the hardest moment to stay away from this stuff (I know I don't *have* to stay away from it, but it's obviously not helping me). My husband had gained a bit of weight since we quit smoking 3 months ago but he is by no means overweight! And he doesn't purposely eat whatever he wants in front of me; it's more that if we are out, he'll want to treat me to lunch or take me to dinner and that's what I find quite challenging.

Velveteen, I could have written the same exact post you just wrote many, many times. And, I totally get it and I get you. I get where you are right now. I've been there more times than I care to count. Just know, I am here for you along with a lot of others on these boards. I have only a moment right now before I have to go pick up my son, but I am going to come back here later and add more. Hang in there!

thank you so much. I'm really glad someone can relate!

Are you able to make your meals at one time of the day, and perhaps do an exercise dvd another part of the day?

It's hard! Believe me, I know! Everyone here knows! But if you really want to lose weight, you'll figure out how to incorporate an exercise routine that's good for your schedule! :)

The best piece of advice I ever got was ironically from the biggest loser tv show: "If I could find time to sit and watch 3 hours of tv every evening after a long day at work, then I can surely use some of that time to exercise instead."

You can do it! :)

~ tea

I have actually tried several different ways to prepare my food for during the day. I've done it in the evening, I've done it for a few days at a time (which I can do now, but until Christmas I only had a small dorm-sized refrigerator for the last 4 years!) and that works ok, but I usually have to vary what I eat after two days - I am a true foodie and eating the same thing every day makes me crazy!

As it is, I get up around 5 in the morning, sometimes earlier, if I am preparing my food in the morning. I have to leave my house at 6.30 to get to work before 9am. Since the new year I've been working my normal hours instead of so much overtime (this has helped my stress levels and I tend to stress-eat less), but still, if I leave at 5pm, I am not home until 7pm. I do not watch a lot of television, maybe 2 hours max a week! I just don't have time for it! I normally record stuff I want to watch and then watch it at some point in the weekend. Admittedly I could use the weekend to be more active, use my time to plan, do proper grocery shopping, maybe even cook things to take with me to work during the week. I am just normally so exhausted after the work week, that I don't do this.

I have also tried exercise videos but I don't like them in general and I also don't have a lot of room to do it in (sounds like an excuse - and I guess it is, but I literally live in a shoebox - less than 1000sq ft.). I do have an elliptical; I need to talk to my husband again about cooking while I go on the elliptical - we did this before and it worked out ok, I just have to educate him a bit more on WW cooking.

teawithsunshine
04-01-2009, 01:56 AM
If preparing meals is exhausting... can your husband help out? Or could you consider a delivery-meal system that you see advertised on tv?

Or have your husband help out with food preparation during the weekend for the entire following week.

I'm sorry to sound tough here, but if you really want to lose weight you're going to reevaluate/reschedule how your day goes to get some exercise time in :(

Is there a gym near your workplace you can go exercise after work? Then all you'd have to do is just go home afterward and crash for the evening :)

Hang in there!

~ tea

PinkyPie
04-01-2009, 03:58 AM
Maybe for now, you could just work on getting your eating habits under control. Start switching foods for healthier options and get your 3 good days a week to 6 or 7? Exercise is very important, and I enjoy it very much. But even if you can't get it in doesn't mean you can't be living healthfully and loosing.

I am definitely trying for the eating habits first. I have actually just pretty much maintained my weight (not gaining is a sign that I’m doing something right, though I could obviously do better) because I do eat rather healthily on a regular basis. I love fruits and veg so that’s never an issue with me. I don’t normally buy junk so I don’t have the temptations at home. The problem when I am stressed and there is chocolate around (for example, like at work), if I start, I won’t stop. Same with going out for a drink – I don’t have just “one” beer or “one” glass of wine. I’m not saying I go out and get ripped, but with some things, moderation is harder than with othes.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Packing food the night before should be totally doable for you. If you're cooking anyway, you can pack your food while you're preparing/cooking (during the "inactive" prep time) or when you pack away leftovers, pack your lunch. The extra sleep time in the morning will do you good and will make your mornings much less hectic. Also, lack of sleep has been shown to affect weight loss in a negative way. We overeat when we're tired...

Can you pack a few days at a time and just pluck one container out of the fridge each morning?

Also, can you change WW groups? It seems like you really need support. Perhaps you can get that in-person support from another group, if one is avail in your area...

Otherwise, we're always here. ;)

Thanks for your support. I can try again to do it in the evenings, but again (here comes the excuse), I find it quite difficult to prepare the night before. I have a tiny kitchen with hardly any space at all. Cooking one meal already takes up the entire space that I have. I could already think about what I want to prepare for the next day while I’m on the train home. (This bugs me a bit, because, I feel like I’m constantly thinking about food; what/when/how I’m going to eat, it’s constant, and annoying.)

And I have heard that about sleep, which is truly why I’m trying to go home on time, eat before 8pm, relax a bit and go to bed on time.

I have changed WW groups several times; the problem with living so far away from work is that by the time I get home, I’m late for the local WW meeting. If I go in Amsterdam (where I work) there are only a couple of meetings that are easy to get to in the evenings. I love the leader, it’s just there are a few people there who seem to think they are in a private conversation with her at times, making it hard for anyone to get anything out of the meeting. I don’t always stay; yesterday I felt I really NEEDED to stay and then it was totally irrelevant. The cultural difference alone (I am American, but live in the Netherlands the last 15 years – while I am acclimated and integrated I still am not Dutch and I do not eat culturally like the Dutch!) makes it challenging.

I feel for your girl and you have my support. Sometimes the good days are overshadowed by the bad. I have learned to let myself have the treats but not let it set off a punishment mode where I go on a sort of binge and have a bunch more bad days and gain five pounds. If your heart and mind is really into the weight loss concept, I have found hypnosis to be a wonderful tool that helps me stay on track. Message me privately if you would like to know more about my Hypno experience. I will say I was 285 and hypno helped me down to 185. I had some bad years in between and got back up to 240 in a little over 5 years. I SHOULD have nipped my relapse in the bud and went back for more therapy but I didn't. I got myself down to 230 and have had more therapy and have weighed in today at 214. It is a daily process and a lot of work but we can root each other on and get where we all want to be. Even small workouts in your week can help. Jillian Michaels has 20 minute workouts. Maybe you can fit 20 minutes in a couple of work days and then do more on your weekends.

I have thought about hypnosis before. And I know myself well enough that I just shouldn’t start on treats because 1) when I feel good I don’t even crave them and 2) if I feel bad I won’t stop. I don’t normally punish myself but I don’t feel great afterwards either. I don’t really have binges. I do want to find time to exercise and you all are helping my thinking process in this, so thank you!

I am with you for sure. My husband doesn't have to try to be skinny. If eat like him, I would be even fatter.
And I find it hard to stick to plan or even near plan on a regular basis.
I love my job, no other is possible for me, but at times I have long hours too and being tired really makes it hard to stick to plan, especially since eating a high carb with fat meal just before bed helps me sleep better during the day when I need to do that.
And your commute; I can see why you have challenges. I have some major life stressors right now with my father in hospital, almost died last week, and my mother with dementia. With your work schedule, any little thing could easily tip you out of balance.
Feel free to come and vent anytime.
I will hug you :hug: or kick your butt :kickbutt:anytime you like, if you will do the same for me.
good luck and keep posting.

thanks so much for your response. I’m sorry to hear about the stressors and challenges you have too! I would appreciate the support and gladly give some back.

starting and stopping probably means its not your lifestyle yet. Being on a diet (trying to lose weight) shouldn’t be a just that - you probably need to have a habit of LIVING this way - not thinking its your plan or goal or anything... stop thinking about it and start living healthy. You had your 3 years that you practiced healthy living and kept your 70lbs off. My point is that choosing food and portions should be a second nature to you by now :) if it is not then you need to learn to have this habit :)

As for me my habit now is that when i eat i choose smallest bowl in the kitchen for my meal portions. That makes me eat less. Don’t forget that it takes good 20 mins for your brain to "know" that you are not hungry anymore. Also a habit of eating slow. Also eat often…meal/snack/meal/snack/meal/snack to boost your metabolism :) Also a huge habit to have DAILY exercise. I set 4pm for gym. My kids love it too (gym daycare). So once it is your life style you wont even think about going back to your old habits :)

Well… really much of what I already do is something engrained in me from when I started WW in 1999 and then later became a lifetime member. Much of what I do is second nature. But I know for myself that without exercise, I will not lose weight if I am not strictly on plan. And there’s the catch 22… when to move. I don’t have a huge issue with portion sizes. I also eat often. My day starts at 5am so I normally have an apple by the time I leave (6.30) then my breakfast (a smoothie, or a sandwich), 10am I have a(nother) sandwich if I’m particularly hungry that day, or a latte with skim milk, lunch consists almost always of a salad or veggies with some source or protein, snacks around 2 or 3 of fruit/yoghurt/ cottage cheese, another apple on the way home, or carrots, or cherry tomatoes, and then dinner. So I really do eat throughout the whole day so I don’t get over hungry and then overeat. I would love to have the ability to go to the gym, but I work until 5pm.

If preparing meals is exhausting... can your husband help out? Or could you consider a delivery-meal system that you see advertised on tv?

Or have your husband help out with food preparation during the weekend for the entire following week.

I'm sorry to sound tough here, but if you really want to lose weight you're going to reevaluate/reschedule how your day goes to get some exercise time in :(

Is there a gym near your workplace you can go exercise after work? Then all you'd have to do is just go home afterward and crash for the evening :)

Hang in there!

~ tea

Yes, he can and he is more than happy to. He goes to school though and needs to work every evening on his studies so I don’t want him to have to do it every day. We need to switch off a bit though so that we both are able to do what we need/want to do. We don’t have delivery meals here in the Netherlands – I’m happy that we actually have Weight Watchers here! :lol:

I used to go to the gym after work, but I found it quite depressing to be eating my dinner on the train home and not with my husband. I went to a gym in Amsterdam, so then I thought I would go in the town that I lived, but then still wouldn’t get to eat at home. I have an elliptical, I shouldn’t be afraid to use it :)
No one is being tough – I appreciate the responses!

JayEll
04-01-2009, 07:03 AM
Velveteen :hug:

If you really want to lose weight, then one day you will figure out how to solve these problems. You're right--it starts to sound like excuses--especially to those of us who have heard ourselves say the same things in the past. I work long hours, I don't get home early, there's no time, I am weak and I can't resist X... :o

My favorite one is that you can't do exercise videos because you don't like them and your house is small. :chin:

It sounds to me like all the tools are there, but you just don't feel like using them. Have you tried any kind of counseling? Not for weight--just to help with that life situation you mentioned. Perhaps some issues there are still not resolved.

At any rate, dear Velveteen, when you really decide that you are going to do this, I imagine that the obstacles will melt away--almost the way the fog burns away leaving a clear sky. You will plan, you will count your points, and you'll find a way to fit physical activity into your day. You'll also probably wonder why you thought it was so hard. This was my own experience with my weight loss--somehow the time to exercise magically appeared once I made it a priority. Somehow the food plan fell together once I decided that anything standing in its way had to change.

You can do the same! :cheer2:

Jay

Devsmama
04-01-2009, 07:29 AM
I hope this doesn't come off as being a jerk, but when I got tired of being fat and my doctor told me I need to get it together I wasn't ready. It took the vanity of bathing suit shopping for me to change. I'm just as busy as anyone, I'm a single parent, I work full time, and my son plays on 2 different baseball teams, swims, and plays football. So trust me,I am busy as ever, but I make time to plan and do what I need to do. I don't have a husband, its just me to do all of the laundry, housework, and being a taxi cab for my son, and everything else. But, I make it work because what's the alternative, get fatter and die?

PinkyPie
04-01-2009, 08:45 AM
Velveteen :hug:

If you really want to lose weight, then one day you will figure out how to solve these problems. You're right--it starts to sound like excuses--especially to those of us who have heard ourselves say the same things in the past. I work long hours, I don't get home early, there's no time, I am weak and I can't resist X... :o

My favorite one is that you can't do exercise videos because you don't like them and your house is small. :chin:

It sounds to me like all the tools are there, but you just don't feel like using them. Have you tried any kind of counseling? Not for weight--just to help with that life situation you mentioned. Perhaps some issues there are still not resolved.

At any rate, dear Velveteen, when you really decide that you are going to do this, I imagine that the obstacles will melt away--almost the way the fog burns away leaving a clear sky. You will plan, you will count your points, and you'll find a way to fit physical activity into your day. You'll also probably wonder why you thought it was so hard. This was my own experience with my weight loss--somehow the time to exercise magically appeared once I made it a priority. Somehow the food plan fell together once I decided that anything standing in its way had to change.

You can do the same! :cheer2:

Jay

:lol: you are right. Though it is true that I donít like exercise videos at all and my apartment really is tiny. I would have to move the furniture away and I just donít enjoy exercise videos in general, so itís not something I think I could do for the long haul. I do much better with exercise I enjoy and want to do rather than exercise I donít enjoy and am forcing myself to do.

I have been through some counseling for the ďbad periodĒ. Problem is I canít really afford it right now to continue. Iím sure I could benefit from it though and am not against it at all.

Food I do much better with. Well, on those ďgoodĒ daysÖ but you are right and I know you are right; there is no arguing with it. I guess my problem is I want quality to my life. I guess I just donít want to ONLY sleep, travel, exercise, plan, count, journal, travel, sleep Ė I want to spend time with my husband, maybe go out occasionally with colleagues, read, watch a movie, etc. As it is right now, I really, honestly have very little free time. I lose 20 hours a week just with traveling to and from work. I DO make the effort to plan and prepare my food *most* days (for during the day at least). I guess I just donít see where else I am supposed to get the time from to do EVERYTHING the right way so I donít feel like itís so ďhardĒ (by the way, itís not that hard Ė I know what to doÖthis is why Iím so annoyed with myself!!!).

I hope this doesn't come off as being a jerk, but when I got tired of being fat and my doctor told me I need to get it together I wasn't ready. It took the vanity of bathing suit shopping for me to change. I'm just as busy as anyone, I'm a single parent, I work full time, and my son plays on 2 different baseball teams, swims, and plays football. So trust me,I am busy as ever, but I make time to plan and do what I need to do. I don't have a husband, its just me to do all of the laundry, housework, and being a taxi cab for my son, and everything else. But, I make it work because what's the alternative, get fatter and die?

I believe you are busy too and Iím glad you have found ways and the time to do this for yourself. And I hear you. The alternative is not a great one. So the fact that Iíve maintained for more than a year I suppose is better than gaining even more weight. That at least shows me that I have done something right. But itís not enoughÖ

I do not mean to say that I have it worse than others, but, the situation I am in really does not lend itself to this process! I do realize other people have done it and have found the time, and the motivation and they have complete lives to boot Ė Iím just not handling it all very well.

rockinrobin
04-01-2009, 09:00 AM
I guess my problem is I want quality to my life.

You're going to have to decide for yourself what indeed will give you the best chance at having that quality to your life. And if being a healthy weight will indeed provide that for you, then taking the steps to obtain that is DEFINITELY time very well spent. Your time is extremely valuable to you. Time spent dreaming and wishing and hoping and worrying and beating yourself up is not very productive. Only you can decide what is the very most important things to you. :hug:

PinkyPie
04-01-2009, 09:16 AM
Thanks Robin. You are right.

Lessofmaur
04-01-2009, 09:41 AM
Hi Velveteen, I responded yesterday and had to go but wanted to come back to see how you are doing. I am glad to see that you haven't just completely given up and are working your way through this. Like I said before, I can totally relate to how you feel. I have felt that way myself many times. You do have a unique set of challenges. My only suggestion is to continue to do what works well so you can find that balance you are searching for. Only you can determine what works best for you. I also think you should be proud of the fact you have already lost some weight and maintained it for a year. That is an accomplishment. Hang in there and if you need a diet buddy, let me know. I would be glad to help.

Hypra
04-01-2009, 09:44 AM
Venting is very therapeutic! It must be good to get it all off your chest.

For exercise, have you tried going for a 30 minute walk or job after work when you get home? I know, it *sounds* horrible. But I discovered that using a stationary bike at home for a little after work was REALLY relaxing, it helped me get out all the stress from the work day that had been building up. And working out more gave me more energy, which made me more active during the day. The first week or so of trying to push myself after a long day was rough, but then I started realizing how much better I felt. Really recommend it.

Also, don't worry about the WW meetings. My mom does WW and she stopped going to the meetings, and she felt the same way you do, that it was totally irrelevant. If the meetings help you keep it up for sure, but if you find increasingly they are a source of more stress than comfort there are always other places you can go to for support (like 3fc! woo!)

Thighs Be Gone
04-01-2009, 09:53 AM
If you really want to do this thing, you really can. For me, it meant putting my sleep, exercise and nutrition at the very top of my list. Nothing and no one comes before me taking care of myself. I have been down that road before (of taking care of everything and everyone but me) and ended up being run over! I do not find that journaling my calories is that time consuming nor is my meal preparation/planning. The most beautiful thing I have found is balance in my life--something I was sorely lacking and was vastly contributing to my obesity.

JayEll
04-01-2009, 11:12 AM
I guess my problem is I want quality to my life. I guess I just donít want to ONLY sleep, travel, exercise, plan, count, journal, travel, sleep Ė I want to spend time with my husband, maybe go out occasionally with colleagues, read, watch a movie, etc.

Good grief, you make it sound awful! If my weight-loss life had been like that, I'd still be obese.

While losing weight I spent time with my partner, went out with friends, read, watched movies, etc. I took vacations and ate at very fine restaurants while on my weight loss plan. And, I'm self-employed and tend to overwork. Long hours and no weekends are part of the territory sometimes. But STILL...

So please don't engage in that all-or-nothing thinking, my friend!

You've told us what you can't do. Now tell us what you CAN do! Even if it's nothing more than drink more water, walk up and down the stairs twice a day...

Jay

unwanted37lbs
04-01-2009, 01:05 PM
your food contains sugar (natural or added) those things make you hungry. I have looked into a lot of diets and the best tip i got is to have no sugar whatsoever for breakfast and make it the most protein intake. That will fill you up the most and make you go for many many hours not filling hungry. I have 2 egg umlket with cheese inside, 2 canadian baken, handful of green paper. This dish makes me go for up to 3 1/2 hours not feeling hungry at all. It doesnt have added sugar but tons of protein. I also limit my friuts intake to 2 fruits a day (includes smoothies). I try to get full on veggies first then add some meal for my lunch and dinner time. Just remember - sweet things makes you hungry soon :) protein makes you go longer :) try to focus on it :)

harrismm
04-01-2009, 01:29 PM
I have 3 kids and a spouse.I cook every meal at home.I work full time, sometimes 12-15 hour shifts(nurse)I can have a healthy meal on table in less than 20 minutes every day.It really is fun and easy.

PinkyPie
04-01-2009, 01:55 PM
Hi Velveteen, I responded yesterday and had to go but wanted to come back to see how you are doing. I am glad to see that you haven't just completely given up and are working your way through this. Like I said before, I can totally relate to how you feel. I have felt that way myself many times. You do have a unique set of challenges. My only suggestion is to continue to do what works well so you can find that balance you are searching for. Only you can determine what works best for you. I also think you should be proud of the fact you have already lost some weight and maintained it for a year. That is an accomplishment. Hang in there and if you need a diet buddy, let me know. I would be glad to help.

Thanks Less. I have officially started over again. Today. Well, last night really. After I had a good cry and pity party for one, I carried on, even though my heart wasn’t completely into it. And you are right, I *am* actually proud that I haven’t gone back to my heaviest, which was summer of 2005. I’m not much less than that, but to be honest, it’s ok. Like I said in a previous post, I am doing something right by maintaining, its just not enough.

Venting is very therapeutic! It must be good to get it all off your chest.

For exercise, have you tried going for a 30 minute walk or job after work when you get home? I know, it *sounds* horrible. But I discovered that using a stationary bike at home for a little after work was REALLY relaxing, it helped me get out all the stress from the work day that had been building up. And working out more gave me more energy, which made me more active during the day. The first week or so of trying to push myself after a long day was rough, but then I started realizing how much better I felt. Really recommend it.

Also, don't worry about the WW meetings. My mom does WW and she stopped going to the meetings, and she felt the same way you do, that it was totally irrelevant. If the meetings help you keep it up for sure, but if you find increasingly they are a source of more stress than comfort there are always other places you can go to for support (like 3fc! woo!)

I do actually feel better after venting/ posting here. I do feel like a bit of a whiner of course :lol: but we all whine from time to time, right?

I am going to talk to my husband about cooking again (dinners) so I can go on my elliptical while he’s making dinner. I was doing that a couple of months ago (watching an episode of Scrubs, which actually made exercise bearable!). I am also going to ask him to get my bicycle out of storage for me in the weekend, so I can ride my bike to and from the train station, which would give me 50 minutes exercise a day (if it’s NOT raining – Dutch rain and wind can be horrendous even for the most fit!)

If you really want to do this thing, you really can. For me, it meant putting my sleep, exercise and nutrition at the very top of my list. Nothing and no one comes before me taking care of myself. I have been down that road before (of taking care of everything and everyone but me) and ended up being run over! I do not find that journaling my calories is that time consuming nor is my meal preparation/planning. The most beautiful thing I have found is balance in my life--something I was sorely lacking and was vastly contributing to my obesity.

I have kind of done this already. I’m not working a lot of overtime anymore (maybe a couple of hours a month instead of a couple of hours every DAY), I’m doing my best to get to bed on time, of my work days, I would say 4 out of 5 are planned and prepared (sometimes I don’t eat what I brought with me – a bad stress relief habit). I do want to take care of myself AND my husband – he does a lot for me, so I feel it’s also important to respect that he can’t always cook dinner (for example). He has pressures and stress, works 40 hours a week and goes to school so, yeah, now I just have to find a way to work it all together so that I am taken care of AND he isn’t doing all the work.

Journaling didn’t used to be a problem – I’m kind of stumped as to why it’s a problem this time around… my leader wanted to see my food planner last week, but I didn’t fill it in… she said that next week she just wants to see 3 days… it’s a more than reasonable request, so I’m just going to do it (I haven’t lost any weight since going back, so she wants to see what I’m eating). She wants to help – I should let her!

Good grief, you make it sound awful! If my weight-loss life had been like that, I'd still be obese.

While losing weight I spent time with my partner, went out with friends, read, watched movies, etc. I took vacations and ate at very fine restaurants while on my weight loss plan. And, I'm self-employed and tend to overwork. Long hours and no weekends are part of the territory sometimes. But STILL...

So please don't engage in that all-or-nothing thinking, my friend!

You've told us what you can't do. Now tell us what you CAN do! Even if it's nothing more than drink more water, walk up and down the stairs twice a day...

Jay

Ugh! Again you are right! I guess I just have the FEELING that my life consists of almost nothing and my pity party starts all over again when I think of all the other people in the world who can just eat, drink and be merry and not have WEIGHT be an issue for them! I do know I need an attitude adjustment – you all are helping me with that!

What CAN I do? I can plan and prepare, I can find time to exercise, I can get enough sleep. I just have to do it one day at a time and stop worrying about the next day /week/ month. Just one day.

PinkyPie
04-01-2009, 02:09 PM
your food contains sugar (natural or added) those things make you hungry. I have looked into a lot of diets and the best tip i got is to have no sugar whatsoever for breakfast and make it the most protein intake. That will fill you up the most and make you go for many many hours not filling hungry. I have 2 egg umlket with cheese inside, 2 canadian baken, handful of green paper. This dish makes me go for up to 3 1/2 hours not feeling hungry at all. It doesnt have added sugar but tons of protein. I also limit my friuts intake to 2 fruits a day (includes smoothies). I try to get full on veggies first then add some meal for my lunch and dinner time. Just remember - sweet things makes you hungry soon :) protein makes you go longer :) try to focus on it :)

Right. I can totally appreciate what you are saying, but I want you to know, I've been at this for 10 years almost. I have tried literally every known combination of things for breakfast (for example) and it matters not one iota if I eat protein or if I eat fruit. This is why I always split up my breakfast. I make very often an egg-white omelette with veggies for breakfast, eat that on the train at 7 am and I will still be hungry by the time I arrive at work at 8.45. I am not traditional about what I eat for breakfast, i.e, I don't have to have only breakfast foods. I make sure I have protein though at every meal, if not as a snack. I am just hungry every couple of hours. Everyone is different, but I am pretty sure that on a "good" day I eat very well and very healthy. I am limited for snacks - I do not want to eat a huge amount of carbs as snacks and besides that we literally have no real snack food selection here in the Netherlands that doesn't consist of the typical fat-laden, high-calorie little value snacks (chips, crackers, etc). We just don't have a "diet food" culture here, so I go for fruit and veg as my snacks. But protein, yes, I already focus on it. :)


I have 3 kids and a spouse.I cook every meal at home.I work full time, sometimes 12-15 hour shifts(nurse)I can have a healthy meal on table in less than 20 minutes every day.It really is fun and easy.


I appreciate and admire you! There are a lot of things possible I know, but I can not do this. Like I posted before, the earliest I get home is 7pm. My husband does the shopping (grocery store is closed at 8pm), I get home and immediately start cooking so that I don't eat after 8pm or shortly thereafter. I need to go to bed between 10 - 10.30 and eating late wasn't working for me so I had to have a cut off. IF I leave work at 6, I'm not home until 8pm. So then dinner gets changed so that it's not too heavy and DH cooks. So here's where I would, for example, prepare for the next day, after eating dinner. By then it's 9.30, so no time or exercise. At this point i haven't done anything relaxing (is it wrong to want to have down time?), and I have to go to bed so that I can get up at 5 and technically exercise at this point. I have to be in the shower by 5.30 and I'm out the door at 6.30. Does it sound like I'm still whining, or does it sound valid?

I hope you guys understand I appreciate all that you are saying. Even if I sound argumentative.

Glory87
04-01-2009, 03:33 PM
<-- 3 Fat Chicks heretic

Quit trying to do everything. If exercise is stressing you out due to your crazy commute and long hours -ditch it. In my experience with my journey, eating right was at least 90% of my weight loss. Focus on food, get healthy eating a habit and then maybe later, address the exercise issue. Maybe by then, you'll live in a bigger place, have a shorter commute or maybe work for a company that has a gym onsite. Take the stairs if you can, find a healthy activity you like to do on the weekends.

Right now, you appear to be focusing on so many things you are spinning around wildly with no traction. Do what you CAN do. You are spending too much time in your head thinking, start DOING.

teawithsunshine
04-01-2009, 03:38 PM
Velveteen--

That bike idea sounds terrific! If you could even just RIDE your bike to the train every day to work or home from the train in the evenings (as spring/summer progresses it'll be lighter outside), you'll already done 50 minutes of cardio and got your exercise quota in the for the day!

Then all you'd have to do is simply go home in the evenings, and make dinner when your husband can't, and relax :) Definitely try that!!!

You already found time for yourself to exercise for 5 days a week by doing that. :) :)

~ tea

PS: also I'd highly recommend you find a cookbook that has recipes that can be prepared/done in thirty minutes or less ;) It'd help you guys out!

srmb60
04-01-2009, 03:54 PM
Velveteen ... you may actually have already popped into this thread ... http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167428 ... I didn't check but ...

I don't need to wear a bikini this Summer but I do need to make good progress. I can't seem to get my head around "it all" either. So I pick away.
Yesterday, we challenged each other to 15 minutes of extra activity. Today it was to step away from one unwise snack. Nothing very structured, nothing very time consuming and nothing very strenuous. Just one day at a time ... to make some progress by Summer. That's all.

unwanted37lbs
04-01-2009, 04:25 PM
snack doesnt have to be chips or anything like that - for me its fruit, or little bowl of veggies :) Mmmm
If you really have problem with any diet you take I would strongky advice to check with your doctor or nutritions consulten, maybe for you there is a medical anwer to it...maybe its not what you eat all together,... just a thoought.

TJFitnessDiva
04-01-2009, 04:55 PM
Maybe try not to focus too much on what you can't do & instead try to focus on what you can? I know if I think too much about the things I can't do it can get depressing!

Baby steps :)

You've done it before & I'm fairly sure you'll be able to do it again. Just sounds like you are overwhelmed & you think there is nothing else you can do....landing you in an unmotivated rut.

PinkyPie
04-05-2009, 11:16 AM
Dear Everyone
Thank you so much for allowing me to vent and whinge here. I appreciate all of the feedback, and, as much as I hate to admit it, there are definitely a lot of excuses being made that I could easily overcome if I really wanted to.

So, I'm happy to report that I am on day 5 of journaling, planning, weighing, measuring, have had two days with exercise and have stayed on program. I'm actually excited to go to Weight Watchers on Tuesday and give my leader and entire week's worth of my food journal, rather than just three days (she wants to help and said to just try for 3 days).

So THANK YOU ALL again; I hope I can give something back to you all in the near future. I'm going to do this!!!!