General chatter - Why are men 'teddy bears'




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bunny43
03-30-2009, 07:17 PM
when they are overweight, but women fall under the gross, disgusting, ugly, lazy, unworthy category?

Anyone else notice this?

Seems when it comes to plump men they are cute and cuddly.

Not so much for women. We are lard asses and fatties!

Grr....not fair!

Give me your input and insight to this topic.

thanks....gail


recidivist
03-30-2009, 07:27 PM
I am not attracted to obesity, regardless of sex. I prefer slightly underweight and non-muscular men though...I never went for the hunky body builder types. Not that the slimmer hunks with six-packs aren't attractive. I guess I just prefer a better developed muscle between the ears, and the nerdy types I find more appealing.

Leeesa
03-30-2009, 07:28 PM
Well... I think it mostly has to do with the age we live in. It's been different through the ages. In past centuries if a woman was, shall we say "rubinesque" she was considered very desirable (as evidenced by all the renaissance paintings of full-figured women), maybe we were born in the wrong century?? Seriously though I think it's really complicated, and has to do with how perceptions of ourselves has been molded by whatever media is available at the time and perhaps that media being predominantly driven by testosterone.


JulieJ08
03-30-2009, 07:31 PM
when they are overweight, but women fall under the gross, disgusting, ugly, lazy, unworthy category?

Anyone else notice this?

Seems when it comes to plump men they are cute and cuddly.

Not so much for women. We are lard asses and fatties!

Grr....not fair!

Give me your input and insight to this topic.

thanks....gail

I heard once that the people with the most body image issues are the ones dating men - whether that means heterosexual women, or homosexual men. I expect that is oversimplified, but it makes you think.

sm177
03-30-2009, 07:48 PM
Julie --that's interesting! And I do notice whenever I'm dating someone (a man) my self esteem drops and so does my body image. When there is no man in life (ie. now) I feel fantastic!

As for the topic it is annoying. I've dated somewhat overweight men, who were more overweight than I was at the time, they constantly commented on my weight but never mentioned theirs. Men may get away with it because it's easier to hide their weight, where as woman wear form fitting clothes. Plus I think men just in general get away with a lot more in life than women...

ennay
03-30-2009, 08:12 PM
I dont really notice that men and women are treated that differently about weight outside of the workplace, although I think the standards for men and women are vastly different. (i.e. chubby men and chubby women are treated about the same but the definition of chubby for a woman is much thinner than for a man) In the workplace I think it is different up to a point. I think very overweight men are treated just as badly, if not worse.

Age is another area. Men are distinguished, women"let themselves go"

Women are just overall more judged by appearance and held to a higher physical standard than men are. What that standard is changes with fashion (rubenesque vs. twiggy vs. anorexic.) In general though I think it is largely WOMEN who are the harsh critics, not men. Men in general are more along the lines of "boobs - check, butt- check, will let me see her naked - check, ok looks good"

kaebea
03-30-2009, 08:22 PM
i don't think all overweight men fall under the category 'teddy bear". he has to appear cuddly and have that sort of nice guy personality.

cuz a guy can have a beer gut and not be the cuddly sort, or they can just be morbidly obese and sloppy looking and that's a different sort of appearance.

teddy bear body types are kind of thickly built and carry the weight well.

One the other hand, there are men that like women with extra padding.
Pleasingly plump, voluptuous, curvey, BBW. there are positive words for women that are on the large side.

it all depends what someone finds attractive.

ringmaster
03-30-2009, 09:02 PM
teddy bear body types are kind of thickly built and carry the weight well.

One the other hand, there are men that like women with extra padding.
Pleasingly plump, voluptuous, curvey, BBW. there are positive words for women that are on the large side.

it all depends what someone finds attractive.


And not all bigger women will fit into the BBW category... Some women can pull off being big and sexy,.. others like myself just look big, sloppy, flabby, not sexy at all.

vixxi
03-30-2009, 09:20 PM
My boyfriend is a "teddy-bear" type and even he makes comments to me about my weight calling me his beefy baby! He's allowed to carry a little extra weight around, but me, forget about it!

CountingDown
03-30-2009, 09:21 PM
And not all bigger women will fit into the BBW category... Some women can pull off being big and sexy,.. others like myself just look big, sloppy, flabby, not sexy at all.

While I would never generalize and say that ALL bigger women fit the BBW category - I think that attitude and confidence are very important. When I think I look big and flabby and not sexy - I come off that way. When I think I look terrific - I do look terrific.

The difference is in my head, not my weight. When I feel good about myself, I take better care of myself, carry myself differently, and act differently - all of which affects how others see me.

In other words - I think that there is a BBW inside most of us - we just need to believe it ourselves - and act accordingly.

glitterducky
03-30-2009, 09:36 PM
Because in general women have always been viewed as special little creatures. Those who are like delicate flowers. Women have always been second class,and have been seen as the weeker sex. Things are changing and a lot different than they used to be, but for a long time in history women were just ehh something to look at, something to look pretty.

And because they were seen as that, well, men want something nice to look at. A tight body in the US culture is somehow more appealing than a curvy body. I also think it has to deal with body shape. Men tend to gain weight in their tummies, where as women gain weight in their hips. Big hips make the body look more off balanced. Weight in the middle look like a big squishy teddy bear.

I don't agree with it though. Those sterotypes are lame. Inner beauty is what matters.

teawithsunshine
03-30-2009, 11:53 PM
It's discrimination, basically.

flatiron
03-31-2009, 12:56 AM
Men may get away with it because it's easier to hide their weight, where as woman wear form fitting clothes. Plus I think men just in general get away with a lot more in life than women...

BULL MALARKEY! :D

flatiron
03-31-2009, 01:06 AM
when they are overweight, but women fall under the gross, disgusting, ugly, lazy, unworthy category?

Anyone else notice this?

Seems when it comes to plump men they are cute and cuddly.

Not so much for women. We are lard asses and fatties!

Give me your input and insight to this topic.



You are looking at it from a woman's point of view.

Take it from a very plump man.

I dare say NO ONE considers me cute and cuddly! :D

ennay
03-31-2009, 01:29 AM
And because they were seen as that, well, men want something nice to look at. A tight body in the US culture is somehow more appealing than a curvy body. I also think it has to deal with body shape. Men tend to gain weight in their tummies, where as women gain weight in their hips. Big hips make the body look more off balanced. Weight in the middle look like a big squishy teddy bear.

I don't agree with it though. Those sterotypes are lame. Inner beauty is what matters.

I still dont think it is MEN who are making these unreasonable demands on our appearance. Sorry, men are not nearly as judgmental as women. And I doubt seriously that apple women are considered cute and squishy more than pear women.

jellydisney
03-31-2009, 08:16 AM
In general though I think it is largely WOMEN who are the harsh critics, not men. Men in general are more along the lines of "boobs - check, butt- check, will let me see her naked - check, ok looks good"

LOL - ITA with ennay. Women perpetuate these stereotypes much worse than men. My bf, and most of the men I know, have much higher tolerances for chubbiness than we women do. Women are the worst critics of other women and of themselves, and I hate to say it, but we bring it upon ourselves. If we acted as a team more often, instead of being in a constant state of competition with each other, we might be able to change this. But until that day... :no:

yoyoma
03-31-2009, 08:58 AM
I agree with ennay in that if you tend to be apple shaped, you have to be thin (more pencil shaped) to look good by almost anyone's standards. Women with curvy hips, bottoms, and tops all have their fans, but not tummies (alas!). Those Rubinesque women had their fat deposits in all the right places.

So maybe today's standards for thin women derive partly from the high-stress lifestyles many women lead today, which tends to deposit fat more in the middle.

tinycities
03-31-2009, 10:06 AM
LOL - ITA with ennay. Women perpetuate these stereotypes much worse than men. My bf, and most of the men I know, have much higher tolerances for chubbiness than we women do. Women are the worst critics of other women and of themselves, and I hate to say it, but we bring it upon ourselves. If we acted as a team more often, instead of being in a constant state of competition with each other, we might be able to change this. But until that day... :no:

I completely agree.

Who calls men "teddy bears"? Do men call each other "teddy bears" when they are overweight? I don't think so. It's clearly the women who give them this affectionate fat person nickname.

I don't think it's at all fair to blame men for the fact that some women choose to call them more affectionate names when they are overweight, when those same women may be more unkind to a fellow female of large size. Men aren't "teddy bears" because of some unfair slight being forced upon women, men are called that because some (not all) women choose to be more sympathetic towards a fat man than a fat woman. In this specific situation here, if any discrimination does exist, I'd hazard a guess that it's being created by women.

Operator265
03-31-2009, 11:30 AM
Women with curvy hops, bottoms, and tops all have their fans, but not tummies (alas!). Those Rubinesque women had their fat deposits in all the right places.

Biological Science bears this one out. Whatever the size, women having a 30% smaller curve to the waist(Hour Glass Figure) is a fertility marker that is read by the brain without conscious effort. Doesn't matter the overall size, so long as the waist is smaller.


Women are the worst critics of other women and of themselves, and I hate to say it, but we bring it upon ourselves. If we acted as a team more often, instead of being in a constant state of competition with each other, we might be able to change this. But until that day... :no:

And Social Science bears this one out. White men have held the power for so long through their social groups, ie. The Stone Masons, The Elks Club, Skull and Bones, etc. African-Americans were finally able to rise in strength through social clubs such as Jack and Jill. These groups support each other as individuals and as a group.

Women are finally catching on. My mom was a member of The ABWA(Amer. Business Women's Assn.) and those women were more successful because of their social interaction and networking. That's why I am a believer in Women's Colleges and Sororities that are about turning out strong women rather than strictly "helpmates".

So I guess what I'm saying is...We, ourselves, need to stop tearing each other apart and start building each other up.

grneyedmustang
03-31-2009, 11:41 AM
There may be some cultural/regional influences here at play, but --

IMO, women are held to a much higher standard weight wise than men are.

If I were a man, I'd have a football player's build; but I'm not a man, and I've heard men make comments to me about how I've let myself go/need to go to the gym/need to do situps/etc. etc. etc. And these comments were made directly to my face, so I know they were referring to me. I also have the classic apple build, so if I were a pear, maybe the criticism toward my weight wouldn't have been so harsh.

I also know men who won't date women who don't fit a list of standards (i.e. certain skin tone, long hair, petite build, etc.), but they look like the Michelin Man. A guy I know, who was dating a friend of mine, told her that he was "taking a break from pretty girls", so that's why he was dating her. He later admitted there was "something about her weight" that he "couldn't get over" - but this guy is definitely classified as "obese".

It kills me how a lot of men (especially in the area I live) want women who look like models, but they happen to be carrying "a few extra pounds" themselves.

If you look at the craigslist personal ads in Atlanta (among other personal ads), it AMAZES me how many guys "don't want BBWs". And oftentimes, the men who write that are big guys themselves.

Operator265
03-31-2009, 12:02 PM
Oh, I agree with you Mustang. But......We let them get away with it. I can't stand watching Larry the Cable Guy for just this reason. He talks about fat girls all the time and I'm sitting here thinking "Dude, do you own a freaking mirror?" Didn't care much for The King of Queens either. The show wasn't rude about it, but c'mon....HER with HIM. Yet, we watch it, we laugh at it and we accept it as typical.

But, had Roseanne come out with her show and she had a Hottie for a husband, how far do you think that would have gotten?

vixxi
03-31-2009, 04:40 PM
good point Operator!

LittleMoonRabbit
03-31-2009, 04:54 PM
You are looking at it from a woman's point of view.

Take it from a very plump man.

I dare say NO ONE considers me cute and cuddly! :D

Flatiron-

I used to work for a small grocery store. One of my fellow managers was a pretty big guy. We were both trying to lose weight, and one day I told him "You know, it's easier for guys because they aren't held to the same standards. Women are always expected to be thinner to be considered attractive" and his reply caught me off guard: "Yeah, because all the women are just flocking to me."

I think we are taught that men hold us to these higher standards, but honestly... it's not the men. It's the women who create these standards. Any of the harsh criticism I have ever received about my weight was from WOMEN, not men.

mygritsconfessions
03-31-2009, 05:22 PM
Good point of views. I am married to a 'big' teddy bear. He is trying to lose weight, but having a difficult time because his system is really sensitive to sodium. He was a prior Navy Seal and always in top shape until the past year when he gained due to stress and caring for his father.

canadianwoman
04-01-2009, 01:44 AM
But, had Roseanne come out with her show and she had a Hottie for a husband, how far do you think that would have gotten?


I thought John Goodman was/is a hottie. :D

I *love* the teddybear type. My trouble is finding one who likes me just the same way I like him.