Weight Loss Support - MY BF says I am obsessed!!!!




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CakeBatter
03-27-2009, 10:46 AM
I am NOT obesessed. He said that my whole revolves around WL and running and 3FC adn I don't pay him any attention. I work the whole day and when I get off I head to gym and then I get on 3FC to post my progress! I am on 3FC about an hour in the evenings. He recently lost his job (jan) and to make sure he didn't gain any weight back (he lost 140 lbs) He went to the gym twice a day for a total of 8 HRS a day. By the tiem I get home he has done all the things he wanted to get done ...so now I am obsessing because I have a job and have to extra - curricular things AFTER WORK??? I mean caaamon! Yes I started running in Nov and Dec on and off and more seriouslly in Jan. I have signed up for 5K's and I talk about it alot because I am soo excited and proud of my self!!! I don't wanna talk him to death so I get on 3FC!!! When he first started lifting weights and losing weight my ear practically bled listening to him. And when I first started WW's he told I wasn't losing as fast because I needed to workout like...well duh I am and now there is another problem// ARGH!!!!! I needed to vent. He is ot taking my progress and pride from me I won't let that happen!! I enjoy working out, being healthy and sharing experiences on here.


gggirls
03-27-2009, 10:59 AM
My DH says the same thing - I try very hard not to obsess but I think at some level we have to.

kiramira
03-27-2009, 11:10 AM
Do what you need to do for yourself. Treat yourself well, and love yourself. Going to the gym and getting support on 3FC to improve your health is treating yourself well and loving yourself. So keep up the good work. And in the immortal words of RuPaul: "Honey, you better love yourself, because if you can't love yourself, how the heck are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an AMEN???"
Kira


Nada
03-27-2009, 11:14 AM
It's all in the perception. One of my sisters complained to the other that I was obsessed (and annoying) because I read all the labels at Trader Joe's when we were there together. My perception is that I avoid talking about weight loss with her because she is much larger than I am and she isn't doing much about it.

rachinma
03-27-2009, 11:14 AM
Is he still out of work?

Men have a hard time not being "producers." This more likely not about you spending too much time working out and on 3FC. It's about him not having work all day and an equally busy evening.

I suggest you continue to work on yourself and make some time for your boyfriend to make him feel like you prioritize your time with him, as well.

If there's one thing I know, it's men. ;-)

Thighs Be Gone
03-27-2009, 11:14 AM
Yep, I get the same comments from my hubby too..not often, but they do come. He is even making the comments for me "not to lose anymore!" OMG! This is soooo about ME. This is not about him and not about anything or anyone external. Yes, I do indulge and take part in 3FC probably more than I should--for now anyway. I need this site. It helps me stay on track. It gives me an outlet to discuss this issue that has plagued me for so many years. I don't want to discuss this with those in my real time life--nothing is worse than hearing about weightloss when you aren't into it--I have been on the receiving end of that and hated it--so I come here.

Thighs Be Gone
03-27-2009, 11:15 AM
Kira

Amen

Thighs Be Gone
03-27-2009, 11:16 AM
It's all in the perception. One of my sisters complained to the other that I was obsessed (and annoying) because I read all the labels at Trader Joe's when we were there together. My perception is that I avoid talking about weight loss with her because she is much larger than I am and she isn't doing much about it.

Yes, exactly Nada. I don't discuss it either for the same reason you don't. I don't want to offend anyone or shove this stuff down someones throat. I have a friend that did that (when she lost weight and now she is heavier than ever) and she almost lost my friendship over it.

I read labels too. I don't care to waste my money on chemicals or things that are crap. There are too many choices that I love that are actually things my body NEEDS, won't get me offplan and won't give me cancer!

Caleighsmommy
03-27-2009, 11:20 AM
My bf says basically the same thing and makes comments because before I eat things I look at the nutritional and use my points finder to see if I have enough points, and I also look at the ingredients. He says who cares about the points potatos arent going to make you fat or porkchop isnt going to make you fat with the eye roll (drives me crazyy but I just ignore him). Helloo I care and I will eat them just smaller portions that I would normally. He is very thin, eats whatever he wants and doesnt gain an ounce so when he is eating junk he always offers it to me and when I say No you know I'm on a diet it makes me obessed. But if obsessed means sticking to my plan and losing weight its alright with me!! :)

CakeBatter
03-27-2009, 11:22 AM
Is he still out of work?

Men have a hard time not being "producers." This more likely not about you spending too much time working out and on 3FC. It's about him not having work all day and an equally busy evening.

I suggest you continue to work on yourself and make some time for your boyfriend to make him feel like you prioritize your time with him, as well.

If there's one thing I know, it's men. ;-)

He actually starts his job on Monday. But we spend time together which is why a lot of the time I think it is BS! I don't get on EVERY weeknight I skip a few and we also hang on the weekends. Oh I don't work 8 hr days I work like 10 hr days...remember he didn't have a job.... Thanks for you advice

Thighsbegone - me too. I thought i was doing him a favor not talking him to absolute death ya know. This site really helps me. He's just a big a** baby!

ggg - and yes I feel we do have to some point or we will end up where we started all over again!

Nada - it always seems like people are knocking us (being dieter and maintainers) for how we stay healthy and fit just because they are not...IDK but seems like Haterz to me!

Kira - "Honey, you better love yourself, because if you can't love yourself, how the heck are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an AMEN???" I love that! And I am gonna have to keep in mind!!

CakeBatter
03-27-2009, 11:24 AM
My bf says basically the same thing and makes comments because before I eat things I look at the nutritional and use my points finder to see if I have enough points, and I also look at the ingredients. He says who cares about the points potatos arent going to make you fat or porkchop isnt going to make you fat with the eye roll (drives me crazyy but I just ignore him). Helloo I care and I will eat them just smaller portions that I would normally. He is very thin, eats whatever he wants and doesnt gain an ounce so when he is eating junk he always offers it to me and when I say No you know I'm on a diet it makes me obessed. But if obsessed means sticking to my plan and losing weight its alright with me!! :)

OMG that is exactly whai he does. He is not very thin and does gain weight but he works out os long and hard what he eats isn't really effecting him. WHat i don't get is he obsesses to a point about it himself so why criticise me????

saef
03-27-2009, 12:13 PM
Heh heh. You don't understand. It's all in the speaker's perception. It's basically like this:

I have interests and hobbies.
You have obsessions.

I am attentive and dedicated and hard-working.
You are compulsive. You are obsessed.

Now do you get it?

prepping
03-27-2009, 12:47 PM
My hubby says I'm obsessed too. I'm not even concerned. If I'm doing something that makes me happy, that makes his life a little easier. We've called a truce: he lets me talk on and on about weightloss, nutrition, and calories; and I will nod and make acknowledging grunts when he goes on and on about sports, his hockey pool, music, tv shows, etc.

I'm sure it'll get a little easier once he's back to work. Just keep doing what you're doing because you sound like you're making great progress. :)

Macomom
03-27-2009, 12:57 PM
I also think for a lot of us a factor in what makes us fat was spending too much time thinking, doting, caring for other people and not ourselves.
It is a shocking situation when your fat partner takes a turn and suddenly spends genuinine time on themselves. I can understand how that may create a perception of an obsession or that they have gone nuts with this new diet and don't spend enough time with loved ones.

I have observed though, that some of my healthier friends spend a considerable amount of time exercising (jogging, yoga, gym etc) without their spouses. I have yet to hear one of their spouses complain. I think it is because they came into the relationships with a different balance and a different set of expectations. It was always clear to their partners that their health and body was a priority.
I think over time it becomes clear that it is not an obsession, rather a normal part of self care. And I don't think spending a certain amount of every day on 3fc is weird :) You sound pretty in control to me, CakeBatter.

JulieJ08
03-27-2009, 01:20 PM
Every time he says something, just calmly ask how much time he spent at the gym the past 7 days. He's being a bit ridiculous if he is spending hours at the gym.

jahjah1223
03-27-2009, 02:09 PM
I've been taking care of everyone and not thinking about myself and that's how i got into this mess , So they can sit back and learn how to entertain themselves and help themselves because its ME time now.

Thighs Be Gone
03-27-2009, 03:44 PM
I've been taking care of everyone and not thinking about myself and that's how i got into this mess , So they can sit back and learn how to entertain themselves and help themselves because its ME time now.

DING, DING, DING..we have a WINNER

flatiron
03-27-2009, 03:47 PM
If there's one thing I know, it's men. ;-)

YOU WISH!!! :D

We are unpredictable and ALWAYS do the opposite of what our partners want! LOL! ;)

flatiron
03-27-2009, 03:49 PM
break up with him for a week ... he'll be putty in your hands then! :D

Windchime
03-27-2009, 10:41 PM
I haven't had anyone tell me I'm obsessed yet. Probably because I've only lost 15 lbs and I don't know if anyone has noticed; also, I live alone so I count my calories and surf 3FC in peace. :) But honestly, sometimes I almost feel like I have become obsessed, or rather that my obsession with food has just switched over to a healthier place, if that makes sense. I am not complaining, because I feel so much better and I am eating way healthier, but I know I spend more time planning, counting, and thinking about food than I did before. Before, I just ate mindlessly. So yeah, maybe I am a little obsessed, but if that's what it takes to get my butt into smaller jeans, I'm OK with that.

kaplods
03-27-2009, 11:08 PM
Let's face it, people (not just men) hate and are suspicious of change, especially when it's an inconvenience to us, personally.

My hubby doesn't care for my "obsession" with 3FC, and I'm a bit annoyed by his preocupation for role playing games. Are either of us obsessed or preoccupied - we would each say yes about the other, and no about ourselves.

Basically, "so what." You can decide whether to complain back when he complains - or whether you want the complaining to stop entirely (but then out of courtesy, you probably shouldn't complain about any of his obsessions).

Basically our approach is to tease (ok, sometimes ridicule) each other (in good humor, if feelings actually get hurt we'll back off and apologize).

Basically, I think it is true that we pride ourselves on our idiosyncracies, and are suspicious of other people's "oddities," especially if it's a change in behavior that somehow affects us.

Nicely (and if it doesn't work) not so nicely pointing out the sweetie has plenty of "obsessions" of his own, should do the trick. If it doesn't, and he thinks what he does is ok, and what you do isn't - then it's time to consider other options.

Buttercup
03-27-2009, 11:54 PM
We as women are taught from an ealy age to take care of others. Most of us got in this shape by putting everyone and everything else in front of taking care of ourselves. Keep taking care of you. Let your boyfriend know you love him but you won't be around with him if you do not get healthy. Taking care of ourselves helps us to take better care of our loved ones. My husband says that this is my job now and to concentrate on me. He thinks 3FC is great and is thankful I have it. It keeps me motivated and that only helps me in the long run. Plus, since I feel better mentally and physically he benefits more. (wink, wink)

Operator265
03-28-2009, 12:09 AM
Anything I did that wasn't about my X was an "obsession". Got a job...I was "obsessed". Had a baby...I was "obsessed". Took classes at the college...I was "obsessed". It was just his way of saying "You're not paying enough attention to me!!!" Oh yeah, it also made for a convenient excuse to cheat on me, party with the guys whenever, etc.:dz:

Not all guys are that way, thank goodness. I can say, however, it is nice being able to take care of myself and my DD w/o the strain of caring for a middle aged child too.:s: And, added bonus, we get along much better now and he does seem to care more about my well being now.:)

Tool
03-28-2009, 12:43 AM
I think all my friends and family know I am obsessed but that is because I choose to talk about it. I find it holds me accountable and when I say I am dieting I don't eat a chocolate chip cookie in front of them. I look like a liar instead of a crazed obsessed woman!

Gamerchick
03-28-2009, 01:01 PM
I've been called obsessed on more than one occasionan-- but they were right, I am/was obsessed, but that's kind of my personality. I obsess over whatever I'm interested in at the moment... But I believe that in your case that you're just excited, and that's all good! Don't obsess over people thinking you're obsessing ;D :hug:

CakeBatter
03-28-2009, 01:24 PM
Wow ladies....so much great advice. Basically I told him this me taking care of me and that was that. But however I chose not to talk to him about my WL or running anymore. Yesterday evening when I got in he had flowers and a card for me. THen he said, "you are not going to leave me when you get all skinny are you?" So I thanked him for the card and flowers and hugged and kissed him. Then I got on 3FC to post my "March Fitness Challenge" and I didn't hear a peep. I know him pretty well he will be quiet for a while and then it wil come up again in a month or so. But I will enjoy the quiet while it lasts.

JulieJ08
03-28-2009, 02:03 PM
YOU WISH!!! :D

We are unpredictable and ALWAYS do the opposite of what our partners want! LOL! ;)

Wouldn't that make you ... predictable? ;)

Windchime
03-28-2009, 02:11 PM
...THen he said, "you are not going to leave me when you get all skinny are you?" So I thanked him for the card and flowers and hugged and kissed him. Then I got on 3FC to post my "March Fitness Challenge" and I didn't hear a peep. I know him pretty well he will be quiet for a while and then it wil come up again in a month or so. But I will enjoy the quiet while it lasts.

Ahhh, so he doesn't really think you're obsessed; he is afraid that you're going to leave him when you get thin. It can be scary or upsetting to people when we change the status quo in our relationships, so it sounds like he's just really unsure of what will happen. He sees you getting slimmer, healthier, and happier and is afraid of what that might mean to you and your relationship with him. Is that possible? If so, maybe next time he brings it up you can reassure him that you love him and that you getting slimmer and healthier won't change that.

glitterducky
03-28-2009, 07:11 PM
I get the same thing. Clearly our definition of "Obsessed" differ. If I were obsessed I'd weigh 110 lbs, or be a body builder or some other extreme case. I just want to be healthy. I want to feel differently. I don't feel guilty and I don't apologize.