100 lb. Club - Feelings are misleading.

So yesterday, by a fraction, I got to 200, en route for my mini target of 199.

I've started walking again, and did the longest one this week yesterday. Not far but My longest.

I felt like things were so moving. I ate sensibly. I kept active. I had a weight-loss inspiring bathroom visit last night and twice this morning. I KNEW that this morning I would have just SS-LL-II-DD on down to the 199 today.

I'm exactly the same as yesterday.

Now, I'm not complaining. Really. I'm doing the daily weighing at the minute to try and train myself to be objective, and not ground down by a set of numbers.
And hey, the fat is at the kicking and screamin stage as I break through the 200 barrier, I get that too.

Question: do we ever get to the place where we understand our bodies enough to know how our weight's doing? Or is it always going to be a matter of hoping?

I can never figure mine out. I thought I might be up a pound today because I had meetings the last 2 nights, and while I was careful, I just had a little worry because I had 2 beers last night and a couple of cookies the night before.

Nope I am down 2.

Go figure....

I think you're asking to be psychic. Body weight isn't alot different than other body processes - it's not under our conscious control and "feelings" are misleading as a result. My husband (I would have kicked him in the pants if I knew) decided a few months ago to stop his insulin and cholesterol med because he "could feel" that he didn't need them anymore because of the weight loss and how great he felt everyday. When he got his bloodwork back at his next physical (I was sitting in there, when he told the doctor and it was the first time I'd heard about it), the results were terrible.

Yes, feelings about body workings are very often misleading. If it's possible to know your body that well as to feel a loss, it's as rare as being able to know your exact blood pressure without having it measured, or knowing you're going to have a pimple when you wake up tomorrow.

I don't think it has to be a matter of "hoping" either for weight or blood pressure or pimples. It is what it is, and all you can do, is observe it, measure it (ok the pimple doesn't fit that analogy very well), and deal with it. You do the best you can, and the results are what they are.

Maybe some people can know, but I don't think it's guaranteed to anyone. I've known people who swear that they don't need an alarm clock to get to work on time - they just "decide" the night before when to wake up and they wake up in plenty of time. I'm not that person, I need an alarm clock if I have to be up at a certain time, and there's nothing wrong with needing an alarm clock or a scale.

Wishful thinking can inspire "hunches" that have no basis in fact. One of the reasons gambling is so addictive, is that people have "hunches" and feelings that they KNOW they're about to win - if only they play just a little bit longer. They run out of money before their hunch pays off and they think "if only I'd been able to play a little longer, I would have hit it big," or worse they win something and confirm in their mind that the hunch was accurate. Even if they win only once out of ever 50 "hunches," it reinforces the idea that hunches pay off.

Well, weight loss isn't magic--it's more like science. Hoping that an object will weigh a certain amount is... well... unrealistic. You just have to measure it and accept the value. So when you are the "object," it helps to keep in mind that the weight is what it is, and not let feelings slop over into making judgments about it.

Put it on your tracking chart and keep going! :cheer2:

Jay

It might be beneficial for you to try just having some faith in the way your body works. Scientifically speaking, we know that a calorie deficit will produce weight loss. Your body is not mutated or messed up in any way that would make this basic fact un-true. Nor is mine...nor is anyone's here. We are all pretty normal; when we create a calorie deficit through food control and exercise, we WILL lose weight. It's inevitable.

So hope has nothing to do with it. I trust my body and have faith that what I am doing will work. And it does work.

But putting timelines on your body for when weight loss "should" happen is kind of like being impatient with God because prayers aren't answered in as timely a fashion as we'd like, or in exactly the way we'd like ;) Let your body just do its job, and be happy with it.

Thankyou for the replies.

I don't quite understand what's wrong with hoping. I appreciate it may be illogical but I can't be the only one who, close to a goal, says 'Please let it be today, please please' as I stand on the scales?

I understand the science-ness of weightloss, in fact I've just reminded another poster of the fact that, however nervous/despondent we might sometimes get, if we carry on eating and exercising appropriately then the weightloss will happen, not magically, not linearly but certainly.

I entitled the post 'feelings are misleading' to show that I do understand I can't believe myself slim but I did wonder if, after sufficient time has passed, one might be able to look back on the past few days' exercise and eating and have the kind of 'likely certainty' that a weight loss would be shown. We look at the rain and we look at the sun and we Know there's going to be a rainbow somewhere, it's not something that we have to believe in, we just know from experience that there will be. I wondered if one could base a similar expectation on weightloss experience.

On a related but other tack:
I Felt certain, when I set off this morning for coffee with a friend, that she'd notice and comment on the weight I've lost. I haven't seen her for 25lbs. Nope, nothing, nada, zip.
Felt a bit crabby.
Had wanted to do a bit of browsing shopping, new wok etc, but I couldn't shake her, just had to say I had to come back for the dogs.
Felt crabbier still, that I hadn't been able to work that better.
Did the food shopping, got the crusty bread that I'd been craving all week.
Came home.
Had lunch - ham and prawn sandwich. Very delicious, totally calorie counted.
Got hungrier and hungrier and Felt that I deserved to eat more. It was just to bury my crabbiness.
However, I sat and sat and imagined having to explain to someone why I'd had a binge: I was in a bad mood because someone didn't notice I'd lost weight. So I ate and spoiled my weightloss programme.
Well that Felt embarrassing, so I've settled for a cup of black coffee instead. And any moment now I'm going to waste an hour in a long bubble bath. That'll finally fix it.
Beaten down a set of very dubious Feelings there.

You know what? I totally get you. I TOTALLY get what you are saying and I do the same thing myself.

I am GLAD that you didn't binge and if she didn't mention your weight loss it was probably because she's jealous ;) (and obviously I was joking around about this HENCE the winky smile... I didn't mean to offend or put anyone off.) I'm proud of you and I'm cheering you on!

Mama, you is a http://bestsmileys.com/stars/5.gif !!!!!

hm, that's meant to be a star, not a nuclear explosion!! :D :D :D :D :D

Every once in a blue moon, when the planets align just so etc. etc., I can feel the loss. Mine has been such an extruciatingly slow loss that it's very, very, *very* rare, though. Most of the time I feel exactly the same, then get on the scale and surprise! I've lost some more weight. So it's possible to be that in tune with your body, but I never count on it.

As for 200, I had a heck of a time getting to 199 and *staying* there, so I feel your pain. You'll get there! Soon!!

There's nothing wrong with hoping or any other emotion, as long as it doesn't create an opportunity for defeat. What matters is how you deal with the situation when your hopes aren't realized. If the result is frustration - especially severe frustration - the kind that makes you think "why do I even bother," then "hope" can become disfunctional.

Weight loss used to be an emotional roller coaster. I had to take most of the "feelings" out of the equation because they literally were misleading me, leading me in an unhealthy direction. I was interpreting success as failure because of my feelings. My hopes led to expectations which were always larger than the reality. I'd start thinking about how hard I was working, for what seemed like such little success.

When hope makes your life better, it's a wonderful thing; but when it leads you down a path that makes your life more stressful, there's nothing wrong with taking that kind of hoping out of the equation.

I don't expect to "know" when I've lost weight - I don't expect that even perfect behavior, necessarily ends in perfect results. I don't always do the best that I can, and I don't beat myself up for that either, sometimes life intervenes and makes "perfect" impossible, and that's ok. And when I do the best that I can, I can be happy with that, regardless of whether the scales move in the direction I want.

Sometimes it's easy to forget what an acheivement weight maintenance is. It's so easy to get frustrated when the scale doesn't register a loss, we can forget what an acheivement not gaining is. Instead of celebrating the maintenance we mourn that there wasn't a loss.

It's all "big-picture" stuff. If hoping, makes your life better - you go right ahead and hope. But if hoping makes you feel frustrated when your hopes and "hunches" are wrong, you've got to re-evaluate whether the nature of your hoping is self-destructive.

For me, I'm a lot more hopeful overall, now that I don't set my hopes on the scale. I'm confident and optimistic that I will get to where I need to be, and the scale is only the smallest measure of my success. Feeling more energetic, being able to accomplish more and even do things I couldn't only a few moths ago - those are my hopes, not the numbers on the scale.

I'd be lying if I said that when I step on the scale each morning, that I don't hope for a loss - I just keep that hope very small and don't pin too much else on that hope. And I also force myself not to let my excitement get too large when I do see a loss. That may seem silly, but I have to remind myself that it isn't only about the numbers, because when I pin too much hope on the numbers, I start getting tempted (even after more than 3 decades of dieting and knowing it's destructive) to use more drastic, and even unhealthy methods of weight loss to try to see greater losses.

I don't think everyone has this problem, just like not everyone has a gambling addiction, but I have to keep myself grounded in the science and reality of weight loss or I start thinking crazy. If you don't, then it's not something you have to worry about.

Gosh, I feel your pain. But you handled your almost bad day very well!!!

I always get a little nervous before I get on the scale at home. I wish I knew what to expect! I was really hopeful when I had to get weighed in and measured at my gym. It was not what I thought it would be because I really thought it was better. HOWEVER, now that I know the numbers, I think I understand what else I need to do. So, the initial disappointment almost set me back, but I can't afford to give up.

if she didn't mention your weight loss it was probably because she's jealous ;)

That seems like a rather uncharitable assumption. There are potentially dozens of reasons why someone might not notice and/or mention a weight loss. Why choose to assign them a negative motivation?

That seems like a rather uncharitable assumption. There are potentially dozens of reasons why someone might not notice and/or mention a weight loss. Why choose to assign them a negative motivation?

I think part of the "diet culture" is to assume very uncharitable things about others, and I'm not sure why. If someone offers us food - they're immediately a saboteur (and if they offer it to everyone else, and not us, they're rude, controlling, and a saboteur). If someone pays too much attention, or too little they're rude, jealous or controlling. If when we talk about our weight loss success, and a person talks about their own success in response, or if someone goes on a diet after we have, they're "competitive."

Assuming anyone is or should be concerned with our weight is a sort of reverse arrogance. I'm not sure why we're taught to be so paranoid about the issue, but we are.

If we were talking about our kids and someone pulled out pictures of their kids, we wouldn't assume they were competing (at least not in a bad way), but if we tell someone what we've lost - and they tell us what they've lost - they're a jerk.

Weight loss can be one of those "can't win" topics.

That seems like a rather uncharitable assumption. There are potentially dozens of reasons why someone might not notice and/or mention a weight loss. Why choose to assign them a negative motivation?

I was trying to cheer her up and was joking around. I did not mean to offend or bother you with my comment. I'm sorry that you took my reply as me being uncharitable. I can assure you I meant nothing of the sort.

I'm almost certain that if M. had noticed I'd lost weight, she'd have mentioned it. Truth is, if you're wee and dumpy at 225, you're still wee and dumpy at 200. I was only disappointed because it obviously isn't that evident yet - but it will be, believe me, I'm keeping at it.

I think that beyond a certain level of fatness, people just don't notice. Of course no-one would call me that skinny woman but people don't look at me and pass out in horror. It's just me that feels that way about me sometimes.

Last year in Germany I went to a concert up a high tower. It was a small elevator, maybe only 8 people at a time. Eventually it was my turn, and I was head of the queue and walked in as far as I could go. 7 people followed and then another woman got on. The lift refused to start until she got out. She was not big at all, just the extra person tripped an overload. So they're all standing round going, well we're none of us That big.... and I'm dying inside in case they notice me, the elephant in the room or at least the big gal in the lift. Like they could have missed me, there were no nooks and crannies! but no, they're conversational gaze just roved over me and didn't register anything untoward.

What I'm saying is a lot of us are so self-conscious about our weight and our looks. For the vast number of the population, they don't really notice. Not in every day life anyway. That's one of my reasons for not telling folk I'm dieting, it's almost like I don't register as beyond normal until I make it so.

I was trying to cheer her up and was joking around. I did not mean to offend or bother you with my comment. I'm sorry that you took my reply as me being uncharitable. I can assure you I meant nothing of the sort.

Phew, OK, sorry I misread :)

Ailidh, if it's any consolation, my husband STILL cannot tell I've lost weight. At least, not really to look at me--he can tell a little by touch. And I look really, really different! I'm no longer dumpy, but have a nice womanly shape.

I never told anyone that I was "dieting" either. Eventually the comments came, starting at about 40 pounds lost, which was about 15% of my weight gone. Now they are more frequent, but still not all that frequent--every few weeks maybe. I know that people notice, but most just won't say anything.

These days I think I get most of my positive reinforcement not from the scale, not from comments, but simply from checking myself out in the mirror :P I'm hot stuff now!

Ailidh

I am going to just say what is on my mind, throw out a couple disclaimers so no one bans me from the forum, and have faith that you are not going to be offended by what I say.............(by the way that WAS my disclaimer!) ;)

I think I have read most of your posts, and I see a common thread. After seeing this common thread I really think I should point it out to you. You can tell me I am nuts and to shut up, take it with a grain of salt, what have you. But when I stuggle if I should say something or not I always ask myself if I was in your shoes would I want you to say something to me....(OK there was yet another disclaimer!)

SHeesh, let me get on with it.

What I see over an over is a dependancy on a number on the scale. YOUR identity is not connected to that number at all. I really think that if you eased up on yourself a little bit, relaxed a little bit, you would have a better chance of success in the long run.

I follow your thinking pattern, trust me. I like numbers and like to see consistant patterns in the numbers (consistant loss every day, etc) That is great in something you have 100% control in. But your body is different. There are so many factors that effect that silly number. Some you have control over, and some you have no control over.

Now, since I know you are a woman of the cloth, I will say this as well....Your identity with God is the same at 210 pounds as it is at 199 pounds. Now I certainly don't want to discount that milestone of crossing that 200 mark, but STILL it is just a number.

I just pray that you are able to relax a little bit, give yourself a break. I pray that you find other ways to measure your hard efforts, so that you have constant reminders--other than just a number on the scale--that your efforts are going to pay off in the long run.

So there, that is my thoughts....be good to yourself, physically and mentally!

Truth is, if you're wee and dumpy at 225, you're still wee and dumpy at 200.

As a fellow shortie, I can attest to the absolute truth of this statement. It took until I hit about 180 for me to really *see* a difference, although my sister assures me it was noticeable before that. I'm sure it was, but when I got under 200 the changes really started happening rapidly. So you're getting really close to drastic changes, if we are anything alike at all! Hang in there. I know exactly how frustrating it is, and how disappointing it can be when the people close to us don't recognize our efforts the way we think they will.

Thanks, Red, I appreciate your words. I'm really trying to break my number-dependency, so a lot of what I say is me thinking out loud. I know my intrinsic worth is not depended on weight or girth or height. I am trying to be logical about this weightloss journey, and accept numbers that I don't like or stalls or people not noticing or not needing new clothes yet as just part of the scenery of the journey but sometimes I need to comment on the scenery; but your point about self-worth is well taken.


Caroline, thanks for the encouragement to persever another day, that if we keep on doing it right, it Will happen! You're proof, congratulations on your 70lbs!