Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - another boob/sex thread

i know there's a million threads like this but:

i really hate my breasts. they sag, they are deflated, i've never breastfed or had children, and im in my mid-20s.

i'm so self-conscious about my body. especially with my current bf, that no lie, i usually keep my bra on during sex. unless its virtually pitch black in the room. my bf is not the type to call me beautiful or compliment me very often. and where he may find me attractive, he rarely says it. i know i shouldn't need anyone's approval or reassurance to feel good about myself.

but seriously, is this the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard?? is it silly that i keep covered, or should i just accept myself? i never really brought it up, but one time i mentioned something that i "wish i had really nice breasts" and he said that mine were fine. but idk, it wasn't very reassuring.

I think you need to be honest with him, and tell him that you need more reasurrance. Most likely, he loves your body and doesn't see the need to tell you. It's very hard for him to meet your needs if you do not tell him what they are.

I'm exactly the same way! Went from nice 38D to 32 B...but have to wear a C to contain all the saggy, baggy skin. So I can't find a bra that fits at all. I'm wearing a 34 because I can't find a 32C with full coverage anywhere that I can actually try ON. I hate to spend a lot of money and buy something online that I can't put on my body first.

As for the sex thing...I can relate too. My husband hasn't seen me naked in more than a year. He may not care, but I do. To me, I hate the thought that HE'LL find them as unattractive and ugly as I do if he sees them. Irrational, maybe. But that's how it is for me....

You should accept yourself the way you are, definitely. All women look different from each other. It's a shame that women are comparing/being compared to women in the media who usually have fake boobs or boobs enhanced in some other way, even just with air-brushing. It's nonsense. And any man holding you to that ridiculous standard needs to be excised from your life. You deserve a man who treasures you. I'm sure there are plenty out there who would.

Pft honey I'm 26 and my boobs are saggy and I don't care. But at the same time my husband does compliment my body and tells me he loves my breasts and so on :) I think it's nice to hear it and I'd tell your bf you'd like to hear what he likes about your body now and then.

There is nothing more liberating than just letting go during sex- get naked- any man will tell you how hot it is to him when a woman is comfortable with her own body- specially in the bedroom. In our bedroom our closet is a mirror and I won't lie- I love to watch- I still think I'm sexy at 212 lbs! My husband told me one gf he had he broke up with because he got tired of her saying "I'm so fat" and him having to say "no honey you aren't fat." lol.

I guess if I ever really feel like it- after I have my children I'll get a breast lift- but other than that I'm pretty happy with my breasts and body :)

. So I can't find a bra that fits at all. I'm wearing a 34 because I can't find a 32C with full coverage anywhere that I can actually try ON.

No kidding. I just shopped for a 32, not sure if I needed a C or D, but it didn't matter, 'cause there weren't none of either at a place like Kohls! Not very many 32s of any cup size, actually. Sure doesn't seem like such an unusual size.

I got huge breast implants last year because I wanted to feel sexier. Well, they ended up ruining my sex life because I just never felt like myself and I didn't feel natural. I took them out three weeks ago and couldn't be happier! Both my boyfriend and I are much happier with my 34Cs than my 34DDDs! There is something to be said about natural beauty.

I feel your pain ... I really dislike my flabby breasts too. Plus after 2 kids, mine also have a few stretch marks :(

I have larger breasts and I hate them because I feel like all they are is fat. So I understand and I had a boyfriend just like that. It was hard because I did take the lack of reassurance to heart, but after a while, he just got tired of reassuring me (which is funny because he needed it about as much as I did).

It may be hard to do but you should certainly talk to him to encourage him to compliment you (esp regarding sex) but it might not be enough. At some point you're going to have to buckle down and find away to appreciate your body for yourself. It's easier said than done, but sexiness is about 90% attitude and if you have it, he'll notice that, too.

For those looking for 32s in C or D, try Fredericks. Their bras are actually relaly supportive, and they have a huge variety of band and cup sizes. I'm currently a 32F... try finding that! But, they carry them and they're comfortable! Just try not to giggle at the matching crotchless panties ;)

For those looking for 32s in C or D, try Fredericks. Their bras are actually relaly supportive, and they have a huge variety of band and cup sizes. I'm currently a 32F... try finding that! But, they carry them and they're comfortable! Just try not to giggle at the matching crotchless panties ;)

Thanks! I will try that :-) I just hate hitting the mall :dizzy:

first off, go to figleaves.com for bras. granted its mail order. but its amazing. amazing. and free return shipping.

anyway, some people said love your body for what it is. i can't. i really just can't.

some ppl said, talk to him. nah that's useless. i've talked. he knows. he's not really one for giving compliments or showing verbal affection.

although the other day, i told him that i thought his eyes were his best feature, (they are, they are big and amazing and piercingly blue), i asked him what my best feature was, he said my face. he said i had a beautiful face. i choked for a second because i couldn't believe the word beautiful came out of his mouth, but it made me wonder if he likes my body. i dont think he really does to be honest.

we have a strange relationship.

i've been with other guy's before that verbally tell me how hot, sexy, i am, my "body part" is. he doesn't do that. that makes me feel comfortable though. but i feel stupid to ask someone to tell me im attractive.

ok, i think this sounds like a bigger personal problem.

gosh, we all have to work through our feelings on our bodies.. I would wear a bra during sex if that wasn't considered weird. I am very self conscious of my deflated breasts, yet husband always, always says they're great. Well, they're the only ones he's ever getting that close to :D I appreciate his saying so, and I <guess> I believe him...but I have to like myself, too.

Your bf is the non-verbal type (as alot of guys are about 'how do you feel about this') , and you want to hear confirmation...it's a tough situation :hug: but it must have been nice for you to hear the word 'beautiful' from him about you :hug::hug:

Your bf is the non-verbal type (as alot of guys are about 'how do you feel about this') , and you want to hear confirmation...it's a tough situation :hug: but it must have been nice for you to hear the word 'beautiful' from him about you :hug::hug:

it is a tough situation. it makes me feel even more insecure because im the type that needs someone to tell me im attractive in order to feel that way.

and it was ok to hear. i guess just surprising. i even replied with "you think i have a beautiful face?!?!?!"

I'm exactly the same way! Went from nice 38D to 32 B...but have to wear a C to contain all the saggy, baggy skin. So I can't find a bra that fits at all. I'm wearing a 34 because I can't find a 32C with full coverage anywhere that I can actually try ON.

I don't want to hijack the thread but this is my problem exactly! I can't find a bra they will stay put in. I need a C cup to get all the skin in but often end up with a ridge of skin across the top of the bra from moving. Don't even get me started on finding a yoga top I stay in! This isn't the normal middle age sag, this is the significant weight loss sag. Where do those of you who deal with this shop? I've tried Bare Essentials (on line) and the Bali, Hanes, etc outlet but haven't found any brand that really contains the girls.

Yeah I don't like my boobs either. Mine are little A's with big nips and all sag. They are so droopy, it looks like they're looking at my toes... or someone else's toes. I've disliked them ever since I realized they are not "average" looking and I would certainly never see these boobs on a movie actress or model. When I was young I was certain I would get a boob job and while that idea is mostly gone, it's not a never.

A few things have helped me. One is "fake it til you make it." I was single for so long not just because of lack of options (that was a problem too) but when I did have my chance with a guy, I was terrified about taking my top off. Eventually I said F this and went for a guy and acted like I had no problems being naked. They acted as if I were some sex goddess and fawned over my imperfect body and one guy I dated said my breasts were "amazing" which blew my mind since I'd loathed them for so long.

I also liked watching Margaret Cho talk about sex. She's like "I don't get these girls that are trying to suck in their stomachs and arch their backs and pout their lips during sex. Ladies, I sweat and make faces and show fat rolls and look all around ugly." (bad paraphrase, but point made) She really made me question some of my insecurities. I don't know if it's Hollywood or what, but something makes us feel we must hide our bodies if they are less than perfection.

Lastly, you said you "can't" learn to like your breasts. I'm not sure how old you are, but relatively young in your 20s. Eventually you'll be a 30-sthg, a 40-sthg, a 50-sthg. Just ask yourself, do you want to spend the rest of your life hating your body? Do you want to keep a bra on or the lights out forever? I'm sure your answer is no but that means you either have to change your breasts or change your mind. ... and changing your physical appearance is no guarantee that your mind will be happier.

Oh yeah and the boy--aren't you breaking up sooner or later? Live and learn. Raise your standards and make sure the next guy knows how to give a compliment. We all deserve to be fawned over.

I also liked watching Margaret Cho talk about sex.


and changing your physical appearance is no guarantee that your mind will be happier.



i've seen that margaret cho act. years ago. i think when i was more confident about myself. even though i was way heavier and way less attractive. its ironic, that the more thin or more attractive i've become over the years, the more insecure i've also become. i should look into that.


and the second comment, words never rang truer.




ps joyra. i'll be in seoul by august of this year. we should meet up if that's the case. :dizzy:

My absolute FAVORITE bra, without a doubt is the Cacique Collection at Lane Bryant. I don't shop there for clothes any more because the sizes are too big, but the bras are still amazing! They are a little spendy, but they come in great sizes and provide amazing coverage. No falling out or weird bunching! Unfortunately the draw back is that the really good ones aren't that pretty...

With regard to the original question... I wish I had some advice for you Stellart. I have massive issues with body confidance, and can really feel your pain. I've always been self concious about what I've come to call my 'freak show boobs' (They are a EE) which don't seem to be getting any smaller as I lose weight... I am also covered in stretch marks from both weight gain and from having a baby at the age of 16. But it does make me feel better to know that I am looking better IN clothes :)

Hang in there...

I'm joining the "I hate my boobs" club! Count me in!

Another one here. They've aimed straight down since I was in high school, and losing weight has made them even worse. They seem to be where I gain and lose weight the most. So they're all stretch marks and extra skin. I've thought about having a lift, partly for vanity and partly because it's really hard to cram them into a bra.

I'm trying to feel better about them, though. It helps to have a friend who encourages me to take pictures of them and appreciate them, and tells me how much he likes them. Which...sounds kind of sleazy when put like that, but it's not. He's an artist and a photographer, not a dirtbag ;)

Stellart, have you discussed with your boyfriend that you're self-conscious and maybe he could be more encouraging? Or is he the sort to not take that kind of conversation well?

Stellart, have you discussed with your boyfriend that you're self-conscious and maybe he could be more encouraging? Or is he the sort to not take that kind of conversation well?

hmmm, im not sure. i mean i feel like i have said things to him about it. but now that i'm thinking about it. maybe i talk around it and never just say straight out "i wish you'd tell me i was pretty". maybe its pride that's stopping me.

While I agree that you should try to just relax and now worry about it... I know it's easier said than done.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with having sex with a bra on... if you can find lingerie that makes you feel sexy, that can be a confidence booster in-and-of-itself.

I will tell you though... I don't think guys care about our bodies as much as we do. I think as long as they know we are having fun, they'll have fun too.

I will tell you though... I don't think guys care about our bodies as much as we do. I think as long as they know we are having fun, they'll have fun too.

According to my male friends, this is definitely true. We see cellulite, love handles and sagging boobs. They see "A NAKED GIRL, YAY!" :rofl:

My boobs almost completely disappeared, and a lot of women in my shoes might find that to be quite disappointing. Truthfully, I've found it disappointing as well, but I've also learned to accept myself. I've worked so hard to get to where I am now that it would be a shame to hate my body. It's all about putting things in perspective...

In any case, I prefer to think of my boobs as fun size!

My boyfriend is the same way. Not big on the compliments. Doesn't bother me too much though. He's wondeful in every other way. If that's his biggest flaw consider yourself lucky. Not that you don't deserve to be told you're pretty, but YOU definatley need to think you're pretty.

My advice is a couple shots of patron. That bra will come right off!! :D Or is that just me??:o

As im sure it was mentioned before....all guys see are BOOBS...most do not care what they look like because as long as he gets to touch and feel them...hes happy!!! You should be proud of what you've lost and don't worry too much about the boobs, as im sure he has no problem with them :)

I have always been embarrassed of how my breasts look while on my back, I have 2 children and gaining and losing weight thru the years was not kind to my 40D's. I am now a 38c and look great IN a bra not out!

With every pound i lose i hate my boobs and my stomach more. The more weight i lose the better i look in clothes and the worse I look without them, which makes me feel like a fraud. Most of the time I feel like i should be wearng a *CAVEAT* sign, saying "things aren't as they appear!" This is the #1 reason i haven't been able to maintain a lower weight to date. Other than therapy and surgery, I'm not sure what the answer is.

The more weight i lose the better i look in clothes and the worse I look without them, which makes me feel like a fraud.

Oh my god!!! Me too!!!!

Dieting makes you look good in clothes.

Exercise makes you look good naked.

Boobs are weird, but again, Men think any boobies are good boobies, I'm pretty sure.

You should accept yourself the way you are, definitely. All women look different from each other. It's a shame that women are comparing/being compared to women in the media who usually have fake boobs or boobs enhanced in some other way, even just with air-brushing. It's nonsense. And any man holding you to that ridiculous standard needs to be excised from your life. You deserve a man who treasures you. I'm sure there are plenty out there who would.

I agree with this, but only to some degree. To the original poster I would like to say that I understand but I also think that you need to work out your issues. As another chickie said, "do you want to spend the rest of your life hating your body"? There is so much wisdom in that. And I would like to add that you CAN change the shape of your body. Weight lifting has done wonders for me, where I originally had big flabby arms (in the triceps area) the flab is almost gone - I say almost because obviously I still have a lot more work to do - and my breasts got a lift, from all the chest flyes and other exercises that I have been doing. I have to tell you that nobody has been more amazed than myself. I have always had saggy boobs, even as I teenager I never passed the pencil test and of course it didn't get any better with increasing weight and age. I didn't do down that much in size, I went from a D to a C cup but it is mainly because my left boob is quite bigger than the right one (I am sure many ladies have the same problem). So while the ride side is more like B cup, I have to wear C because of the left one. But I am not complaining. But I am quite serious about what I said about resistance training - try it, give it a year and see the difference.

And DO think that it is not right to have sex with the bra on. Sex should be about fun and about enjoying yourself and your body. But we are far more critical of our bodies than men are. Pretty much every guy will prefer that you let go of your inhibitions and go wild and he will find you so much sexier just for the attitude alone. They really don't care that much about some fat rolls or sagging boobs.

first off, go to figleaves.com for bras. granted its mail order. but its amazing. amazing. and free return shipping.


Thank you for sharing that site! I've got some big boobs (38G) and it's really hard to find reasonably priced, cute bras. I've used the Cacique Collection from Lane Bryant for years but my bras are in four colors : white, brown, tan, and black. BO-RING. Oh my, soon as my boobs shrink out of these bras, that site and I are going to have great fun together!

As for the whole, "love thy boobs" talk, it's hard for me too, although I'm kind of on the opposite side of the spectrum. I feel like I've had big ones all my life; I was the only second grader wearing a bra. My roomie also is very busty and we talk a lot about how so much of our identity is caught up in our boobs ("You know Lisa? Brown hair, big boobs?") that if they went became "normal sized," who would we be? I've always been busty, no matter what my weight was, so I don't think I'm ever going to be an A or B cup but even the thought of going down to a C makes me feel very anxious.

I have 4 male neighbors (all in their early to mid 20's) that I spend a lot of time with. Trust me on this: boys love boobs and nekkid women. Boys want to touch boobs and nekkid women. And especially if you're with a man who cares about you, he is not going to notice these thing that drive us crazy. :)

Hmm.. my boyfriend told me one thing that caused me have a change of heart.. he has always complimented/loved my body, from my highest (199) to when I went down to my lowest (143)..
When we first met and I was bigger, yes I was shy about my body but I wasn't as critical since I wasn't losing anything. Once I started losing, I wasn't as critical because I saw myself as a "work in progress" - I still had/have a lot of hangup's about my stretch marks all over my chest (I woudn't show cleavage) and my stomach.
After I gained weight the second time, along with having lost a lot of close friends, I got incredibly insecure.. I start believing that I was ugly and my boyfriend *should* be ashamed of me, even though he told me time and time again when I refused to go out with him and his friends, that he was never ashamed.. I started complaining a lot more than I usually do and he got fed up with me at one point and just told me that the me bringing negativity to my body and certain areas was just going to make him eventually give in and believe them.
This kinda shocked and horrified me because he's ALWAYS been super-complimentary and always made me feel beautiful.. and here I was arguing with him that I wasn't.. why would I do that?! Oh yeah, and of course, it did affect us sexually because I started to withdraw and .. So instead, I just took the steps I needed to get back on track so I could *love* my body and even though I didn't *like* my body, I acknowledged what I had and made the best of it (i've also always been busty and I have huge hips) and at least around him I could let go and sex became fun and frequent again lol.
It reminded me that even if I don't *accept* my body, that is my perception and if someone else likes it, to enjoy the admiration and make the best of it.
I moved on from hating my body to kinda, accepting the flaws that will always be there (stretch marks), working on the aspects I could change (losing weight) and wearing figure-flatting items that made me feel attractive.
As a result, I felt MUCH better about myself and during sex I gave my all and it made him feel like he had a goddess in his arms, (haha his words). So it works in every way.. gives you an ego boost, makes him feel more attracted to you, and it helps you to catch a glimpse of a different perception at your body.
Even if you guys isn't as verbal, you could still tell the difference it makes. When I forced myself out of my comfort zone.. I guess almost *faking* confidence, and really trying to let go, the change it had on everything was really worth it.
Breasts are breasts.. it's only natural for them to sag.. put on something that makes you feel sexy and for that while, forget about the flaws and focus on feeling good.. then see what effect that has with him. You can even ask him what he thinks. I don't know how the communication or how comfortable you are with asking him to be more encouraging, so maybe a more subtle approach might help?

I just wanted to add that the media and Hollywood really has done something to our heads. I use to work in a critical care unit and gave very sick people lots of baths and changes of clothes, etc. (so I saw lots of different aged naked people) and no one has the kind of boobs you see on tv.

I have actually had the boob discussion with lots of my friends (and we are all in our early-mid 20's, mostly no children) and i found it quit disturbing that all of us HATED our breasts. You would think that would be the pinnacle of our breasts over a lifetime but for some reason none of us liked our breasts. I really believe it is because anytime you see breasts on television they are almost always "perfect" (often fake) so this gives a very unrealistic expectation.

So first, I just want to say that I'm sure men probably think your breasts are much more appealing than you believe they are.

And second, sometimes I would wear my bra (a particularly sexy one) or even a small nighty during sex. I think it is perfectly acceptable and can be fun to mix things up a bit. Maybe you could even try a sheer one. I bet if it makes you less self conscious and makes you feel sexier your partner will enjoy it that much more too.

I'm worried about this now.. but it's not a reason to stop being healthy!
A guy would choose a healthy women over a women with good boobs anyday!

A guy just wants to know he is pleasing you and if you are always being uncomfortable with yourself it is hard for either one of you to enjoy it.SEX is suppose to be fun. He WILL never judge you the way you judge yourself
NOONE does. Its taken me 57 years to figure this one out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this is an old thread, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents. I have fibrocystic breast disease- it is a common problem and mine is pretty mild. One thing I have found that helps A LOT is not wearing bras unless I have to (fortunately I'm a student so I don't have to worry about office attire all day). I noticed on several of the fibro forums I'd perused that women were saying one side effect of not wearing bras was that they noticed their breasts getting perkier- conjecture was that it was from increasing the strength of the muscles underneath by not relying on a bra for support. I don't even work out in a bra, and honestly, I think I have noticed a little extra perk lately. At first, I thought running bra-less would be miserable (I'm a 40D), but it's really not uncomfortable at all, for me at least.