100 lb. Club - People who try to undermine your efforts.

The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I found I had some people in my life that would constantly try to undermine my efforts. They would constantly invite me out to dinner even though they hadn't invited me out for months prior, or would constantly say "It's only one peice of cake...have some" and wouldn't take no for an answer. And then there was my aunt. She would constantly ORDER me to stop dieting because she said I was TOO THIN...ok I am 5'9" and weighed 185...hardly too thin. Or tell me jogging would ruin my chances to have children one day..:dizzy: I'm only 14 pounds in this time, but do you have people like that in your life? How do they try to undermine you?

heart, one of my "frien-amies" used to do WW...she would love to sit and tell all of us about all her success--although she was still overweight..she would go on and on with unsolicited dieting advice to me and my friends..and sometimes give it to complete strangers..OMG!

Fast forward to last summer, she began to notice I was losing weight--I didn't tell her I was doing anything...she went with me to a WW meeting when I told her I might be interested (I had never been to one) and before I arrived she completely told the women there all kinds of falsehoods about my weightloss..I walked in unbeknownst and it was a horrible experience...it was a horrible facilitator anyway but on top of it all I think she sabotaged me from NOT joining..

A few more weeks pass and my weight continued to drop..she shows up at my house one morning (with me having two little kids) holding a gigantic icing topped cookie cake...when I opened the door I told her, "you are welcome here but that has to go back to the car.." she acted all huffy and left..

Now, when I see her she tells me how I am too thin and that she worries I have developed some weight issues and blah, blah, blah...

SHE is the one with the issue..no matter what I do she will find a way to put herself on TOP and me on BOTTOM...and I really don't care anymore..what I do care about is being healthy and bringing myself (the person I used to be) back from the grave and getting my GROOVE back!

Oh yeah pft- at work they have potlucks and stuff ALL the time. And I don't eat any of it anymore. Now they are always like "oh just one bagel" and I'm like no thank you I don't like bagels anymore. And for St. Patricks day they are having ANOTHER potluck (they have had FOUR potlucks in the 6 months I've worked there) and I said I'm not going to be in that day and they acted like "you don't have to not come to work cuz we are having a potluck" I'm like DUDE I'm not coming in cuz my husband is having a procedure done that day!

The people who seem to push are the ones that want you to stay fat like they are.

oh for sure lol .. my grandma is also one of those type who will tell me at 180 or so that im too thin & either way is always bringing her food over whether I want it or not ... and Im not sure, but I think my hubby might feel threatened at my weight loss..(he is thin though .. maybe with other men?) he would bring junk food & whatever else he eats in front of me when I lost weight before even though I ask him not to .. and even now he still does it lol ... I "know" that he would like to see my healthier too, but just something I can almost easily tell .. people seem to try to be subtle about it to me

My husband buys a LOT of stuff that bothers me. A lot. Chocolate chips, CASES of candy bars, once he bought EIGHT half gallons of ice cream at once. Why? I dunno. I explain, I have heart to hearts. He either says ok and stops buying *some* of the junk (like he no longer buys flats of giant muffins and brings them home) or else he says, "You cannot dictate what I eat!" He's right. But cases of candy bars??

I had another friend who weighed about the same as me 3 years ago. She was always talking about diets, trying some new diet, telliong me about how it works etc. But she gained weight and I lost. I didnt mention weight or diets at all but it was obvious. She brought candy bars for me and her when we got together once and I said no thanks, and it pissed her off. She was eating candy bars and I wouldnt. She got huffy and told me I was making her feel bad, and "next time I see you, DONT BE THINNER THAN ME!!" (Uh, I think she has some reality issues because I was already a good 50 pounds thinner than her). After she saw me again and I had lost more weight, she never called me again.

Spring Break is next week for my family (my husband is a teacher) and I'm still participating in my Y's Biggest Loser competition (at the half way point, my team is currently waaay in the lead at 8% loss -- our closest competitor is 6.9% -- and I'm winning the individuals at 11.85% loss). But my dh and dds got to have some fun, since they're off.

So he's going to take the girls to his folks house for three or four days for some Grandma time while I keep up with my workouts and my diet (my mil doesn't accommodate anyone -- when my dh became vegetarian, the meals at the next visit were almost entirely meat based -- so I'm afraid we'll spend the entire trip eating out). When he started talking to her about specifics (specifically I wasn't coming), it suddenly became "well, why don't we go to Branson for a couple of days?" And he's wondering why I'm ticked.

A long time ago, when I was starting my *first* Optifast, he would drive through McD's and get hamburgers and fries while we were travelling. Then ask if I minded. (No, no, I'm just starving, I'm sure my little vanilla shake will overcome any desire for melted cheese and salted fries...).

Barb

At first I did have problems with it but now I think they know better? :)

I let this happen to me, at first I enjoyed it because it gave me the power of control. To say NO I don't need or want that but I did eventually give in. Here I am 9 months later getting back on track and finally finishing what I started last year :)

My hubby wants take out and treats every day. I mean all the time. It's all I can do to keep from wresteling his burger out of his hand sometimes lol.

I've got a workout buddy who is a little bit bitter about my weight loss, I think. When we started working out together in October of 2008, I outweighed her by almost 30 lbs. Both of us have worked out together the same amount of time, the same exercises, every week. It started out that she was a lot more at ease with the exercise, didn't get winded as fast as I did, could do more reps with more weight, etc. She'd been in the military and was somewhat more accustomed to rigorous activity and I had not yet quit smoking, which I have in the last few months.
Fast-forward to today: I am now only five or six lbs heavier than she is, and am doing way better at the physical activities prescribed by the Wii Fit due to better balance and being a little better coordinated. Having quit smoking, I have way better endurance, and I have cut my fastfood consumption out completely, and other takeout indulgence by probably 75%. I have lost almost 25 lbs, and she has lost and gained the same three lbs several times in the last three months.

Suddenly, she's a lot less supportive. Suddenly, several of my coworkers know how much I weigh, and what I've eaten for lunch on days when she and I ate together. Suddenly these people are staging mini-inteventions about my eating habits, and how they're concerned that I must be using unhealthy tactics to lose weight, because otherwise, how could I be losing weight so much faster than my workout buddy? I hate to tell them that I go to her house four times a week and every day there's a different McDonald's bag or pizza box in or by the trash can. I've also given up alcohol for weeks at a time, while she has not. She has said things to me like, "I'm just concerned that you're not getting enough nutrition because you're so obsessed with losing too much weight too fast." This was when I ordered a veggie burger at a restaurant. I was particularly upset when I found out that she revealed my actual numbers (current weight, starting weight, goal weight) to a group of my coworkers at the bar one night when I wasn't there and she told everyone I was absent because I didn't want to sabotage my weight loss with alcohol. I was absent because I had a headache and didn't feel like hanging out at the bar two nights in a row, as I had been there the night before with a guy.
The only thing I can think is that she's channeling her frustration with her own lack of results onto me. When the WiiFit scale shows progress for me, she says, "Yeah, that's great, as long as you can keep it off. You're losing it all way too fast." Not quite 25 lbs in three months is not too fast, IMHO.

Gawd, it felt good to vent about that. LOL

I have a friend, she's awesome but a spanner in the works, to be sure! she's heavy too, she's lost weight and gained some back and she's great to have lunch with because we LAUGH about the craziness of being fat and trying to lose weigh. She'll mock my choice once in a while, but all in all she's not too bad. I'm a crazy person, so if someone tries to force food into me i'm very "Wow why don't YOU eat it" in a joking way -- but no one forces food in my mouth, ever. That's all ME :D

Rosie - you are right - that IS NOT way too fast! Keep up the good work!

I lost a good friend, partially because of weight loss but also because of other things. At one point, I weighed 100 lbs more than her but then I lost and she gained and she weighed more than me. Overall, she just wasn't happy and I tried to salvage the relationship that had lasted many years but there was nothing I could do when she pushed me away.

I was fine and had tons of support when I started. As I ventured into normal weight territory my people expected that I would slack off and allow crappy foods back into my diet. I've been offered tempting treats more times in the last 5 months than I ever was during the big time loss.

It's hard to make understood that no, I still need to keep on being healthy and eating healthy most of the time in order to stay this way.

Forgivable misconception though - I think most people believe you can return to 'normal' once the weight is off. In my case, this is the new normal and I refuse to go back even a inch to where I started 150 pounds ago.

People can be very pushy. All I can do is say 'No thank you' very firmly and move on. It works, no explanations necessary yet.

ETA: Oh! I do have two people in my life who are VERY much against my weight lifting. They keep warning me that I'll bulk up and never be rid of the muscles. As if. They need to get a clue.

For me my DH is not helping at all. When we go to the store when I get to the check out I find things he has hidden in the cart. All junk. I've talked to him about losing weight and how I want his support. It's not that I want all the junk out of the house, but do we really need 3 bags of potato chips and cookies and all that crap in one week? What really bothers me is that he was in the military for sooo long and for him working out is easy. I've asked him to help me with a routine and maybe we could work out together and alls he tells me is to walk on the treadmill...

Interesting topic. I am starting to get the "passive" agressive comments that I "look" too thin. What? My family is very supportive as are my friends. This is coming from co-worker. Please forgive me for saying this, but IMHO, anyone who sabotages you in my opinion is not your friend. Especially when they do it so publicly. I think people have issues when you challenge what their perception of the "norm" is. They are so used to you looking one way, and when you change, it threatens them somehow, in either how they perceive the world and themselves.

All of my friends are thin, so they don't understand. They're way of "supporting" me is to not talk about it or to go shopping with me..lol..Then they say, well, let's go out to eat. I have decided not to say a word about losing weight to anyone in my life mainly because I can't take the sarcasm or the comments about me failing again. I hate failure, even though I'm good at it. That's the main reason why I joined an online forum with people who have the same issues I have.

Oh

The people who seem to push are the ones that want you to stay fat like they are.

I hate to say this but I think you may have nailed my issue right on the head!

My best friend since first grade has always been more overweight than I am. However as long as I am overweight with her it seems okay. She weighs 350 and I weighed in at 286. Well since I decided this was going to be my year to get back in touch with me and drop these pounds I have been hauling around, it seems like she deliberately sabotages me. We work together and she constantly brings me in chips and candy for snacks or lunch. I tell her I dont want it but I wonder if my will power will hold out! Its so hard when its a friend because they know what buttons to push to make you feel almost, dare I say it, GUILTY for wanting to lose weight.
I have asked her to diet with me but she says she is fine at the weight she is and when I am done being stupid I will see that I am just fine too. If this is being stupid I hope it never stops! lol All of my friends are overweight....all weigh at least 270lbs or more, and have no desire to lose weight.

This is why, even though I am quite shy, I force myself to come here. This is the only place where I can read other peoples stories and vent and have people understand, who are going through the same thing.

I guess I am lucky, I can't really say I have anyone like this in my life. They don't intentionally try to tempt me and they all seem happy and supportive about my weight loss. When we have get-togethers or family parties, they try to make sure there are some options there for me - not always successfully because they don't really get my plan, I guess. The options are usually, low fat, low cal, but might be full of sugar or refined flour, but they are making an effort and I do appreciate it. I usually bring a dish anyway so I can be sure there is something there for me.

My father and grandmother seem to try and throw a wrench into my plans! Namely my father. I ask him not to bring his junky stuff into the house and if he needs to have a junk fix, please, by all means, eat in your room or when I'm out the house. He all but shoved my face into a piece of pizza last night and then I found myself in the kitchen nibbling at a slice until all I had left was crust. I got really down about and wanted to actually cry a little but I didn't let it get the best of me. I just went to the gym and worked out a couple minutes longer and remember that today is a new day.

I'm pretty lucky, no real saboteurs as of yet. Some things I have learned over the years though

1) I don't tell anyone I am on a diet. I don't bring them into the process and if they try to include themselves I usher them out rapidly.

2) When folks offer me food I say one or more of the following: "I'm not hungry", "I can't eat that it upsets my stomach" "maybe later" "I'm allergic" "I just ate". I find that some of the pushers push everyone, feedling others is somehow important to them, or gives them permission to eat.

3) If they tell me I am too thin (although that hasn't happened yet this time) I smile and say Thank you!

No one can sabotage us but ourselves. We do need strategies. I get frustrated with my husband who has diabetes and won't change his eating...but I can't change it for him, and would be angry if he tried to change mine (for good or bad)

Sometimes there are folks who don't want us to change, but sometimes some of the food pushing is pretty universal, we are just so sensitized to anything food related that we personalize it.

Dang I think that sucks that friendships end when you lose weight :(

I have a friend who is currently very overweight and is doing nothing about it. When I tell her of my progress (she asks) she seems happy, but sometimes I worry we may lose our friendship because she's already almost 90 lbs heavier than I am, when I started she was like 70 lbs heavier than me. I don't talk about dieting too much anymore- unless someone asks or comments, but even then I say "thanks I've been working out lately" or something.

That's insane to call you stupid for wanting to lose weight and get healthy- no matter what someone says if you are overweight you aren't as healthy as you could be! I have high blood pressure and I didn't have it until I became over 190 lbs, so I KNOW it has to do with my weight!

My husband brings in the junk, bakes cakes, eats ice cream, eats fast food in front of me. He has his moments of supportive behavior, and says he supports me. He always tells me how good I look and stuff, but then bakes a cake. ugh.... He says he just can't eat the healthy stuff and the rest of the family shouldn't have to "suffer" because I am eating healthy. When actually they are the ones suffering from eating the junk food. Its a constant battle. although I dont think he intentionally sabatoges me, it does make it much more difficult to resist those temptations when they are right in your face daily. I feel like losing weight is hard enouph with all the yummy food out there at our fingertips, I shouldn't have to be tempted by it in my house all the freakin time:bomb:

I had a "last straw" moment with dh today. He is the one who has been saying he wants to support me, yet buys candy "for himself" and leaves it where I can see it. (Last time was a big bag of junior mint boxes left ON my laptop.)

Today I said to him, "I just cannot have chocolate in the house, sitting around. If it is here I eat it. I'd appreciate this being a chocolate free zone."
Him: "I hardly ever eat candy and I dont like chocolate so thats fine by me. I do like a Heath bar once in awhile."
(A month or two ago, he bought a CASE of like 36 Heath bars and left them on his dresser in our bedroom for weeks. He did the same with a CASE of Hershey bars last year. )
So I said, "If you want a candy bar, just go buy yourself one or two. I don't care if you do that."
His response: "Oh I will probably buy a bunch of them and just hide them really well."
Me: "That didn't work out too well the last 2 times you did it..."

and on... yet he insists that when *he* gets an urge for candy *he* is going to buy "a bunch" and "hide them."

Well, enough is enough, and he better hide them damn well, because if I find them they are going straight in the trash.

When I first started my weight loss, I had a HUGE problem with my mother trying to sabotage me... Essentially shoving food in my face and barely even trying to hide the fact that she wanted me to fail at this. If I had a dollar for every time my mom offered to order pizza, go for a fast food run, buy me a candy bar, take me out for dinner, etc during the first month of my weight loss, I'd be rich!! And believe me, she was never that excessively generous before, so I know it wasn't just kindness... But now that she has seen how committed I am, and that I'm not just going to give in to every (or any) temptation she parades in front of me, I think she's more or less given up. She doesn't really try to mess with my eating anymore, a fact for which I am VERY grateful. Though instead, she's now taken to cooking meals "just for me" (I'm the only vegetarian/partial vegan in the family, so she makes a big production out of telling me all the pains she took to make the meal meat-free, as if the rest of the family had to make a huge sacrifice just so *I* could eat this meal :rolleyes:) and then loading on the guilt trip when I tell her I can't eat it--I feel like I broken record with the number of times I've had to explain to her that while I appreciate the gesture, I did NOT ask her to cater to me (and have in fact requested on several occasions that she stop doing this, because it always ends up the same way!), so I am NOT going to feel guilty about saying "no." And then I go and eat whatever meal I had planned for myself. :angel:

I am a little worried about how me losing weight might change the dynamic between myself and some of my friends... I have always been the fattest one of my friends, but that is changing. One of my closest friends is overweight, too - maybe even about the same as my starting weight - and we have always been "eating buddies" and kind of bonded over the fact that we both love food, heh. I've gotten smaller than her now, and obviously I'm much more reluctant to participate in our little food parties that we used to have, but I'm worried that she'll think I'm rejecting our entire friendship! :dunno: And another one of my friends recently gained about 10 lbs (so she claims, though I don't see it!), and I think I might actually, technically, weigh less than her now... So strange! :yikes: I don't think she would like knowing that at ALL. I know she's supportive and happy for me, but I still have that niggling paranoia that if I become someone who's actually competition/a threat to her, she might change the way she treats me. Let's hope that doesn't happen!

in the past I've had a selection of unhelpful responses:

people who're just thick (sorry) and offer me things that they just don't realize are fattening/not OP
people who take a delight in trying to tempt me with stuff, they're unashamed that they're doing it on purpose
people who watch what I'm eating and then comment on its unsuitability (do they know the calories?)
these tend to be relative strangers. trickiest is a friend of mine. I am very fond of her, even on days when she (UK10/12) makes o I'm so fat noises while walking round the mall with me (UK24/26). Give her her due, she works very hard at keeping her weight down, she needs to for her arthritis, I just sometimes wish it wasn't such a production.
I remember though when I lost weight in 04, I hadn't seen her for a few months and her jaw hit the ground. 'You must be the same size as me!............... ' she gasped. And I can't say it was a gasp of delight either. It does make a difference in relationships. I know she'll be just the other side of the pleased/miffed seesaw when I do it this time. And I really, really want to see her jaw drop again! (So I guess we deserve each other!)

lol star- I'd be like well sucks to be you mom. :p

That's so annoying I have no clue HOW you deal with it! I'd have gone off on my mom if she constantly did that lol. I'd have said "are you stupid or deaf?! I said don't make special meals for me- so shut up and let's eat dinner or I'm taking my food and locking myself in my room so I don't have to hear your nonsense."

Then I'd start coming to the table with earplugs, get my food, then walk away lol.

I know it's your mom and all, but stuff like that drives me crazy. I'm not rude to my mother, but she has more sense than to badger me all the time lol. ;)

There does come a time when you have to ask these people, "Why is it so important for YOU, that I eat this? YOU know I've been trying to eat healthier to feel better about MYSELF, but YOU want me to stop doing that why???" And just see if they can come up with a good excuse.

People's motives are complex. Sometimes people aren't even consciously aware of them. I think most of our saboteurs (at least family and friends) would be surprised to learn that they are doing anything wrong, or wrongly motivated.

Sometimes it's simply the fear of change - any change in a relationship can be uncomfortable. Old habits do die hard. It's not necessarilly ill-intent that can inspire people to fight change (even change they think they want). So while a close friend or family member may want what's best for you, they can also be afraid of a change in the relationship. Refusing their homemade brownies may feel like a rejection of them - a sign that maybe you don't like them anymore - you're moving on and don't need them anymore.

Some mother's see nagging as part of their job, so when a favorite nagging topic is taken away (you need to lose weight) they might find another (you're losing too fast).

Sometimes people follow patterns because they think they're supposed to. I've found myself pushing food on people, because food was pushed on me. It's a social norm to celebrate with food - and we're taught to believe that someone not participating in the food can't possibly be enjoying themselves.

There are thousands of reasons for people being unhelpful (and for us interpreting behavior as unhelpful), but it's important to remember that no one can sabotage us without our consent. We have to cooperate for it to happen. We don't have to let anyone else's hangups become ours, and that doesn't mean we have to get angry at everyone, either. They may have the best of intentions, or they may have evil intentions - but even that doesn't necessarily have to be our concern, either.

About 15 years ago, I lost a ton of weight. (Okay, not literally a ton, but probably about 50 lbs. in less than three months - can you guess that it wasn't done in a healthy way?) Anyhow, when I really started getting thin and dressing like it (think butt-hugging pencil skirts and 3 1/2" heels), hubby actually asked me in all seriousness one day if I was going to lose all this weight and then leave him for some hot young Marine. (He was in the Navy.) He was really, truly worried about it, and it took a lot of love and convincing that I wasn't leaving.

So for those of you whose spouses tend to be the saboteurs, ask them point-blank if that's what they're afraid of.

The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I found I had some people in my life that would constantly try to undermine my efforts. They would constantly invite me out to dinner even though they hadn't invited me out for months prior, or would constantly say "It's only one peice of cake...have some" and wouldn't take no for an answer. And then there was my aunt. She would constantly ORDER me to stop dieting because she said I was TOO THIN...ok I am 5'9" and weighed 185...hardly too thin. Or tell me jogging would ruin my chances to have children one day..:dizzy: I'm only 14 pounds in this time, but do you have people like that in your life? How do they try to undermine you?

all the time! it's frustrating, and I'm usually not strong enough to say no. It happens from ppl at work, to friends, to my own family. I don't know if it's so much as "here, have this" I would hope not, but yeah...idk.

Hi guys I too have struggled with people who sabatoge me. I managed to lose 45 pounds before my wedding. While I was going through this my best friend who is a larger girl but always been smaller than me tried to screw me up at every turn! Always shoving choclate or snacks in my face. Or she would call or come by when she knew I worked out. I was like I have to wear a white wedding gown that is gonna make me look as wide as all outside in a few months get it away from me! So at my wedding she was a bridesmaid and she was really shocked when my dress was a size smaller than hers and I looked waaaay better than the first time I tried the dress on. The alterations were amazing!


The one that hurts me the most though is my sister. She has always been quite a bit heavier than me but she is also a good 5 inches or so taller than me so she carried it better than I did. She had gastric bypass and currently maintains a size 8 or so. She too constantly tries to feed me, or tell me I am dieting all wrong and I should eat this or do that, or Im losing it too fast. I was like you lost all your weight (over 100 pounds) in almost less than a year. It just melted off of her. I was like I am being supervised by a doctor this time. Leave me alone. I am not against gastric bypass in any way. I am proud of what she accomplished and think she looks great. I am not ready to turn to gastric I want to give myself the chance to do this with diet and exercise because I have had unrelated medical problems over the years that have required several major surgeries I am also prone to adhesions. So for me the thoughts of another major surgery with a recovery like that and risk of adhesions is just not an option right now.

My point is she knows how it feels to be fat and uncomfortable with yourself and your body. She also knows how good it feels when you lose weight. I dont understand why she would try and sabatoge me. She knows too I am an emotional eater and turn to food when I feel down or discouraged.

I hate being around her and am sort of glad she moved to another state at this point. She constantly finds ways to embarass me. Like telling my friends how much I weigh, or how she cant believe how much I ate when we went out to dinner. She also told my perfect size six gorgeous cousin how I wore a size 24 pants and how I wasnt able to get into a roller coaster one time and everyone on the platform was giggling. She announces these things to anyone who will listen including my husband. Did he really need to know that at one point in my life I was heavy enough to be turned away from an amusement park ride? I havent been that size in awhile. im sure he could have guessed by looking at old pictures. Go hubby he just told her yeah well look how great she looks now. The point is she was in my shoes once she knows how it feels why would she do that to me, especially when she thinks it will turn me back to food?

Wow Heidi- HOW you haven't gone off on your sister is beyond me- you are too nice.

My sister is thin and thankfully she's one of my number one supporters :) Seriously she's never been more than 10 lbs overweight but she'll go to the gym with me and work away or encourage me to go with and so on.

lol maybe you should walk around with photos of her fat and say "wow look how fat you were" lol. :p

My mother & I went grocery shopping today & she is trying to convince me that artichoke spinach dip counts as a vegetable serving. :rofl:

My mother is my biggest sabatogers (other then myself). When I was pregnant she would call every week and ask how much weight I gained. I had horrible morningsickness so my dr. was happy with any weight gain. If I did gain she would remind me I needed to watch what I eat. Even my husband would get mad at her and just tell her I wasnt home when she called. This time I havent told anyone in my family that I am trying to lose weight. The funny part is my co-workers are mostly guys and we talk diets all the time. I never realized they are as insecure about their bodies as women are.

just this weekend at work, a couple of my co-workers had a little "party" for a nurse on her last day. They brought cake and other goodies. They offered of course, which is fine with me. I understand that they are going to be polite and offer me the cake and chips, but when I said no....they continued to offer, and say "come on, you can have a little piece" and so on...they were joking and it all seemed funny and friendly, but it got to the point where they were basically shoving frosting in my face!! It gets really annoying, and I dont even think they understand how hard it is to be tempted and say no to this stuff all the time!! I also think they get sort of offended when I dont want to participate in the eating frenzy. or maybe they are just feeling guilty about eating it, and want to make me feel bad too. idk, but it sucks!

No, I don't tell anyone what I'm doing, except my husband (who is supportive). That's why I just joined this site! My parents definitely noticed I am eating less and healthier and I've acknowledged this when it's brought up. That's all.

During my visit, though, my mother immediately went on a diet and dropped 10pounds (she was probably the same as me in proportion -- 5'10 and a bit more weight). Then she told everyone we know that she lost 10 pounds. At that point, I had lost over 40 and only one relative had noticed.

So everyone made a big deal about my mom's weight loss, and 2 relatives insinuated to me that I should be inspired and start eating healthier, too. I just smiled and joined the chorus of congrats to mom.

A few weeks later, we were on the phone and she was describing how everyone is all in her business, either being the food police or bringing her cakes. Made me remember why I didn't tell anyone!

(I guess everyone will notice eventually, but I've officially lost 56 pounds and the only people besides my husband and I who've noticed are my parents and the staff at my dentist's office.)

I have people at work do this. They say to me, "oh a piece of cake wont kill yA" i SMILE and say, "no thank you...ill stick with my yogurt". thats just an example. My boyfriend & family are very supportive..but its just these people at work who want to see me fail. I guess its because they are all unhappy with their weights, do WW or slimfast for a week and quit. WHATEVER

I'm lucky in never having saboteurs, but I've seen it happen to others. Then again, I'm also not married, don't live in the same city as my family, and don't talk about my program or loss unless asked. If offered food I say "no thank you" and don't explain why. On the few occasions when there's a follow-up push, I give some vague response like, "Oh, I'm not eating those these days." Luckily, it always ends there -- my friends and coworkers are grownups!

For those of you faced with the food pushers and the food police, though, Iheartsushi418 has the perfect response IMHO. "Why is what I eat so important to you?"

Sunday I walked out of a resturant before I ordered due to frustration and of all people the person sabotaging me is my mom. She is doing LAWL and she thinks of all these ways to verge off of plan. I try to tell her for one we are on different plans and for two I am not verging off of plan. I wish she would just support me. Saturday was my sons party and we had it at a pizza place, so I packed my own lunch, she all but tried to shove pizza down my throat. it is so frustrating to get this from my mother.

i have several people like that in my life.

My sister - She has always been the pretty one because she was always the skinny one. I made the mistake of telling her i was on a diet and ever since she has been trying to ruin it.
She always brings snacks round when she comes to visit. We are the same height except she weights about 115lbs. My goal weight is 125lbs but she keeps saying i shouldnt go down to 125 coz i will look 'ill' and 'grosse' and the whole time im thinking....'but im still gonna be bigger than you so doesnt that make you ill and grosse?' - apparantly..no lol

My mum and brother bother keep giving me lectures about how im dieting the wrong way and i shouldnt limit myself with the food i eat (im on weight watchers - poss. the best/non limiting diet ive ever been on!).

They also always wait until i come into the room and then put on documentaries about anorexia that they have saved or recorded etc and then try to imply i have a disorder. (i did when i was younger but the fact that im still eating should be a big massive clue coz back then i literally starved myself for days)

They try very very hard to make me feel stupid for being on a diet and even harder to fatten me up. They absolutely ridicule every aspect of my diet to a point where sometimes they stand over my shoulder in the kitchen and mock every ingredient that goes into my meals. its insane! lol

just this weekend at work, a couple of my co-workers had a little "party" for a nurse on her last day. They brought cake and other goodies. They offered of course, which is fine with me. I understand that they are going to be polite and offer me the cake and chips, but when I said no....they continued to offer, and say "come on, you can have a little piece" and so on...they were joking and it all seemed funny and friendly, but it got to the point where they were basically shoving frosting in my face!! It gets really annoying, and I dont even think they understand how hard it is to be tempted and say no to this stuff all the time!! I also think they get sort of offended when I dont want to participate in the eating frenzy. or maybe they are just feeling guilty about eating it, and want to make me feel bad too. idk, but it sucks!

You know what makes me the angriest about people who do that? They wouldn't DREAM of shoving a tumbler full of gin and tonic under the nose of a recovering alcoholic. It's the same thing when they shove cake under the nose of someone struggling with food issues. They just.don't.GET.it and it is MADDENING!

Steps off :soap:

I am at a point, where I can't keep quiet about my weight loss anymore. I've lost 3 dress sizes and I'm the smallest I've been in 7 years. Plus I used to sit around all day and eat. If I did get up off the couch I would go out with my friends and eat. Maybe we would have a few drinks too. All of my friends are overweight, they are annoyed that I don't want to go to Outback and share cheese fries AND a blooming onion. I have friends telling me that I am no fun, they actually tell me they wish I would just eat crap again so I will be more fun.
My hope is that my friends will get used to the "new" me and we will find other social activities...maybe someday.

I am at a point, where I can't keep quiet about my weight loss anymore. I've lost 3 dress sizes and I'm the smallest I've been in 7 years. Plus I used to sit around all day and eat. If I did get up off the couch I would go out with my friends and eat. Maybe we would have a few drinks too. All of my friends are overweight, they are annoyed that I don't want to go to Outback and share cheese fries AND a blooming onion. I have friends telling me that I am no fun, they actually tell me they wish I would just eat crap again so I will be more fun.
My hope is that my friends will get used to the "new" me and we will find other social activities...maybe someday.

In the end you have to do what is best for you. :)

Down here we always celebrate with food...it seems like everyone in Southeast Louisiana has an emotional eating disorder. :lol: It took a while to get my friends and family accept that I will always eat differently than most of the people around here. Hey but now they don't even blink....I just do what I do.

Draw your boundaries & stick to them. Once they see you are very serious about losing weight hopefully they'll lighten up. If not you may have to distance yourself....heck if my friends told me I was no fun anymore I'd get probably let something come out of my mouth that might offend them :o

I am ultimately my biggest saboteur, but my ex-husband use to love me through food and if I was losing weight he was loving me MORE through food. As my mother said he always felt much more comfortable with me above 250 lbs than below 200 lbs and that was his own insecurity. I currently have a partner that reminded me of a truth about myself and I feel with their support, I can only make the choice to be a success.

PS. My ex-husband was fat and getting fatter, a skinny partner helps with better food choices.

I tend to keep my dieting to myself, for many of the reasons mentioned above. When people do get annoyingly in-my-face about it, I lie (well, it used to be a lie... now it's accurate):

No, thanks. My doctor has given me an eating plan that doesn't include much (cake, pizza, pasta, candy, whatever).

I'm glad that the (cabbage soup, vinegar, grapefruit, old sock) diet worked so well for your second cousin once removed. My doctor has prescribed another plan for me.

I can understand why you think I may be losing too quickly. It does seem to be fast, doesn't it? But my doctor is really quite pleased with my steady, healthy rate of weight loss.

I tell people that I am borderline diabetic (not true) or that I have to get my cholesterol down (once true). In my experience - if people think it's for your health you aren't eating something rather than for losing weight, they are much less likely to try and push unwanted food on you. (as if losing weight isn't a health issue).

Many a time I've said - "I've got to carefully watch my sugar....." - people have been very respectful. (even though it was strictly because I didn't chose to eat those calories)

Good luck.

"Why is it so important for YOU, that I eat this?"

I love this one and will definitely remember it. It should be all it takes to make a conscious saboteur back off. I guess it would really embarrass them being caught out like this!