Weight Loss Support - Dealing with Gossiping




View Full Version : Dealing with Gossiping


healthierme78
03-04-2009, 04:01 PM
Is it just me or do other people have a hard time dealing with attention of losing (or gaining weight) and gossiping? I recently started losing weight in a healthy way, and although I have a long way to go, people at work are gossiping about it behind my backs and giving me backwards compliments to my face. They gossiped about me possibly being pregnant (when I wasn't) and now they're gossiping about my weight loss. :?:

How do you not let it affect you when you feel like people are giving you unwanted attention - especially behind your back. I don't like people commenting on my weight at all (whether I'm gaining or losing). It's been a sore spot in the past when I lost weight previously.

Am I being too sensitive? Why do I feel like my weight is none of their business as long as I'm being healthy?


xpinkglowx2
03-04-2009, 04:16 PM
I think its very rude and un-professional of people to talk about your weight behind your back. however, when people come up to me and tell me it looks as if im losing weight, in a complimentary and encouraging tone of course, it puts me on cloud 9 all day:) hah. but maybe the next time you hear someone saying something you should tell them it really bothers you. I wouldnt feel sensitive about the fact that people are noticing you getting smaller! thats why we're here of course, to be smaller (and healthier), but if their talking about it really bothers you, i would make it known.

butterflywings34
03-04-2009, 04:16 PM
Poeple are mean.. try not to let it bother you even though I know thats hard. No matter your weight there is always someone who talks about you behind your back. That might not make you feel better. I had been off of work for a month after I had my hysterectomy and when I came back I had a customer ask me if I was pregnant! I know my belly was still swollen but geez I felt awful after that. It is really depressing when someone says something negative about you. Keep your head up and just think when you lose the wieght then they will all be jealous!! :gossip:


DCHound
03-04-2009, 04:17 PM
Why do I feel like my weight is none of their business as long as I'm being healthy?

Your weight is none of their business period. Is it possible to just ignore them?

AnAbsoluteDiva
03-04-2009, 04:19 PM
It's none of their business are if you're NOT being healthy.

I've never had anyone gossip about me so I can't relate.

Or maybe they have and just didn't take the time to notice.

Let it go. Life is short.

healthierme78
03-04-2009, 04:26 PM
Thanks, Xpink, Butterflywings and DC Hound. I know you're all right. People will talk about you behind your back no matter what and I won't be able to stop it. It's unavoidable.

I guess I've just never been one of those people that likes it when people comment on my weight loss (even if it's positive) and perhaps that's an insecurity thing on my part. In the past, the people that were the most positive to my face about my weight-loss, were the ones that spread the most awful rumors behind my back. So now, I have a hard time trusting when people are being genuine. (Maybe that's the true source of my problem.)

But you're right - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being healthy. I'm doing it for me and my health - not for their approval! Thanks, guys! I'll try to ignore them.

vikkivma
03-04-2009, 04:30 PM
Is it just me or do other people have a hard time dealing with attention of losing (or gaining weight) and gossiping? I recently started losing weight in a healthy way, and although I have a long way to go, people at work are gossiping about it behind my backs and giving me backwards compliments to my face. They gossiped about me possibly being pregnant (when I wasn't) and now they're gossiping about my weight loss.

How do you not let it affect you when you feel like people are giving you unwanted attention - especially behind your back. I don't like people commenting on my weight at all (whether I'm gaining or losing). It's been a sore spot in the past when I lost weight previously.

Am I being too sensitive? Why do I feel like my weight is none of their business as long as I'm being healthy?

Honestly, I get so embarassed about the whole weight loss process I really never talk about it with people other than my mother, or those I know are also trying to lose weight. Because, frankly, you will run into a lot of jealousy. North America has an obesity epidemic, so unless you work at Gold's Gym, almost every office will have its fair share of overweight, unhealthy people.

I remember my Mom telling our overweight neighbor that she'd lost 65 pounds (and kept it off) by watching what she ate and exercising. The neighbor rolled her eyes and told my Mom to shut up.

Either she didn't believe her, or she was annoyed that it had worked without a gimmicky diet or starvation.

And that's where I get to with your issue -- people just don't want to believe that weight loss could be done in a healthy, safe manner, otherwise we'd all be thin -- right? If it were just a matter of willpower, then there wouldn't be a problem. Which is where nasty gossip comes in. I remember an overweight friend telling me, after I'd dropped 35 pounds one summer, that I should stop, because my breasts would shrink away to nothing and I'd be too bony. I was 175 pounds and 5'8". Also I was 15.

Long story short -- some people are *******s, and whether your ignore them or inform them, they'll probably give you all kinds of "advice" or "help" or "warnings".

Macomom
03-04-2009, 04:42 PM
Hello,
I don't always see these kind of comments as obvious jealously, but rather as a symptom of low self worth. I see many people who do not value themselves, or there bodies and are quick to make comments when they see someone dieting, or choosing a healthy way of life. It is hard to understand if you spend no time on yourself, or don't value yourself enough to eat well- to understand why or how someone else can, especially when you see that dieting person investing so much time and energy. I think it is foreign and threatens their ego on so many levels. Some women I know do not think they deserve any time for themselves, or any effort- their overweight body is just a symptom of how badly their ego is damaged,
With this in mind, I try to think that these people are not always (sometimes they are though) being malicious- you just scare them.

healthierme78
03-04-2009, 04:58 PM
Thanks, Vikkivma and Macomom,

That makes sense. I think you both hit the nail on the head. Some people don't want to believe or admit that being healthy is hard work or that you can achieve it simply by being eating healthy and exercising, so by assuming some other reason, they are making themselves feel better.

I also agree with you Macomom that some women don't understand it or see the value in it for themselves.

I will keep these both in mind when I get unsollicited "advice" or comments about my weight.

daydreamer
03-04-2009, 05:09 PM
Some people are just asshats. Karma will catch up with them. Don't concern yourself with their petty high school behavior. And if you do hear negative things being said about you, LAUGH at the people saying those things, and feel sorry for them that they are so childish.

Lori Bell
03-04-2009, 05:32 PM
How do you know they are gossiping? (Especially if it's behind your back?) Have you overheard them? Did a well meaning colleague have the "need" to tell you about it? Are you sure they are talking about you?

girlpiggy
03-04-2009, 05:34 PM
There are some people in my life that I don't like commenting about my weight, good or bad. Whether I'm losing weight or gaining weight, it's none of their business.

The reason I don't even like the positive comments from them is because it is still a judgment that they are making of me. Maybe I'm strange and this doesn't make any sense, but when a close friend or my boyfriend say "Wow you've lost weight!" I'm on cloud nine, because I know they are saying it as a way to cheer me on. When someone I know gossips a lot says it, I can just imagine them saying "Wow, you look great!" to my face and then running home and hopping on the telephone and calling Billy Bob down the street saying "It's about time she lost weight!"

We all have things about ourselves we don't like, whether it's our hair or teeth or whatever. The problem with weight is that it is one of the most obvious and really hard to hide. People love to give advice, but giving unsolicited advice about something that is obvious is always rude in my opinion.

healthierme78
03-04-2009, 05:59 PM
Exactly. I'm not positive that these women are gossiping but I am receiving multiple comments suddenly and all in one day from the same group of women who I know gossip a lot.

One of them also commented to my face on how people should lose weight slowly - I have no idea where that came from. I'm not starving myself. I'm eating 3 meals a day, plus snacks and exercising 4 days a week and stay away from junk food besides an occasional splurge. That's it.

I could be super sensitive, but you're right girlpiggy. I don't mind it if my husband says it or my friends and family. It's just acquaintences that bother me and ones that gossip a lot. They could be well-intentioned, but at my last job, the women who told me how great I looked also talked to mutual friends about how they thought I didn't look good, that I was losing weight simply by chewing gum and all sorts of other crazy theories.

So I'm always skeptical when compliments come from people I am not close to (trust) and especially if they are gossipy people by nature. Maybe I should give people the benefit of the doubt more often but I want people to just know me for who I am - not how I look. Don't get me wrong - looking good would be great - it's just not my main reason for losing weight.

Thanks everyone! :hug:

julieofarc
03-04-2009, 06:48 PM
It's also possible you are being discerning, and are getting a true feel for what they are saying. The question then becomes, what do you want to do with that? You can choose how you want to think about this- even while you are feeling hurt and angry. My choice has been to remove myself from those ladies in my life until I am more comfortable in my own skin and secure in my image of my own body. However, that doesn't sound possible for you. I'm not much help, but I want you to know you're not alone and encourage you to work until you find a way that helps you have peace with their hurtfulness!

mygritsconfessions
03-04-2009, 07:05 PM
julieo and girlpiggy - It is unfortunate you are subjected to the 'gossip', but it is out there in the workplace, neighborhoods, schools and more. I was subject to it for years when I worked in a office, and even at my old church. It hurt and I let it affect me until I learned that I wasn't going to stoop to their level, and knowing it will never change, so I separated myself from the situation. I didn't make time to even get in a 'general' conversation with anyone of that caliber. I also really made myself realize that what anyone says doesn't matter, what matters is how I feel about myself, because it is MY LIFE. Those folks that gossip don't have a life, so all they can do is gossip and stir up stuff to 'make a life.' Sad as it is.

moonkissed
03-04-2009, 10:40 PM
People can be real jerks sadly :(

When I started my job the place was a mess. There were about 7 of us women there and they were all gossipy and could be down right rude to one another. I am like super shy nice girl so it was very tough for me. I figured I would just do my job and be friendly and stay out of all the craziness.

And then I found out that they were talking about me all the time. Telling the boss that I was gonna quit and that I was pregnant (i wasn't) and the worst thing was one of them started a rumor that my husband was beating me! I was shocked and broken hearted that people could say such evil cruel things when they didn't even know me and why would they even do that?? I was like omg I am a feminist, if my hubby ever even thought about it I would seriously not stand for it lol. And if someone was getting abused you should maybe offer them help and comfort not gossip about it. I was disgusted.

The truth is I just assume that their own lives are boring and they feel the need to create drama & a soap opera around them. Bleh. The only thing you can do is ignore them and not play into their stupid childish games.

Also I get that feeling of not wanting people to talk about your weightloss. I think part of it is self esteem issue. I always hated how I look and kindof wanted to pretend that I wasn't overweight. I would avoid that conversation and not want anyone to notice how I look or god forbid say anything. So if like people notice that you are losing weight it is kindof like they are admitting you are overweight. It is like they are saying you are fat, because obviously if you were already thin you wouldn't be losing. It is silly ofcourse and you can know that it is a good thing but it is still hard to change that other way of thinking. Well eh that it how it is for me anyways lol.

glitterducky
03-04-2009, 11:17 PM
I'd say, ignore them. As hard as it may be.... what they say doesn't matter. Let them talk. Maybe they're just jealous, or have nothing else of interest to talk about. Eff them. Let them talk.

glitterducky
03-04-2009, 11:17 PM
And you should be happy...we're all proud of you for making weight loss efforts.

munchievictim
03-05-2009, 01:26 AM
People like that are really pretty worthless. They're usually crippled by low self-esteem, and of course, misery loves company.
That comment about how people should lose weight slowly--that's an obvious sign that you're right and they are gossiping and probably saying that you're starving yourself or whatever. And I agree with other people in this thread--the only reason they have to be doing that is because that's probably all they know of weight loss. They've probably tried and failed a thousand times to starve their extra weight off (even skinny girls have 5lb issues) and they can't stand or believe the FACT that you are losing your weight healthily. So you know, ignore them. They're just not worth it. And you'll get the satisfaction of laughing in their faces when its all said and done.
Also, I totally understand where you're coming from--I don't want ANYONE to EVER say ANYTHING about my weight/weight loss/anything. Because it is basically as if they were saying "man you needed to drop that extra poundage, glad you finally wised up."
and I don't need that crap. Neither do you. There is, of course, a difference between encouragement and snide remarks. When my grandmother fusses around me and tells me I'm getting thin, I feel great, but when she makes a concerned comment about me GAINING weight, I get irrationally angry and hurt over it. One time I was sitting at the kitchen with my skinny (and formerly anorexic) best friend, and my grandmother had made a comment earlier about the fact that I was gaining weight, and my friend was making popcorn and my granny ACTUALLY SAID "Taylor I want you to be healthy and i love you, but you don't need any popcorn." Of course, I hadn't wanted the popcorn in the first place, but I was so humiliated and angry that I barely spoke to anyone for days after.
Now that I'm losing weight, its nice when nice people notice, but if my boyfriend told me "you've lost weight" I'd probably be upset whether he said it in a nice way or not because I don't want him to notice that i ever had any weight to lose. That's silly, of course, since he's seen me naked a thousand times and knows EXACTLY what I look like, but that doesn't change the negative feelings I have about anyone noticing my weight.
I spent so long growing up pretending i was a normal weight that it was always devastating in middle and high school whenever the rare comment would come out about my weight. I still harbor the same feelings about it today.
Nunya business.

healthierme78
03-05-2009, 12:58 PM
Thanks for all of your support. I'm glad I'm not alone and not delusional. I do think it's hard to have people indirectly tell you that you're over-weight by noticing weight loss, giving advice, etc. Some of us don't like others to notice and point out our faults and struggles but somehow people think it's ok with weight issues.

Anyway, you guys are the best. I'm so glad I found this site because I used to wonder if I was the only one experiencing some of these things or if I was imagining it! :carrot:

willow650
03-05-2009, 01:08 PM
i would print this REALLY BIG

"A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts" (Proverbs 18:7-8)

and maybe more verses on the topic and leave them lying around for them to see, especially on your desk of you have one.

cammieb
03-05-2009, 03:05 PM
I think you just have to ignore them. I used to be really upset because the people at my work would try to force me to eat junk and when I declined, they would hound me for a good 1/2 an hour. It was bizarre. I had a similar experience to you where a co-worker came up to me and told me that losing weight too quickly was unhealthy and that she could tell I was being unhealthy because my face looked thin and hollow and I had dark circles under my eyes. Given the fact that I'd stayed up for hours the night before, dealing with my legal issues, I was highly offended. I've also had someone say, "It's so gross when people's collarbones stick out." Then the person pointed to me, and went, "See, like that!" I shot back with a "aww, jealous that you can't find yours? I understand." Not the nicest thing, but I was upset and it got them to shut up, at least.

Now I just ignore them and if someone comments in a non-encouraging way (I actually have a couple of co-workers that I don't mind commenting from because I can tell they're being sincere and one of them is also trying to eat healthier so we swap ideas and whatnot), I just smile widely and say thank you. That usually confuses the **** out of them.

teawithsunshine
03-05-2009, 04:33 PM
Hmm... I've never experienced gossiping about my weight-loss... but I have gotten compliments before, and I've always have had difficulties in accepting them :)

Some people are just jerks and if you can ignore them, more power to you! If not, then the next time someone negatively confronts you about your weight loss efforts, you could kindly tell them off ;)